I’m Not Doing This With A Friend Chapter 96

 

I didn’t close the door to my quarters until Carson was completely out of sight.

 

Quickly, I turned around to get under the covers.

 

Every girl in the dormitory was looking at me, and their eyes were glittering.

 

I felt a little embarrassed, but I calmly spoke, “Why are they looking at me like that?”

 

The girls also started to open their mouths and started to squirm.

 

“Leen is so nice!”

 

“Did you see how he just warmed up the room with a snap of a finger?”

 

“And what about the quilt? That wasn’t something he brought on purpose.”

 

“I’m most jealous of Carson’s ability to be so sweet to Leen.”

 

“Exactly, that’s the point. He’s a cold Northern Archduke, but he’s warm to his girl…!”

 

I rolled my eyes in disbelief.

 

“Well…”

 

Technically, the Duke of Lysianthus’s estate was not in the North. Not only was Carson not the Grand Duke, but I wasn’t his woman.

 

“Don’t be silly. I’ve seen more of you guys than anyone else in four years.”

 

Carson had visited our class at least once or twice.

 

“But even though I saw it then, I was too busy looking at Carson to tell you, Leen.”

 

“And I’m kind of used to it at the Academy, but it’s even more surprising to see it out here!”

 

She giggled and grabbed my hand.

 

“I’m afraid it’s too late for you, but how about we have a little chat?”

 

They gave me a sinister look. I hesitated and tried to pull my hand away. But my hand was already firmly grasped.

 

“I don’t know what you’re expecting, but it’s not what you think it is.”

 

“Well, we’ll know that when we hear it, won’t we?”

 

Somehow, she seemed determined to hear it.

 

I quickly thought of something else to change the subject. Suddenly, a pillow caught my eye.

 

“Hey, guys, how about a pillow fight instead of talking about something so silly?”

 

One of the kids heard my suggestion and held up her pillow.

 

“This is my pillow, is it okay?”

 

The pillow she held up was a very sturdy-looking neck pillow. I realized that if I got into a pillow fight with that, this could be my deathbed.

 

For fear of my life, I raised the white flag.

 

“…Are you sure you want to hear the juicy stuff?”

 

“Of course!”

 

We all sat around the table afterward.

 

The room was cramped, so we sat in a circle, but it looked like a round pit.

 

At first, everyone was asking the same old questions. Questions that asked for group opinions rather than individual questions.

 

“Who do you think is the coolest person in our class?”

 

Everyone agreed on this one except one.

 

“Kun.”

 

“Kun.”

 

“Leen.”

 

When everyone shouted ‘Kun,’ the lone person who shouted my name was Jane.

 

“Jane…?”

 

She raised one eyebrow at the stares directed at her.

 

“What? You didn’t say anything about cool people having to be guys.”

 

“I’m sure…”

 

“Leen is cool.”

 

Unexpectedly, there was agreement with Jane’s argument.

 

Nancy, a fellow Leli-club member, in particular, slapped the ground and regretted her choice.

 

“Hmph, I can’t believe I nominated Kun over Leen!”

 

I was the one who was rather embarrassed by their reaction. I thought they were all going to be incredulous.

 

“Me?”

 

I pointed my index finger at myself, and they nodded in agreement.

 

“In which part?”

 

“Well, you’re pretty…”

 

“And that you’re the one who invented the famous cure for hyperhidrosis.”

 

“Or that you’re not shy in one-on-one situations or around people of high status.”

 

“That you don’t shy away from helping others! Even Leen is kind to me, isn’t she?”

 

“And the fact that she holds flowers in both hands no matter what?”

 

“And two of the highest ranking people in the whole school.”

 

The last kid covered his mouth with an apologetic look.

 

“Oops. Can I tell you this?”

 

“It’s a private matter. Honestly, is there anyone here who doesn’t know who Kun or Carson are?”

 

“No.”

 

“That’s right. They’re not above calling you names when you’re not looking.”

 

“And if you’re going to argue, you should have done so when I called him the Northern Archduke.”

 

They didn’t seem to care about the titles.

 

“So, Leen, who do you like better, Carson or Kun?”

 

Again, I let out a small sigh. The answer was obviously the first one.

 

“Kun is only after me because I helped him once, no other reason.”

 

At my defense, they exchanged glances, looking at each other’s faces.

 

“But…”

 

“Carson’s being so mean to Kun, don’t you think it’s because he has a crush on you?”

 

“Yes. He’s bound to be sensitive about things like that when it comes to someone he likes.”

 

I squinted slightly and thought, ‘Carson already knew that Kun liked me?’

 

It wasn’t impossible. Carson’s eyes lit up whenever I spoke to Kun. Not so much when I was talking to Fjord or Hans.

 

In retrospect, I think it was only when I noticed a subtle change in the way Kun looked at me that Carson started to become more aggressive with Kun.

 

Today, at team assignments…

 

On paper 26, Carson had collected all the shares of everyone close to me.

 

Except for Kun’s.

 

Kun had taken it for granted and gotten his own paper.

 

After a long moment of silence, lost in thought, everyone took a step back.

 

“Well, Leen, if that’s what you think…”

 

“No reason for us to cry if we’re not a part of it.”

 

“Well then, let’s get on with the real questions, shall we?”

 

“Okay!”

 

After a moment of silence, one of the kids mustered up the courage to speak up.

 

“Since you said that Kun isn’t… then Leen, what do you think of Carson?”

 

“Wow. I’ve been wondering about this.”

 

“That’s right. Carson’s been chasing you for four years now, and you’ve always been a bit of a dummy, Leen.”

 

Each of the girls’ eyes was tinged with anticipation as they looked at me.

 

I was about to say, ‘I don’t like him,’ when suddenly a whim struck me.

 

Suddenly, I had a change of heart. For once, in front of others, I wanted to be honest.

 

“I do like him, reasonably, of course.”

 

Ohhhhh!

 

The room instantly heated up at my words.

 

“Wow! I honestly thought Leen had stopped seeing him as a man altogether because she was so guarded.”

 

“I thought it was Carson’s unrequited love, but it’s a two-way street!”

 

“What the hell, is this the couple of the century that transcends status?”

 

“When did they start liking each other?”

 

“Then why didn’t you start dating sooner?”

 

I laughed bitterly at their excitement. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand their reaction. 

 

Everyone dreams of a prince on a white horse. But you also have to realize that reality sometimes takes a different turn.

 

“Because you know that I, a commoner, will never be able to marry a Duke.”

 

“Oh…?”

 

“So I pushed him away.”

 

A hush fell over the room.

 

The pupils of the girls’ eyes grew cold. They looked like they’d woken up from a dream and realized what was happening.

 

Someone turned to Jane urgently, as if to change the subject.

 

“Jane, Jane, you’ve been with Hans for about two years.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How far along are you?” I ask curiously. 

 

Immediately, their eyes sparkle.

 

“…What, like, a kiss?”

 

“I’m surprised!”

 

“Well, Jane, I knew it would be more than that, given your daring personality.”

 

Jane shrugged, one corner of her mouth lifting.

 

“I guess the age gap between us is why I’ve protected him until he’s an adult. I’m already thinking about it.”

 

“Kyaaaah!”

 

Jane’s declaration reignited the atmosphere. From there, the other girls started talking about their experiences.

 

“Speaking of which, I’m in the next class over from Sam…”

 

It was a fun conversation that flew by.

 

🍃

 

It’s dawn, and everyone has gone to bed. I slowly sat up and looked around.

 

Everyone was sleeping, tired from all the physical exertion of yesterday.

 

“I want to get some sleep, too.”

 

I couldn’t sleep today. I usually sleep so well that I could put my head anywhere.

 

It was a night with so many thoughts that I couldn’t fall asleep easily.

 

After tonight, winter break would begin. The thought of how little time I had left was taking over my mind and making me restless.

 

I had decided that after graduation, I would cut off contact with everyone except Hans, with whom I had business entanglements.

 

For my own good. And for my friends who might be harmed by having known me.

 

To ease my depression, I grabbed my coat. I thought I’d get some fresh air.

 

The first thing that greeted me as I opened the door to the lodge was a light dusting of snow falling across the mountain.

 

I stretched out my hand, and after a few moments, the snowflakes fell onto my palm.

 

From a distance or up close, the pure white snowflakes were as beautiful as ever.

 

The snowflakes quickly melted into water due to my body heat. I stared at my empty hands and felt a strange sense of emptiness.

 

“I thought I had it, but in the end, I have nothing left,” I thought to myself.

 

I squeeze and unclench my hand. I didn’t want to catch it in the first place.

 

Knowing I wouldn’t be able to catch it, but also being stupid.

 

Still, I took it easy, thinking there was plenty of time. I think I vaguely thought, ‘It’ll work out somehow.’

 

I wiped the remaining moisture from my hands onto my clothes, which were now soaked and darkened in color.

 

“…Ah.”

 

A small realization dawned on me.

 

‘There was nothing left.’

 

In some form or another, it has stayed with me. Even now, it’s dampening down on me.

 

The snowflake landed in my hand again. I stared at the unexpected snowflake.

 

Yes, if I wait, another one would visit me, just like this one. Even if I never see this one again, the memories of our time together would remain for a long time.

 

So then, was it right to regret trying to catch the snowflake?

 

No, it was a meaningful experience in itself. The moment the snowflake touched my hand was sweet.

 

That was enough. I lowered my hand and began to walk slowly around the perimeter.

 

It was dawn, but I could see well enough. I’d left a few small lights burning around the perimeter, as the beasts were averse to light.

 

‘I wonder how long I’ve been walking.’

 

Not far away, a blue light glowed faintly.

 

“…Mana?”

 

Mana was sometimes visualized in monster habitats. It was a phenomenon caused by the concentration of mana in one place.

 

It wasn’t an easy sight to see, so my eyes naturally went there.

 

One step, two steps.

 

I walked toward the light as if mesmerized.