Formless Chapter 9

As he hiccuped, the pain in his stomach made him curl up even more. For a moment, he thought he might have injured an organ. Fear set in. It seemed that even if his organs ruptured, Seo Gangwoo wouldn’t take him to the hospital. Tears welled up at the thought that he might die.

Heewoon kept his head down and swallowed. He felt strange. Even though he hadn’t eaten anything, he felt nauseous and dizzy.

“Sunbae, when I speak, you say, yes, I understand.”

“Yes, yes…. I understand.”

Heewoon didn’t even think that those weren’t words a junior a year younger than him would use. He just didn’t want to get hit.

Just when I thought he wasn’t going to cry today. Gangwoo, who had been looking at his tear-streaked face, clicked his tongue and glanced indifferently at Heewoon’s hands clutching his stomach.

“Why are you holding your hands like that. Are you hungry?”

“No… it hurts.”

To ask if he was hungry after kicking him in the stomach hard enough to send his body flying. Heewoon felt a surge of anger but lowered his eyes.

“Anyone would think you got beaten up a lot.”

“The, the hiccups… make it hurt…”

As if feeling wronged by being treated like a whiner, Woo Heewoon lifted his head and argued.

“I-it really hurts.”

“……”

Gangwoo, who had been staring at Heewoon in silence for a moment, got up.

“Get up.”

“N-no! I-it doesn’t hurt at all…”

Thinking Gangwoo was going to hit him again, Heewoon waved both hands. Gangwoo, laughing as if it were absurd, asked back.

“It doesn’t hurt at all?”

“No…hnngh…”

At a loss for what to do, his small face crumpled. Gangwoo let out a deep sigh and said.

“You won’t even listen. How many more times do you want to get hit?”

“I’ll get up.”

Heewoon said, his voice choked with tears, and his face was instantly wet. Heewoon, who stood up clutching his throbbing stomach, had a grim expression. His hands, a knuckle smaller than Gangwoo’s, were also clenched into tight fists.

Ha. Gangwoo turned his head and let out a short laugh.

“Clench your teeth.”

Heewoon, who had lowered his eyes and was bracing for the impending violence, had the nape of his neck pulled forward. He reflexively squeezed his eyes shut, and something soft and plush touched his lips. Surprised, he opened his eyes to find a handsome face at arm’s length.

Gangwoo smiled gently, their lips still pressed together.

After stroking the round back of his head a couple of times, he pulled Heewoon’s waist closer. There was no trace of violence in him as he slowly licked Heewoon’s lips. He only pushed his tongue between the parted lips, tapping his front teeth or gently tickling his stiffened tongue. It was a soft and affectionate kiss, the kind lovers would share.

With his head tilted back, Gangwoo let out a languid sigh. Heewoon panted, trying to catch his breath. At such a close distance, their breaths mingled.

“It’s a big problem that my heart keeps getting soft.”

The hand supporting the back of Heewoon’s head stroked his scalp as if scratching it. As Heewoon looked at Gangwoo, a tear trickled down from the corner of his eye. It had been welling up for a while.

Smiling with a frown, Gangwoo lowered his head and wiped away the tear with his lips. He moved down, brushing his lips across his cheek in a straight line, and gave a light, butterfly kiss on Heewoon’s slightly reddened lips.

“You’re not hiccuping anymore, are you?”

Gangwoo asked affectionately. When Heewoon nodded slightly, the hand around his waist moved away.

Let’s eat. Gangwoo said nonchalantly and went back to the table to sit. Heewoon watched him for a moment before righting the fallen chair and sitting down.

After that, Seo Gangwoo didn’t touch Heewoon. Of course, Heewoon was so nervous he didn’t know if he was eating through his nose or his mouth. It was only after he left the mansion and got on the bus that he realized he had indigestion. The sharp, poking pain in his solar plexus combined with the pain from being kicked in the stomach, making it even more agonizing.

It felt like a storm had passed. Seo Gangwoo, whose attitude changed in a flash, was terrifying. The thought of this life continuing made him feel even more hopeless than when he had first learned of the debt.

🧸

“Heewoon. Mom’s going to the hospital.”

He thought he had answered in his sleep. In his sleep, he thought he might have heard an alarm.

When he opened his eyes, it was dark around him. Heewoon shot up and pressed the lock button on his phone. 4:50.

“Ah…”

He buried his face in his hands. I have a full schedule of classes from 1 to 6. Even if I leave the house right now, it takes 30 minutes to get to school. In other words, he had been marked absent for all of today’s classes.

Yesterday, he had a make-up class for the one he missed last Friday, so it ended after 2 in the morning. He got home at 3 a.m. It had been a day that felt unusually long. But unlike his tired body, his mind remained wide awake, so he drank a bottle of soju alone in the kitchen.

This was the result.

Bzzz—

A message arrived.

[This is Sunghyun’s mother. I’m sorry, but we’d like to stop Sunghyun’s tutoring. Please refund the tutoring fee for the remaining period.]

Heewoon squeezed his eyes shut. It was probably because he felt sick yesterday and had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the middle of the lesson. He had tried to be as quiet as possible, but the mother’s gaze was sharp when he came out of the bathroom, as if she had heard everything. With a face that clearly looked like it had been beaten, her trust in him must have plummeted.

It had only been the second lesson, and the student’s mother was already evaluating him with a cold eye.

Heewoon’s mind raced. Then I have to send back 500,000 won…. How much is left in my account. 648,000 won. So if I subtract 50 from this, 148,000 won will be left. It’s only the second week. It’s tight even just for transportation costs to last for almost three weeks.

The sudden loss of a tutoring job that met three times a week was a big blow.

His head throbbed. Heewoon lay back down on the pillow. At least the other kids’ mock exam scores have gone up a fair bit, and they’ve been with me for a long time, so they won’t quit.

I can eat the snacks from my tutoring sessions for dinner and skip lunch. I’ll just eat a big breakfast before I go, or whatever.

‘Let’s have lunch together starting tomorrow.’

His face stiffened as he remembered Gangwoo’s words. Heewoon closed his eyes and pressed on his eyelids. Come to think of it, he had a nightmare. It was a dream where he received a message from Seo Gangwoo.

[Where are you?]

Those two words were so chilling even in a dream. It was even more chilling when he realized he had never given him his phone number.

With his eyes closed, sleep washed over him like a tide again.

One good thing was that the 8:30 class scheduled for today was canceled. On top of that, he only had that one student’s class today.

When he opened his eyes again, it was 5 a.m. the next day.

Could my body be broken? But then he thought it might be a natural phenomenon since he had barely slept since last Friday.

Heewoon glanced at his sleeping mother, then quietly folded his blankets and cautiously went to the kitchen. He was extremely hungry.

He cooked and ate ramen, and even added cold rice to it. It was the most delicious thing he had eaten recently.

Patting his full stomach, he was leaning against the wall when the door, with its cracked glass pane taped up, slid open with a clatter.

“You’re up already? I see you went to bed early yesterday.”

“When did you get home yesterday, Mom?”

“…Around eight o’clock.”

His mother said, opening the refrigerator door.

“Wasn’t your hospital appointment at 2? What were you doing until then?”

At Heewoon’s question, his eyes wide, the wrinkled hand holding the refrigerator door tightened.

“I met up with some friends.”

“Ah. Right, what did they say at the hospital?”

His mother had been diagnosed with liver cancer three years ago. In the same year, his father’s business failed, his father disappeared, was found dead by suicide, and a massive debt was discovered. Compared to then, things were much better now, Heewoon thought, as if chanting a spell.

“…Well, it’s the same. They said I’m fine.”

“That’s a relief.”

Heewoon smiled a little.

Before the next year was over, his mother was declared fully cured. But it seemed that as the cancer cells disappeared, they had taken all of his mother’s energy with them.

His mother’s body couldn’t even handle working for a short time, and eventually, Heewoon had to take a leave of absence from school to work. Around the same time, his hyung left for the Philippines. It was also then that Heewoon was beaten by loan sharks because his hyung had taken half of the remaining money from selling their house.

“Go to school then.”

“Okay.”

His mother went back into the room, and after doing the dishes, Heewoon went to the small bathroom. His swollen face was visible in the mirror. He realized he had slept for so long it was hard to even calculate.

He took a cold shower and prepared for his tutoring sessions. His mind, clear for the first time in a while, worked quickly. So, even after he finished preparing for his classes and completed one assignment, he still had time before he had to go to school. His class was at 10, and he had a two-hour leeway.

After a moment’s thought, Heewoon decided to walk to school. To get some exercise and save money. It seemed like a good idea.

But after walking for about an an hour, he regretted it late. His already stiff muscles were in extreme pain. He thought about taking the bus now, but it felt like a waste of the distance he had already walked, so he went all the way to school.

It was 30 minutes before the lecture started, so there was no one in the classroom. Every Monday and Wednesday. The days he had the same class as Seo Gangwoo.

Until a week ago, Mondays and Wednesdays were days he could start with energy. Because he was happy that he could see Seo Gangwoo’s face from the morning. He didn’t even feel tired even if he tutored until dawn.

But now, just thinking about it was exhausting. How much will he torment me today?

A few minutes later, students started coming in one by one.

“Hello, sunbae.”

Heewoon turned around, his expression stiffening. Gangwoo nonchalantly sat down in the seat next to Heewoon and asked.

“It’s okay if I sit here, right?”

“Ah, yeah…”

Gangwoo, who had placed his book on the desk, asked gently.

“Is your phone broken?”

“Huh? No.”

At the out-of-the-blue question, Heewoon blinked. Then you really did read it and ignore it. Gangwoo muttered.

“Huh?”

“Are you hard of hearing?”

Gangwoo sneered at Heewoon, who kept asking back. His well-shaped hand tapped the desk impatiently, causing Heewoon to shut his mouth and roll his eyes. It seemed he was in a bad mood about something and wanted to hit him.

“You didn’t even come to school yesterday. When did you stop following me around saying you like me, and now you can’t wait to get away from me.”

Seo Gangwoo’s eyes glinted as if they would devour him. It was the complete opposite of his quiet voice.

“I overslept yesterday. R-really. When I woke up it was 5 o’clock, so I couldn’t come to school.”