Struggle Chapter 2

Taerok ground his teeth. His elder brother was frail yet astute. He could land eight out of ten shots, but simply lacked the stamina to fire ten.

“If Your Majesty sees me that way, then I suppose I am still foolish.”

“No. You are accomplished. I merely worry that you are so outstanding that you are lonely.”

“And so, is that why the Ministry of Rites is making every effort to seek a match for Grand Prince Baekan?”

“It is for your sake.”

Even though it was about himself, Taerok had no interest. The marriage was already somewhat late. He did not care who they found. Would they even manage to find anyone?

His first betrothed had suffered a fall from a horse, fell into a lingering illness, and passed away. His second betrothed had come to him in the dead of night, weeping and begging him to please break off the engagement because she had someone else in her heart, and so he did. The other party took responsibility for the reason. Thanks to the blemish on her household, that woman was able to marry the man she had wanted. Taerok knew that people whispered behind his back. The lonely grand prince. A grand prince like a tree frozen in the bitter midwinter cold.

“Even if the time is not yet right for the Grand Princess Consort, Nanyoung has reached the age to at least handle a wooden sword. Will you teach him?”

Taerok lowered his head and rolled his eyes. It was an expression of utter boredom and irritation. The very idea of looking after a child was absolutely loathsome.

At Taerok’s displeased expression, the king added:

“You do not need to be a good teacher. Though I said he must be able to speak well, I do not even expect that. Just, to that child….”

Taerok, who had been about to decline indirectly, felt a surge of irritation at that weak, affectionate tone devoid of any expectation.

“Affection that expects nothing is worse than hatred.”

And so, he ended up snapping like that.

“I will not be able to become the sort of good teacher that Your Majesty expects.”

Color returned to the king’s face.

∞ ∞ ∞

Taerok twirled the wooden sword in his hand as he watched the small figure walking from afar. Truthfully, he was already regretting this.

He had come to see him, but he would need to have met him before for the child to be familiar. He did not look like his nephew but like some unfamiliar little child.

How old was his nephew again? He could barely remember. Taerok asked Sa-on, who had grown up alongside him since childhood as both his companion and a fellow disciple under the same teacher.

“How old is he now.”

“Are you speaking of the young master, sir? He is five years of age this year.”

“Five.”

Right. He was five. Barely surviving until he turned five.

Taerok muttered. Nanyoung, visible in the distance, was exceedingly small. Of course, there was no child who would not appear so in Taerok’s eyes and compared to his own physique, but since the only image he could recall was from the child’s first birthday, that seemed to be why he appeared even more so.

Taerok tried to remember himself at age five. Naturally, he could not recall it well. It would be better to go to the Queen Dowager and ask her what he had been like back then.

“At that age, is a body normally that….”

Tucking the wooden sword under his arm, Taerok pressed down firmly on the empty air with both hands, roughly measuring.

“Small?”

Sa-on narrowed his eyes slightly and gauged the physique of Nanyoung, who was now much closer. Sa-on possessed an exceptional memory. This was the reason Taerok, who detested the incompetent, kept him by his side for so long. Within Sa-on’s clear memory, he recalled both Taerok’s physique and his own. Even considering that the two of them had been on the larger side for their age, the body of the young grand prince was certainly smaller than others.

“A bit….”

But how could one say to the legitimate son of the king that he was small or undersized? Sa-on scratched his chin.

“Uncle!”

Just then, Nanyoung approached and greeted him brightly, bending deeply at the waist. He did not speak quickly like typical children, yet his pronunciation was relatively precise. It seemed that while his build was small, he was not slow in speech.

“I meet you, Young master.”

Since the king was so un-authoritative by nature, even towards his own blood, Taerok played along. Since he had no desire to bend his waist and observe every formality towards such a little mite anyway, for this once he benefited from his brother’s ridiculous game of playing family.

“I offer my greetings. I trust you are in good health. I am called Im Sa-on. Please call me Sa-on.”

Inwardly, Taerok clicked his tongue at the loathsome sight of Sa-on kneeling to match the child’s eye level. Taerok, who had been frowning and watching his friend, flinched and looked down because of the sensation of his trousers being tugged.

“…What are you doing?”

Taerok asked, looking at Nanyoung, who had grabbed and pulled his trouser leg and was hiding his body behind it.

“…”

Nanyoung did not answer. Nanyoung’s eunuch came forward with a gentle laugh, offered a bow, and kindly explained the situation to Taerok.

“The young master has… begun to be shy around strangers… I am sorry.”

Nanyoung, still too young even to have received his first official title, hid behind his large uncle and glanced furtively at Sa-on. Taerok spun the wooden sword in his hand and asked, pointing at himself.

“I haven’t seen you very many times either.”

“Still….”

The elderly eunuch, momentarily flustered, answered with a benevolent smile.

“Still, is he not family… your nephew?”

Nephew, he said.

Though he had other nephews already, Taerok felt that the word was so awkward it chafed like starched clothes that did not fit. He looked down at Nanyoung with an expression of displeasure. He was too small. Just as Sa-on had seen, Nanyoung was undersized for his age. Looking down at the small head he could easily grasp with one hand, Taerok clicked his tongue with considerable harshness.

“Why are you sucking your hand?”

Having been separated early from his parents and living in his own quarters, Nanyoung was prone to loneliness. The eunuchs and court ladies did not treat Nanyoung as a young child but as a royal kinsman. One cannot sleep together with a royal relative. Lonely, Nanyoung was shy towards strangers and had been bending his index finger and chewing on the back of his hand.

“Your finger. I asked why you are sucking it.”

Taerok asked again in a cold tone. Only then did Nanyoung realize the remark was directed at him and raised his head, slowly withdrawing his hand. Clear saliva stretched in a string. Taerok’s face crumpled harshly. The eunuch hurriedly wiped Nanyoung’s lips and fingers with a cotton cloth. The red, swollen finger was so small Taerok wondered if it could even wrap around two of his fingers. No, could it even wrap around one?

There was a long way to go. Taerok suppressed the urge to go and spout complaints at his elder brother. Had it been the days when his brother was still a grand prince like himself, perhaps, but now that he had become king, Taerok could no longer do so.

Taerok bent his knees to meet Nanyoung’s eyes. Even bending his body like this, there was still a great difference in their eye level.

“A royal grandson must not do things like sucking his finger.”

Taerok’s tone was clearly honorific yet did not feel honorific at all.

Nanyoung followed Taerok slowly with his large eyes. For a moment, Taerok wondered if the child was perhaps dull-witted. It might have been because of his unusually large black pupils. Those large, clear eyes revealed nothing at all of what he was thinking. Nothing but Taerok himself was reflected in them. This was why children were so discomfiting. Taerok pulled Nanyoung’s hand and held it tightly. As if it hurt, Nanyoung cried “Ah, ah,” and frowned.

“Do not be shy around strangers either. Aside from His Majesty, His Highness the Crown Prince, Her Royal Highness the Queen, and Her Royal Highness the Queen Dowager, there is no one before whom the young master needs to be shy or ill at ease.”

“…What about you, Uncle?”

“I….”

Taerok paused for a moment and rolled his tongue against the inside of his cheek.