To My First Love, With Regret (Libenia) Chapter 10

“I brought back a newly released book I borrowed from the Kingsbridge library. I already finished reading it on the train, but I can’t return it until after the holidays. I felt a little bad about lending out a brand-new book… but perhaps Lady Evelyn was destined to become its second reader.”

A book you begin without knowing anything about it.

To Eve, that felt thrilling.

Like boarding a ship without knowing where it would take you.

And more than that, it was a book from a university library.

The thought alone made her feel like a student already.

So Ethan Fairchild was a romantic too.

“I’ll lend it to you tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

Not the book. You.

Lady Evelyn, smiling so brilliantly it could make a person lose their mind, suddenly frowned.

“It’s too noisy in here. My throat’s starting to hurt.”

“Then perhaps we should—”

“Sit next to me.”

For a moment, Ethan thought he’d misheard her.

But after sliding farther into the booth, she even patted the seat he’d been sitting in earlier.

He’d heard correctly.

What was she planning?

If it had been any other woman, he would’ve assumed she was trying to seduce him.

But could the arrogant heiress of House Kentrell—a woman who’d probably sneer even at the title of queen in some minor kingdom—possibly desire the lighthouse keeper’s grandson?

The criminal’s son?

He pushed away those dangerous suspicions and sat beside her.

Only to be seized by even more dangerous impulses.

Lady Evelyn rested her chin against her pale hand and leaned toward him.

The table still left a handspan of distance between them—

But beneath it, her knee brushed against his thigh.

Close enough for him to smell not only her perfume, but the faint warmth of her skin itself.

The heat now spreading through the cheap leather seat beneath him—

That was her body heat.

The moment he realized it, hot blood rushed downward instantly.

“Ethan, I admire you.”

Naive young lady.

She didn’t realize she’d invited a beast to sit beside her instead of some innocent young man.

That was why she could lavish him with compliments so carelessly.

“I’ve always admired—and envied—people who refuse to stay trapped inside the boundaries they were born into. People who break down walls and step into the wider world.”

Hearing someone who possessed everything speak about envying others made her seem strangely different.

Not like an untouchable ruler seated upon some invisible throne—

But like an ordinary woman.

Lonely.

Fragile.

If they’d been drinking anything stronger than beer tonight, Ethan might’ve made a mistake.

He might’ve wrapped his arms around her.

Or done something worse.

The lipstick mark left on the rim of her glass kept tempting him toward disaster.

“Funny, isn’t it?” she murmured softly. “I’ve lived my whole life in comfort because of those rigid systems… and now I want freedom outside them.”

With difficulty, Ethan tore his gaze away from her glass and shook his head.

Lady Evelyn smiled sadly.

Like someone quietly breaking apart.

“I want to go to university too. But Father keeps telling me to get married.”

Get married.

He already knew they could never be together.

And logically, he understood that one day Eve would become another man’s wife.

But apparently, his heart wasn’t prepared for that reality.

Because merely imagining his first love marrying someone else twisted something painfully inside him.

“Honestly, his reasoning makes sense.” She lowered her gaze. “Once he’s gone… I’ll be alone.”

Alone.

Such a gentle word for the reality awaiting her.

What she swallowed instead of saying aloud was probably:

Stripped bare by my own blood relatives.

If you fall…

Will you fall from that dizzying height straight into my arms?

Seeking personal gain from another person’s unhappiness.

Maybe villainy truly did run through Ethan’s blood.

“There was no need to rush things this much, though,” he said quietly. “The duke’s health isn’t great, but… did the doctors give him some kind of death sentence?”

Gout.

Arthritis.

High blood pressure.

Diabetes.

Ethan had heard Duke Kentrell suffered from every aristocratic illness caused by excessive luxury and a complete lack of movement.

“Nothing like that,” Eve replied. “But his physician constantly warns him that if this continues, he could simply fall asleep one day and never wake up again. Father spends a fortune on treatment, yet nothing improves.”

At stake wasn’t merely the duke’s health.

It was his daughter’s future too.

The young lady looked like someone standing atop thin ice beside her overweight father.

“Ethan… I still want to marry for love.”

Back then, Ethan didn’t understand why she was confiding all this to him specifically.

He assumed she simply felt safe venting to someone outside the circle of men who interested her.

“University. Love…” Eve laughed bitterly. “Coming from someone like me, it probably sounds like childish whining from a spoiled rich girl, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all.” Ethan answered immediately. “I was starving, and I still dared to dream of those same things. Even now.”

For some reason, her mysterious eyes flickered brightly at his words.

“And if the woman you loved wanted to attend university,” she asked softly, “what would you do?”

“As her partner in life, I’d support her.”

“And help her?”

“Of course.”

“I’d like to believe you’re the kind of man who keeps his promises.”

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” Then he paused. “But there’s one thing I don’t understand.”

“What is it?”

“Why do you believe your education has to depend on your future husband?”

“…What else would it depend on?”

Eve looked genuinely confused.

He didn’t understand what I was implying?

I thought I was being painfully obvious…

Did I come on too strongly, so now he’s pretending not to notice and rejecting me politely?

Heat rushed into her cheeks.

She had no choice but to retreat.

“If you truly want to attend university,” Ethan said seriously, “then you should go immediately. Even if that means running away from home.”

Suggesting Princess Kentrell run away from home.

Ethan Fairchild was even crazier than Harry.

“You should become independent enough to stand on your own once the duke is gone. Then you can take your time and wait until you truly fall in love…”

So don’t marry yet.

That advice was shamelessly selfish.

Yet the naive young lady listened as though he were speaking absolute truth.

“To be honest,” she admitted, “I was already planning to run away and enroll.”

“What?”

Right.

The Sherwoods really were all insane.

Though Evelyn Sherwood was insane in a much better way.

“The portion of the inheritance meant for me is controlled by Father, so I can’t touch it. But he generously deposits spending money into my account. Of course, it’s nowhere near enough for four years of tuition—or even living expenses. And the moment I enroll without permission, he’ll obviously cut me off financially.”

She sighed and took another long sip of beer.

“So I’ve been slowly taking money from him under different excuses and transferring it into a separate account he doesn’t know about. But gathering enough to survive four years takes time. Meanwhile time keeps passing, my friends will all graduate soon, and I’m the only one still trapped here…”

Part of him pitied the young lady imprisoned inside a luxurious cage.

Another part of him felt something completely different.

She’s far bolder and more calculating than I thought.

Ethan fell even deeper in love with Evelyn Sherwood.

“That’s an excellent plan.” He leaned closer unconsciously. “May I help you?”

“Really?”

“I still have money left over from what the duke sends me.”

Left over—

Because Ethan only spent the bare minimum his pathetic pride would allow.

“I could give it to you.”

The moment he said it aloud, pretending it was merely practical assistance, he realized how ridiculous it sounded.

“Of course, it wouldn’t cover tuition. Probably not even supplies. But living expenses…” He laughed awkwardly. “Well, you obviously wouldn’t be able to live the way you’re used to. Though technically, it’s the duke’s money anyway, not mine, so you wouldn’t need to feel indebted to me.”

“I like the sound of ‘living together on shared money.’”

She smiled without correcting him.

This naive young lady truly didn’t understand how dangerously intimate her words sounded.

“Then maybe we should do exactly that,” she continued brightly. “If I could earn a full scholarship like you did, I wouldn’t need to worry about tuition at all.”

“There are plenty of scholarships outside the university too.”

Nobody understood scholarships better than a poor student.

Not only did Ethan enthusiastically explain every scholarship he knew about and their application requirements, he even promised—without her asking—to personally help her apply.

And not merely because it was a rare opportunity to repay the kindness and debts he owed her.

If you start depending on me…

Then we’ll be able to see each other often.

And nights like this will become normal.

Ethan was a greedy beast.

Lady Evelyn listened intently, her mysterious eyes shining brightly.

Then she opened the cigarette pack lying on the table.

She pulled out two cigarettes and placed both between her lips at once.

Ethan froze.

“Are you trying to die before you even make it into university?”

Making plans for a bright future while simultaneously flooring the accelerator toward death.

Even Henry Sherwood Jr.—the craziest man Ethan knew—didn’t smoke two cigarettes at once.

Narrowing his eyes, he watched as she tilted her head toward the matchbox impatiently.

Demanding fire.

What choice did he have?

He obeyed.

Drawing in a breath, she lit both cigarettes at once, and hope flickered through the gaze she turned toward him.

What exactly was she planning?

The moment both cigarettes caught fire, Lady Evelyn did something Ethan absolutely could not interpret as a joke.

Holding one cigarette delicately between her fingers—

She offered it to him.