Winter Season Chapter 37

She asked a few more questions—whether he was sick anywhere, if he had eaten before coming—and only then, with a slightly calmed face, did she stroke Yihyeon’s shoulder. Then, as if remembering something belatedly, she spoke to him.

“My, look at my head. Let’s not do this here; let’s go inside and finish talking. When did you arrive, hm? Were you already on your way out after seeing your father?”

“…No. I just arrived.”

“The hallway is cold. Let’s head inside quickly.”

Instead of answering, Yihyeon swept the inside of his mouth with his tongue and slowly raised his hand. He clenched his fist tightly once in front of the door and then gave a light knock.

Tap tap… tap.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to do that. You can just go in.”

Rumble.

The door opened before he had a chance to steady his heart, revealing the interior of a fairly spacious hospital room. He saw someone leaning back on a bed in front of a window that offered a clear view of the outside. The figure sat with his head bowed as if reading a book, without a single movement.

When Yihyeon stopped in his tracks at the sight, his mother went inside first and stood by the bedside. She gently touched the shoulder of the bed’s occupant and skillfully operated the panels attached to the wall.

“Honey, Yihyeon is here. Yihyeon, don’t just stand there; come over here and sit down.”

Yihyeon’s father did not move. Yihyeon first bit his dry lips hard and then slowly took a step. Stopping about three steps away from the bed, he bowed his head toward his father’s profile, which remained looking down at the book.

“…Hello.”

He knew it was a somewhat awkward greeting to give to a parent, but no other words came to mind. After finishing the short sentence, he stared only at the edge of the bed rail, but there was no response.

“…”

In the heavy silence, the one who first spoke was his mother, not his father. She offered an awkward smile to Yihyeon and then spoke softly to her husband as if pleading.

“Honey, please put the Bible down for a moment. I’ll tell the deacon and the others to visit a little later. Hm? Since Yihyeon is here, let’s at least have a conversation.”

Her tone sounded quite desperate, but Yihyeon’s father remained silent. Yihyeon’s mother bit her lip and looked at her husband resentfully before turning her head toward Yihyeon.

“Yihyeon, don’t just stand there, come and sit down.”

“There is no need to sit.”

“Honey…!”

The one who cut off her pleading words was his father’s voice, firm with resolve. Yihyeon’s gaze, which had been avoiding the person and wandering around the bed and its surroundings, slowly rose. Their eyes met.

“I said there is no need to sit.”

His eyelids were sunken from illness, but his gaze was as piercing as the one in Yihyeon’s memory. No, perhaps it felt even sharper than back then.

In that brief moment of eye contact, a sense of failure—that he shouldn’t have come—deeply colored his mind. Only after seeing that cold gaze did he realize poignantly that even if his father were suffering from a terminal illness, he would never welcome him.

“Honey, don’t be like that. Yihyeon has come after a long time. Look at your son’s face.”

“I have never had a son like that. I have no use for him, so tell him to get lost.”

“Yihyeon, don’t mind that and come sit down quickly. Your father is just saying that, hm?”

His mother spoke with an awkward smile as if trying to mediate, but it did nothing to lighten the atmosphere. Yihyeon, standing as if nailed to the spot, dropped his gaze to his toes and hesitated before finally getting a single word out.

“Are you… feeling alright.”

It was a question with a vaguely rising end, but what followed was silence. Yihyeon’s father simply turned the pages of the Bible as if he had heard nothing. The IV tube exposed beneath the hospital gown swayed in time with the turning pages.

He hadn’t expected to be welcomed, but being treated like a non-existent person left a bitter taste in his mouth. If asked what kind of reaction he had expected, he had no answer, but at least he hadn’t reached out to Gu Seunghyeok wishing for a situation like this.

‘What was I thinking, borrowing money and coming all the way here? Was I trying to play the part of a filial son now?’

Yihyeon bowed his head and fiddled with his fingers. As the awkward silence in the hospital room continued, Yihyeon’s mother spoke up to smooth things over.

“He has improved a lot after receiving chemotherapy. The doctor said he could be fully cured if things continue like this.”

“…”

“Still, I’m glad God sent you back to the family’s embrace like this, Yihyeon. How good is it to see your face after all this time, hm?”

She repeatedly fiddled with Yihyeon’s wrist and palm. However, Yihyeon felt the wrinkled, softened hand was only foreign to him, so he clenched his fist and pulled his arm back slightly. She cast a momentarily hurt look at him, then quickly stroked Yihyeon’s shoulder.

“Yihyeon, let’s sit first. Would you like a drink? Shall I peel some fruit for you?”

“Why did you come here? Did you get curious when you heard your father was hospitalized with a terminal illness?”

“Honey!”

Crinkle, along with the sound of a thin paper page turning, his father’s closed mouth opened. His gaze remained fixed on the Bible on his lap. Yihyeon raised his head and stared blankly at his father’s profile.

“I asked why you came here if you were just going to stand there with your mouth shut.”

“Yihyeon, go sit next to your father quickly, hm?”

She spoke while gently pulling Yihyeon’s thin back, but Yihyeon did not move.

It wasn’t because he had other thoughts. It was just that his entire body was refusing to stand closer to his father.

His father’s gaze grew even sharper at Yihyeon’s behavior of only standing far away. Yihyeon bowed his head to avoid the glaring eyes and swallowed a rising sigh.

I really shouldn’t have come.

“There was something Mother asked of me. I came briefly because of that.”

“…”

“Now that I’ve seen you, I’ll be going.”

If he could have felt even a shred of guilt for not visiting his father until he ended up like this, would his heart have felt less uncomfortable? It felt strange to feel nothing even after seeing his father clearly marked by disease.

Yihyeon blinked slowly, then raised his gaze—which he had barely managed to keep near the bed wheels—and bowed toward the bed.

“Please receive your treatment well and be health—”

“You. Are you still going around meeting men.”

His head, which had been halfway bowed, paused and then slowly found its original position. Yihyeon’s mother also seemed startled by the sudden words. In an atmosphere as precarious as thin ice, Yihyeon slowly raised his eyes.

His father, who had turned his head from the Bible at some point, was staring at the area around Yihyeon’s neck with cold eyes. Only then did Yihyeon recall the marks left by that nameless man last night.

He belatedly pulled up the neck of his knit sweater, but his father’s face had already distorted into a menacing scowl. Even though he tried to think he had done nothing wrong, his heart began to beat rapidly as if someone had startled him with a loud noise from behind.

“If God cherished me, He would never have given me a son like you.”

“…”

“Get out. I don’t even want to see your face.”

A tingling sensation rose from the fingertips touching the nape of his neck. Yihyeon clenched his fists, lowered them, and took a step back.

Yihyeon’s mother approached worriedly and checked Yihyeon’s face, but his pale, clear face was expressionless like a doll. Only his tightly bitten lips had turned white.

“Please receive your treatment… well and be health…”

He tried to voice the sentence he couldn’t finish earlier, but his throat tightened and the words wouldn’t come out right. Since he wasn’t a soft person who would be hurt by just this much, it was likely because of his startled heart. Yihyeon ended his words by bowing his head while clenching his teeth.

Without hesitating, he turned around to head for the door, but the voices that had been heard in the hallway for a while now grew closer. Just as Yihyeon was about to grab the handle of the hospital room door, there was a light “tap tap” knock, and the door opened with a rumbling sound.

“Pastor, we’re her— oh my…!”

The middle-aged woman who was about to enter the room with a smile saw Yihyeon standing right in front of her and retreated in surprise. Yihyeon bowed his head as an apology and tried to leave immediately, but those blocking the door showed no intention of moving.