Paper Friendship Chapter 18

If… even if I break up with Joo Sunhye, it’s okay because I have Choi Juoon. Because I have a friend. Thinking that made me feel at ease.

I don’t know how much time passed, but it was really time to go back to the classroom now. I examined Choi Juoon’s profile, who was still focused on his printouts, carefully. Celebrities always say that lighting is the most important thing, and I think that’s true. Is it because he’s catching the sunlight? His neat profile looked, well, it looked a little decent.

“Choi Juoon.”

“What.”

“I’m soooorry.”

I didn’t say, “For doubting you.” You wouldn’t know. How I thought about you just a moment ago. I let out a groan and stood up from my seat. And immediately, I raised my hand to cover my eyes. It’s dazzling. It felt like all the sunlight was pouring onto me.

“Choi Juoon.”

The suspect, no, Choi Juoon, lifted his head to look at me. You have to get up now, too. I reached out my hand while looking down at Choi Juoon, who was still sitting.

“I can’t do without you, either.”

“….”

Choi Juoon didn’t take my hand, nor did he get up from his seat. Because of the backlight, I couldn’t see Choi Juoon’s expression, but it was certain that he was still looking at me. Feeling embarrassed for some reason, I used that hand to brush the dust off my butt and asked:

“Are you not going?”

Choi Juoon coughed softly. Then he lowered his head again, looked at the printouts, and said:

“You go first. If we get caught going together, we’ll be suspected.”

“Then do you want to go first? What are you going to do here?”

“Study.”

“….”

Wow…. your passion for learning is amazing. I nodded and came out of the bathroom.

The case is closed. The suspect is not guilty. I pronounce him innocent. Bang-bang.

Walking through the quiet hallway, I only heard the sound of my own heart. I placed my hand over my heart. That’s right. It’s beating loudly…. and fast. But why is it beating this much? Since when has it been beating like this?

While I was pondering it by myself, I saw Joo Sunhye in the distance.

Oh, my heart is sinking…. It’s calming down.

“Lee Juun.”

Joo Sunhye came running to me with a smile. Then, just like before, my heart fluttered little by little. I also moved my feet toward Joo Sunhye and thought. Have I become a body that reacts now just by having Joo Sunhye close by?

But it was only to the extent that my heart fluttered a little, that’s all.

∞ ∞ ∞

I had no intention of telling Joo Sunhye what I had heard today. But no matter how much I tried to pull myself together, it seemed it showed on my face. Immediately after meeting me, Joo Sunhye kept asking me what happened today. I thought for a moment, then turned my head to meet Joo Sunhye’s eyes.

“Did you make a bet on dating me?”

Seeing Joo Sunhye’s subtly changing expression, I turned my head away immediately.

So it was true….

“Who told you?”

Joo Sunhye asked in a minutely trembling voice. I just smiled awkwardly. Since I didn’t say anything, Joo Sunhye seemed to be thinking about who might have said it. Joo Sunhye’s pupils were trembling incessantly. Joo Sunhye’s face was redder now than it was when I first met her. Even though it was a fact I already knew, I hoped Joo Sunhye would deny it. My sincerity, my heart…. honestly, I felt ashamed.

“But, Lee Juun. You know, it’s not like that. It wasn’t really a serious bet or anything heavy. Look at me. I just said it as a joke…. I’m really sorry. Please, just listen to me.”

“Yeah.”

“It was just a light joke. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. But I really do sincerely like you. Truly…. It’s not like what you’re thinking. I know you can’t trust what I say, but….”

Joo Sunhye continued her words urgently. I heard everything she said. Actually, I know, too. I know that Joo Sunhye sincerely likes me.

As I kept listening to her, Joo Sunhye was repeating the same thing over and over.

“It’s okay.”

I held Joo Sunhye’s hand, meaning to let’s stop talking about this now. Then Joo Sunhye made an ambiguous expression and said softly:

“…Are you really okay?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded. Honestly, I wasn’t entirely okay, but still, I couldn’t keep holding onto only this topic forever. A brief silence followed, and then Joo Sunhye carefully brought it up.

“But Lee Juun, you know.”

“Yeah.”

Joo Sunhye hesitated, as if she were going to say something and then not, and after agonizing for a long time, she said:

“…Never mind.”

I didn’t ask further, thinking it would be the same thing as earlier. Silence flowed again. To freshen the atmosphere, I threw out words lightly.

“You must have won the bet then. Shouldn’t we split the money in half?”

It was truly a joke. But perhaps because the words I threw out like a joke weighed heavily on Joo Sunhye, she avoided my eyes. Seeing that, I also looked at the ground and regretted the words I had just spat out.

“….”

I shouldn’t have met her today, I should have just met her when I was feeling okay. No, I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place….

That day’s date, honestly, couldn’t even be called a date. In front of Joo Sunhye’s house, Joo Sunhye asked me:

“You like me, right?”

“I like you a lot.”

These words were sincere. Right now, I was more worried about the hurt Joo Sunhye had received. Then Joo Sunhye reached out her arms to me with a voice mixed with crying.

“Then hold me….”

I approached and hugged Joo Sunhye. Joo Sunhye held me tightly and cried her heart out.

I thought of myself and Choi Juoon in the bathroom earlier. Just like Choi Juoon had done for me, I gently stroked Joo Sunhye’s hair, patted her back slowly, and said:

“It’s okay.”

We parted only after a long while, when Joo Sunhye pulled away from my arms first.

∞ ∞ ∞

After that, my daily life wasn’t much different from before. I went to the reading room with Choi Juoon, and I occasionally met Joo Sunhye as well. For your reference, the relationship between Joo Sunhye and me remained unchanged. A while later, I took the final exams. My grades came out better than I thought.

That’s how summer vacation began, and Joo Sunhye entered a boarding cram school. She said she told her parents she would go to the academy first because her grades had dropped too much. We were together until the day before Joo Sunhye left for the academy. And the next day, Joo Sunhye left for the boarding cram school.

∞ ∞ ∞

Outside was very hot. Naturally. Because it’s summer. After arriving at the reading room, I genuinely had no strength to study, so I lay on the floor basking in the air conditioning. After I had that time to recharge, I started studying.

Choi Juoon was perfectly fine, as if he weren’t even hot. Rather, he even told me to exercise a little. I walked one more day, and the next day I took the bus. The day after that, I didn’t even want to go outside. I even thought about just studying at home.

But I guess it was a bit obvious. It was in the pre-dawn hours, when I had finished studying and was walking home while catching the relatively cool pre-dawn breeze.

“Do you want to study at my house starting tomorrow?”

“…Really? Is no one home?”

“My mom went to the U.S. to see my father. Choi Dongwoo went to training camp.”

I want to go. I thought immediately. But I hadn’t spat it out yet. Choi Juoon’s older brother moved out as soon as he became an adult, and hearing that, it seemed like there was only Choi Juoon in Choi Juoon’s house right now. Honestly, I wanted to nod my head frantically right away, but out of courtesy, one refusal was necessary.

“I… is that okay?”

Beside me, Choi Juoon nodded. I suddenly felt good and asked a lot of things. How many days can I stay, is it okay to sleep over, what should we do about food, etc. It was my first time staying out overnight. When I was in middle school, my mother opposed me staying out, but I felt like my mother now would probably give me permission.

I went back to the reading room and packed my things. I decided to study at Choi Juoon’s house for about a week first. I didn’t know how much I should pack, so I packed everything I had. Choi Juoon only brought as much as he needed to study every day, so there was no extra luggage. On the way home, my bag was heavy. It didn’t all fit in the bag, so I held it in my hand, and gratefully, Choi Juoon carried it for me.

Tomorrow, too, we decided to meet at Choi Juoon’s house at nine, the time I usually go to the reading room. While packing a week’s worth of things at home, I was really excited, like I was going on a trip.

To think I’d be staying over at Choi Juoon’s house…. My heart kept thumping. Since I hadn’t traveled much lately, anyway. I was so looking forward to tomorrow, the day I’d spend with Choi Juoon.