Debuting by Riding the Returnee’s Bus Chapter 175

It went without saying….

 

‘Seriously?’

 

I realized my worries had been completely unfounded.

 

‘He wrote it this fast?’

 

As soon as I instinctively turned toward the voice, Kim Haejun’s face came into view.

 

‘Does that even make sense?’

 

He looked exactly as he had recently. His face was still etched with exhaustion. The venom that hadn’t left him since he started working was still there. He didn’t wear the terrifying expression he’d had when he approached me earlier, but he didn’t look like he’d found any peace of mind yet, either.

 

‘But the vibe feels good,’

 

There was definitely a feeling I couldn’t quite put into words. Before, it had seemed like his emotions were wildly swinging around without any order, but now it felt as though they had found a clear direction. Maybe he was working through his emotions by creating music. Whatever the case, one thing was certain—he was in a much better place than before.

 

My mind was full of thoughts, but for now, I looked at Kim Haejun and spoke.

 

“Pardon? Really?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Of course, it’s not the final version. I haven’t done the mixing, mastering, or post-production yet, and I haven’t recorded proper guide vocals either. I just made them good enough for anyone to understand. About… four songs?”

 

“What? You made that many already?”

 

“Yeah. I thought it would be good to have a connecting thread, and the work actually flowed better that way… once I had a song intended for the title track, the rest came quickly.”

 

“You even made a title track?!”

 

“Yeah… I know it hasn’t actually been decided yet. We still have to discuss it with the company, and there’s a good chance it won’t be selected. There could be outside submissions that are even better… We also have to think about what’s best for Fantasia.”

 

“It’d be such a waste if it doesn’t get picked… You worked so hard on it… it’s a pity.”

 

“No. I didn’t write it because I absolutely had to use it. That’s just how this kind of work goes. Do you know how many demos never see the light of day?”

 

“…….”

 

‘An album… might actually happen.’

 

It was too early to be purely optimistic. Even so, it really did feel like an album was slowly taking shape.

 

If he used the current title track, the three songs connected to it, added a few external tracks, threw in some of the songs he’d worked on previously, and then built a bridge to connect the different styles, we might end up with a genuinely solid album.

 

‘As for any awkward transitions between tracks, the professionals will probably figure that out.’

 

If I were to get greedy, I’d want him to write out everything he wanted to say, but that wouldn’t be easy. Kim Haejun wasn’t a superhuman, after all.

 

‘But even so….’

 

I was still incredibly impressed. The moment he set himself on the rails, it was as though he’d forgotten how to stop. He was running like a madman, fueled by hatred and anger.

 

‘So Seo Dongkwon really did disappear at exactly the right time.’

 

Since he vanished almost immediately after triggering Kim Haejun’s creative urge, he had effectively fulfilled his role brilliantly in his own way. I offered a silent thanks to the fallen Seo Dongkwon and followed Kim Haejun into his room. Specifically, the room shared by Kim Haejun and Joo Wooyoung.

 

Of course, Joo Wooyoung wasn’t there. He was on a 3-day, 2-night schedule with Jegal Hwi and Baek Suhyeon, so I hadn’t seen him for two days. It wasn’t just Joo Wooyoung; Kim Ta-yeol was a fixed guest on a variety show, and Jung Taehee was busy traveling the country after being cast in a busking music program. Because everyone had become so busy, it was rare for the members of Fantasia to all be together these days.

 

I still had some free time, and Kim Haejun was completely excluded from the busy schedule to focus solely on work. That was why only the two of us were in the dorm at this moment. Normally, Kim Haejun should have been in the company’s studio… but it seemed he prioritized hearing my feedback today over working.

 

“Come to think of it… Haejun hyung, you didn’t go to the office today?”

 

Sure enough, he replied.

 

“Ah. Yeah… I thought it would be better to let you hear it first before deciding the direction of the work.”

 

He continued.

 

“I knew you didn’t have anything scheduled today, Unha. So I deliberately stayed.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. Honestly, I want to let the other members hear it too, but….”

 

“Ah. Right. Everyone’s suddenly gotten so busy. Honestly, I think it’s a good thing. It’s better than not being busy.”

 

“Well, that’s true. But sometimes when I’m alone in the studio, I miss how lively it used to be. Maybe because I’ve been stuck between the studio and my room for so long, I start overthinking.”

 

“No way. It’s not overthinking at all. I wish we could start promoting together soon too.”

 

“Really?”

 

“…….”

 

‘He’s definitely more relaxed now. Did that conversation we had before actually help?’

 

“…….”

 

‘Or did he hear the news about Seo Dongkwon leaving? It doesn’t seem like it.’

 

“…….”

 

The more we talked, the more it felt like he was returning to the normal Kim Haejun I knew.

 

“Well, let’s give it a listen first.”

 

However, exactly four minutes later—immediately after listening to the title track he brought—I understood exactly why he’d managed to pull himself together.

 

“…….”

 

‘This guy….’

 

“…….”

 

‘He poured everything into this, didn’t he?’

 

“…….”

 

‘He really gave it absolutely everything.’

 

“…….”

 

To be honest, I didn’t know much about music. I had no idea what kind of feelings composers poured into their songs, or what went through lyricists’ minds when they wrote. I’d heard the old saying that whenever famous singers went through a breakup, they ended up producing masterpieces, but I knew so little about music that I couldn’t even tell whether people meant it seriously or if it was just a meme. Until now, I’d never really understood things like that.

 

But I felt it in this song. Kim Haejun’s emotions were conveyed perfectly.

 

‘The song… is too good.’

 

To the point where I genuinely wondered if he was some kind of genius…

 

‘Are all creative people like this? Are they really capable of expressing their emotions this directly through their work? They don’t just mechanically churn songs out like machines?’

 

I felt like I understood what Kim Haejun wanted to do.

 

That… was exactly the problem.

 

The quality was so high that there was nothing to complain about, but….

 

‘But… can this really be used as a K-pop song?’

 

“…….”

 

‘Isn’t it… way too… scary?’

 

“…….”

 

‘Is it really okay to push this as a title track?’

 

Those thoughts lingered in a corner of my mind. The song was good. The power of the music and the energy it possessed was so appealing it made me resent my own lack of vocabulary. But that was separate from another question that I couldn’t ignore: could a song like this really belong on an album?

 

It was a song where the resentment, anger, and hatred toward [TOP9] were palpable. While the basic part distribution was K-POP-esque, the content within was completely different. In some ways, it was almost unsettling.

 

‘Can we really… push this as a full album?’

 

It was especially more shocking because I hadn’t expected melody alone, even without lyrics, to convey such an overwhelming feeling. Even the title track of our last mini-album, <PARADISE>, had a very strong unique color, but calling this one ‘distinctive’ didn’t even begin to describe it.

 

It was a monstrous work.

 

‘But… it’s… addictive.’

 

Almost without thinking, I hit replay.

 

And once the four minutes ended again, Kim Haejun spoke to me.

 

“What do you think?”

 

‘I think I know why you wanted me to hear it before anyone else.’

 

“Don’t think about my feelings. I want you to tell me exactly what you felt.”

 

‘I was planning to.’

 

“It’s good.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“It’s incredibly good. Amazing. It’s so good that I resent my own lack of vocabulary for being unable to fully express it. It’s totally my style, too. It’s so good it makes me realize I actually like this kind of music.”

 

“Really?”

 

“But….”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I don’t know if it can be used as idol music. I don’t know how the public or <Aether> will react. Honestly, I think it’s because the quality is too high that I feel this way.”

 

“…….”

 

“It’s scary.”

 

“…….”

 

“I listened to it again, and I still feel the same. It’s scary. From beginning to end, it feels like you’re constantly running. Like you’re sprinting through an endless dark tunnel for four straight minutes.”

 

“I think I know what you mean.”

 

“Even if you changed the arrangement or made the lyrics more playful, I think the song itself would still build up this overwhelming negative energy. Of course, I might be saying this because I don’t know much… but I don’t think we should use it in this state. What do you think, hyung? Why did you let me hear it first?”

 

“Just because… the song is good.”

 

‘No. I don’t think that’s it.’

 

Kim Haejun was no fool. In fact, he likely knew better than I did. He surely realized that this song didn’t fit <Fantasia>’s concept—no, that it didn’t fit idol music at all.

 

Despite that, the fact that he called it a title track and let me hear it…. It felt like he was asking me to provide an alternative or to convince him otherwise.

 

‘What exactly do you want me to do?’

 

Something had definitely changed in his state of mind.

 

‘How am I supposed to convince you?’

 

He was someone who always thought too much and was far too sensitive; I didn’t know which way his mind had branched out or how he wanted to change during the process of this work….

 

But it felt like there was something he definitely wanted. Words he wanted to hear from me.

 

‘C-Could it be this?’

 

“I… I want you to be at peace, hyung. Forgive everything….”

 

‘Is this it? Is this what he wants?’

 

His expression turned sour.

 

‘F*ck, was that not it? Was I completely off?’

 

“Forgiveness…?”

 

‘Dammit, I’m going crazy. Was it not that? Seriously, if you want something, just say it. Are you going through puberty? What? Why am I supposed to be your therapist too?’