How a Loan Shark Survives as an Actor – Chapter 79

Author: Cireng

Chapter 79

Family.

A group bound together through shared livelihood and residence, forming a communal bond.

Though every country has something similar, in Korea, ‘family affection’ is especially important.

After all, the foundation of society itself is rooted in Confucian culture, and history is no different.

Generation after generation survived war and poverty with the belief that “Families must stick together to survive.”

A country where it’s considered natural to spend holidays, those few precious days each year, with relatives.

A magical word used to justify individual sacrifice for the collective.

That is what “family” means in Korea.

“Personally…”

In response to my question about what family meant, Choo Seomok hesitated for a long time.

“…I don’t know.”

That answer didn’t suit him.

Even when he didn’t know something, he always reported clearly and concisely.

If he truly didn’t know, he’d usually say, “I’ll confirm it and report back.”

If he answered like this, then he genuinely didn’t know.

“It’s a difficult question.”

“What do you think, Mr. Seulho?”

“I think it’s the ultimate contradiction.”

I answered calmly.

I’d been thinking about this ever since my loan shark days, so the words came easily.

“When I was younger, I thought I didn’t need it at all. I truly believed I could live just fine without it, and I thought my life itself proved that.”

Of course, it wasn’t exactly an admirable life.

Lending money so crazy bastards could do even crazier things… how could that be a respectable life?

Even so, there were times I thought,

‘This is enough.’

When I made sure the kids in my organization never went hungry.

When I somehow found solutions to crises and protected the company.

There were many nights I fell asleep feeling proud that I’d protected my people.

“So while living day by day, I’d often scoff and think, ‘See? I don’t need family.’ But after repeating that to myself for decades…”

Wasn’t that proof that I wasn’t actually fine?

The fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about it meant I needed it after all.

“When I realized that contradiction, I suddenly felt empty. I’d worked so hard to live well, only to spend my whole life chasing something I could never have.”

What use was earning tens of billions?

Family wasn’t something money could buy.

The thought that there was something beyond my control made me furious.

“Do you want a family?”

Seomok asked.

I nodded.

“Yeah.”

I wanted to cynically say I didn’t need such things.

But at my age, what was the point of clinging to pride?

Accepting it honestly was easier.

I’d certainly lived well without family.

But I still wanted one.

And I had to accept that I might never have one.

‘Once you do, things become clearer.’

You learn what you can and cannot do.

And giving up becomes easier.

Instead of wasting time agonizing, you realize it’s more profitable to make more money.

“But you do have family, Mr. Seulho.”

“You mean the mother I just called ‘you’?”

I chuckled.

‘Of course they’re family.’

But appearing on a family register didn’t automatically make someone your true family.

What difference was there between me, who grew up alone on the streets, and Yoo Seulho, who grew up as the only son in a wealthy family?

‘Seulho might’ve had it harder.’

It’s better to be lonely because no one’s around.

Being lonely while surrounded by people is miserable.

Worse, you have to wonder whether you’re even allowed to feel lonely when you’re not technically alone, and end up doubting your own emotions.

‘What’s the point of writing your diary so calmly?’

Yoo Seulho’s neat sentences were full of sorrow.

As for me, I only felt empty because I wanted a family.

I’d never felt grief over lacking one.

Maybe that’s why Yoo Seulho bothered me so much.

A twenty-five-year-old man I’d never met felt like a five-year-old child who didn’t even know how to cry properly.

“Do you have a bad relationship with your parents?”

“You heard that call. What kind of parents put someone on their grown son? Wanting to control him that badly is a sickness.”

“When you asked why she sent someone after you, what answer did she give?”

“She said it was because I didn’t reply to her texts.”

“……”

Seomok shut his mouth tightly, speechless.

‘Of course, that wasn’t the only reason.’

It was now certain that Reporter Kim Dongwoo was one of Lee Seulmyeong’s loyal lackeys.

But even so, she didn’t have to use him specifically.

‘How many better options were there?’

Countless people specialized in this kind of work.

More importantly, they’d never met me before, making them less suspicious.

But instead she deliberately used someone I’d already met.

Someone with a regular job.

‘Why would he be following me instead of working?’

Which meant following me ‘was’ his work.

And Kim Dongwoo was a reporter.

‘Meaning if he found anything strange, he had permission to turn it into an article.’

The answer was obvious.

‘In other words…’

At long last, Lee Seulmyeong had made Yoo Seulho her enemy.

I didn’t know how Yoo Taeho, who knew nothing about this, would react later.

But one thing was certain.

He wasn’t on Yoo Seulho’s side.

‘If you won’t be on our side, we’ll ruin you.’

That intent was why I’d gotten so angry earlier.

Couldn’t they just live like strangers?

“It’s strange. I want a family, yet I don’t consider people connected by blood to be family.”

“So the family you think of isn’t just blood relations.”

“Right. Some parents are better off not existing.”

Seomok obediently nodded.

Then, in a voice that genuinely didn’t understand, he asked,

“Then can’t you have a family someday too?”

“……”

“You could meet someone wonderful, get married, and have children. And even if you don’t, there are many forms of family.”

He was pointing out that I was wrong when I said I’d spend my life chasing something impossible.

I was so dumbfounded that I went silent.

Seomok continued gently.

“I don’t know what family is either. Before I was thrown out, I never had conflicts with mine. I don’t know what the future holds, but… they’ll probably never accept me again.”

His voice remained calm.

“But I’ll live just fine. If my family no longer wants to be my family, then I’ll simply find other people willing to become my family.”

“Where are you supposed to find people like that?”

He shrugged as if asking how he would know.

“You said yourself that family isn’t something money can buy. It’s not sold at supermarkets either, so all we can do is wait.”

If I simply continued cultivating my life and living well, perhaps I’d meet them someday.

‘That’s way too optimistic.’

Just as I felt myself rejecting such naive hope…

“I once had a conversation similar to this with Team Leader Ahn.”

“Team Leader Ahn?”

“Yes. He bought me alcohol right after I became an adult. I got a little… drunk and said something unnecessary.”

Seomok frowned, as if he’d rather not remember.

“What did you say?”

“I asked him when he was going to get married. I said he looked perfectly fine, so why wasn’t he dating and why did he only work?”

“…He didn’t hit you?”

I asked sincerely, but Seomok unexpectedly laughed.

“He isn’t the type to get angry over that. It merely added another embarrassing memory to my life.”

“Seriously. That’s fascinating.”

How drunk did you have to be for a newly adult twenty-year-old to become obsessed with marriage?

“But then he told me something.”

“What?”

“He said he was already fine because he had a family.”

“Family? Who? His parents?”

“No. He meant actor Lee Yeonjae.”

“Ha…”

I let out a disbelieving laugh.

I hadn’t expected Team Leader Ahn to be so sentimental.

‘Well, I suppose that can happen if you grow attached.’

He’d first met Lee Yeonjae when she was in elementary school.

He’d raised her until she turned thirty.

Who knew what kind of story had developed between them over all those years?

‘Still, it’s fascinating.’

How close did you have to become to introduce someone as your family?

‘Before work brought them together, they’d been complete strangers.’

The unexpected story gave me a lot to think about.

Looking at Team Leader Ahn’s case, I couldn’t know when or where I might find family.

‘Maybe Seomok’s right. Maybe it’s too soon to give up–’

The moment that thought surfaced, I felt awkward.

‘…This isn’t some shounen manga.’

We’d really been talking nonsense.

I got emotional for no reason.

‘Get a grip.’

Compared to some uncertain family I might never have no matter how hard I tried, money… which increased according to effort… was much more useful right now.

‘My whole body’s itching from embarrassment.’

The sentimental conversation had given me goosebumps.

“I hope what I said was helpf–”

“Yeah. Watch the road.”

I rudely interrupted him.

Guess I was hopeless when it came to being an adult.

***

“Seulho.”

The moment I opened the door, a soft voice greeted me.

“Noona, you’re early.”

“Yeah…! It’s my first time as a lead actress, so I’m really nervous.”

Bae Dain shivered.