Your Majesty, Dinner Is Ready. Chapter 134 - The Triple Offering Ritual

Chapter 134 — The Triple Offering Ritual

 

To present offerings to three Evil Gods simultaneously, meticulous preparation and careful timing were essential. One mistake could mean putting in far more effort than usual, only to receive nothing but complaints in return. Beginner cultists should never try to imitate this.

“Undead, take your assigned positions.”

I first directed the three undead to their proper places. At the center altar stood the odd-eyed cat beastman, intended for Lord Lidni, who only cared that an offering be unique.

At the left altar stood a handsome human whose appearance would surely satisfy Lord Su’eje, who favored beautiful offerings.

At the right altar stood a bull beastman with thick, hearty flesh, prepared for Lord Lriria, who delighted in offerings brimming with vitality.

“Abel, roast the undead on the right.”

“Understood.”

Abel set fire to the undead that would be offered to the Silent One. He used the expensive field ignition tool Sergius had prepared… a device shaped like a lizard’s head.

“Lord Lriria is surprisingly sensitive to the type and characteristics of fire. Meat roasted with flames from that exploration tool has a gentler flavor than ordinary fire.”

“…This feels strange. How long should I keep roasting it?”

“Cook it evenly until it’s completely black. Stop only when I give the signal.”

The cooking timer embedded in my right eye socket would kindly tell me the perfect moment.

[Don’t treat me like some convenient kitchen utensil. :<]

While Abel roasted the offering, I used Full Moon Executioner to remove the head from the offering meant for the Wise One. This time, however, I wouldn’t discard the head entirely. Its odd-colored eyes were too rare.

Pop.

I gently removed only the eyeballs and placed them atop the torso before bringing out my trump-card ingredient.

 

[Heart of an Elemental Kobold]

[The heart of a monster possessing multiple elemental attributes. Every three seconds, the elemental property emitted by the heart changes. The Wise One is showing intense interest!]

 

Normally, the heart of an Elemental Kobold was a valuable alchemical ingredient. But for the pursuit of “a unique flavor,” it was perfect. Every bite tasted different, making it one of Lord Lidni’s favorites.

I placed the odd-eyed beastman’s two eyes at the center of the torso and arranged seven kobold hearts around them.

‘I’ll leave this one for now…’

Next came the offering for the Exalted One. This one had required the most thought. Although I’d selected the most attractive outlaw available, he still wasn’t handsome enough to fully satisfy Lord Su’eje’s standards. Fortunately, as a professional cultist, I’d already prepared a solution for situations like this.

“Put this on.”

“…Ugh… ah…”

Like Rosalia always did, I covered only the undead’s mouth with a face mask. Leaving only the eyes exposed made him look considerably better. This was known as the “Masked Beauty” offering method… a technique used only when an offering fell slightly short of the beauty standard. 

Even then, something still felt lacking. So I applied bold black Northern Continent tribal war paint around his eyes.

Crackle.

Only then did Su’eje chuckle approvingly, declaring that he finally looked acceptable. Thankfully, he was the sort who appreciated sincere efforts to improve one’s appearance.

“Put this on as well.”

I also dressed the undead in a stylish formal suit Sergius had acquired. It was rather expensive clothing to consume in a single ritual.

But what did it matter? Standing beside me was the young master of House Brites, who practically had money rotting away.

“Put your hands in your pockets. Tilt your head slightly. Good.”

The preparation was complete.

The recipe prepared for Lord Su’eje: The Country Bumpkin Outlaw Who Tried Really Hard.

[The offering for the Gloomy Lord Lriria has been roasted to perfection!]

“Abel, you can stop now.”

Then Abel and I covered the offering with ingredients Lord Lriria especially enjoyed. Wide slabs of meat that radiated heat like molten lava… the flesh of a Volcano Troll.

“…What is this?”

“Volcano Troll meat.”

“…Is this legal?”

“Trolls have incredible regeneration. They frequently sell their flesh and blood to mages and alchemists.”

The molten troll meat completely enveloped the roasted body. The offering was finished.

Recipe for Lord Lriria: Well-Done Bull Beastman Volcano Troll Set Meal.

“What should I do next?”

“Freeze the offering on the center altar using this tool.”

I handed Abel an exploration-grade freezing sprayer.

Hissss…

Using the watering-can-like device, Abel froze the headless corpse, the mismatched eyes, and all seven Elemental Kobold hearts.

“That’s enough.”

When a thin layer of frost had formed over everything, I stopped him.

“This one’s finished too.”

Recipe for Lord Lidni: Eyeball and Heart Sherbet.

“…Whew.”

After bustling around nonstop, everything was finally ready.

I stood still for a moment to catch my breath before walking to the very center between the three altars.

“O Great Divine Beings who cherish and love this Karr…”

Touching each offering in turn, I carefully recited the prayers, making sure my heartfelt devotion reached all three Evil Gods.

I was especially careful not to omit even a single word from the prayer dedicated to the notoriously demanding Silent One.

“…Isn’t it admirable that someone as intelligent, beautiful, and fond of solitude as I am exists?”

Reciting the especially adorable prayer I’d added myself, I stepped backward.

“O Evil Gods…”

Please enjoy yourselves to your hearts’ content.

“The meal is ready.”

Caw!

Crackle!

Fwoooosh—!

Symbols belonging to three different Evil Gods extended toward the offerings… from my right eye, from my collarbone, and from my left arm.

Cawww!

As always, the blind crow enthusiastically devoured its meal.

Crackle!

Black lightning consumed the carefully beautified offering whole.

Meanwhile, the serpent that dissolved into mist diligently transformed Lord Lriria’s plentiful offering into vapor and absorbed it.

‘It worked…’

Watching the offerings vanish in an instant, an overwhelming sense of fulfillment washed through my body.

My soul advanced to a higher level.

At last, I had become a Level 5 Cultist.

My stats had probably granted me another +3 Vitality. I’d thrown myself into battle all the harder for exactly that reason.

【Kar, my child!】

【Pretty oneee!】

【K… Kar…】

Soon, the voices of the three great divine beings echoed through my mind simultaneously.

A chorus of overwhelming, weighty voices so powerful they nearly ignored even the effects of Radiant Faith, which normally made communication with Evil Gods much easier.

“Patron…!”

I staggered in place. Abel immediately rushed over to support me, and with his help I barely managed to kneel on one knee.

Holding my throbbing head, I spoke.

“…Please lower your voices a little. This pitiful half-elf, as delicate as his appearance, is so fragile that merely your overwhelming presence nearly blows him away.”

【Did you hear that? You two tagalongs, shut up.】

【This moldy old geezer’s acting up again!】

【Y-you shut up first, Lidni…】

The desperate plea of a mere cultist had absolutely no effect.

Even as the splitting headache continued, I felt inwardly satisfied.

Naturally, Evil Gods ought to mercilessly ignore and trample upon the pleas of insignificant cultists.

【Hahaha! Pretty one, today’s offering was just a tiny bit disappointing, but I’ll overlook it because you’re so beautiful!】

【I liked mine, so bring me another one next time…】

【Silence! Do not interfere with my conversation with the child walking the path of Twisted Truth!】

【You’re nothing more than the wrapper used to package Pretty One’s magnificent knowledge, you old fossil!】

【Su’eje, you’re merely the supplier of ‘Sky Invader’ yourself…!】

They bickered endlessly. Rather than joining forces to reclaim their former glory, our great Evil Gods were far too busy quarreling with one another. 

Even after falling into complete ruin, they still behaved like this. No wonder they’d become such minor divinities.

After quietly listening to the commotion for a while, I gently spoke.

“Talking among yourselves is wonderful… But isn’t this supposed to be the time for me?”

Only after politely asking them to keep quiet did the noisy chatter finally subside.

Afraid they might have taken offense, I hurriedly added,

“I was a little disappointed that you didn’t understand how much I wanted to enjoy a private conversation with the great divine beings whom I revere and praise. But you’ve listened to me now. Thank you.”

Evil Gods were beings fundamentally incapable of consideration or compromise. They were creatures who could never truly be satisfied. Thus, every sentence spoken to them needed to contain an even balance of sincerity and flattery. Any exemplary cultist should always remember this fundamental principle of the faith.

【Our Pretty One felt lonely because we kept talking among ourselves! I’m sorry!】

As black lightning from the Exalted One swept across my face, Lidni hurriedly delivered his oracle.

【Kar, my child. Tell me what reward you desire. I’ll grant you a Mystery superior to anything those other two riffraff could offer!】

【I’ll give you something twice as good as anything that moldy old geezer can!】

【…I shall grant you a Mystery one hundred times greater than anything filthy Su’eje could provide!】

【At that point, wouldn’t it exceed the amount of divine power you actually possess?】

Unlike before, I simply listened quietly to their argument.

There was no reason to interrupt when they were competing over who could reward me more generously.

Like Lord Lriria, who quietly remained silent because his faith wasn’t yet strong enough to join the dispute, I patiently waited before speaking.

“I’ve just reached Level Five… So if possible… I’d like to receive Fifth-Tier Mysteries. Would that be possible?”

It was a request that sincerely expressed my wish… while also implying that they were free to refuse if it placed too great a burden upon them. Combined with the pitiful expression of a cultist accustomed to poverty, the True Believer trait, beloved by all Evil Gods, displayed its overwhelming influence.

As expected, their responses came immediately.

【Of course it is, my child!】

【I’ll empty out every last scrap of faith if I have to!】

“Really?”

Immediately returning to my usual expression, I named the Mysteries I desired.

“Then, from the Wise One… I ask for Hand That Grips the World.”

Hand That Grips the World. A Fifth-Tier Twisted Truth Mystery.

A form of telekinesis classified as an Abominable Sorcery.

“From the Exalted One… I ask for Rigid Crackle.”

Rigid Crackle. A Fifth-Tier Defiled Firmament Mystery.

It permanently infused one’s body with lightning and greatly strengthened resistance against mental attacks.

“And from the Silent One… I ask for [Life · Of · Rain].”

[Life · Of · Rain.] The large-scale healing Mystery that the future Lord Lriria had used in the Nightmare World.

Originally, it was a Ninth-Tier Mystery, but due to Lord Lriria’s adorably meager divine power, it had become a growth-type Mystery beginning from Tier One.

“Is it truly possible?”

When I asked once more, the voices of the two Evil Gods who had seemed ready to sacrifice even their divine presence became much calmer.

【Ahem… Very well. I’ll have to live in poverty for a while.】

【It’s a request from our Pretty One, so of course it’s fine!】

【I-I wasn’t capable of granting powerful Mysteries in the first place…】

Not long afterward, pain erupted from three places simultaneously.

My right thumb. Near my collarbone. The head of the serpent tattoo.

Three different Mysteries settled into my body at once.

【My faith reserves have been completely exhausted… I’ll recover my strength for a while.】

【Next time you sunbathe, make sure to take off your pants too!】

【I’ve been thinking very carefully… The ignition tool you used today didn’t produce quite the right smoky flavor…】

Then, the overwhelming presence of the Evil Gods that had been pounding inside my head faded away all at once.

Even after that, it took quite some time before my headache finally subsided.

“Abel. It’s all over. Good work.”

As Abel helped me back to my feet, rapid footsteps echoed through the basement.

Marlin came running downstairs.

“The ritual just ended, right?”

She wore a smug expression and puffed-out posture. It was obvious she wanted to show something off.

I pondered briefly before quickly arriving at the answer.

“It seems you’ve obtained Heaven’s Ear from the Record Stone.”

“Huh? How did you know? You’re right!”

Pointing proudly at her tiger ears, which looked no different than usual… Marlin declared triumphantly,

“I can eavesdrop on every sound around me now!”

“I didn’t know spying was your hobby. Do you want to worship the Rainbow Spy of the Murky Rainbow?”

“I do not!”

Marlin immediately walked over and poked me in the side.

“I thought long and hard about what kind of explorer I wanted to become. You said it yourself, Kar. Thieves specialize in miscellaneous tricks.”

The future extraordinary thief smiled brightly. Not a trace remained of the scruffy girl I’d first met.

“I’ve decided! I’m going to become an all-purpose super-sensory thief! I’ll detect every kind of danger ahead of time and warn everyone!”

It was a childish ambition. Perhaps a little naive. But it was also unmistakably the dream of a child.

For the first time in a while, a genuine smile naturally escaped me.

I placed my hand atop Marlin’s head.

“Then I’ll have to support you with everything I’ve got.”

With my help, it was a dream she could absolutely achieve.

“Tomorrow. We’ll go meet an expert in using Heaven’s Ear.”