To My First Love, With Regret (Libenia) – Chapter 11

Author: Piki

“What was she trying to do?”

On the tip of the cigarette Ethan was supposed to take between his lips remained a vivid crimson lipstick stain.

A gentleman should have refused.

But Ethan Fairchild was already a beast.

Keeping his eyes fixed on the woman deliberately dragging him into this dangerous game, he slowly lowered his head—careful, almost like approaching a temperamental cat—and took the cigarette from between her slender fingers.

The imprint of lips he wasn’t allowed to desire clung to him.

He had never once blushed while enduring the insults of nobles, yet this incomprehensible act from the young lady sent heat racing through his entire body.

Ethan dragged his tongue across the tip of the cigarette, damp with saliva he wasn’t permitted to taste.

And together with desire, another hunger grew stronger—

The need to understand this woman.

*Did she do this knowing I’d take it as seduction?*

*Did she behave this way with other men too?*

*…And if she did, had she kissed them as well?*

The moment the thought surfaced, a violent disgust twisted inside him.

He bit down on the cigarette tip he’d previously barely dared touch with his lips and asked sharply,

“Do you always share cigarettes like this?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” she replied lazily. “Only you and Becky know this secret.”

She was the one who’d robbed him of his sanity so thoroughly he’d forgotten her own words from moments ago—

And now she was teasing him for losing his mind.

The woman lifted the cigarette to her lips again before slowly pulling it away.

Her crimson lips never fully closed around it.

Because of that, Ethan could clearly see her wet tongue playing with the dry smoke gathered in her mouth.

He suddenly wanted to tangle with that tongue just as desperately.

To cling to it so tightly they could never be separated again.

Ethan was the type of man who, once he wanted something, couldn’t bear delaying gratification.

If it involved kissing the woman he’d desired his entire life, he absolutely possessed enough recklessness to latch onto her like a rabid dog and never let go.

And yet—

He restrained himself.

Not because he lacked permission.

That direct, provocative gaze was permission itself.

This far-from-innocent young lady understood perfectly well what she was doing.

*Kiss me if you dare.*

Fine.

Suppose I do.

What happens afterward?

*Will you wipe away the mark left behind by a beast like me and return to your silk-hatted gentlemen?*

*Will you ruin me forever and walk away without looking back?*

If she had been a woman cast down from the top of society to the bottom, perhaps things would’ve been different.

But Princess Kentrell could not possibly be serious about a commoner who possessed nothing except admission to a prestigious university—

And who was also the son of a criminal.

More than anyone, Ethan wanted to believe Lady Evelyn truly meant something by all this.

But her seduction felt too effortless.

Too playful.

And Ethan Fairchild had long passed the age where he could still believe aristocrats saw him as an equal human being.

Of course, he knew that for someone as insignificant as himself, becoming the princess’s lover—

No, even becoming a fleeting affair or a one-night companion—

Would already be an honor far beyond his station.

But Ethan was, by nature, a rebel.

A man incapable of remaining within the boundaries assigned to him.

A man who always reached for things beyond his rank.

He didn’t want a single moment of Evelyn Sherwood.

He wanted her entire life.

*If I answer this reckless game started by an aristocratic girl intoxicated by a passing impulse…*

*There’ll be nothing left of me except ashes.*

*Do the siblings share the same rotten blood after all?*

*Am I merely a toy to both of them?*

*If not… then show me what you truly intend.*

Ethan crushed the cigarette into the ashtray without hesitation, barely smoking it at all—only absorbing the trace of her lips upon it—and stood abruptly.

“Let’s go.”

Eve didn’t climb onto the motorcycle.

“Let’s walk for a bit.”

Murmuring something about needing to air out the smell of smoke from her clothes, she crossed the road before Ethan could answer and headed toward the beach.

A woman alone at this hour.

Any man with basic decency would escort her.

Ignoring the promenade running past the hotel restaurants, she chose the narrow wooden pier stretching out into the sea instead.

The path was dark, illuminated only by lamps spaced every few yards apart.

They were alone.

And apparently, Eve wasn’t the only one burning.

Ethan walked beside her with both hands shoved deep into his pockets.

But from the moment they’d left the pub, he hadn’t spoken a single word.

His gaze remained fixed on the ground.

As though trapped in his own thoughts.

*Ethan… what are you thinking?*

Now that she understood her own feelings, it was his turn to reveal his.

They had already spoken enough tonight.

She didn’t want to drag this out any longer.

That was why she’d given him the most obvious opportunity imaginable to kiss her.

“Do you always share cigarettes like this?”

Yet instead of reaching for her lips, he’d only seemed angered before standing up first.

For the first time in her life, Evelyn Sherwood had been rejected by a man.

Her pride wasn’t wounded.

She simply didn’t understand.

*He doesn’t like me? Impossible.*

The boardwalk ended in the middle of the sea.

Eve leaned against the railing, and Ethan stopped beside her.

His eyes rested on the lighthouse atop the distant cliff, still faithfully illuminating the black ocean tonight.

He wasn’t looking at another woman.

And yet she disliked it anyway.

*Why are you pretending not to notice my feelings?*

*Is there someone else?*

According to etiquette, she should have asked whether he already had a woman in his life first.

But she didn’t bother.

Even if there was, that woman would become the past eventually.

At least, that had always been Evelyn’s confidence.

Now, however, she wasn’t so certain.

“Ethan,” she asked casually, “boys and girls study together at university, right?”

“Yes.”

“And people fall in love there?”

“That happens.”

“And you?”

Only then did Ethan glance sideways at the woman who’d been provoking him all evening.

*Which one of us is going to explode first…*

“Of course I dated.”

*A direct hit.*

“Quite often.”

Ethan clearly saw the corner of her mouth tremble for the first time.

Until now, it had been held steady by pride alone.

The needle inside the device called Evelyn Sherwood—which had been wavering wildly between *serious* and *playful* like a reed caught in a storm—finally began tilting toward one side.

“You asked them out?”

“No. Women always approached me first.”

*So I wasn’t the first.*

Now she had to accept it.

Her pride was definitely wounded.

There was no fixing that now—

Unless she became Ethan’s first in every other way.

Her Highness clenched her teeth in humiliation.

A woman who’d always been worshipped like the only flower in the world suddenly felt reduced to the level of ordinary women.

But this extraordinary young lady didn’t react the way ordinary women would.

With one hand, she grabbed the back of his neck, pulled him toward her, and rose onto her toes.

Ethan gasped in shock at his unbelievable luck—

And Lady Evelyn pressed her lips against his.

The kiss was soft.

And furious.

Because even after brushing her lips against his and pulling away, she continued glaring at him with wide, blazing eyes.

“Did you do this with those women too?”

Ethan slowly licked his lips, still holding onto her sweetness.

It was the sweetest jealousy in the world.

His heart pounded wildly, forgetting pride entirely, urging every part of his body toward her.

But what if running down this road only led to falling off a cliff?

Suppressing the impulse, Ethan met Lady Evelyn’s furious gaze with equal intensity.

“You just stole my first kiss.”

Triumph flashed through her mysterious, jealousy-lit eyes.

The delight of victory.

But it lasted only a moment.

“Stole?” she snapped immediately. “I gave you *my* first kiss.”

Now it was Ethan’s eyes that filled with stunned joy—

But she refused to let him savor it.

Having kissed him first only to be called a thief in return was enough to enrage anyone.

She turned sharply and began walking away as though nothing had happened between them.

“Lady Evelyn.”

She didn’t stop.

“Eve!”

At that, she froze.

“The fact that my position is worthless,” Ethan said hoarsely, “and my pride means nothing… doesn’t mean my love is some toy you can play with and throw away.”

He meant every word.

“But if this is just a game of fire to you…”

Her true feelings still remained impossible to read.

Ignoring the frantic screaming of his own heart, Ethan forced himself to say the words he least wanted to speak.

“Then please leave.”

“And let’s never see each other again.”

Eve didn’t continue walking.

She spun around abruptly.

Her eyes, blazing with both fury and passion, glistened with moisture.

“A game?” she shot back. “I don’t have enough spare time in my life to gamble everything on a game of fire.”

*Gamble everything.*

She hadn’t confessed her suffering and plans to Ethan because he was merely a convenient listener.