Struggle Chapter 92

“Don’t vomit blood, don’t be sick—that’s what helps.”

“…”

Perhaps having developed a taste for it, Taerok lifted the spoon several more times. Only after he had repeated the act until the bowl was suitably empty did Taerok finally extend his chopsticks to the other side dishes. A few pieces went into his own mouth, a few into Nanyoung’s.

Only the quiet sound of spoon and chopsticks touching the bowl could be heard.

This tranquility felt awkward, as it had been so very long. It was as if nothing had ever happened between them.

“How is His Majesty faring…?”

Nanyoung, having wiped his mouth, asked carefully.

“He is in good health.”

That wasn’t all… there was so much else to hear. There was so much to ask, yet no topic he could rashly broach, so Nanyoung kept his lips tightly shut.

Taerok, knowing everything, pretended not to notice.

“He has been asking after your well-being.”

“Ah…. It has been quite some time since I last paid my respects to him, after all.”

“So. Will you go see him?”

“…”

Nanyoung looked intently at Taerok. His gaze, seen over the rim of the cup, was cool, as if probing.

“It seems to me you are sounding me out right now, Uncle.”

“I cannot say that isn’t so, Nephew.”

Taerok answered, mimicking Nanyoung’s stiff tone.

“What is it you are curious about?”

“Indeed. I wonder that myself. The reason why, even now when everything is already finished, I find it disagreeable that my nephew should meet my other nephew.”

“…”

“Perhaps it is because I fear you will act as if everything is over between us.”

“Only up to the treason… was what we agreed upon.”

“We did say that, but we did not consider the emptiness that would follow after giving that up.”

Taerok watched Nanyoung’s wavering eyes, then let out a short laugh and bowed his head slightly.

“Enough. Why should I put on any more airs at this point?”

“…”

“If I were to say that even if my rebellious ambitions are finished, I do not wish to end the scandal between you and me—would you then gnaw at yourself alone again and vomit blood?”

“I….”

“Before even broaching the subject, you vomit blood first, making it so I can’t even ask my nephew to praise your uncle who has returned after doing a great deed, hm?”

Nanyoung suddenly felt that Taerok, who was thirteen years his senior, seemed like someone his own age. Perhaps it was because, though Lee Taerok was pretending otherwise, he was anxious, and Nanyoung could see the pretense. No, even this might be my own illusion…. Still, the thought that such an uncle was, dare he say, endearing, and the realization that his uncle was only human after all—even if it was an illusion, it was a somewhat hopeful illusion.

Nanyoung lightly touched Taerok’s knee. At that, Lee Taerok inclined his head toward him like a moonflower blooming at night. Nanyoung leaned in toward that face. He pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips.

Sim Eung had already found out anyway. Now, Taerok’s treason was no more. As his uncle had said, yes, why should he put on any more airs at this point? Just as Taerok had concluded his affairs, Nanyoung, too, was preparing to tie off a plan of his own.

“I wish for you, Uncle, not to be remembered as a villain by future generations.”

It was Nanyoung’s sincere feeling. And he hoped this would serve as an apology in advance for what he himself was planning.

“I hate that people hate you and fear you. I hate it.”

The word “hate,” repeated twice, was filled to the brim with sincerity. When he said “I hate it,” he even shuddered.

Taerok gave a faint smile. The edge of that smile was bitter.

“For me, it would be enough if only my nephew did not hate or fear me. Though, since I’ve been rather nasty to you all this while, is that already a lost cause?”

“I… don’t hate you either, Uncle.”

“For someone who doesn’t, you’ve said ‘I hate you, I hate you’ quite a lot.”

“That was then….”

“Haa… I give up one treason, and Nanyoung treats his uncle this well.”

“I’m not joking.”

Nanyoung pushed away Taerok, who had pulled him close and was rubbing cheek against cheek, looking troubled. In his own mind, he was being perfectly serious, but Taerok apparently was not.

Sure enough, Taerok immediately offered his own indifferent opinion.

“How long does a Grand Prince even remain in the memories of future generations?”

“But it’s better than being remembered as a traitor. I don’t want you to be remembered as a king who deposed his own nephew.”

Nanyoung moved behind Taerok and embraced him.

“So… please don’t hate me too much.”

Wrapping his arms around Taerok’s neck and burying his face against him so his expression could not be seen, Nanyoung hid his eyes.

Taerok quietly stroked the back of the embracing Nanyoung.

“…My nephew concerns himself far too much with useless things. Though I may have acted somewhat nastily, there was never a moment I hated you. Why would you worry about such a thing?”

“I suppose I’m just repaying some karmic debt in advance. On your behalf as well, Uncle.”

“If it’s something like that, don’t push yourself unnecessarily. I do not fear future generations.”

Taerok lowered his hand and grasped the arms wrapped around his waist.

“What I fear is that someday, I will regret not having embraced you now. I simply do not wish for you to become my regret.”

There is a word that denotes the regret of not having done something certain. It can be a good deed, or an evil one. Both apply. To Taerok, that boundary seemed truly ambiguous. That is, he was certain that no matter what choice he made, no matter how different the path, Lee Taerok would have ultimately lain with Lee Nanyoung, his nephew thirteen years his junior. Because that was the only way Taerok could prove his own existence without regret.

“So… will you embrace me?”

Nanyoung asked quietly.

Taerok felt certain that now, Nanyoung would willingly be the first to reach out his arms.

But instead, he simply pulled Nanyoung, who had drawn slightly away, back into his arms and held him.

“Yes. I will embrace you like this.”

Strangely, it did not feel empty. More than ever, it felt like an act of profound meaning.

∞ ∞ ∞

This autumn, there was an unusual amount of rain. The foul weather weighed heavily on the people’s minds as the harvest approached. And outside the concern of the common folk who were preoccupied with making a living, the sentences of those who had plotted treason were carried out.

The atmosphere was exceedingly grim. The new king had more firmness than the late king, and before him stood Lee Taerok, who had taken the lead as a blade, personally consolidating power. With clear evidence and a bloodcurdling atmosphere, even if anyone dared harbor doubts about Grand Prince Baegan, there was no one who could raise them, and they could only quietly hold their breath. If you raise your head, you might be struck down recklessly. Keep yourself safe. Don’t go about carelessly.

Fortunately, the skies cleared and autumn sunlight finally shone down, yet it seemed as if dark storm clouds hung over the senior officials, especially the venerable, meritorious families that had believed their lineages would endure for a long time.

“Lee Taerok. He is the problem.”

Each of them lamented.

“That man is blinding His Majesty and running wild as he pleases. The truly dangerous one is him.”

“But his momentum is overwhelming, and His Majesty trusts him deeply, so what can be done? And what of that Kim Saon who struts about with Grand Prince Baegan at his back? I hear the position of the Sunwibu is being elevated, and there is already widespread talk that he will be the next Dojejo.”

“What of Grand Prince Heonui? How is Grand Prince Heonui faring these days?”

Naturally, Nanyoung, too, came to be mentioned amid those hushed whispers.

Young men of the same age, who had never before even visited, began knocking on Nanyoung’s door. But Lee Nanyoung admitted no one. There were even those who tried to use Sim Suhwan to make a connection, but Suhwan, too, was deeply distressed and lying ill, unable to meet anyone. Above all, was this not a time when Sim Suhwan’s family, too, must simply keep themselves safe and ever safer?

Even while confining himself to his quarters, every time Sim Suhwan dreamed, he saw Lee Nanyoung. Yet what Suhwan feared, what caused him to wake with a start from his dreams, was not Nanyoung, but the presence of Lee Taerok, who seemed to glare down at him from behind Nanyoung like a heavenly guardian king.

Amidst all this, Lee Nanyoung quietly entered the palace.

“Grand Prince Heonui.”

The king greeted Nanyoung with a somewhat weary face. Nanyoung felt ashamed before that haggard countenance.

“I behold His Majesty the King.”

Even with his head deeply bowed in prostration, he still could not lift his face in shame.

“I am glad you have come. I have missed you greatly.”

Only upon facing his younger brother did the king realize just how tense his own shoulders and neck had been. A throbbing pain clamped down on the back of his head.

“Have you been in good health all this time?”

“Yes, well. The palace has been somewhat turbulent, but my body is in good health. And you, Grand Prince Heonui, have you been well?”