Struggle Chapter 128

Nanyoung’s face blazed hot from the nape of his neck to the tips of his ears. He gulped down the non-alcoholic wine. He was so rattled that he even let out a whining complaint to the innocent barista, asking, “Is this really non-alcoholic?”

Even after being told it was practically grape juice with not a drop of alcohol in it, he couldn’t believe it. He had to get up since they’d finished even dessert, but the moment he stood, his legs gave out and he staggered as the floor seemed to spin. And then Taerok seized Nanyoung’s arm.

“Careful.”

Lee Taerok’s hands were extremely large. With wet eyes, Nanyoung looked at the hand that more than covered his arm and the silhouette of fingers handsome down to each knuckle.

“I’m… fine now.”

Yet even though Nanyoung said he was fine, Taerok kept holding on until he’d finished paying. At the stairs, it looked as if he was about to carry him, so Nanyoung shook off his arm first, grabbed the handrail tightly, and climbed up.

“…I’ll stop by the study room and then go.”

Nanyoung stood stubbornly instead of going to the car, and Taerok turned to look back at him.

“Quit fooling around and get in.”

The words he tossed out with a jerk of his chin had absolutely no consideration whatsoever.

“It’s because I don’t want to go with you.”

“Don’t you know that the more you act like that, the stranger what you said earlier becomes?”

“…”

“Get in. Before I force you in.”

Nanyoung couldn’t move, as if the soles of his feet were stuck to the pavement. In the end, Taerok put Nanyoung in the car.

Because he had called a driver service, they had to sit side by side in the back seat. Nanyoung turned his head to the window and breathed vacantly. His breath smelled of grapes.

Taerok’s reflection was visible in the window, and he was fiddling with his phone.

True to his word, he had taken a remark that could have been easily brushed off and made it intensely awkward, yet there was not the slightest sign that he cared.

‘It was better seeing him from far away.’

Nanyoung’s eyes stung, and pretending to rest his chin on his hand, he pressed his cheek hard with his palm. He could have done anything to distract himself from this feeling.

‘From far away was so much, so much better.’

He had admired Lee Taerok. He had idolized him. Since his first encounter with Lee Taerok in his memory, Nanyoung’s ideal had always been his uncle, his father’s younger brother. But Taerok had never seemed to show the slightest interest in him. That was clear even just from the doll gift he had sent, as if he didn’t even know how old Nanyoung was.

And yet, that very doll was why he had treasured it all this time. When he got back, he would throw it away first thing. He would throw away this feeling, too. What he had thought was admiration, what he had thought was idolization, what he had firmly believed was an ideal—right from today, right from just a moment ago, he could feel it changing strangely, swallowing him up unstoppably, unblockably.

In truth, it had already swallowed him; it just seemed he was only realizing it now.

When they arrived at the parking lot, Nanyoung stumbled out of the car. Before Taerok, who was handing over the driver’s fee, could turn around, Nanyoung headed for the front door as if fleeing. His hand, searching his pocket for his resident card, trembled uncontrollably.

“Lee Nanyoung.”

Even at a light jog, Taerok could catch Nanyoung with ease.

“Why are you acting like this. The more you act this way…”

“Yes. I know. That what I said earlier will become strange.”

Nanyoung snapped, unable even to look at Taerok.

Could it be that the drink he’d had a moment ago really wasn’t alcohol? When he was this dizzy, when his heart was pounding like this? When his whole body felt like it might burst?

“I’ve already ruined it. It’s already done for.”

Nanyoung twisted his wrist and pulled it free from Taerok’s hand.

“There’s only two months left until the exam anyway. Once those two months pass, I’ll leave. Just bear with it until then.”

Having found and swiped his card, Nanyoung hurried inside the thick iron door.

“Because I’ll leave right after the college entrance exam is over.”

Seen through the glass, as if it were fine as long as glass was between them, Nanyoung’s face, standing behind the door and foretelling their parting, was wet as if about to cry.

∞ ∞ ∞

Lee Nanyoung is avoiding me.

Taerok had no difficulty noticing it.

In fact, from that day onward, Taerok came home as early as possible, and on days when his schedule allowed, he left for work late. But Nanyoung, with the college entrance exam ahead, was assiduous.

At dawn, Taerok rose from his seat at the sound of a presence in the hallway. He saw Nanyoung emerge with a face scrubbed clean, likely from washing up to wake himself. Taerok, who had been waiting in the darkness, approached.

“Aren’t you managing your condition?”

Though startled to the point of being unable even to scream, Nanyoung stared fixedly at Taerok.

“If you didn’t keep startling me like this, I could memorize three more English words.”

“It’s not like you’re so underprepared that you need to memorize words now.”

“…Right now, you’re interfering with my condition.”

“Why. Do I make you nervous?”

“…”

“Am I making you tense?”

The closer Taerok got, the more Nanyoung backed away. Unfortunately, this was Taerok’s house, and Nanyoung had yet to move past the stage of being an invited guest. When he stepped back once more, there was a wall, and Nanyoung was cornered.

Taerok propped his arm above Nanyoung’s head.

“Am I on your mind?”

The leisurely voice was detestable.

“…Don’t interfere. I told you I’d be leaving soon. So you should cooperate.”

“I don’t want to cooperate.”

“You want me to fail the exam?”

“I don’t care if you do. It’s your exam, not my business.”

It was outrageous. Nanyoung let out a hollow laugh in disbelief and looked up. Then Taerok slowly tilted his head and murmured.

“Now you’re finally looking at me.”

“…”

The voice was so sweet it made his heart drop. Definitely sweet, yet it made his core tickle.

“Don’t leave.”

“…”

“Don’t leave, Lee Nanyoung.”

Nanyoung pressed his body closer to the wall. Still, there was nowhere to run. He scratched the wall with his fingertips.

“…If I’m coming on this strong, shouldn’t you be pushing me away?”

He asks in a roundabout way: Haven’t you caught on by now to what my feelings are? Even though Taerok wasn’t one to miss that, he gave no answer.

“At this rate, what if I suddenly went to where you sleep and kissed you?”

“Kissed?”

Taerok tilted his head, chasing Nanyoung’s evasive gaze.

“Would that be enough for you?”

His heart clenched as if being crushed. Nanyoung twisted his body to escape under Taerok’s arm. Even that wrist was caught.

“Even after the exam is over, don’t leave.”

“…”

“Wait until you become an adult.”

For what?

But this time, Taerok let go of Nanyoung’s wrist first.

The sound of slippers. Even his footsteps were like him. Every sound his slippers made against the floor tormented Nanyoung, as if his body were being scraped raw.

∞ ∞ ∞

He couldn’t go on like this.

While preparing for the college entrance exam, Nanyoung looked for a room in his spare moments. Since he was looking earlier than the peak season for finding places, there weren’t many listings.

Nanyoung had saved up a generous allowance separately, but most places in decent condition and close to the school he was applying to were newly built and considerably expensive. As he wanted to handle college life on his own without asking his parents for money as much as possible, the prices were somewhat burdensome.

“If you raise the deposit, I can adjust the monthly rent a little for you, student. Talk it over with your parents, and think about it some more. I’ll speak well to the landlord.”

If that was the case, he would have to contact his parents after all.

Unaware of the passing time, Nanyoung stood at the intersection for a long while.

Then, finally, he sent a message through messenger: ‘Hyung, are you up?’

∞ ∞ ∞

Taerok frowned at the international number, then answered the phone.

“Yeah. Hyung. What.”

—Are you not getting along with Nanyoung?

“You’re calling out of the blue just to ask that?”

However, contrary to his brusque tone, Taerok’s hand stopped.

—Because that kid says he’s moving out right after the college entrance exam. No matter how much I ask, he says you’re treating him well, but then I wondered if Nanyoung might have done something to offend you.

Taerok leaned back deeply in his chair. Then he turned his body toward the window.

“Nothing like that. We’re getting along fine.”

A shameless lie, without even wetting his lips.

They were not getting along fine. Lee Nanyoung kept avoiding him, and Taerok, to a degree he couldn’t even understand himself, kept chasing after that Lee Nanyoung. They were playing a game of tag right now. A game where neither knew how to win or what losing looked like, not even knowing what they’d do once they caught each other.

Even Lee Nanyoung probably didn’t know that Lee Taerok was in the middle of such a game.

“I heard about the schools he’s applying to. They’re close to my place. There’s no need for him to move out. Talk to the kid nicely for me.”

Taerok crossed his legs and slipped his hand into his pocket.