Place to Be Chapter 29

As soon as Seo Chiyoung threw on his clothes haphazardly, he dashed out of the house, calculating the time in his head. Fortunately, it seemed he would arrive just in the nick of time.

He managed to scramble onto a bus just as it was about to pull away from the stop. Only then, as he sat in an empty seat at the very back, did he finally catch the breath that had risen up to his chin from running since he left home.

Once he caught his breath, it occurred to him that his stamina had dropped significantly. Of course, he couldn’t compare himself to ten years ago, but in the past, working this much had been nothing. Back then, a lifestyle continued where he would leave the house before four in the morning, work all day barely able to sit down properly, enter the house after midnight to close his eyes for just a moment, and head out again. After living like that for several years, the strain that had been steadily accumulating inside his body without him knowing finally burst all at once; after suffering immensely for a while, he had gradually reduced his workload to reach his current state.

Still, compared to back then, he was living quite comfortably now, so he had thought that adding just one overnight shift on the weekend would be no problem at all.

Seo Chiyoung let out a sigh. Looking at the road where traffic was slightly congested but flowing reasonably well, he looked down at his cell phone, which served as his watch. If it just doesn’t get backed up, I’ll make it on time… he thought, looking outside a bit worriedly.

Then, his fingers, which had been fiddling with the cell phone, pressed a button out of habit. He went to his message inbox and re-read the text from his mother that had arrived before he left the house—the one that had woken him up.

“…”

He tried to recall when he had last seen his mother, but he couldn’t remember right away. Only after thinking carefully for several seconds did he remember it was the winter before last. His mother, who had great cooking skills and worked at a fairly famous restaurant in the provinces, looked reasonably okay compared to when he had seen her several years prior to that. Since then, they had stayed in touch by phone a few times, and he was relieved as she seemed to be getting better bit by bit.

Come to think of it, his mother would turn sixty in a few months. He had always contacted her on her birthdays, but because his circumstances were tight, it hadn’t been easy to visit her in person.

Still, he thought that this year he must somehow go and see her even for a short while, and so he sent a reply text to his mother saying thank you. In that same vein, after hesitating for a moment, he also sent a text to his father. His father would likely have completely forgotten about things like Seo Chiyoung’s birthday, so he didn’t mention it and just wrote a simple message asking him to stay healthy and well.

He didn’t contact his mother very often, but with his father, it was even more infrequent. After the business went bankrupt and the family scattered, his father must have been overwhelmed while being chased by creditors, but more than that, he seemed to feel a sense of shame toward the family; he almost never contacted them first. It was always Seo Chiyoung who reached out first, and then his father would merely give a blunt, short response.

Over a decade.

His mother, who turned sixty this year, and his father, who would reach seventy in a few years, were at an age where they should be spending a peaceful retirement. However, when he thought of them, whose connection to a happy home had vanished, Seo Chiyoung’s chest felt tight.

He felt infinitely sorry for them, who must be living solitary, lonely lives even at an age where their hair was turning white and they were weakening, and yet, he also felt sorry for himself for not having the outstanding ability to support them comfortably.

“…”

Seo Chiyoung sighed and closed the phone. He looked outside, trying to shift his thoughts.

The bus was just about to cross the Han River. Perhaps due to it being evening on a holiday, the road was getting a bit congested right before crossing the bridge, but this level was still okay. Seo Chiyoung checked the time and then turned his gaze back out the window.

Ahead of the bus, which had stopped at a traffic light right before the bridge, a shopping mall that had recently opened caught his eye in the distance. Seo Chiyoung stared at it blankly. To be precise, he looked toward the park—invisible from here—that would be atop the sloping hill behind the shopping mall.

It was a place he had been to a couple of times a long time ago.

He hadn’t gone there for fun. At that time, he wasn’t living a life with enough peace of mind to seek out a park without a specific reason.

That place was “the gathering spot.” A place where people with the same sexual orientation as Seo Chiyoung gathered to find a partner to spend a brief moment with, without wishing for a specific person.

He didn’t know how it was now. That was one of the few well-known locations, and even Seo Chiyoung had only gone there once or twice.

Were they still lingering there? Marginalized people trying to soothe the day’s loneliness.

“…”

Suddenly, a chilly stir felt in his chest.

Lately, a sensation resembling that desolate loneliness—which he had forgotten for a while but now resurfaced intermittently to strike his heart—soaked through his aching heart and passed.

During the several years of living peacefully alone, during which he had no complaints or regrets, he almost never had reason to think of such things, yet it was uniquely so lately. And Seo Chiyoung knew the reason why.

‘Ah, yes. Back then…’

Suddenly, a low muttered monologue revived in his ears. It was a voice he had heard not long ago. That voice had approached along with a gaze that scrutinized every corner of Seo Chiyoung with a newfound look in his eyes.

Upon hearing that they were in the same class in high school, he, who had seemed to be struggling to recall the memory, appeared to have succeeded in reviving from his memories the classmate with whom he had no point of contact and no interest. And simultaneously, it seemed he had also recalled the one and only time that classmate had spoken to him.

I heard you like men. Me too.

He, who must have just barely pulled those words—which he probably hadn’t thought of once since then—out from the dust of old memories, however, in the very next moment, for a very brief flash… wore a troubled face.

That expression disappeared as quickly as it had surfaced, but Seo Chiyoung saw his expression clearly. And he realized what it meant.

Above Seo Chiyoung, who kept a mute silence with his mouth shut, he eventually spoke, mixing in a serene laugh.

‘Ah… I remember now. Right, right. Mr. Seo Chiyoung. I’m sorry for not recognizing you sooner. My memory is really on the poor side.’

“I’m always forgetful, so I get scolded immensely by Junyoung, too,” he said, apologizing to Seo Chiyoung with a sorry face. Seo Chiyoung shook his head sheepishly.

‘But now I remember everything…. Probably. You spoke to me once back then, didn’t you? Right, that happened.’

He looked at Seo Chiyoung with a smile in his eyes. A voice that seemed to lower slightly continued as if apologizing.

‘I’m sorry. I’m a bit nonchalant and tend not to pay attention to others, so at the time, I lived without thinking about it at all; but for you, Mr. Chiyoung, you must have agonized a lot and spoken to me because you were desperate for a friend of the same kind. I failed to notice.’

When he said “I’m sorry” once more, Seo Chiyoung remained silent for a moment and then shook his head. “No, that’s not it,” he gave only a short answer.

At that time, because they were the same minority—because he was glad for that, Seo Chiyoung had spoken to him; that is what he was saying.

He hadn’t thought the man wouldn’t know. I like men too—that indirect confession had completely revealed Seo Chiyoung’s heart. Even at that time, though he had absolutely no interest in Seo Chiyoung, he must have noticed. Since he didn’t have a shred of interest, it had simply brushed past him.

Even now, having recalled the memory of that time, there was no way he hadn’t recalled Seo Chiyoung’s feelings along with it. He is an extraordinarily quick-witted and smart man. Likely through Seo Chiyoung’s attitude and words when treating him since their reunion, he must have also guessed that Seo Chiyoung still harbors those emotions at the bottom of his heart even now.

However, the words he had just spoken meant that he would only recall the facts revealed in the confession Seo Chiyoung made at that time, and pretend not to know the inner feelings contained within. That he would let the fact that Seo Chiyoung likes him remain non-existent in the reality seen on the surface.

Seo Chiyoung also had no complaints. He had no intention of speaking of his feelings or revealing them anyway. If it hadn’t been revealed in this way, he never would have spoken of the past to him anew.