Place to Be Chapter 17

Seo Chiyoung sat quietly across from him. Keeping his eyes fixed near Jang Wigeon’s chest, he listened to the radio, which continuously played only quiet music. It was a bitter and still night.

How much time had passed? Breaking that silence at some point, Jang Wigeon laughed lowly. At that laughter, which sounded like the sound of air leaking out, Seo Chiyoung only raised his eyes. Rubbing his temples as if slightly exhausted, Jang Wigeon was looking at Seo Chiyoung and smiling.

“You’re like a human-sized doll. Just blinking your eyes. ……I suppose that’s just your personality, but when there’s only one person left instead of a full house, I think you could at least say it’s time to close up and ask me to leave, but those words just won’t come out, will they?”

Jang Wigeon’s face was the same as usual as he laughed and said that being so gentle would probably make running a place that sells alcohol quite a struggle. However, Seo Chiyoung did not smile along with him. When he just stared at him with a stoic face, Jang Wigeon seemed to let his laughter fade for a moment, but soon shrugged his shoulders lightly as if nothing had happened.

“I’m telling you, those two guys have been a pain in my neck for more than a day or two. I should never do something like that. I don’t know how many times I’ve thought while watching those two that if the person I think is ‘the one’ appears, I’ll just charge forward without any hesitation.”

“…But you like him.”

When Seo Chiyoung spoke quietly, the smile vanished from Jang Wigeon’s face for a very brief moment. The smile also disappeared from the gaze watching Seo Chiyoung, making Seo Chiyoung momentarily think he had said something he shouldn’t have.

But as if it had never happened, Jang Wigeon brought a smile back to his eyes and said, “That’s true.”

“They’re both the most precious friends in my life.”

Seo Chiyoung fell silent. Both Seo Chiyoung and Jang Wigeon knew that the meaning Seo Chiyoung intended and the meaning Jang Wigeon replied with were different.

While staring intently at Seo Chiyoung, who remained silent without affirming or denying, Jang Wigeon slowly erased his smile again. His gaze, devoid of laughter, was as cold as a blade; unable to bear looking at him, Seo Chiyoung dropped his head. The gaze that remained fixed on Seo Chiyoung for a while after that finally softened with a hollow laugh that sounded like a sigh.

“You seem like you’re just quiet and gentle… Don’t you occasionally hear that you’re different from what people expected?”

That voice, which was not as sharp as his gaze from a moment ago, carried a faint trace of laughter, so only then did Seo Chiyoung raise his head again to see Jang Wigeon smiling as usual. Seo Chiyoung hesitated and then shook his head. He hadn’t heard such things very often.

“Hmm… Don’t you find a gay man strange?”

His smiling eyes, which wouldn’t care even if told it was strange, looked at Seo Chiyoung as if measuring something. Seo Chiyoung shook his head again.

No. Because I am, too.

He didn’t voice those words. It was because he knew the man would just pass it off casually with a “Really?” like he had some time ago. What Jang Wigeon was asking now wasn’t something like that.

Jang Wigeon stared piercingly at Seo Chiyoung, who had shaken his head. Finding that direct gaze burdensome, Seo Chiyoung blinked his eyes in embarrassment. Whatever he saw in those eyes, Jang Wigeon’s gaze suddenly narrowed. Along with a low laugh, he heard him mutter to himself, “This is subtly interesting…”

Seo Chiyoung looked at Jang Wigeon with a puzzled face, but he was looking at Seo Chiyoung with a faint smile as if lost in thought without a word. It might have just been his imagination, but those eyes seemed to have softened just a little. Enough so that Seo Chiyoung could meet that gaze even while feeling awkward.

“Do you think I like Junyoung?”

Jang Wigeon suddenly asked at one point. Seo Chiyoung hesitated and then nodded his head. Jang Wigeon’s smile crumpled slightly.

“Is that so? I’m not sure. Whether I truly like that guy.”

Jang Wigeon poured a drink into his empty glass. He remained silent, lost in whatever thoughts he had, until he slowly finished the glass over three or four sips, then spoke as he set the glass down.

“I want that guy to be happy. I’ve thought that way ever since we were young. That I could do anything for Junyoung. That feeling is definitely sincere. I hate seeing him suffer, and I want him to achieve what he desires. ……And yet.”

After a brief pause, Jang Wigeon whispered like a monologue.

“I’m also simultaneously thinking that I want this current state to continue. While watching the two of them from right by his side.”

Seo Chiyoung stared at him blankly and then dropped his gaze. He stared at his fingers, which were fidgeting while interlaced.

Right now, the person closest to Yoon Junyoung was Jang Wigeon. The one who had known him longest and shared the most unreserved thoughts. Even if Yoon Junyoung held someone else in his heart.

“Sometimes I think about where my place might be.”

The story Seo Chiyoung suddenly started was extremely out of the blue. To the point that even Seo Chiyoung himself realized it after starting to speak, causing his face to flush. However, in front of Jang Wigeon, who only raised his eyebrows and didn’t bother to interrupt him, Seo Chiyoung continued haltingly.

“I don’t know exactly where it is, but I believe that somewhere among people, there is a place given to me. I’ve never sat in a place like being someone’s most precious or closest person, but still, like one of the stones in a stepping-stone bridge, even if everyone just passes over it without thinking deeply, a meaning is created by being in that spot…”

As he spoke, he somehow felt embarrassed. It felt like what he was saying might sound like he was chasing clouds, or like he was putting on some ridiculous airs.

But he truly thought that way.

If only there were someone who truly thought of me as precious. If only there were someone I could truly cherish.

Passing through the days when he had such thoughts, he now thought it would be good if something like that could happen to someone because of him. If he could have been any small help or a catalyst in the relationships of those who were significant to each other’s lives and absolutely needed each other—whether as friends, lovers, or something else—wouldn’t that alone give some meaning to his life?

If someone, even without realizing it, encountered an important meaning because of me. Just as I have encountered so many people like that until now.

“Even if time passes and I don’t meet them again and am forgotten, there is definitely a meaning in the fact that I was in that spot at that time, like that…”

Seo Chiyoung muttered like a monologue. If that is the place given to me in a relationship with that person, then that is enough. Hoping that the spot provided something better for that person.

His interlaced hands had formed a fist before he knew it. Looking down at that fist, Seo Chiyoung fell silent. Somehow it was awkward, making it hard to raise his head.

Above Seo Chiyoung’s head, at the end of the silence that had flowed heavily, a laugh like a breath suddenly leaked out.

“You have no greed.”

Hearing those words, which contained a laugh as if he found it a bit absurd, Seo Chiyoung slowly raised his head. But you haven’t been greedy either. You’ve always just watched over him preciously. Even though that’s as far as you can go, you’re only feeling sorry inside that you can’t do more.

“I don’t much care for that kind of self-consolation.”

Jang Wigeon said lowly and flatly. Seo Chiyoung dropped his gaze, neither nodding nor staying still.

“But it’s not bad.”

However, at the words Jang Wigeon added afterward, Seo Chiyoung slightly raised only his eyes. Jang Wigeon was smiling. That smile contained a clearly visible softness, letting him know that his words were sincere.

“It’s a surprise even to myself, but I feel a bit better. Thank you.”

It was the first time a smile intended for a specific person, rather than a public-facing smile, had been directed at him. Only now, for the first time, was Jang Wigeon truly looking at Seo Chiyoung. Seo Chiyoung stared at him and then just quietly shook his head.

Seo Chiyoung had learned from this man a long time ago that a moment I pass through without knowing can hold an unforgettable meaning for someone else. Just like right now.