Struggle Chapter 73

Only the sound of rain filled the space between the two. The raindrops were still thick, and the wind that had at least been blowing had now stopped, the drops only plummeting straight down, pat, pat.

“That’s right. Just yesterday, you brought up marriage, didn’t you, Nephew.”

“…”

“Indeed, it would be quite troublesome if the groom’s belly were swollen ahead of the wedding ceremony.”

Nanyoung’s mouth fell open at Taerok, who was speaking such vulgar words as if he were genuinely concerned for him.

“I’ve known since you were young that you were good at enduring things, and that you fulfilled your role as Grand Prince admirably rather than giving in to personal desires, but that only works once or twice. That lie might fool the servants, but it doesn’t fool me.”

“…”

“You’re the one who wants to stay by my side, Nanyoung.”

Nanyoung’s face slowly reddened, the color rising from his chest, up his neck, to his cheeks and ears.

“Don’t… jump to conclusions like that.”

Even as he hesitated, Nanyoung stated it clearly.

“Uncle, it is you, in fact, who seems to overestimate yourself. I’m not… that fond of you, not to that extent.”

So you are fond of me, then?

Taerok stared directly at Nanyoung, who didn’t realize he had made an inadvertent confession.

“I see.”

Taerok muttered, shifting his hand to prop up his chin. Then he murmured to himself. Then he sneered at himself.

“I’m not the one in a hurry, yet what a state I’m in…”

Even as he laughed hollowly, Taerok did not let Nanyoung go. And so, unable to escape his embrace nor fully settle into it, Nanyoung held his breath.

As if chasing the dying of Nanyoung’s breath, the raindrops, too, were gradually weakening.

∞ ∞ ∞

“Now that the rain has stopped, I think it best you return. It’s not good to keep the master of the palace away for too long.”

After the meal, Taerok, who had been out without a word to Nanyoung, returned and said this abruptly.

He said he would attend to some business for a while; had he gone out? Taerok was wearing a formal hat and a dapho overcoat. Nanyoung, who had been in the room painting the orchid that Taerok had broken, raised his head.

“…This orchid has a broken leaf.”

Could he be flustered now that he was actually being told to leave? Taerok’s gaze slid from Nanyoung, who was saying something completely unrelated, to the orchid.

“Ah.”

He had broken it himself.

“It’s a precious thing…”

To say “It’s a precious thing, I broke it while thinking of you” — Taerok ignored the remark, because the state Nanyoung had shown him was vexing. Unaware that his own behavior was hardly befitting an elder.

“Prepare to leave, Grand Prince Heonui.”

At that stiff, utterly rigid tone, Nanyoung awkwardly rose from his seat.

His own clothes had become soiled, so he was wearing Taerok’s. Because of this, the jeogori Nanyoung had on was far too big, not fitting him at all. Watching Nanyoung change his clothes with his back to him, Taerok suddenly became curious. If he pushed him forward right now and pressed inside him, Nanyoung would have to stand on his tiptoes. Would his body lift off the ground entirely, or not?

“My clothes…”

That viscous fantasy was cut off by the words Nanyoung hesitantly offered.

Taerok fetched Nanyoung’s clothes, which he had said to warm on the heated flue floor to dry. Finally donning something that fit him, Nanyoung changed from ‘Lee Taerok’s Lee Nanyoung’ back into the nephew, ‘Grand Prince Heonui.’

“I have to receive a guest, so I won’t be able to escort you.”

“A guest?”

Taerok strode over and tied Nanyoung’s goreum ribbon more securely. Thinking he hadn’t been heard, Nanyoung asked again.

“Uncle, a guest?”

“Yes.”

“Wh-what kind of guest?”

“…”

“C-could it be Min Ikhwan and…”

“You seem to have eavesdropped on everything.”

Taerok smirked and turned Nanyoung around. Then, holding his shoulders and tilting his head, he whispered.

“I don’t want to harm you, Nephew, so you can just pretend you didn’t hear, pretend you know nothing, and go back just like this.”

But how many people could actually just go back after hearing that?

Nanyoung turned back around and grabbed Taerok. Clinging desperately to his arm, he pleaded.

“Why, why are you trying to meet those people again! Am I your only nephew? H-His Majesty the King is also your nephew…!”

Taerok twisted Nanyoung’s wrist—the one he had already ruined once—peeling his grip away, and warned him firmly.

“That nephew is different, because I don’t want to do these things with him.”

Dressed impeccably enough to receive a guest or go out at any moment without fault, Taerok pulled Nanyoung in and kissed him.

Taerok’s kisses were different, distinct enough that they could never be confused with anyone else’s. He would press his lips and then inhale sharply as if stealing breath. And then he would enter the other, who was about to suffocate, and wreak havoc. It was a breathing-in exactly like his lovemaking.

The strength in Nanyoung’s grip loosened. Even so, Taerok did not release his wrist.

“Do you think I’m the kind of bastard who lusts after anyone just because they’re my nephew?”

“…”

“Don’t call him the same nephew. And… if you’re going to speak that nonsense, then don’t be jealous of His Majesty, of your own brother.”

Nanyoung, his face pale, stepped back.

That man was a stranger to him. At the same time, he realized with newfound clarity just how much leeway Taerok had been giving him all along. He had known everything. He had been meticulously digging into feelings Nanyoung himself hadn’t been aware of.

Nanyoung glared at Taerok.

“…Knowing all that.”

“…”

“Since you know everything, since everything is laid bare before you, does everything seem easy to you? Does treason also seem like it will be easy?”

Taerok looked down on Nanyoung as if daring him to go on.

“You are far too arrogant, Uncle.”

“…”

“I don’t know where the uncle I admired has gone. I re-regret having felt that way.”

Nanyoung shed tears like beads, plop, plop.

“Why are you so cruel…”

“…”

“It would hurt less if you just hit me. If you… if you just hit me instead…”

At the sight of Nanyoung crying so sorrowfully, Taerok’s face faintly twisted. When he cried, his eyebrows and the corners of his eyes drooped down, and he sobbed with his eyes nearly closed, unable to see straight ahead—it was exactly the same as when he was little.

“Do you hate me?”

Taerok was quite taken aback.

“Is it because I am His Majesty’s younger brother that you dislike me?”

Nanyoung now misconstrued all of Taerok’s words and actions, believing they were solely meant to humiliate him because he was the king’s brother. If that was his intention, then indeed, his uncle had every reason to be arrogant. Because it felt as if both his feelings and his dignity had been thoroughly trampled.

And Taerok offered no answer at all.

It would have been better if he had at least lied and said no. If he had soothed and coaxed him as he always did, then Nanyoung, too, could have foolishly let it pass, just as he always had.

Nanyoung roughly wiped his face with the back of his hand and opened his eyes wide.

“Not everything… will go the way you want it to, Uncle.”

“Ha…”

Was this all the retort he had? Taerok was dumbfounded by the sound, so foolishly pure. So he let out a short laugh.

Exhausted and worn to tatters over the past several days, Nanyoung was no longer hurt by his sneers. Instead, he turned around and left the room.

“Grand Prince Heonui. Do you intend to go out alone without a single attendant?”

“Do you think I’m a child?”

Even amidst it all, his briskly walking footsteps were quiet. Taerok followed behind Nanyoung at a distance. He stopped and stood, watching him put on his shoes. The weather had cleared before he knew it, and Nanyoung, standing in the sunlight, glared at Taerok deep within the main hall, within the shadows.

“Aren’t you the one who knows best, Uncle, that I am no longer a child.”

“…”

“I will take my leave now. I cannot even pay you the empty courtesy of saying I had a pleasant stay, Uncle. May you be well.”

Nanyoung bowed his head slightly, then turned away coldly.

Taerok did not follow after him. Instead, around the time the sound of footsteps disappeared, he returned to the room and slowly bent his knees to sit down.

“…”

One by one, one by one, he picked up the papers Nanyoung had drawn on. Every piece was exceedingly elegant. The poems written on them were all different and only of considerably difficult content—when had he even memorized all those?

“…Clever.”

Taerok quietly stroked his chin.

∞ ∞ ∞

Not long after leaving Taerok’s residence, Nanyoung reached the first alley and spotted a familiar face.

“Sim Eung…!”

“Oh my, Young master.”

It was Sim Eung, having come out wearing a formal hat. Sim Eung approached, making the sort of wailing sounds an old person would make—oh my, oh my—and examined Nanyoung with great care.

“How could you not have missed your humble servant? You said you would be gone just a little while; how could you have stayed away so long?”

“…You’re fussing even more than I do, somehow.”