Formless Chapter 8

Gangwoo watched Heewoon in silence. With his head bowed low, his seemingly long bangs hung down, covering his eyes. A white gauze was taped to his narrow cheek, and his round ears were red, perhaps from nervousness. A faint red welt was visible inside the hood covering his neck. Gangwoo, taking in even the fine trembling of the two hands resting on the man’s thin thighs, opened his mouth.

“Lift your head.”

Heewoon lifted his head. His eyes were squeezed shut and his teeth were clenched.

“What. Are you asking me to hit you?”

At Gangwoo’s indifferent words, Heewoon’s eyes flew open.

“N-no!”

His voice cracked from speaking so urgently. Heewoon shook his head, studying Gangwoo’s expression. The way he was staring intently seemed just like he was debating whether to hit him or not.

“I thought so. I thought you wanted to get hit.”

“No.”

“Since you’ve been acting like a fucking asshole all day.”

The soft voice was strangely rough. Heewoon kept his mouth firmly shut.

“It’s not like I’m a germ. Why are you running away.”

“Th-that’s…”

“Are you trying to dump me now that you’ve fucked me?”

“N-no!”

Heewoon waved his hands in denial. He felt wronged, both outwardly and inwardly. For him to have fucked Seo Gangwoo.

It had been a desperate night of survival. To Heewoon, that act wasn’t anything like sex.

“Then?”

Clenching his trembling hands tightly, Heewoon tried his best not to let his voice shake as he spoke.

“I thought it would be more comfortable for you if I stayed out of sight, and I… was just scared.”

Gangwoo stared at the bloodshot whites of his eyes and the reddish hue of his eyelids. When he raised his hand, Heewoon’s shoulders flinched. Cowardly bastard. Sneering inwardly, Gangwoo cupped Heewoon’s cheek and swept his thumb over the swollen eyelid.

Flinch, Heewoon closed his eyes. A soft voice came to his ear.

“Because you were scared, you were sniveling again?”

“…Only on Saturday.”

As he mumbled, a short chuckle, pfft, came back. The blunt fingertip grazed his eyelashes and touched the outer corner of his eye.

“You only cried on Saturday. You didn’t cry yesterday or today?”

His tone was as if he were dealing with a child. It seemed he wouldn’t hit him for now, so Heewoon cautiously opened his eyes and nodded. A large hand gently stroked his cheek.

Their eyes met. The eyes with their faint double eyelids curved into a round shape.

It was a sweet smile. The kind that seemed to have no connection whatsoever to bad and dirty things. And that made it all the more chilling.

“Over the weekend, I thought about you a lot, sunbae.”

“……”

The soft voice was very similar to that smile. Heewoon clenched his fists tight.

“Did you not?”

“I, I thought about you a lot too.”

The moment he saw Gangwoo’s eyebrow move slightly, Heewoon blurted out the words. Unlike Heewoon, who sat with his back ramrod straight, Gangwoo, who was leaning loosely against the seat, tilted his head.

“How much.”

“…Huh?”

Swallowing dryly, Heewoon rolled his round eyes and said timidly.

“I… couldn’t sleep.”

It was truly difficult to please the mercurial Seo Gangwoo. Worried that this answer might also displease him, Heewoon waited tensely.

Gangwoo, who had been gazing at Heewoon, reached out his hand. It was only natural for Heewoon to flinch his shoulders, thinking he was about to be hit.

“Look here.”

“……”

He thought he was really going to be hit. Because Seo Gangwoo’s voice was too quiet, and the descending silence was heavy.

Gangwoo swept a finger under the hollow eyes and examined Heewoon’s eyes closely. So this is because you couldn’t sleep. Muttering to himself, he suddenly asked.

“What did you have for lunch?”

“Uh……”

It was an unexpected question, so Heewoon just blinked. What did I eat? While Heewoon thought blankly, Gangwoo peeled off a corner of the gauze on his cheek. He checked the multi-colored bruise on the cheek, and only when he pressed on the cheek to reapply the gauze did the small face grimace in pain.

“Is the question difficult?”

“No, no. I ate at the convenience store.”

“So what did you eat.”

“Bread… I think?”

Frowning slightly, Gangwoo flicked Heewoon’s forehead lightly.

“This is why you’re so skinny, eating only bread for a meal.”

Seo Gangwoo acted as if they were close friends. He fiddled with Heewoon’s earlobe and said.

“Let’s have dinner.”

Heewoon had no choice but to agree.

Gangwoo pulled Heewoon’s head to rest on his shoulder. A large hand covered the eyes of Heewoon, who was leaning in an awkward position.

They drove like that for about 20 minutes.

The place they arrived at was Seo Gangwoo’s house. The place Heewoon had come to every day until just last week.

Gangwoo asked Heewoon, who was looking out the window, if he hadn’t slept. It was natural that he couldn’t fall asleep. He had been leaning on a murderer’s shoulder, after all.

🧸

He had been watching from across the street for a month, but this was his first time inside the house. Heewoon looked around the whole time as he crossed the wide yard, passed through the entrance, and walked through the luxurious living room.

“Do you like it?”

Gangwoo tilted his head and looked into Heewoon’s face.

“Huh? The house is really nice.”

“You must have wanted to come inside all this time.”

When Heewoon hesitated and then nodded, he smiled brightly.

“I didn’t know what you like, so I asked them to prepare Korean food.”

“Uh-huh… thank you.”

While walking behind the cheerful-looking Gangwoo, Heewoon encountered a few employees. He thought. Do these people know? That Seo Gangwoo killed someone.

And probably, that it wasn’t his first time.

Various dishes were set on the spacious dining table. Heewoon, sitting across from Gangwoo, picked up his spoon very awkwardly. He felt like he was sitting on a bed of nails. The food certainly looked delicious, but he had no appetite.

To that Heewoon, Gangwoo casually threw a bombshell of a statement.

“Let’s have lunch together starting tomorrow.”

Heewoon tightened his grip on the spoon he had almost dropped. His mind raced. He swallowed dryly and said.

“…Hey. If you’re monitoring me because you’re worried I’ll tell someone… you really don’t have to.”

Clatter.

Gangwoo put down his chopsticks. Heewoon, startled, added that it was true. Gangwoo stroked his chin and stared at Heewoon’s frightened face.

“Monitoring…. Is this monitoring?”

“…N-no.”

“I haven’t even put a name to it yet.”

Gangwoo said, as if muttering to himself, and scoffed. Tapping on the table, he said.

“I know very well that you won’t tell anyone, sunbae. How could a bastard who trembles after getting slapped a few times do that.”

Right?

Heewoon nodded awkwardly at the question asked for agreement. Watching him agree with his own insult, Gangwoo smiled brightly.

“Stop overthinking and just eat.”

Heewoon opened and then firmly closed his mouth.

Seo Gangwoo was trying to play with him. It was bleak. What if he kills me after playing with me? What if he breaks something? It might be better to just report him to the police. If he couldn’t trust the police, it might be better to run away to the Philippines where his hyung was.

But then, what about the debt.

Those people would never let his mother and him go to the Philippines. Even if they managed to escape without getting caught, they would have to live on the run for the rest of their lives. That was just as grim as the remaining debt.

Gangwoo, looking at Heewoon’s pale face, gradually furrowed his brow.

“Why the long face. Did I say I was going to bully you?”

“…No. B-but I thought it might be more comfortable if we didn’t run into each other. I’ll be good at avoiding you…”

His words trailed off. After that, silence flowed. Heewoon bit his lip hard and just fiddled with his spoon.

What broke the silence was Seo Gangwoo’s laughter.

I went easy on him for nothing. Muttering as if to himself, he stood up from his seat. Then, looking at Heewoon, he asked gently.

“Sunbae, would you mind standing up for a moment?”

“…Huh?”

Heewoon got up from the chair awkwardly. Little did he know that he would soon be sent tumbling to the floor along with the chair.

Seo Gangwoo suddenly kicked Heewoon, who was standing next to the chair, hard in the stomach. Crash, clatter, Heewoon fell over with the chair.

“Ugh…”

Heewoon put a hand on his stomach and curled up his body. It felt like his stomach was being torn apart. The pain was so intense that his vision blurred for a moment.

He saw feet in slippers approaching leisurely. Heewoon tried to scramble away backwards, but Gangwoo’s hand was faster.

“Aack!”

Gangwoo grabbed Heewoon’s hair and forced his head up. Heewoon saw the large hand raised in the air and squeezed his eyes shut. Gangwoo, who was about to slap his cheek, saw the gauze covering the bruise and clicked his tongue. He let go of Heewoon’s hair, knelt down, and said.

“Sit up straight.”

“Hnngh… okay.”

Trembling, Heewoon pushed himself up and knelt. His stomach hurt, so his back was naturally hunched over. Staring at the round top of his bowed head, Gangwoo said, as if sighing.

“I went really easy on you today. Don’t you think so?”

“Y-you’re right.”

“Then why do you keep getting on my nerves. Huh?”

Gangwoo tapped lightly on the gauze. Heewoon’s neck shrank further and further each time the hand touched him, his eyes squeezed shut. Because his eyes were closed, he didn’t know when the slap would come, which made it even more terrifying. He thought it would be better to see it coming.

Heewoon opened his eyes. And his eyes met directly with Gangwoo’s, who was tilting his head and looking into his face.

“Hic.”

He was so startled that a hiccup escaped him.

Just then, Seo Gangwoo reached out his hand. Heewoon squeezed his eyes shut again and blurted out.

“Hic. D-don’t… hit me. G-Gangwoo…. I… hic! won’t do it again.”

The hand he thought would deliver a strong impact to his cheek or somewhere else only grazed the outer corner of his eye. As he fluttered his eyelids open, the finger that had been touching the corner of his eye lightly brushed his lower lashes and moved away.

“……”

Hic. Hic. Every time he hiccuped, Heewoon’s entire body jolted and his head jerked to the side. Gangwoo watched him silently for a moment before speaking.

“Why are you acting up when you’re just going to grovel after one hit.”

Listening to the low, subdued voice, Heewoon wrapped his arms around his stomach.

“Hic… hic…”