Second Half Chapter 45

“So how did you get started then? You surely didn’t decide from the beginning, ‘Ah, I think I’ll be good at soccer, so I should play soccer.'”

“Me? The catalyst itself was simple, like you said. My parents sent me to a soccer academy without thinking much of it, but everyone around me kept saying I had talent until their mouths were dry, so I started in earnest.”

“You didn’t like soccer that much even then, but your parents forced you to do it?”

“No. When I was really young, I didn’t know anything, so I think I might have liked it because it was fun… I guess. I’m not sure. It was so long ago.”

He felt like they had shared a similar conversation when Aaron first transferred. Back then, he had approached it seriously as a captain looking after a new transfer, but actually having this kind of conversation with himself as the main subject made his whole body itch. It wasn’t like he was interviewing a fellow teammate.

Jerim intentionally glossed over his words and changed the subject.

“But why ask this out of the blue? Seeing the ocean made you want to have a sentimental conversation for no reason?”

“There’s that. And I’ve been curious since a long time ago.”

Aaron hesitated for a beat before speaking.

“With what kind of heart do you keep running. …You said that once you achieve a certain target, you’ll retire early without lingering regrets.”

✲✲✲

He remembered it being around the time not long after they started dating. It was a time when Jerim had also given up on going home for the sake of Aaron, who rarely went back even on weekends, and the two of them stayed behind in the empty dormitory, fooling around.

Jerim had abandoned his perfectly good room and invaded Aaron’s room right next door since the morning, lounging around all day. At that time, they had hardly made any progress with physical contact, so even while alone, they played quite wholesomely. They played games, read comic books, and went on dates disguised as exploring the neighborhood. Honestly, except for the dates, it was no different from hanging out normally with a friend his age.

When they returned to the dormitory after dinner, a documentary covering the life of some soccer player happened to be airing. He was once a world-class player everyone knew by name, but as he aged, his skill suddenly plummeted at some point; nevertheless, he didn’t retire or transfer, staying with the team until the end, only to be called a nuisance in his final years.

Watching the player, who was in his mid-thirties at the time, sitting on the bench and blankly watching the match, Jerim had muttered inadvertently.

‘I wonder if that person was happy in his final years?’

‘Even if he wasn’t happy, it must have had meaning for him. Because he loves soccer, wouldn’t he have wanted to run even a little longer somehow, even knowing his body wouldn’t follow his will anymore?’

At Aaron’s answer, Jerim tilted his head. Was it a meaningful thing to just watch players much younger than himself run while dwelling on past glory? Wasn’t it actually torture? Why choose to feel self-mutilation. Everyone around him would have just mocked him, calling him a nuisance and a weekly wage thief.

After a long agony, Jerim negated Aaron’s words.

‘I don’t know. Maybe he just couldn’t quit even if he wanted to for some reason. I don’t want to become like that.’

‘Then? What is the ending you want?’

‘…I want to decide for myself when it’s time to step down. Once I’ve achieved a certain goal, I’ll retire early before the aging curve hits. If possible, before thirty.’

The age of thirty was an abstract concept. It was because that was around the age when the majority of soccer players were said to have hit the aging curve. Even without setting thirty as a benchmark, he planned to retire without regret if he suffered a major injury or felt that his body wasn’t what it used to be.

Jerim did not want to show others the sight of him falling due to external factors he could not control. He didn’t love soccer enough to stubbornly keep playing as an active player like that.

That said, having come all the way to Spain to play soccer, it was unacceptable to quit without producing any results. Both for himself and from the perspective of others. Most of all, he didn’t have the face to see his mother, who had followed him all the way here for his sake.

Therefore, if he achieved a result everyone could acknowledge—for example, a massive goal like winning the Champions League—then that would be the time… wouldn’t that be the time that perfectly matched the “leaving while they’re clapping” in the saying?

Of course, the number of players who retire without ever achieving such a goal in their lifetime was far greater. He was pondering if he had set a goal too high for someone wanting to retire early when he turned toward Aaron at the sound of a dejected voice coming from beside him.

‘Why? I… want to play with you for a long time. I think soccer won’t even be fun without you now.’

Aaron, with a somewhat surprised expression, subtly took Jerim’s hand. He knew well how much Aaron staked his life on soccer, yet even hearing him say such weak words with that physique of his was just plain cute, so Jerim just ended up laughing.

‘Stop exaggerating. Hey, what if one of us transfers or something.’

‘…Can’t you just play soccer with me for a long, long time?’

‘I want to do that too, but realistically wouldn’t it be impossible? We’re both too young. We’re not even pros, just youth.’

Among youth players, the percentage of those who transition to pro and settle in their original club is minuscule. The young players who aren’t included in that tiny fraction transfer to other clubs, go on loan, or quit soccer as they become adults.

Furthermore, because of the Non-EU regulation in La Liga that effectively forces a 25-man squad to include only three non-European players, Jerim was in an uneasy position where he wasn’t even sure if he could make the leap to the first team here. No matter how well he did, if a spot didn’t open up in the squad, he would be forced to transfer. Recalling that fact, Jerim spoke to himself listlessly.

‘One day we might break up and become people who barely see each other’s faces during matches…’

‘…’

He gasped only after seeing Aaron’s expression distort as he blathered whatever came to mind. The realization that this wasn’t a conversation for a fresh couple who had been dating for only a few weeks hit him late. Jerim quickly tried to fix his words.

‘I’m just saying! Let’s not make too many forced assumptions. It’s sadder if things don’t turn out the way you thought.’

From the moment they had that conversation, Aaron consciously started making suggestions about designing their future together. The promise to lift the Big Ear together was also the result of Jerim eventually yielding after a year of persuasion and brainwashing.

…But he never expected that the wish he mentioned in passing about “wanting to retire early” would still be remembered and wondered about. Jerim aimlessly touched the corner of his mouth.

“…You really remember the most random things.”

“Because it was impressive. It’s not common to want to retire early, is it?”

“I heard you also considered retiring last season.”

“I was just thinking of adding a variation because life was tedious, but aren’t you seriously considering it?”

At that, Jerim nodded.

“Right, I’m going to retire fast. As soon as I lift the Big Ear, right after the contract period ends.”

When he was young, he worried if the Big Ear was too big a goal, but not anymore. With a bit of exaggeration, he could say it was at a level shimmering right before his eyes. It didn’t suit his personality to give up and retire when he could achieve it with just a little more running. His body was still performing reasonably well too.

Aaron narrowed his eyes as if dissatisfied again toward Jerim, who was readily affirming.

“Why?”

“I’ve earned as much as I need to, and there’s the saying to leave while they’re clapping. I’ve also more than sufficiently done my part for my parents…”

While the need to spend big money vanished after joining the Tabarona youth team with all sorts of support from the club, that didn’t mean his parents’ previous efforts and hardships became naught. That’s why, from the moment he started receiving a high weekly wage, Jerim focused on paying his parents back. Even if he couldn’t sacrifice the same way, he pridefully guaranteed that he had paid them back hundreds of times the money they had spent on him.

So if he’s done this much, even if he quits now, they won’t be able to stop him—that kind of calculation was implied as well. His father was the one who opposed his son moving to Spain at a young age, and as he relatively respected his son’s decisions, he wouldn’t make a fuss even if Jerim retired at an early age, but his mother…

‘Will she cry and scream and collapse again.’