The Way to Love in the Place of Dead Chapter 20

Unable to endure any longer, Kay grabbed Aran’s arm over his clothes. Even though quite some time had passed, he could still feel the chill, which told him that Aran, who had returned after two days, was suffering from fairly severe side effects.

“You. With side effects this bad, wouldn’t it be better to get guiding from someone else?”

“Doing it myself is faster. When someone else does it, it just leaves me feeling foul.”

“…Your wavelength must be a real piece of work.”

“Yours is no different.”

At that moment, he felt a subtle tingling spreading from where their skin touched. Truly, this guy wouldn’t let him relax his guard for a single moment. He squeezed the hand he held over the clothes, hard.

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

“Don’t do anything pointless.”

Aran’s guiding tapped against the inside of his body, as if performing a medical examination. The wavelength, felt more vividly than ever before, undulated in great swells, as if the water’s surface that usually just rippled gently was now surging in waves from deep within. It was starkly vivid.

“Why? Doesn’t it feel good?”

“It’s not a matter of feeling good or not— hick.”

The power transmitted through the palm pushed deep inside, against the current of the wavelength.

“See, it’s a complete mess even now. How have you been receiving guiding all this time?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Hmm. So that’s how you’re going to play it.”

It was a surge so intense it felt like his neck would snap. Trembling, Kay forced strength into his body and willed himself to a halt.

“You. You do know our matching rate is high, right?”

“I know, okay.”

Had he trusted this guy too much? The thought belatedly occurred to him. Held so tightly he couldn’t budge, he could offer no proper resistance. And even though this was the radial type, with their skin pressed together like this, the sensation felt from that point of contact was far too vivid.

“It’s fine, so don’t resist. Relax your strength.”

“Who are you to decide that?”

He struggled to string together the words that came out in fits and starts. During the first guiding he’d received from him, he had been half-rampaging and had immediately passed out, so there had been no time to properly feel the wavelength. But now was different. Now, the muscles and joints deep inside his body clattered and jarred, as if they were being touched with his flesh peeled away—he couldn’t resist.

“You decided it. You said you’d let me touch you.”

“I didn’t mean it like this.”

“Then what did you mean?”

Each time the lips against his nape whispered, the sensation tapping against his wavelength seeped ever deeper. From the skin to the muscles, to the bones, even to the blood vessels and individual cells, the guiding seemed to scrutinize every part… It felt as though his innermost self was being laid bare with cruelty. And in a truly, goddamn, fucking way.

‘It feels good.’

It felt good. So much so that his body heated up in an instant.

“Hah, ngh…”

A moan escaped, and he clamped his mouth shut.

He had never imagined that the “touching” Aran had requested would be this kind. In a sense, it was far worse than sexual intent. If it had been that, at least it would have merely been disgusting and then over.

“You’re still okay, right?”

“…—!”

Barely swallowing the moan, he grabbed Aran’s hand again. But he simply couldn’t concentrate enough to use his ability, and his pure physical strength was nowhere near enough to overcome him.

‘This is the worst.’

He had realized it naturally while growing up. That his given physical conditions weren’t particularly favorable for survival. He was short, his bones were thin, and even when he tried to build muscle, he didn’t gain weight easily, so it wasn’t easy to bulk up. But even so, he was a grown man.

“Now seriously… s-stop.”

He knew the feeling of blood rushing to his lower body. There was no way he couldn’t know. At that moment, at the sensation that seemed to sweep from the pit of his stomach all the way to his heart, he swallowed a gasp. When he squeezed his eyes shut, a tingling current shot straight from the tips of his toes to his brain. The warning lights in his head began blaring bright red.

“Hngh…”

He thought he should push him away with brute force, but his wavelength was scattering wildly, making his ability unusable, and it was impossible to push the guy away with grip strength alone. It was the first time since becoming a fully grown adult that he had experienced being completely restrained by another person like this.

Even as his consciousness grew hazy, he found himself reacting with chilling sensitivity to Aran’s voice and breath alone, and a pleasure he could never bring himself to call unpleasant surged within him.

“Does it hurt?”

When he shook his head, a brief touch grazed between his neck and jaw, then fell away.

“Then it’s fine.”

And then, as if nothing had happened. All the sensations drained away as if blood were being let out.

“…Hah…”

The fullness that had been packed so tightly, leaving not a drop empty, the satisfaction that came with it—it all vanished in an instant, enough to make his heart sink. At the same time, his consciousness and senses snapped back to reality as if he’d been slapped hard across the face.

“Mhm. Good. I’m satisfied.”

The hand slipping away had grown lukewarm before he knew it, and Kay felt a sense of emptiness, as if a part of his own body had been torn away. While he blinked several times, preoccupied with swallowing the breath that had been drenched in arousal, his body tilted.

He was laid down, just as he was, onto the sofa.

“What are you doing. If you’re better now, get off.”

He still didn’t let him go.

“Just bear with me a little. I’m too tired.”

“You crazy. Then go in, wash up, and sleep.”

“Just 30 minutes.”

With a body larger than his own, he fussed like a child, rubbing his face against Kay’s back. As if it were something endearing.

“You. How do you normally deal with this?”

“I fill the bathtub with a ton of hot water and stay submerged until I feel better.”

“…Conserve water.”

To someone who had lived in the desert, it was a solution that instinctively drew the words “conserve water.”

“So… are you saying this is better than a bath right now?”

Aran pulled his arms tighter, and Kay asked, suppressing his agitation.

“Yeah.”

It was a firm answer.

He understood that he was being used as a human heater, and even if he conceded a hundred times over that sharing body heat was one thing, to say that holding a hard male body like this was better than sinking into hot water as usual—that was utterly incomprehensible.

“I like it because I can hear your heart beating.”

“Heart?”

“It gives the feeling of being alive.”

The feeling of being alive.

At those words, Kay too listened to the throbbing transmitted from the body pressed against him. A heartbeat that no one else but the other could hear.

“Kay.”

“What.”

As if the fact that an answer always came whenever he called was amusing, a faint laugh was conveyed.

“I just called you.”

There was probably no special intent on his part, but Kay couldn’t believe that this conversation and this act were just a simple coincidence that could arise in this situation, and he swallowed his breath. The dam of memories he rarely let out, because it was hard to swallow back the emotions, collapsed in an instant, and his heart spilled out as if vomiting blood.

“…”

Listening to the breathing that continued steadily, gradually slowing, Kay bit his lip.

He was glad Aran was against his back. Because he could suppress his emotions without them seeing each other.

Chewing over the name he could no longer simply call, and closing his eyes—that was all Kay could do right now.

1. Even Under the Same Moon

Sahan Rapperd’s study was always immaculately tidy. Aran, holding a Megaminx that rested on one corner of the dust-free bookshelf, sat down in a single-seater chair and began turning the puzzle with precise clicks. As the colored segments aligned, his hand, which had been focusing on the final piece, stopped.

The door opened, and a man entered.

“Aran.”

The middle-aged man was dressed, even at home, in an attire without a single wrinkle, as if reflecting his personality. A black turtleneck and tailored trousers. Had it not been for the indoor slippers worn over his socks, it was an appearance that could easily have passed for going-out clothes.

“It’s been a while.”

Matching the final piece, Aran smiled brightly.

“Father.”

The man, whose pale brown hair was now more white than not, shot a sidelong glance and checked the half-open study window. It was the place Aran used as an entrance.

“Every single time, when there’s a perfectly good front door…”

“Mother would make a fuss if she knew.”

It was far from the first or second time this had happened, so Sahan closed the window without any particular comment and sat down across from Aran.

“So, the reason you called for me?”

“I imagine you’ve already guessed.”