Struggle Chapter 148

Lee Taerok folded his eyes into a smile and gave a greeting of welcome. Lee Nanyoung did not turn around. Though his back flinched at every single syllable of those words.

“Taerok-ah.”

It’s fortunate, Nanyoung-ah. That we share the same blood, that I can’t be excluded from this moment of reunion with the family you love so much.

“Let’s all have a family hug, all together.”

At his brother’s suggestion, Lee Taerok burst out laughing. Then he spread his arms wide. Wide enough to embrace Lee Nanyoung and his parents all at once.

“Shall we? As family.”

How fortunate it is, that I can’t be cut out of your life, that we are a relationship that cannot part even if we break up. Though you will never, ever know that I feel this way.

Isn’t it sometimes better not to know?

It is only natural for an elder to protect a younger. Lee Taerok intends never to reveal this thought to Nanyoung. Because Lee Nanyoung is a sensitive and upright greedy one.

As he held the three in his arms, Lee Taerok buried his face in Nanyoung’s hair. A familiar and lovely body scent met him. The same shampoo scent as mine. Nanyoung stiffened rigidly, and Lee Taerok put more strength into his arms. On behalf of his lover, who would be crushed to death if he tried to hug him fully.

∞ ∞ ∞

Nanyoung was so on edge, his every nerve focused on the back seat, that he couldn’t sit still.

At Lee Taerok’s suggestion that they have a meal first unless they were too tired, the answer came back that they had slept soundly on the plane and eaten plenty, so they needed neither—they wanted to go straight home. At those words, Nanyoung unconsciously let out a sigh of relief.

Lee Taerok, who could read all of Nanyoung’s signs since he was sitting right beside him, ended up laughing.

“So, are you two getting along well?”

Nanyoung’s father, and Taerok’s hyung-nim—with an age gap of seventeen years—asked.

“We’re getting along well.”

Lee Taerok answered nonchalantly.

“Maybe it’s because the age difference isn’t that big.”

Even if there was an age gap as lovers, considering they were uncle and nephew, it wasn’t that big of a difference.

“He’s such a quiet, gentle kid that he’s hardly any trouble.”

“Right. Nanyoung is a bit precocious.”

“It would be nice if he would act a little more spoiled, though.”

Lee Taerok showed respect to his older brother, with whom he had a considerable age gap.

In a way, it even seemed like he was drawing a line. His brother’s disappointment that his younger sibling, even when told it wasn’t necessary, would briefly drop formal speech only to quickly raise it again, was now a thing of the past. People adapt quickly.

“How is life abroad?”

“It’s not bad. It’s actually more comfortable than Korea. You’re also more at ease with me gone than with me here, aren’t you.”

“What are you saying.”

The implication of his brother’s words was that if he were here, wouldn’t it unnecessarily complicate the succession issue.

But this isn’t a monarchy. A corporation is not a kingdom. Since he had stepped down stating he had no ambition, there was no one to call him back, so why would he be wary. It doesn’t matter whether his hyung-nim and his wife are in Korea or not.

…Or at least, he could have said that a few years ago.

“If there’s anything uncomfortable during your stay, please let me know anytime.”

Lee Taerok glanced at Nanyoung and murmured.

“Aren’t we family.”

May there be no discomfort in everything during your stay, so that you never have reason to miss your home country.

Lee Taerok wouldn’t care even if the world came to know of his scandal, but Lee Nanyoung probably wouldn’t be able to. Lee Nanyoung would break. That is not something he desires either. How could he possibly wish for that…

They arrived at the house where his hyung-nim and his wife would be staying. Nanyoung’s mother caught hold of Nanyoung as he got out to help.

“Nanyoung-ah, you’ve seen your mom and dad after so long, so stay the night. Mom will make you something delicious. Let’s go grocery shopping together, have dinner together. Let’s spend some cozy time together.”

How dearly she must miss and how constantly her late-born son must be on her mind. If it weren’t for Lee Nanyoung’s stubborn insistence that he wanted to attend school in Korea, she would have taken him with her by force.

Nanyoung looked at Lee Taerok with wavering eyes. He merely gave a slight nod.

“Uh, uhh.”

“Right. Mom has been planning to make you dak-bokkeum-tang.”

In truth, it wasn’t even a matter to agonize over.

Nanyoung let out a groan deep in his throat, as if in pain.

A wave of self-disgust at the fact that he was agonizing over this washed over him at the same time. As if gently pushing his back, Lee Taerok spoke.

“Sure. Go stay over, Nanyoung-ah.”

Nanyoung looked at Lee Taerok. His gaze wavered.

“That’s the right thing. Your parents have come after a long time.”

At Lee Taerok’s words, Nanyoung bit his lip, then nodded.

“Okay. I… missed Mom and Dad too.”

It wasn’t a lie.

But it was also a lie.

He had eaten nothing but coffee, yet his stomach felt completely blocked up.

Lee Taerok carried the luggage in. His hyung-nim and his wife were touched by this small thing. It seemed they thought their once cold younger brother had suddenly become much more affectionate, but since he had already done everything he needed to for them even before the couple went abroad, they couldn’t really tell the difference.

“It’s clean. You had someone come in.”

“I cleaned it up before you arrived. I’ve also stocked the fridge with basics, but I’m not sure if there’s chicken. You’ll have to go to the grocery store with Nanyoung.”

“That’s nice. Going to a Korean grocery store after so long.”

As the couple went in ahead to look around the house, Lee Taerok and Nanyoung remained behind.

Having set down the luggage, Lee Taerok put his hands in his pockets and leaned toward Nanyoung, whispering.

“You were too tense.”

“Uht….”

“Don’t think about me, just act like you normally do. Like Lee Nanyoung usually is when he’s with his family.”

“…It’s exactly the same as back then.”

“A lie.”

“You don’t even know what I’m like when I’m with my mom and dad.”

“At least I know you’re enough of a child to call them Mom and Dad.”

He had lost again this time. Nanyoung looked at Lee Taerok as if it were unfair. Lee Taerok chuckled.

“A kid, a kid.”

Murmuring this, he lazily walked out after putting on slippers.

…He had thought Taerok would stroke his head.

Nanyoung fiddled with his hair, feeling the emptiness.

“How am I supposed to not think about you….”

It was absurd advice. Lee Taerok wasn’t a presence that grew distant or stopped surfacing just because he was out of sight. Even if he didn’t like him, even if he didn’t have feelings for him, that would probably be impossible. Once stained, he was like a mark hard to erase—no, like a scar.

Nanyoung tapped his own cheeks. He had to pull himself together. It wasn’t a choice forced on him by someone pushing him; it was his own choice. It wasn’t something to wallow in self-pity over, nor did he have the right to. Nanyoung steeled his mind thoroughly to become a perfect liar. Since he had no intention of ending this anyway.

∞ ∞ ∞

Lee Taerok gently expressed his refusal to his sister-in-law, who tried to keep him, and then left.

The entire drive home, he absently looked at the passenger seat. It was rare for him to sit in the passenger seat or to have someone ride there. Because of that, to him, the seat beside him was practically synonymous with Lee Nanyoung. Only after glancing at the seat beside him for the tenth time did Lee Taerok realize that he kept looking to the side.

Lee Taerok was very slightly, very minutely, flustered.

The flustered look of Lee Taerok that Lee Nanyoung so longed to see passed by in a flash.

Lee Taerok ran a hand over his face, shook his head, and looked ahead again. But it wasn’t easy to completely shake off a habit of his own once he had become aware of it.

Entering the house, he slightly furrowed his brow at the lonely silence, feeling not a single sign of presence.

To not want to go into the house.

It was a thought he’d never even had, even during adolescence.

Lee Taerok stood in the entryway and pondered for a moment. Should he go see Kim Saon, just like this? Or he had plenty of other friends. There were countless options of people who would come out if he called.

Then Lee Taerok suddenly thought of Lee Nanyoung’s narrow circle of human relationships. An empty laugh escaped him. He had no intention whatsoever of giving that trite advice to make more friends. Because he liked Lee Nanyoung’s narrow human relationships. He even liked that about him. Where did such a thing come from? When in reality, he had nothing in common with his brother, and all they had was a loose bond connected only by blood.

“Thinking about Lee Nanyoung again.”

Just like when he had absently glanced at the passenger seat, Lee Taerok clicked his tongue as all his thoughts concluded with Lee Nanyoung.

After washing up, he looked over documents that needed one more check and read a book.

‘I like it when you wear glasses.’

He suddenly raised his head, as if hearing Lee Nanyoung’s voice, which seemed to whisper, but no one was there.