How a Loan Shark Survives as an Actor Chapter 136

Chapter 136

 

“Meaningless. It’s all meaningless.”

As soon as Han Gosu got home, she turned on the TV and let out a sigh.

As a die-hard fan of Yoo Seulho, she thought award ceremonies like the Acting Awards were ultimately pointless.

Then someone would probably ask this.

Then don’t watch it. If it’s so pointless, why are you watching?

“Because I can’t, that’s why I’m sitting here….”

Han Gosu muttered self-deprecatingly.

How am I supposed not to watch when my actor is going to be on it, you idiots?

“I hope Seulho wins an award.”

Han Gosu placed her laptop in front of the TV.

She opened the live broadcast on the laptop as well and pressed the record button.

That way, she’d be able to crop the footage immediately and upload it with a post.

“Hup.”

After setting up all her equipment, she opened the chatroom with her fellow fangirl.

 

—Hey, don’t you think he’s actually got a chance this year?

—(Me) Nah. Don’t get your hopes up.

—(Me) If you don’t expect anything, it’ll feel freaking amazing when he wins.^^

—Feels like you’re the one who’s expecting it more than I am…

 

While chatting with her friend, the commercial break came to an end before she knew it.

“That commercial sure was long.”

But honestly, who even watches the Acting Awards these days?

Sure, there had once been a time when the ratings reached 40%.

But that was ancient history.

Nowadays, unless you were a fan of an actor, you didn’t bother watching the live broadcast.

‘Nobody even cares about the clips uploaded to YouTube anymore.’

To begin with, the general public wasn’t particularly interested in who won.

It didn’t help that actors everyone assumed would obviously receive awards sometimes ended up empty-handed.

‘It’s all rigged among themselves anyway.’

Their own interests mattered more than what people thought.

Hmph.

Broadcasting stations really weren’t likable.

Despite all her complaints, Han Gosu remained glued to the TV.

Her favorite actor was being held hostage there, leaving her with no choice.

 

[“The actors who made us cry, laugh, and lose sleep throughout the year have all gathered here tonight.”]

[“Let’s find out who’ll be taking home the honor this year!”]

 

The hosts, dressed in tuxedos and evening gowns, began chatting on screen.

Han Gosu stared lifelessly through their boring conversation that she couldn’t care less about.

Her expression only changed twelve minutes later.

‘Ah! It’s Seulho!’

Yoo Seulho appeared on camera, sitting in his seat with a relaxed smile.

Watching him attentively listen to the MC while politely applauding was so mesmerizing that Han Gosu’s mind instantly went blank.

 

—Holy crap, did they install a spotlight just for him? He’s glowing by himself.

—Even the way he’s sitting is perfect.

—(Me) Stop exaggerating.;

—(Me) Can’t you see our Seulho’s in the middle of a photoshoot?;;

—You’re the one exaggerating, you psycho.

 

It had been a while since she’d seen Yoo Seulho wearing a suit.

It was beautiful.

No… the word beautiful wasn’t enough to describe how she felt.

‘This is exactly why I watch award shows.’

Male actors wore suits often enough during press conferences.

But the suits they wore to award ceremonies felt different.

Because of the occasion, they dressed in proper formal attire, and that alone made it enjoyable to watch.

“Ahh.”

Without realizing it, Han Gosu let out the kind of appreciative sound an old man would make.

Several awards she couldn’t care less about passed by.

Only after another forty-five minutes did the moment she’d been waiting for finally arrive.

 

[“Next, it’s time to honor the actors whose powerful presence elevated every production they appeared in.”]

[“These are the performers whose supporting roles sometimes became even more talked about than the leads! Let’s first announce the nominees for the Excellence Award!”]

 

As soon as the MC finished speaking, highlight clips of each nominee’s performance began playing.

Yoo Seulho appeared third.

Scenes from the drama he’d starred in earlier that year filled the screen.

 

[“You’re still not dead?”]

 

The TV was filled with an incredible performance unlike anything Yoo Seulho had ever shown before.

Watching him beat up his younger brother like some neighborhood thug and flirt shamelessly with his brother’s girlfriend still made him look like complete trash.

‘Isn’t it obvious Seulho should win?’

Even putting aside her bias as a fan, that was honestly how she felt.

She simply couldn’t imagine anyone else deserving the award more than Yoo Seulho.

And just as she’d expected, the presenter unfolded the card inside the envelope and announced,

 

[“Congratulations. Yoo Seulho from Our Space!”]

 

“Huh…”

Han Gosu’s mouth fell open.

Her friend was flooding the chat with messages at incredible speed, but she was too shocked to respond.

‘Wow… he actually won.’

Sure, she’d kept saying he deserved it.

But she’d never actually believed he’d win.

It had been a long time since Yoo Seulho had last received an award, so she’d deliberately kept her expectations low.

“So the broadcasting station people do have a conscience after all.”

As soon as his name was called, Yoo Seulho sat there blankly for about three seconds before finally standing up.

From the steady steps he took toward the stage to the respectful way he accepted the trophy with both hands, everything he did was impeccably polite.

Standing before the microphone, he calmly thanked the production staff and his fellow actors.

 

—Huh? Is Seulho not feeling well? He feels different from usual??

—(Me) ㅠㅠ Is he not feeling well…?

 

Han Gosu anxiously chatted with her friend.

He was definitely different from his usual self.

It wasn’t that he was always grinning ear to ear before, but…

At the very least, he’d always smiled.

‘What if people misunderstand?’

He’d just won an award.

If he acted that emotionless…

…Huh?

“…Holy…”

Han Gosu clamped both hands over her mouth.

Because of what Yoo Seulho did next.

He was crying.

 

[“Ahem… I-I’m sorry.”]

 

Yoo Seulho, who had been thanking everyone with a calm, expressionless face, suddenly frowned slightly.

At the same moment, the tears he’d been desperately holding back spilled down all at once.

He apologized in embarrassment, but once the tears started, they refused to stop.

 

[“Ah… I’m sorry. I…”]

 

Only then did Han Gosu realize.

Yoo Seulho had been desperately suppressing the emotions surging inside him.

He’d forced himself to maintain a blank expression.

She wasn’t the only one who was shocked.

The expressions of the other celebrities caught on camera were equally filled with surprise.

‘Have I ever seen Seulho cry before?’

No.

Not once.

Neither ordinary viewers who weren’t particularly interested in Yoo Seulho nor even his fans had ever seen it.

Despite having debuted twenty years earlier, there had never been a single movie or drama in which Yoo Seulho cried.

The reason was simple.

He’d been too bad at acting.

‘How could anyone ask someone who couldn’t even stand still naturally to perform a crying scene?’

It had been far too long since PDs and directors had begun treating him like dead weight.

Things only got worse after he became known as “DeadweightYoo.”

Yoo Seulho, who only ever spoke a few meaningless lines in his projects, spent his life outside of them smiling brightly at everyone.

That was why his public image had become that of a thoughtless, immature nuisance.

The moment he suddenly broke into tears, not only Han Gosu’s heart but the entire award venue fell into an uproar.

 

[“I just… sincerely want to thank my fans.”]

 

Yoo Seulho desperately tried to stop crying.

It was obvious he was doing everything he could to calm himself down.

Yet this award had moved him so deeply that the tears simply wouldn’t stop.

‘Even the way he cries is beautiful…’

Han Gosu felt like her heart was breaking.

And yet, she couldn’t stop looking.

If she’d sensed even the slightest hint that Yoo Seulho was conscious of how he’d appear on camera, all her emotions would’ve disappeared instantly.

But the way those jewel-like tears rolled down one after another carried not the slightest trace of artificiality.

There was something deeply moving about it.

 

[“It’s not easy to keep loving someone consistently. So I really wanted to say thank you to all the fans who chose to walk that difficult path with me.”]

 

Sniffling slightly, Yoo Seulho roughly wiped away his tears.

He looked like a man embarrassed that he’d cried.

Even in the middle of all this, Han Gosu found him adorable.

Because of that, she completely failed to notice one important thing.

He had only thanked the production staff, his fellow actors, and his fans.

It wasn’t until much later that she finally realized,

“Oh… he didn’t mention his parents this time.”

Even then, she immediately dismissed the thought.

‘He must’ve just been too overwhelmed from crying.’

His tears had left that powerful an impression.

 

[“I’ve kept a diary ever since I was little. I recently read through it again for the first time in a long while.”]

 

Having calmed down a little, he continued speaking quietly.

 

[“This is what elementary school me had written.”]

 

What came next was something Han Gosu had never expected.

 

[“The more I act, the more it feels like I’m sinking into a swamp. I’m so scared of going to the filming set tomorrow.”]

 

“…”

Han Gosu was so stunned she couldn’t react at all.

She had liked Yoo Seulho for a very long time.

Yet this was the first time he’d ever shared something so personal.

The boy who always smiled so brightly had been carrying thoughts like these all along…

He’d even written them in his diary when he was in elementary school.

 

[“Knowing how many people desperately wanted to stand where I am now… I wanted to do better. But… it wasn’t as easy as I wanted it to be.”]

 

Even so, Yoo Seulho never denied that he was a nepo baby celebrity.

Carefully adjusting his tone so it wouldn’t sound like self-pity, he simply spoke honestly about his past.

Perhaps it was because Han Gosu was his fan.

But all she could hear in his sincere confession was the burden he’d carried in the past.

The pressure borne by a boy who couldn’t accomplish what had been expected of him.

Of course, there would always be people saying,

“Then why was he so greedy if he couldn’t do it?”

But as long as Yoo Seulho’s past existed, those were words he’d have to live with for the rest of his life.

 

[“There’s something I’d like to say to my younger self.”]

 

His eyes were still moist from the tears he’d just shed.

The stage lights reflected off them, making them sparkle like gemstones.

[“Seulho… because you struggled that much… I get to enjoy acting now. Thank you.”]

The corners of his lips slowly curled upward.

Finally…

He smiled brightly.

It was the Yoo Seulho everyone knew.