Debuting by Riding the Returnee’s Bus – Chapter 176

Author: LyraDhani

Of course, I knew this was the kind of situation that called for counseling. As the leader—and as one of the few people who knew his secret—it wasn’t easy for me to simply ignore Kim Haejun’s worries or the subtle changes he was going through.

How could I ignore the reaching hand of a guy who was currently oscillating between his real self and the S-class Hunter persona, <Wizard>?

But still.

‘You could at least say what you actually mean.’

I couldn’t tell what Kim Haejun actually wanted or what he was hoping to hear.

‘So that wasn’t it?’

No matter how much I agonized over it, I couldn’t figure out what the right answer was.

In fact, he looked like he didn’t even know what he wanted himself. He looked lost, unsure of how he wanted to act, if what he was doing was right, what direction he should take for his work, or if it was right to keep moving forward like this.

If things had gone the way I expected, he should have accepted my answer by now. There was a reason I’d brought up forgiveness. I hadn’t told him to forgive people on a whim.

I had assumed that if Kim Haejun really wanted to run headlong toward revenge, he wouldn’t have bothered coming to me to talk. I threw out that line because I judged that if his only goal was to vent all his negative emotions, he wouldn’t have let me listen to the music.

Literally.

Kim Haejun didn’t know the real Lee Unha. I’d responded the way the Lee Unha he knew would have responded.

“Forgiveness…”

“Y-Yeah…”

“Do you think I can forgive them? If you were me, Unha, could you forgive them?”

“Huh?”

“I… I can’t.”

“…….”

“I’m not like you, Unha. I’m not some saintly, virtuous man. I’m honest about my feelings… I’m not the kind of person who can forgive that easily, pretend nothing happened, or sincerely wish someone well after everything they’ve done.”

“I, I was just…”

‘See?’

Kim Haejun thought of Lee Unha as some kind of humanitarian who couldn’t even kill an ant. He perceived me as someone who always chased his dreams, treated everyone kindly, quickly forgot painful things, and always moved toward a positive direction.

Even though we had lived together for quite some time, the only one who knew at least a fraction of the real Lee Unha was Kim Taeyeol. And even Kim Taeyeol didn’t know half of it.

‘That’s why this is so confusing. Why did you come to me? What do you want me to say? Why did you seem so calm earlier, only to end up like this now?’

Kim Haejun’s case was more severe than the others. Since he was overlapping Lee Unha with JH, he probably interpreted me as a figure who shouldered a heavy burden but overcame everything with steadfastness.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

‘No. I like revenge too, Haejun hyung.’

“You will never… understand.”

‘I’m a person far removed from forgiveness. Far more than you are.’

Lee Unha was petty. I merely acted as though I had a generous heart. If Kim Haejun had come to Joy for counseling, I would have told him not to stop, to go all the way. I would have told him to bury those guys so deep they could never set foot in the entertainment industry again.

Even I…

‘Could I forgive?’

I have no intention of forgiving that mad dark mage, or the bastards I held grudges against in the lab. Even though I’d sent a few of them to the afterlife, my anger hadn’t subsided. If someone told me to forgive that mad dark mage, I could guarantee I’d take my revenge out on that person, too.

‘Seriously, I don’t get it, Haejun hyung. I don’t know what you want.’

Before I could even organize my thoughts, Kim Haejun began talking about JH. It was a story I already knew.

Starting with a heavy ‘So…’, Haejun began pouring out his emotions in a more solemn voice than usual, swallowing his rage. It was strangely rational. Despite the emotional weight, he didn’t shed a tear. He spoke about what had happened and what [TOP9] had done from a perspective that was as objective as possible.

‘Okay, but what am I supposed to do about it? What do you want from me?’

Because my mind was in a whirl, it was hard to react properly. I was forced to offer awkward reactions like ‘Ah…’ or ‘Oh…’. Tears naturally welled up in my eyes, but even I could tell my reactions felt forced.

‘What should I do?’

Should I still steer him toward forgiveness?

‘Or.’

Should I give him a push and say, ‘Go get your revenge as much as you want’?

Was it right to support Kim Haejun’s revenge even if it meant breaking the image I had maintained? Or should I pull the brake just once? The thought that a single sentence from me could determine the direction of the entire album made my head ache.

‘If I give him a push…’

“…….”

‘Won’t the album end up far too disconnected from mainstream audiences?’

“…….”

‘But is it right to advise him to just forgive? Is that what Kim Haejun really wants?’

It was then that I saw the look of anxiety in Kim Haejun’s eyes. He looked like he was afraid of what might come out of my mouth.

Only then did I finally understand why Kim Haejun was saying all this to me. He wasn’t looking for advice or for me to tell him what to do.

‘He just…’

“…….”

‘He wants me to understand him.’

I couldn’t be certain, but it seemed he wanted me to understand and support his actions, whether emotionally or otherwise. He wanted me to tolerate his choice to abandon the album’s mainstream appeal and beg the company on his behalf.

‘Mainstream album aside, receiving mental support is the priority.’

Codenamed <Wizard> or the lab slave <Joy> would be used to these emotions, but Kim Haejun was not. To someone like him, having another person acknowledge and support the negative feelings he couldn’t let go of was probably incredibly important.

If that hypothesis was correct….

‘Then I don’t really have another choice, do I?’

Mainstream appeal and success were important, but they weren’t more important than a comrade I’d be with in the future. This was true for Slave Joy, and it was true for Lee Unha. Joo Wooyoung probably would have made the same choice.

Though it was unknown if Joo Wooyoung would choose a comrade even at the cost of abandoning ethics or a greater cause, at the very least, Lee Unha was a person who valued people over causes.

“…….”

Once I felt I’d sorted out my thoughts, I opened my mouth.

Comforting someone was easy. You just had to tell them what they needed to hear.

“Thank you for telling me everything, hyung.”

“Uh… yeah.”

“If I were in your shoes… I think I would’ve felt the same way.”

“Huh?”

“I want you to know that I’m always on your side, and I’m always rooting for you.”

“…….”

“If you want to release the album this way, let’s talk to the company together! Convincing them won’t be easy, but we’ll think of something! Hehe… Let’s participate in the concept meetings together too!”

“…….”

“You’ve been through so much, Haejun hyung.”

“…….”

I didn’t need to say anything else. That alone was enough. Of course, afterward, it was essential to listen to the stories about Kim Haejun and JH and trash-talk [TOP9] together. I burst into tears with him occasionally, and we shared a hug, comforting him with the feeling of unity.

The problem was this.

‘Did I… perhaps… do something dangerous?’

“…….”

‘Did I support him too enthusiastically?’

“…….”

‘Did I just give black wings to a Kim Haejun who was already turning dark?’

“…….”

‘He… he isn’t exactly normal either. If he has the same personality and temperament as codename <Wizard>… did I just make a dangerous choice? <Wizard> looked like a total nutcase to anyone watching…’

Of course, I didn’t know if the album would actually end up being released this way or not… But it was undeniable that I had given Kim Haejun a definitive push.

***

Sure enough….

Before a week had even passed….

Kim Haejun’s personal SNS erupted.

‘Oh, for f*ck’s sake.’

He didn’t target anyone specifically or expose any truths. If anything, I almost wished he had; what he posted instead was even more shocking. It was the kind of image that didn’t just set the internet on fire—It was enough to make it explode.

What I saw…

Well, even at a glance, it was a dark image.

It was an image presumably composited or drawn by Kim Haejun himself. Honestly, I couldn’t even be sure he’d made it; it looked artistic enough that I thought a professional had done it.

‘What… is this?’

It was artistic, yes. But as a promotional tool, it was totally unsuitable for an idol to post.

It had a black background. It was so dark that it was hard to make anything out, yet somehow it still managed to feel deeply unsettling. Behind large letters written in a white font, black figures were visible. The blurred black figures were all staring at the white font. Staring calmly, as if it were nothing.

Whether it was coincidence or deliberate design, I was willing to bet it was intentional. Kim Haejun cared about details like this.

The fact that there were exactly nine figures was suspicious. One of them was already lying on the ground. It wouldn’t be strange to interpret them as [TOP9] and Seo Dongkwon. Once this image spread, people would likely be making similar guesses across every community in no time.

The biggest problem was…

“…….”

The word was ‘Execution’.

‘Seriously, Haejun hyung. What is this?’

“…….”

‘Why on earth is an idol… doing an execution?’

“…….”

‘I said I supported you. I didn’t tell you to go this far… I didn’t say I supported executions….’

“…….”

‘Idols don’t do things like executions….’

“…….”

‘W-we’re idols….’