Struggle Chapter 149

Lee Taerok took off his glasses in displeasure and pressed firmly on the space between his brows.

He absolutely detested being swayed by things like this. If it were the real Lee Nanyoung, climbing on top of him and trying to catch his attention with clumsy words, he would gladly be swayed all he wanted, but this was nothing but his own imagination, wasn’t it.

By now, he’s probably pouring out all the pent-up feelings he’d kept in the embrace of ‘Mom and Dad.’ Just as he had looked at the passenger seat, Lee Taerok looked at the spot next to him on the bed.

Just then, his phone rang. It was a message from Lee Nanyoung.

Nanyoung

Are you asleep?

Lee Taerok stared at the text, which consisted of just two words, for a long time before replying. It was already eight minutes after the message had come. What had he been agonizing over.

No

During those eight minutes without a reply, Nanyoung must have been anxiously worrying.

As if to confirm his guess, a reply came back immediately.

Nanyoung

Can I call you?

The courage of the boy, who had been pale and trembling even before seeing his parents, was admirable.

As if giving a reward, Lee Taerok called first.

― Hello?

Nanyoung answered the phone in a hurry. It was before the ringtone had even finished its first full cycle.

Realizing that, and seemingly embarrassed, Nanyoung coughed awkwardly.

Lee Taerok laughed softly. He didn’t feel like teasing Nanyoung. I, too, looked at your empty seat over and over the whole way home, and even had the maudlin thought, ‘Was the bed I used to sleep in alone always this big?’ Teasing a child is not becoming of an adult.

“Why aren’t you sleeping.”

― I couldn’t sleep….

As if sheepish, Nanyoung added.

― Maybe it’s because I’m in a different bed.

No. It’s not because the bed is different.

“Not because I’m not there?”

― …

Taerok laughs softly. Just from Nanyoung’s silence, he can tell what expression the boy is wearing. Lips pressed firmly shut, brows sullenly furrowed.

“When are you going to sleep alone without your uncle.”

Though he had no intention of ever making him sleep alone, Lee Taerok teased him as if scolding, like asking when he’d sleep alone without his mother.

But with Nanyoung not before his eyes, even that lacked its savor and he had no motivation for it.

“Your uncle can’t sleep either. Because Nanyoung isn’t here.”

― …

He senses the sound of a sharp inhale from the other side. Lee Taerok reached toward the drawer. Smoking indoors was an extremely rare occurrence, and it was a bad habit that had disappeared entirely after Lee Nanyoung had come to live with him, but he found himself reaching for it again. He put the e-cigarette in his mouth and exhaled smoke. It was tasteless. He didn’t even feel like he’d smoked. In the end, he put it back after just one try.

A boy who, unlike other boys his age, was quiet and not boisterous. He certainly hadn’t taken up much space. Yet the space Nanyoung has left is vast. It’s hell we agreed to fall into together, but I’m afraid only you will leave. When I will be here for all eternity.

― Why do you say things like that?

Even though the distance between the room Nanyoung was staying in and the main bedroom his hyung-nim and his wife would use must have been far, Lee Nanyoung spoke in a whisper. That small, curled-up voice carefully tickled Lee Taerok’s ear like the footprints of a sparrow. Lee Taerok’s member began to erect. Without a hint of shame, he slipped his hand inside his underwear and grasped his penis.

“Say what?”

He even asked as if nothing were amiss.

Completely unaware of what was happening on the other end of the phone, Nanyoung asked, as if feeling wronged, whether he really didn’t know.

― Why do you keep calling yourself uncle… uncle?

When he said uncle, his voice suddenly grew much smaller. What a moment ago had seemed like the sound of sparrow footsteps now seemed to lick beneath the glans of Lee Taerok’s penis, sharp and ticklish like a chick’s tongue. The mood that had been at rock bottom slowly began to lift.

― You don’t usually do that….

“Mm.”

Lee Taerok scratches his throat and groans. Nanyoung mistook that short groan for a laugh or a casual interjection.

“Nanyoung-ah.”

Lee Taerok’s voice calling Nanyoung was thoroughly soaked. It was sticky and deep. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Across his exposed throat, his prominent Adam’s apple swam slowly up and down.

“What did you eat for dinner tonight?”

He casually asked about his day. All while masturbating.

“Did you eat the dak-bokkeum-tang your hyung-su-nim made?”

To Nanyoung, Lee Taerok’s voice seemed to give him goosebumps. Just as Lee Taerok heard Nanyoung’s voice and thought of a chick’s tongue, Lee Nanyoung thought of the rough tongue of a feline in Taerok’s voice.

But thinking it must be his imagination, Nanyoung gently and quietly told Lee Taerok all about his evening. Even though the distance between rooms was far, and his parents were watching a movie in their room, unable to sleep due to jet lag. Even though, with the surround sound system Lee Taerok had installed, there was no way his voice could be heard, Nanyoung pulled the blanket over his head and honestly confessed what he had eaten today, the conversations he’d had with his parents.

“Mmm. I see.”

Lee Taerok responded with unusual tenderness.

The innocence of Nanyoung, who unknowingly and honestly confessed everything he was asked, was both amusing and suddenly frustrating. It was as if Lee Nanyoung was tightening around his own throat. And yet, knowing that, he accepted it with both arms laid slack.

“Haa. Tell me more.”

Lee Taerok excelled at hiding things.

His hand moved faster and faster, and veins stood out on his neck.

In the end, he ejaculated to the utterly unremarkable story of how Lee Nanyoung had gone for a walk with his parents after dinner and bought and ate ice cream.

He grit his teeth briefly, and with the hand not gripping his penis, he clutched Nanyoung’s pillow.

Unlike someone who had just reached climax, Taerok lightly caught his breath, then, with the phone wedged between his shoulder and cheek, he pulled his hand free and grabbed a tissue.

In the meantime, Nanyoung’s chattering grew slower and slower, until finally, the sound of a small yawn could be heard. It was indeed time to sleep.

“Sleep now.”

As if nothing had happened, Lee Taerok soothed Nanyoung. His tone was as curt as usual, but as if those words held some power, Lee Nanyoung let out a very long yawn and gave a mumbling reply.

Strangely, even though it was just a phone call, sleep came. As if he were lying beside him.

― Good night.

At the greeting, which sounded as if addressed to a real elder, Lee Taerok let out a hollow laugh.

“Alright, Nanyoung-ah. You sleep well too.”

And so, he answered as befitted an elder.

The call ended, and Lee Taerok tossed the now-warm phone onto the side table. Then he headed to the bathroom.

Somehow, once wasn’t enough. The bathroom was filled with the scent emanating from Nanyoung and his own body. And Lee Nanyoung’s robe was there too. There was no reason for Lee Taerok to endure and hold back. Since he was already doing so plenty.

∞ ∞ ∞

Kim Saon whistled at the friend who had barged in before the shop was even open.

“Did you pull an all-nighter?”

“Give me some coffee.”

Lee Taerok brushed past Kim Saon as if pushing him aside. Then he casually lifted a chair that had been placed upside down on a table with one hand and set it down on the floor. The air about Lee Taerok as he plopped down onto it was somewhat rough.

“What’s wrong. Did your nephew give you a hard time?”

In the first place, Kim Saon had never even imagined Lee Taerok living with anyone else, even if it were a nephew, so he reacted as if it was bound to happen.

Even before hearing Taerok’s answer, he clicked his tongue and pulled a shot.

“They’re kids these days. Even if there’s a generation gap, you have to understand.”

“It’s not that.”

It had been Thursday when his hyung-nim and his wife returned. Saying he’d had a hard time taking care of Nanyoung all this while, they had, as a supposed kindness, taken Nanyoung away with them, telling him to enjoy some time to himself for the first time in a while. And of all places, they had gone all the way down to the edge of the land touching the sea below, making it hard to even drop by casually.

‘I worried that you might not have been able to date properly because you had your nephew with you. For the first time in a while, don’t worry about Nanyoung and rest comfortably.’

“Fuck.”

“What’s with the sudden curse?”

Kim Saon, who had been placing a coffee cup in front of Lee Taerok, turned around with his eyes wide in surprise.

Even if he wanted to date, his lover had been taken away by his own brother, so there was nothing to do. A day or two was enough, so wasn’t it about time he was returned? Lee Taerok was shamelessly asserting his ownership over Lee Nanyoung.

“It’s not that you’re mad because of your nephew, is it, really?”

“No.”

Lee Taerok, holding the coffee cup, frowned.

“No, maybe it is.”

“What the…. Whatever it is, I miss Nanyoung. Bring him over for the first time in a while. I’ll make him pancakes. Off the secret menu.”

“I can’t see him either.”

“Huh? Why?”

The aroma of the coffee cleared his head a bit. But that didn’t mean his condition improved completely. Ridiculously, Lee Taerok hadn’t been able to sleep. Ever since he’d sent Lee Nanyoung away. So it wasn’t unreasonable that he felt Lee Nanyoung, who had gone to his parents, had been taken from him. At least, that was what he thought.