Struggle Chapter 42

“Uncle, how would you have taught me if I had asked? You acted as if you would never see me again, and in fact, you never once came to see me. And now you suddenly do this… I cannot understand it.”

“…”

“If I had come to you and said, ‘I think I like men,’… would you truly have found a man for me?”

The image of the man I desire is not just anyone from the marketplace, nor a man from a yangban family barely maintaining its lineage, nor a man from a meritorious subject family, you know…?

Nanyoung quietly let his tears fall, one by one.

From Taerok, who looked down at that sight, no answer came. “I think I like men”—if Nanyoung had come to him and said that, would he really have found a trustworthy bastard for him? Would he have commanded him to serve Nanyoung, even attaching an attendant to him?

Only after Nanyoung asked did Taerok realize the great sophistry in his own words. That he had no such intention from the very beginning.

“Are you angry about the fact that I committed sodomy, or are you angry because the other party happened to be Suhwan?”

“…”

“I truly… truly do not understand you, Uncle.”

Soon, Nanyoung’s chest began to heave rapidly, and then he started to cry grievously. As his face crumpled, the face of the Nanyoung whom Taerok had first met appeared.

Taerok, leaning his body over Nanyoung, did not show even the slightest movement. Even he was sorrowful. To Nanyoung, his uncle, like a great mountain, was frightening, welcome, and sorrowful.

“You wouldn’t even listen to what I said, and you wouldn’t even look at me…. So how could I speak to you? You were the only one I could confide my troubles to…. You told me not to act like a child with you. That such things were the role of my spouse. So that’s what I did. I wanted to know if I liked men.”

Nanyoung covered his face with both hands and sobbed. Taerok stared intently at Nanyoung’s wrists, which were beginning to swell thickly and had turned a ripe pink, and at Nanyoung’s lips, visible through the gap that was slightly open because he could not properly bring his hands together due to those wrists.

The Commander-General’s son.

He had disliked him from the start. The look in his eyes when he looked at Nanyoung was displeasing. I am his uncle, and I must play the role of brushing off any unsavory things that attach themselves to my nephew. I made a promise with Lee Nanyoung, so I had to be his ally. Then shouldn’t I do what Lee Nanyoung wishes? Am I not obliged to share even the secrets that I can bear but he finds difficult to bear, and not be a coward who pretends not to know?

But Lee Nanyoung… I do not know what Lee Nanyoung wishes for.

Taerok reached out his hand. He pushed between Nanyoung’s palms and gripped his cheek tightly. With a few shakes of his head, the hands covering his face fell away limply. The face, a mess of tears, was delicate. During the time he had kept his distance, deeming it necessary, Nanyoung had grown much, and that growth startled Taerok anew. It was disconcerting and unfamiliar, and as much as it was so, he was instinctively averse to it. But more strongly than that aversion, he was fascinated.

Only after seeing him did he realize that he had been longing for Nanyoung all this time. Though it was deeply regrettable for both of them that their reunion had to be in this manner.

“…Say that the Commander-General’s son kissed you by force.”

Taerok, clenching his teeth, pressed him.

“Say that he grabbed your unwilling wrist, pinned you down, and kissed you by force, Lee Nanyoung.”

Nanyoung clenched his teeth as well.

Coincidentally, though Nanyoung had not grown into the image of a man like Taerok whom he admired, he resembled Taerok’s temperament more than any other family member. He had raised him, he had brought him up—strong proof that they were connected by blood.

“It was something I asked for.”

“…”

“You are the one who grabbed my wrist and pinned me down by force, without me asking, Uncle.”

Nanyoung did not back down from Taerok, even if it was tormenting him. Even Suhwan, the Commander-General’s son, had backed down.

“So, there is no reason whatsoever for you to be this agitated, Uncle.”

Taerok pulled his upper body back for a moment. As the arms that had been like two pillars trapping him withdrew, Nanyoung’s face softened instead. The harder the opponent pushes in, the harder he responds. This is my temperament. Taerok was forced to admit it.

Who would have known that Min Nanok, whom he thought he would mutually despise, would become his accomplice, and that Nanyoung, whom he had considered would become the most his, would be so incompatible with him.

Taerok let out a short, hollow laugh.

Then, in a voice deceptively sweet, he asked.

“So, how was it, having done it? Did you come to a decision? With just a kiss, can you know?”

“…”

“I see that you are indeed still confused, dear nephew.”

Taerok murmured.

Nanyoung averted his gaze. It was something Taerok could not forgive. He squeezed Nanyoung’s cheek tightly.

“If so, this uncle will teach you personally.”

Did he mean he would teach him confusion, or teach him to dispel the confusion?

At the ambiguous end of his words, Taerok hastily bent his waist.

Nanyoung’s eyes grew as wide as a bright lamp. Taerok’s lips touched his. Nanyoung’s knees jumped up. But his upper body could not move an inch. Taerok was pressing down on Nanyoung’s chest with his elbow, and his wrist hurt far too much to push him away.

Besides… unlike with Suhwan, this was not merely lips touching lips.

With Suhwan, he could feel everything coldly, from the skin of his lips to his body temperature. It was just a part of the body touching, nothing more. But Taerok… his uncle was different.

Over Taerok’s forearm, Nanyoung’s slender ribs could be felt. It felt as if he could crush them if he pressed down and finally check what was inside. With that kind of intent, Taerok pushed his tongue in instead.

“…!”

Nanyoung’s eyes widened even further. Unlike Suhwan, Taerok also had his eyes open.

It feels like I’m being devoured…. Nanyoung trembled violently. But it was not due to fear. That it was not due to fear made Nanyoung even more afraid.

Tongue and tongue connected. It is said to link the heart’s core. It felt as if Taerok’s tongue was licking the most secret place in his heart. The kiss with Suhwan had never been like this. The hand that had been clutching Taerok’s arm, at least with the wrist that was still intact, finally slipped down limply. Only then did Taerok also detach his lips.

“Giving up?”

“…”

Pressed down, his lips trembled, flushed bright red with congested blood. Nanyoung was terrified and, at the same time, excessively excited. It was a convulsion his weak body could not withstand. Taerok lifted Nanyoung’s upper body and held him. He propped up one of his own knees and leaned Nanyoung against his thigh. Is this the end… he did not know if it was regret or relief.

“A moment ago, I was too unkind.”

But it was not the end until Taerok ended it.

“So this time, properly open your mouth and properly suck my tongue, dear nephew.”

Taerok’s second kiss was much stickier and more lingering than the first. It was as if Nanyoung’s body was barely visible from the lower body down, and the rest was entirely covered and swallowed by Taerok. Taerok held Nanyoung’s chin to prevent him from closing his mouth and licked thoroughly inside.

He thought he knew most things about his nephew, but he did not. Come to think of it, there were so many things he did not know. Over the five years that passed fleetingly like illusion, the things he did not know had increased even more.

‘What kind of existence do you truly wish to become to Grand Prince Heonui?’

Though brief, the eyes of the woman with whom he had formed a fake marital bond were accurate. She knew Taerok better than he knew himself. What kind of existence did he want to become? Before, wasn’t it enough to just be his uncle? Still, wouldn’t it be nice to have at least one blood relative whom he cared for and cherished? That was about it. But now… from now on, Taerok was about to find out what kind of existence he wanted to become.

At first it was a rumor, then it was a fact, now shall it become a scandal, dear nephew?

Nanyoung’s tongue was soft. He had thought that no matter his temperament, the nature covering it resembled his elder sister’s and was gentle—but that very part was being revealed right now on the tongue that was pressed together and rubbing obscenely against his.

The kiss, which had begun as if to block his breath, as if to swallow him, gradually softened as Nanyoung’s struggling strength waned. Looking at Nanyoung’s flickering eyes, Taerok breathed heavily, blowing breath into the mouth he was touching. Nanyoung’s chest heaved.

“…”

Nanyoung’s face was pale with shock.

It was not simply because of the overt and far more lewd contact. When Suhwan’s tongue had touched his lips, the feeling had never been like this. That was just a wet lump of flesh, not something that made him feel like this….

The confirmation was complete.