Struggle Chapter 134

The sound of water stopped. Soon, the guest seemed about to come out, but Taerok paid no mind. Rather, he securely cradled the crook of Nanyoung’s knees and the back of his neck and lifted him up. And right on cue, Nanyoung’s guest emerged.

The youthful boy he had seen before wore a startled expression looking this way. Not yet fully developed, but in nothing but his underwear, his frame and build were quite decent. If he grew up well just like this, he could become a fine man someday.

However, Taerok felt no sense of threat. Smiling like the generous uncle he was, he gestured with his chin toward the guest room.

“Your friend can sleep in that room.”

“Ah… ah, ah, hello.”

Sim Suhwan, who had been staring blankly in bewilderment, belatedly gave a bow of greeting.

“I’m Nanyoung’s friend….”

“Sim Suhwan. I know. I also know who your parents are.”

“Ah, are you acquainted with my parents?”

“Not that I’m close with them, I just know them.”

He knew everything about Sim Suhwan. Because he had looked into Nanyoung’s social relationships. Regarding that, Taerok didn’t have the slightest qualm.

And Sim Suhwan, without realizing it, covered his body with the towel. A feeling of excessive, over-the-top embarrassment washed over him.

“Nanyoung has fallen asleep, so I’ll have to take him. No need to clean up; just leave it and sleep comfortably.”

“Yes, yes.”

Sim Suhwan could utter nothing but an answer.

Taerok turned, holding Nanyoung. Until the two disappeared completely inside and the door closed, Sim Suhwan simply stood there as if rooted in place. And only after Nanyoung’s uncle vanished did that bizarrely intense embarrassment vanish too.

As if bewitched, on his way to the guest room, Sim Suhwan spotted Nanyoung’s room. Just by looking roughly through the gap of the open door, he could clearly tell it was Nanyoung’s room.

If his room is separate here, why is he taking him in there?

In place of the embarrassment that had dropped away the moment Taerok and Nanyoung disappeared, a discomfort, like being faced with a mystery box he shouldn’t touch, descended upon Sim Suhwan.

Fortunately, Sim Suhwan was drunk, and he simply moved on instinct. After shuddering, he went into the guest room and collapsed into sleep. As if wanting to shed this feeling of déjà vu without ever acknowledging it.

∞ ∞ ∞

The next day, Nanyoung opened his eyes not in the morning but close to midday, and realized he was in an unfamiliar room.

The last place he remembered being last night was definitely the kitchen, so where was this, and when had he come here? Startled, he bolted upright, and this time noticed that his clothes were different from his last memory too. He was dressed in a gown.

Nanyoung got up, swaying. Since he had never once entered Taerok’s room until now, he wondered if he had ended up somewhere else entirely. He was so shocked and flustered that his feet kept tripping over themselves. When he barely managed to grab the door handle and open it, he saw the familiar living room, with the tree that now, with the sun up, didn’t sparkle as it did at night.

It was Taerok’s house.

“Your friend left.”

Just then, Taerok appeared from behind Nanyoung. He had washed but hadn’t dried his hair, so his locks were still damp.

Nanyoung, who had only grabbed the door handle and stood there unable to go out, was pushed through by him. Shoved into the living room in his confusion, Nanyoung didn’t know what to ask first and merely moved his lips soundlessly. Even the dining table had been cleared spotlessly, so much so that he wondered if the events of last night had been a dream.

Passing Nanyoung by, Taerok filled a clean glass to the brim with water.

“A gentle, good-natured friend he was.”

Nanyoung stared blankly at the glass held out to him. It looked about to overflow.

“Though a bit lacking in audacity to like you.”

He was far too quick on the uptake…. Was there anything he could hide from his uncle? Nanyoung felt that in front of Taerok, he must be no different from this transparent glass.

“Drink. You must be thirsty.”

“…”

Nanyoung was excessively quiet and excessively meek. Taerok watched with keen attention as Nanyoung emptied the full glass.

Having drained the entire glass of water, Nanyoung clutched it tightly in both hands and spoke in a trembling voice.

“I, am Uncle’s nephew.”

“I know.”

“Lee Taerok is Lee Nanyoung’s uncle.”

“I know that quite well too.”

“And still, you are unbothered?”

He had skirted around and colored in all the important words. Yet Taerok understood. Of course. Because this story belonged to the two of them.

Taerok took the glass from Nanyoung’s hands, held it up, and smiled, Hm.

“I’m thirteen years older than you.”

“…Is that really the issue right now?”

“It’s something I’m seriously grappling with in my own way.”

“Are you not scared of anything else at all?”

“What should I be scared of?”

“People’s eyes, or my dad, or my mom…!”

“Lee Nanyoung.”

At Taerok’s heavy voice, Nanyoung flinched.

“We haven’t done anything yet.”

“Ahk…!”

“I have done nothing to you.”

Still holding the glass, Taerok crooked his knuckle and slowly stroked Nanyoung’s chin. When the soft flesh beneath the chin was touched, Nanyoung tensed so much his fist clenched tight.

“To my ears, it sounds like you wish something would happen between us.”

“…”

“Something you’d want to hide from people’s eyes or from your parents.”

“…Right now you’re just gently scratching at me to draw me out the way you want, aren’t you.”

“Clever.”

Taerok let out a laugh.

“Since you’re so clever, then you should know this too. That I’m waiting for you. That even though I could forcibly drag you out, I’m waiting for you to come out on your own two feet….”

“…”

“You know it, don’t you?”

Before he knew it, Taerok was tilting his head toward Nanyoung. Only after his head descended did Nanyoung realize.

“Congratulations. On turning twenty. Happy New Year.”

And that he had now truly become an adult—he only realized that then.

∞ ∞ ∞

— Happy New Year! Nanyoung-ah, are you getting along well with your uncle?

A boisterous clamor burst out. They were family who had called for his sake despite a time difference so large the date was different, but oddly, Nanyoung didn’t feel glad.

“Mom, Dad, Happy New Year to you too. Please pass it on to hyung as well. I’m getting along well with Uncle.”

Nanyoung spoke in a deliberately bright voice.

The family on the screen each asked after Nanyoung’s school or health, and then, gauging each other’s reactions, brought up the same thing as if on cue.

— Aren’t you lonely, with no family there? If you’re lonely or having a hard time, you can come here anytime, Nanyoung-ah.

— Yes. It’s a relief you’re getting along with your uncle, but Taerok has some difficult aspects to him, so you don’t need to force yourself to stay.

Though the words were clearly said for his sake, somehow he didn’t feel happy, and his mood soured.

“No. Uncle is good to me.”

So even as he defended him like this, something tugged at his heart, and he added one more word.

“Uncle is family. I’m not lonely.”

Yet that one line caught like a thorn stuck in his throat, refusing to come out. It was the same even after the call ended.

Uncle is family.

Really?

Do you really think so?

Curled up on the sofa, sitting without realizing the world outside was growing pitch-black, Nanyoung asked himself that the whole time.

Do you really think so?

The entryway light turned on, and Taerok returned. In both his hands were shopping bags. At the sound of his footsteps, Nanyoung, without knowing it himself, shot up and ran to him.

“…!”

Taerok, suddenly having arms wrapped around his neck and a whole body, a whole weight, flung onto him in an embrace, was so taken aback he couldn’t even offer a greeting.

“…”

Nanyoung held on desperately with his entire body, and Taerok stood still for a moment before setting down the shopping bags. With a soft thud, the bags toppled, and out spilled Nanyoung’s coat and scarf. Taerok wrapped his arms around Nanyoung’s waist and held him in a deep embrace. In the dark house, the beautiful golden glow of the fairy lights rippled along the wall, even past their season.

Taerok was affectionate in his own way. Just when Nanyoung would wonder what on earth this man wanted to do with him, Taerok would approach in a way that made his heart drop with sudden feeling. As it was, they had only hugged, and had never once spoken words like “what are we now,” so Nanyoung was often anxious. Because of that, he could do nothing but doubt Taerok and be plagued by the constant urge to run away. Considering he was twenty with his birthday not even past, it was unavoidable.

At times like that, Taerok would quietly come to his side and put on a movie and hold his hand, or, on his way to work, come into Nanyoung’s room and gaze at him for a long while as Nanyoung pretended to be asleep—expressing his feelings in these ways.

But really, what were they?