A Survival Guide for a Counselor in the Apocalypse Chapter 85

Chapter 85

 

How much more must I lose? How much more must I give so that nothing is taken from me?

Everyone said this was how things were “supposed” to be. Supposed? Is the law of the world truly something that only takes everything away?

My child. My wife. My younger brother. My…

“…Open your eyes. Why… why is everyone playing tricks on me…? Why… none of this is funny. Not at all… not at all…”

My disciple, Ludwig.

I am not crying because I lost you, the center of this world. I am crying because I was robbed again. After losing everything and standing atop empty ruins reduced to ashes, I realized…

I hadn’t been robbed.

I had driven them away myself.

Helin… she loved me, so she died for my world. If she hadn’t loved me, she wouldn’t have had to die.

Anton… because I kept sheltering you forever. Because I suppressed your wish to inherit the name “Wolf.” If only I had taught you something… then maybe you wouldn’t have run off to prove yourself and come back as a corpse.

My younger brother. Reiner. Günter. Ronya. Gisela. I taught them that if they bore the name “Wolf,” they must give their lives for the Empire… for Hermadion.

I pushed them all to their deaths.

Ludwig.

“I closed my eyes.”

With wrinkled hands, I lifted the charred remains. It smelled like ashes. That smell wasn’t from the child’s remains.

It was me.

Again, it was me.

The smell came from me.

The stench of a colossal failure.

“I turned my back on you first. So you… turned your back on me as well, didn’t you, Lud… I pretended not to notice.”

I left you to die.

The rot comes from me.

“…With that empty excuse that you had to save this world.”

I remembered Ludwig as a small child.

A fragile child who knew nothing.

Now that the child lay in my arms as ashes.

Still small. Still young.

Still…

Yes.

I looked away.

After losing Helin, after losing Anton, after losing all my family, what remained was nothing but stubbornness.

The desire to end this apocalypse quickly, so I wouldn’t lose anything else.

“They said… You were a hero.”

With those words of praise, I abandoned you.

You must have been alone.

“I… I…”

Because I left you alone.

Because I made you carry everything alone.

So…

Voices of children echoed in my mind.

 

“Master, really? I can stand on the battlefield with you?”

 

“I want to be like you, Master. Because you’re the coolest adult I know!”

 

“Father, I’m a ‘Wolf’ too. How long, how long must I wait?! Ludwig and Johanna are already ahead… why only me?! Why only me?!”

 

“Ludwig!!”

 

“Master… when this is over… will it really all end? Sometimes I think… this is all just a play.”

 

“He’s struggling. Couldn’t you just comfort him once?”

 

Their voices circled my head.

 

“Don’t speak weakly!”

 

“Are you the same as Johanna or Ludwig? Look at their physiques! Stop talking nonsense and study!”

 

“Try harder. Harder!”

 

“Comfort him? With that weak mindset? Who will comfort you on the battlefield?! Johanna, you weakling… get a grip! You must stand firm so Ludwig can–!”

 

My own words echoed back at me.

Everything was dizzying.

Everything was original sin.

Everything. Truly everything.

“I… killed you. Not the world… I killed you… Yes, I… I killed all of you…”

He called Ludwig forth with Broken’s Oath… but Ludwig refused to the very end and entered eternal rest.

Even with Broken’s Oath…

He was unbearably lonely.

Utterly alone.

Perhaps that was because of how he had lived.

Because he treated others the way he treated himself.

Because he forced his stubbornness onto others.

 

So…

 

So…

 

“That’s why… You don’t want to see me again… right? You don’t want to face this old man who has nothing left but stubbornness…”

I lived a life that could only end in loneliness.

I isolated myself.

“…Because not a single moment had I ever escaped from Helin.”

I never moved on from the day she died.

I kept living there.

That alone was enough to make me forever alone.

Because I chose to live inside that small space.

No one else… me.

After losing everything, only pure obsession remained.

Remembering you.

Recording you.

And this “my story,” which still carries proof of Helin.

“…I cannot pass it on.”

I cannot hand it over to those who caused the apocalypse.

 

My story… the story that remembers you… must not be sold cheaply.

 

It must not be replicated into just another tragic tale.

I know. There are countless tragedies like this in the world.

That is why…

I want it remembered with meaning.

So I repeat it over and over again.

That is how I fill my days.

For you… or rather, for selfish me.

This is the only way to keep it from being sold off.

Isn’t it?

 

Muyeong.

 

***

 

— 

[The erosion rate has reached a dangerous level.]

[You are being consumed…]

[Be careful not to lose your way within the story.]

—

 

Suddenly, it felt like I was dragged out of the water.

All emotions distanced themselves.

A gasp escaped…

Though not physically.

Because this is only my consciousness.

“…Fuck.”

I let out a breath.

From here on, it was familiar.

He met me. He taught me.

My master hesitated slightly at taking on another disciple, but in the end, he opened the door to my hospital room.

I remembered.

I replayed everything.

I couldn’t leave empty-handed.

I recalled Helin’s words.

 

— 

[‘Trait: Core’ reacts to ‘Trait: Magical Talent’.]

[Required level is too high.]

[‘Trait: Magical Talent’ qualification revoked.]

—

 

I didn’t need anything else.

 

—

[‘Skill: Intermediate Dagger Technique’ reacts to ‘Trait: Swordsmanship Talent’.]

[Required level is too high.]

[‘Trait: Swordsmanship Talent’ qualification revoked.]

—

 

This wasn’t what I wanted.

 

—

[‘Trait: One Who Walks the Defined Path’ reacts to ‘Skill: Long-Term Memory’.]

[A faint sprout emerges.]

—

 

My goal is only one.

“To obtain Broken’s Oath, you must understand death. You must lose something most precious and desperately wish to bring it back. Only by understanding that can you find it.”

I understand.

Losing something precious.

The desperate desire to bring it back.

Before this story ends, I repeat it dozens of times.

What is precious to me.

What I have lost.

What I… stabbed with my own hands.

My second master.

 

Leon Wolf.

 

I want to see you again.

There is still more I must learn from you.

Still more, I must hear from you.

I don’t want to lose you like this.

I haven’t properly inherited anything from you.

The few days we spent together were too short.

With my dull mind, I couldn’t learn anything.

So…

Just once more.

Even if calling you again tears me apart.

Just one last time.

Before your final memory arrives…

Let me awaken here.

So I can save your world.

So you can reign here once more as yourself.

“I’m searching.”

For you… who reigned as a veteran… who lived as the steadfast wolf of the snowy mountains.

Because everyone is searching.

And I can’t endure without answering that call.

“You fool. If you keep that up, you’ll die.”

My hand grows hot.

 

—

[The narrator desires a skill of too high a level.]

[Whether that skill will choose you is uncertain.]

[Such skills are usually wielded by those of great talent. At that level, even skills choose their master.]

—

 

I know I’m untalented.

I know I’m nothing special.

I don’t even know why my master chose me.

But everything has already happened.

The die has been cast.

The blade has been drawn.

 

So…

 

—

[A faint sprout emerges.]

—

 

May none of this have been in vain.