The Unbelievers Chapter 47

Yoo Siun, who had returned from work at a late hour past even the time for a shared dinner, looked at Eunseong lying in his study playing games on his phone and pulled down his tie.

“An adult has arrived, you should get up.”

“….”

Though he often spoke strangely, he had never acted like an old fogey before, yet now he spoke in a tone Eunseong had never heard. Eunseong, who had been lying on his stomach, sat up awkwardly. He set his phone down.

“Just as you said, if you aren’t going to study like this, it might be better for you to attend an academy instead.”

“….”

It was a way of speaking that suggested he had seen Eunseong doing nothing but rolling around on his bed all day. Looking at Yoo Siun, the contents and sensations of the dream he had that morning suddenly came back vividly. Eunseong was staring fixedly at the man’s lips. Noticing the gaze, Siun turned his head away.

“It’s not as if you truly have no intention of going to university.”

“I’m going, to a good one.”

“By the way, the moving date I mentioned before has been set. You can move next week.”

“… Pardon?”

“You said you wanted to live separately.”

“….”

Eunseong’s eyes widened in surprise. Yoo Siun spoke as if it were nothing and left the study. Eunseong chased after him. He followed Yoo Siun all the way into the dressing room while he was changing clothes.

The man, who was unbuttoning his shirt and about to take it off, came to a dead stop. In his dressing room, black suits and white shirts were lined up like work uniforms.

“You’re telling me to leave?”

“I believe you said you wanted to go out and live on your own. Is my memory wrong?”

“That, that… that was just something I said back then.”

“That you didn’t want to live with me. That you would live with the Manager instead.”

“That… at that time, at that time I just said anything because I was angry.”

“It’s fine. Living with a relative you’ve never known your whole life can be uncomfortable. I’m late because I was preparing various things for security, but you can move next week. I’ll tell the Manager, so you can go see the place in advance. You’ll like it.”

“….”

Yoo Siun spoke while unfastening his cuff buttons very slowly. He was conscious of Eunseong standing there blankly, staring at him. He only unfastened the buttons and did not take off the garment. When there were no more buttons to undo, he turned his head and looked at Eunseong.

“Would you mind stepping out now?”

Even at Yoo Siun’s request to give him space to change, Eunseong could not wipe the flustered expression from his face and only stared at him with stunned eyes.

“… You said you would protect me, Mister. You said you would take responsibility for me. You were the one who chased my father away to somewhere far and brought me here.”

“Yes, and that’s why I’m making this move. It is my responsibility to protect you safely.”

“Where is there a place safer than here? You told me not to work part-time or go to an academy because it’s dangerous. You said going outside was not allowed, Mister. I really don’t know what’s so dangerous, but you’re the one who kept me locked up here until I was suffocated!”

He re-fastened the buttons he had undone. Yoo Siun fastened several middle buttons of his shirt so that his chest wouldn’t be exposed and turned toward Eunseong.

“I distinctly remember you saying back then that you wanted to live separately, that you didn’t want to live together.”

“….”

“Everything is prepared, so what am I supposed to do if you say no only now?”

His tone and gaze were those of an adult warning a child that they shouldn’t play with their elders—that after the adult had prepared everything based on the child’s words, the child saying it wasn’t true now was neither right nor permissible.

“Because there was no more talk after that… I just thought you were saying it in the heat of the moment too, Mister.”

“Why would I say such a thing in the heat of the moment? It is my sincere wish to do as much as possible of what you want on behalf of your father.”

“… Why do you keep.”

“….”

“Why do you keep talking like that?”

“Is something wrong?”

The man was acting strangely. He wasn’t just keeping a distance; he was building a wall between them. Eunseong felt a sense of bewilderment. Then, a certain premonition pierced through his mind and swept down his spine like a shudder.

“… I wasn’t dreaming this morning, was I?”

“….”

“That wasn’t a dream, was it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Seeing Yoo Siun’s expression freeze instantly, Eunseong let out an internal lament.

“It was strange. It was so vivid… so realistic, I thought… it didn’t feel like a dream.”

“… What words are these.”

“You knew I liked you, Mister.”

“….”

Grasping the hem of his own clothes with both hands, Eunseong spoke with his head bowed. The man’s movements, which had been fiddling only with his sleeve buttons, also stiffened at the same time.

A quick-witted person might have known even when he ran away because he didn’t want to live with him.

Eunseong knew what he was doing. It was a confession close to a scream. He was in a state of pleading that he liked him, that he wanted to be loved by him. He had protested by running out of the house because he was angry that the man wouldn’t love him.

While his mind grew cold, his heart became hot. Heat rushed to his face. Eunseong wiped the tears streaming down his cheeks with the back of his hand. He lifted his head to Yoo Siun, who was watching him in silence.

The man’s eyes, which already knew his heart, had cooled so intensely they couldn’t be any colder. It might actually be better if they were blocks of ice. However, his eyes only held a cold energy where no temperature could be felt, making the suffering Eunseong feel even more chilled.

Suddenly, it felt suffocating inside the dressing room. He felt as if the surrounding air encircling him and the man had gained weight and was constricting his body. Eunseong twisted and gripped his clothes.

“It’s strange for me to be like this. You… are my relative… and you are much older.”

“….”

“I knew you were keeping your distance… I ran away because I hated that. Because you dislike me, Mister.”

“What do you mean, dislike? There are no such words. I don’t dislike you.”

That he disliked him was not true. Yoo Siun denied it, saying it really wasn’t so, but he could tell from Eunseong’s expression that it wasn’t a good answer.

“If it’s not that you dislike me, then what do you think of me?”

“… I don’t think of you in any way.”

“….”

“You are still young, so you can be confused. Once you go to university and see pretty friends, these feelings will disappear.”

He approached and soothed Eunseong like an adult. Patting his shoulder, he said that Eunseong was mistaking the loneliness and fear of having no one to lean on after being suddenly separated from his father, and that he would soon forget it all to the point where he wouldn’t even remember ever having such feelings.

“… What if they don’t disappear?”

“You are mistaken right now. That is not a feeling of liking someone.”

The man spoke with a gaze of sincere worry. Eunseong was incredulous. His vision kept blurring, and the face of Yoo Siun, who was worrying for him as an adult and a guardian, disappeared. He rubbed his eyes roughly with the back of his hand. He wiped the transparent tears from the back of his hand onto his pants.

“If that’s not liking someone, then what is it? Do you know what kind of emotion it is, Mister?”

“You don’t like me. That is… just a pull of the bloodline.”

Eunseong could not understand his words at all.

To say it was an attraction because they were of the same blood—because they were of the same blood, one shouldn’t have such feelings even more—yet Yoo Siun was speaking as if Eunseong was confused by a pull of the bloodline.

“Then do you also… feel pulled by the bloodline, Mister?”

“….”

Yoo Siun’s fingertips flinched. He tried his best to feign ignorance toward Eunseong.

“I don’t think it’s a right emotion. What are your thoughts?”

He asked again, wearing the mask of an adult and pretending it wasn’t so. Seeing Yoo Siun, whose facial muscles were trembling minutely as he tried to use a kind tone, Eunseong realized how much he was troubling him.

“I ran away because it’s not right. But you came to catch me. I fled because I was scared of that, but you brought me back again. You keep doing everything for me that even my father wouldn’t do, and you keep being nice to me. What am I supposed to do?”

“….”

“I fled because I was scared of that, but you came to get me.”

“….”

“If you had just left me alone then, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Protecting you is my mission.”

At the fact that Eunseong had liked him and been conscious of him as a man since then, Yoo Siun felt an illusion of his knuckles growing hot. He clenched his fists tight. The cross on the back of his hand crumpled along with them.

Yoo Siun turned away from Eunseong’s eyes, which looked like they had more to say. Even while seeing those tearful, trembling eyes, he only spoke of principles and pretended not to know. His responsibility as an adult, his cowardice in ignoring the pain and fear the child would feel after volunteering to be his guardian, and on the other hand, the ugly desire of wanting to hold on and not let go—immeasurable emotions mixed and rose up all at once.

“The helper will take care of your luggage, so you won’t have anything to worry about. And do you really hate tutoring? Must it be an academy?”

He talked nonsense as if he couldn’t hear Eunseong’s desperate cry. Eunseong bit his lip.

“I might be bad at studying, but I’m not a fool who doesn’t know what my own feelings are.”

“….”

“You think you’re the smartest and best because you went to university in America, Mister, but as for me… I’m not the kind of person who gets confused about such feelings.”

“….”

Eunseong wanted to ask if he disliked him that much. If the man had chased his father far away and made him a person without any relations, then as his guardian, Eunseong wanted to stimulate even that responsibility of his which was no different from labor, telling him to fulfill his duty to the end.

But it didn’t make sense in the first place. Yoo Siun wasn’t just some adult man he knew; even if the degrees of kinship were distant, he was a relative. Even asking if he disliked him that much was a strange thing, and from the man’s perspective, he was being as considerate as possible so as not to embarrass Eunseong.

Wiping away the tears flowing down his cheeks, Eunseong said:

“I’ll move out tomorrow.”

The man answered that he should do so, without even looking at Eunseong.