Debuting by Riding the Returnee’s Bus Chapter 89

It was unsettling.

 

‘It’s… so unsettling.’

 

Several days had passed since the first vote, but instead of feeling better, negative emotions and complicated thoughts were taking root in a corner of my heart.

 

The signs that Jegal Hwi was hostile toward Lee Unha were so obvious that I had completely forgotten about the fact that I’d taken first place. Not that I’d attached much importance to sitting on the First Throne in the first place.

 

Strictly speaking, Lee Unha’s goal wasn’t to sit on the top throne.

 

Yes, my goal was to debut. It didn’t really matter whether I debuted from the First Throne or the Seventh Throne. What mattered to me was debuting alongside Joo Wooyoung and taking the helm so that this group could become the greatest idol group in the world.

 

In that sense, rather than the joy of being first, I was more worried about Jegal Hwi’s hostile stance toward Lee Unha. I could already see images in my head of the group falling apart due to potential discord.

 

If it were possible to get rid of Jegal Hwi, I wouldn’t be this anxious. But at this point, that was not an option. Just as Jegal Hwi couldn’t easily get rid of Lee Unha, Lee Unha couldn’t easily get rid of Jegal Hwi either.

 

In fact, someone had already tried. It was a post presumably uploaded by that trainee who had dreamed of a timid rebellion in the hallway.

 

[Exposing the reality of Trainee Jegal Hwi’s clique behavior on <Idol Class System>.]

 

The post, which started with the author claiming to be a mere staff member of the show, caused quite a stir, but… Unfortunately, it wasn’t nearly enough to stop the steadily advancing ship that was Jegal Hwi. Unless something massive like school violence broke out, his entry into the debut lineup was almost guaranteed.

 

Knowing I was bound to be at odds with a guy like that, how could I not be anxious? The fear that he might not be an optimal member, and the dread that I might drop back into the other world if the quest failed. Ultimately, I found myself looking for the problem within myself.

 

“But what brings you to my house so suddenly, Unha? And what’s this about wanting a consultation?”

 

Right. That was exactly why I’d come to Kim Haejun’s apartment.

 

“It’s nothing serious, right?”

 

Being snapped back to reality by Kim Haejun’s voice, I looked around. His small and cozy studio apartment filled my vision. One wall was lined with guitars and instruments, while a computer with incredibly high specs and a synthesizer took up a significant amount of space.

 

For a guy living alone, the room was unbelievably tidy. Feeling a bit more at ease, I cautiously spoke.

 

“Haejun hyung.”

 

“Yeah, Unha?”

 

To Kim Haejun, this was probably going to sound like an absurd question.

 

“Is my first impression… really that bad?”

 

“…….”

“…….”

 

Sure enough, a long silence followed, and I could see Kim Haejun looking thoroughly flustered. Still, he answered almost immediately. His tone sounded a bit defensive.

 

“Huh? No? Not really… it wasn’t, I think?”

 

“But you hated me at first, hyung.”

 

“I did…? I didn’t really hate you, Unha. Haha….”

 

“Huh? That’s not true. You definitely told me not to talk to you because I made you want to throw up.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Yeah. You also said I was disgusting, that I shouldn’t pretend we were close, and that I shouldn’t even smile…”

 

“Did I?”

 

“Yes. You even said you felt uncomfortable exchanging any words with a brat like me outside of official business.”

 

“That was entirely because I misunderstood you….”

 

“But there had to be a reason you misunderstood me in the first place.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m curious about that reason… I’m worried it’s because of my look or my face.”

 

“No, I’m telling you, it’s not.”

 

“No, really, you can be honest. I don’t mean anything by it—I’m just genuinely curious, hyung.”

 

It felt a little like I was putting Kim Haejun on the spot, but in a situation like this, he was the only person I could really ask. I hadn’t come to him on a whim. Among all the people the current Lee Unha knew, he was the only one who had resisted the Succubus’ Eye. That was the reason.

 

‘He definitely resisted it.’

 

The fact that he’d immediately shown hostility toward me was also a major reason. Of course, the mistake I made personally was the biggest factor… but because of that, Kim Haejun was the one who could look at Lee Unha the most objectively.

 

Moreover….

 

‘Isn’t this guy’s resistance unusually high?’

 

Even at this very moment, while I was subtly using the Succubus’ Eye, it seemed to have no effect on him. He was probably resisting many of the other effects I possessed as well.

 

It might seem like a small thing, but excluding Joo Wooyoung—or even including him—Kim Haejun was the person who could see Lee Unha most objectively in this entire Idol Classism.

 

‘If I asked Taehee… I’d just get the obvious answer, wouldn’t I?’

 

Furthermore, since Haejun was a very rational person… He probably already realized I wasn’t fishing for comforting words.

 

Just as I’d expected, his gaze gradually turned serious. He seemed to have caught the signal that I wasn’t just joking and that there was a real reason behind my question.

 

“But… why all of a sudden? Why are you acting like this?”

 

“Ah… because of Jegal Hwi.”

 

“Jegal Hwi?”

 

“Yeah. For some reason, it felt like he disliked me. It didn’t seem like he was upset because I got first place… but the more I thought about it, the more I suddenly started wondering what kind of first impression I gave people. You were one of the people who had a negative opinion of me at first, hyung. So I thought maybe there was something about me that put people off…”

 

“Ah. Well…”

 

“Ah, I’m not trying to put you on the spot. I’m really just curious, so you can tell me exactly what you think.”

 

“Mmm… I want to tell you something helpful, but… I don’t really have anything to say. Objectively, Unha, you definitely have a likable face.”

 

“Huh? Me?”

 

“Your first impression was fine. I actually felt that way too. The reason my opinion of you changed was, as you know, because of a trivial misunderstanding.”

 

“So there’s definitely nothing about me that feels creepy or instinctively makes people recoil?”

 

“No way. What are you thinking every time you look in the mirror to say that?”

 

“Then… how did your thoughts change after that misunderstanding began?”

 

“I can explain it if you really want me to, but I don’t think it’ll help you much. The thoughts of someone who’s already formed a prejudice are incredibly narrow-minded. Your field of vision shrinks until it’s like looking through the eye of a needle—you only see what you want to see, and everything you don’t want to see… naturally disappears.”

 

“…….”

 

“That kind of evaluation isn’t very important. What matters is how you, Unha, think of yourself and how you act.”

 

I had no idea why this had suddenly turned into a compliment session. I didn’t come to his house for this. As I turned my head slightly, Kim Haejun, smiling awkwardly, handed me a drink.

 

“That’s exactly how I judged you back then. I nitpicked pointless things, assigned meaning to every little action you took, and kept inventing reasons to dislike you. I was like a racehorse with blinders on, focused on nothing but what was directly in front of me.”

 

“…….”

 

“So why should other people’s opinions matter? Just look at what happened. Once you started showing people who you really were, the opinion I’d formed of you back then… stopped mattering. You won over the viewers, made it into the debut lineup… and now everyone likes you.”

 

“…….”

 

“And from where I’m standing, it doesn’t really seem like Jegal Hwi is uncomfortable around you.”

 

“Huh? No, hyung. He definitely is.”

 

“You should try talking to him again sometime. I haven’t spoken to him that much either, but he wasn’t exactly easy to get close to. He seems to be the type to build walls….”

 

“Ah. I-Is that so?”

 

“Yeah. It looked like he only had three or four people he was actually close with.”

 

“I see.”

 

“This might sound funny coming from me… but sometimes when I look at you, Unha, I get the feeling you don’t realize just how loved you are.”

 

I knew people loved me. And that was probably….

 

‘Because of the Succubus’ Eye.’

 

And the votes were probably….

 

‘Largely due to its influence. No, that’s almost all of it.’

 

Perhaps because I failed to control my expression during this sudden praise, Kim Haejun gave a bitter smile and spoke again.

 

“And also, you don’t seem to know what an amazing person you are, or how good of a person you are.”

 

Now that was something that made me want to let out a hollow laugh. If he knew how I’d managed to survive over there, he’d probably turn pale and run away.

 

“The reason you kept your distance from the trainees at first was because you were cautious, worried you’d get hurt if you got too close, right? Am I right?”

 

It was a bit different from that… but I nodded anyway.

 

“And even now… the reason you’re suddenly distancing yourself from others again is probably for the same reason.”

 

I looked up at Kim Haejun.

 

“Am I right?”

 

I nodded once more.

 

‘What? This guy….’

 

He was frighteningly perceptive. He had already caught on to the fact that I’d been subtly distancing myself from people since the first vote ended. I remembered doing it bit by bit so that no one realized it.

 

Of course, the reason was a bit different from what Kim Haejun thought. It wasn’t because saying goodbye would hurt, nor because I felt uncomfortable opening my heart. I just simply didn’t have the leeway to care about that stuff right now.

 

‘As if I’d be crazy enough to cut people off first.’

 

Lee Unha’s public image would plummet to rock bottom in an instant…. Anyone in their right mind would never do something that stupid. In reality, it had hardly been noticeable. I’d just used being busy as an excuse to stop appearing in the group chat as often, or not participating as actively in conversations.

 

‘Kim Haejun is really perceptive….’

 

Then again, maybe that was why he’d noticed that I hadn’t been calling the other trainees by their names.

 

And on top of that.

 

Crucially….

 

‘Doesn’t this guy… feel strangely mature?’

 

He’d certainly been through a lot, but he didn’t feel like an ordinary teenager anymore. At some point, both his actions and the way he thought had suddenly become much deeper. His eyes even carried the kind of quiet wisdom you’d expect from some enlightened sage.

 

Was this simply the aura shared by people capable of creating things and bringing ideas into the world? It felt strangely unsettling that I—someone several years older than him—was sitting here receiving advice instead.

 

Then again… Lee Unha had never really been allowed to grow up. I never had time for personal growth, self-reflection, or the agony of finding my own identity. Those were times when I couldn’t think of anything other than survival, so it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say my time had effectively stopped.

 

As I absentmindedly scratched the side of my chin, Kim Haejun’s voice reached my ears once again.

 

“It’s okay to be a little more honest with yourself, Unha.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I think that’ll help you more than anything.”

 

By the time the second round of voting began…

 

It felt as though an endless maze with no exit had settled inside my mind.