Paper Friendship Chapter 37

My father was about to raise his hand at mother….

But as soon as she met my eyes, Father hurriedly lowered his hand. And a ringing sound started in my ears. A long, buzzing sound—beep—could be heard. I had never heard a sound like this before, either. Father stood up from his seat, pressed a 50,000 won bill into my hand, and said,

“Juun, go get some fresh air.”

I listened and stared, dazed. Even though I could clearly hear the ringing in my ears, strangely enough, I could hear my parents’ voices distinctly. By the time I came to my senses, I was already putting on my shoes in the entryway. My parents’ voices grew louder and louder.

As soon as I closed the door and stepped out, I heard something being thrown beyond the door and even the sound of it breaking. The last thing I heard was my mother’s voice, vivid in my ears.

My life became miserable because of you guys.

The ringing gradually faded away. My body felt unpleasant somehow. I looked down and saw my top was completely soaked in sweat. I am not exaggerating—when I squeezed the clothes, water came out. I had never even exercised enough to sweat like this. Come to think of it, I hadn’t even brought my phone with me. But I didn’t have the courage to go back inside.

By “you guys,” did she mean to include me too? Is my mother’s life miserable because I am miserable?

I opened the emergency exit door and sat on the stairs. The emergency light turned on and then off. It was silent. I couldn’t hear anything. I leaned my body against the wall. I felt a cold sensation. Not a single tear fell. I felt miserable with myself for being like this.

My heart beat regularly, and very hard. Perhaps because the cold set in late, my body started to tremble like crazy.

Then, my nose started running. I raised my arm and wiped it once. It ran again, so I wiped it again. But my nose just kept running. I rubbed my arm against my face frantically. It felt like the runny nose stopped for a moment, but it started again. I stood up to find something to wipe it with. And then, the emergency light turned on.

Ah, my arm was covered in blood.

Only then did I realize that I was having a nosebleed.

I went to Park Yoonchul’s house first. I put my clothes on inside out and covered my face with my hands. Since it was night and there was no one around, thankfully, no one looked at me strangely.

And while going to Park Yoonchul’s house, I prayed, please, please, let Choi Juoon not be there. While it was highly likely he wouldn’t be, I was still anxious about what I would do if he happened to be there. So, as I got closer to Park Yoonchul’s house, my footsteps strangely slowed down.

What if Choi Juoon is there? What if Choi Juoon finds out? Those thoughts crossed my mind for a moment, but….

No.

Absolutely not.

To Choi Juoon, even just Choi Juoon, I absolutely could not let him know, and I could not tell him.

The reason is….

Obviously, because it’s embarrassing….

Fortunately, Choi Juoon was not at Park Yoonchul’s house. Park Yoonchul opened the door in a daze, as if he had just woken up from sleep. He was surprised to see me for a moment, but I answered simply that I had just tripped on my way over.

“Is that so? Got it….”

Park Yoonchul said, still rubbing the corners of his eyes. And he went back to his room. Watching his back, I asked.

“By the way, that guy Choi Juoon… where is he right now?”

“Him? He’s probably home. Why? Should I tell him to come over?”

“Uh, no? No, no. Just because.”

I went into the bathroom. My heart pounded fiercely just from mentioning Choi Juoon’s name.

I turned on the water and washed away the dried blood on my face. Then I filled the sink with water and submerged my face in it. When I started to suffocate, I came up for air. I gasped for breath, but still, not a single tear came out.

I slowly leaned against the bathroom wall and sat down.

I tried to think about what had just happened and sort it out. But my nose started bleeding again. Am I lacking sleep these days? I closed my eyes and pressed a wad of toilet paper against my face.

∞ ∞ ∞

After picking out some clothes from Park Yoonchul’s closet to wear, I went outside in the early morning. Since Park Yoonchul was still sleeping, I didn’t say goodbye. I wrapped the clothes I had originally been wearing in a plastic bag and threw them in the trash.

In the end, I didn’t sleep a wink all night. It was partly because of the nosebleed, but I was also afraid that… Choi Juoon might come to Park Yoonchul’s house…. I couldn’t sleep because I was scared of that.

I arrived at our house and caught my breath for a moment in front of the door. I couldn’t hear anything. Naturally, they must be asleep or not here. Thinking that, I carefully entered the passcode and opened the door.

After entering the passcode, there were only Father’s shoes in the shoe rack. It was only for a moment, but I felt like my breath was being stifled. I barely let out a breath and quietly took off my shoes. Father was sitting on the living room sofa. I glanced at the clock; it was 5:30 AM.

“Let’s talk for a moment.”

I walked up to Father without a word and knelt before him.

“The schedule was moved up a bit, so we decided to go to Grandma’s house on February 9th. Pack up your things by then.”

“….”

“Since we’re moving the large items to Grandma’s house in advance, a delivery truck is coming the day after tomorrow.”

Father continued to speak. I just listened quietly, staring only at the floor.

“Do you… really have to go to college in Seoul? It’s not like it’s a well-known place anyway.”

“….”

“You said you also got into that place where you receive a scholarship, right? The level of the school is similar anyway, so go there. It’s also closer to Grandma’s house.”

“…Yes.”

“Your mother is in the state she’s in right now… and the family situation is as it is. I ask for your understanding.”

“….”

“That’s it.”

I stood up without answering.

Although I hadn’t slept a wink, strangely, my mind was racing. I went into my room and turned on the computer. I canceled both the tuition and the dormitory for the university I had applied to and submitted an application for the other school. This whole process didn’t even take 10 minutes. As I turned off the computer and got under the covers, I had this thought.

I should have looked at the sea a little more in Jeju Island.

∞ ∞ ∞

Father woke me up, saying we needed to pack up the house. When I woke up, my eyes were stinging. It was 10:00 AM. Thinking about having to go to school made my head ache as if it were going to split. Father didn’t even seem to know that school had started and I had to attend. I put school on the back burner, got up, and organized the house. Things to throw away, things to keep. Things to throw away, things to keep. I spent the whole day just organizing.

On Wednesday, I went to school. As soon as I entered the classroom, the kids joked around, asking if I was a gangster and why I hadn’t come yesterday. I just mumbled that I had been sleeping while smiling. I thought I would get an earful from the homeroom teacher, but he just looked at me and didn’t say anything. I just slept the whole time at school. When it was time to go home, the kids asked me to go play billiards, but I refused and went home.

After arriving home, I packed up the house just like yesterday. Around 7:00 PM, all the packing was finished. As soon as the packing was done, I went to sleep again. Still, this was the day I had slept the most soundly in recent times.

On Thursday, when I went home after school, the house was empty. All the furniture had been moved out, and even the small items had been taken to Grandma’s house. When I went into my room, there was only one suitcase left behind. I didn’t even feel melancholic. I was just tired. I was so tired that I couldn’t think of anything.

Still, tomorrow is Choi Juoon’s birthday. After washing my face with cold water, I grabbed the savings passbook from the suitcase. I intended to go to the bank. Since I had been saving since I was young, I wanted to check how much money was in there first, withdraw some money, and buy a birthday gift for Choi Juoon….

Ah, my nose is bleeding again.

“…Ha….”

I get nosebleeds too often. And I’m hit with such insane sleepiness, as if I’d taken sleeping pills. I took a tissue out of my pocket and held it to my nose. It was familiar. I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, waiting for the nosebleed to stop.

∞ ∞ ∞

When I opened my eyes, it was a completely pitch-black night. I hurriedly turned on my phone. I covered my eyes with my arm due to the sudden burst of light. 12:36 AM. February 8th, Choi Juoon’s birthday.

I don’t know why I sleep so much, even to myself. My plans are a mess. Tomorrow, no, today is such a special day…. I couldn’t do anything because I was sleeping. Shame washed over me.