My Alpha Era Began with Gongjindan Chapter 73

“Jungyoon.”

“What?”

“What do you think love is?”

“Sunbae, why are you asking that kind of question while eating kimchi fried rice?”

“Then what should I be eating when I ask…”

A sense of déjà vu struck me. I vaguely remembered Nam Jungyoon asking me, while eating kimchi fried rice, whether Jung Pureum liked me or not.

I picked at my kimchi fried rice and let out heavy sighs. Nam Jungyoon, who had a good appetite, waved his spoon and told me to give it to him if I wasn’t going to eat properly.

When I pushed my half-eaten kimchi fried rice over to him, Nam Jungyoon looked at me with pity.

“What now? Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Is that regular patient, Lee Seolwoo, still eyeing Pureum?”

“I don’t know about that… Lately, he’s just been picking up his medication and leaving.”

“Then why on earth are you wasting away like this?”

“It’s hard to explain in words.”

“This is ridiculous, honestly.”

After cleaning up even my share of the food, Nam Jungyoon got up and left first. What a heartless vice director. Do you know how much incentive I’ve given you!

But the vice director, who works as much as the director, grumbled that regardless of whether the director was dying or not, he should at least properly hire more staff. This is why raising a vice director is utterly useless.

“Sunbae, love isn’t something you do with your head—it’s something you do with your heart.”

“Are you type A?”

“Why are you asking about blood type?”

“No, you just seem emotional, like a type A.”

“Sunbae, you really are….”

And just like that, I was abandoned by Nam Jungyoon.

Setting aside the unhelpful Nam Jungyoon, I decided to ask the same question to Kim Miyoung. Since Kim Miyoung was a capable nurse assistant, she might just give me a masterclass on love.

Besides, Kim Miyoung was the only married person among us. You got married? Then of course you’re a love expert.

“Nurse, what do you think love is?”

“Director, are you still watching dramas these days? What’s with all this love talk again?”

“It’s just that my mind has been so complicated lately, and the world feels so difficult.”

“Hmm… Come here.”

When I stepped closer, Kim Miyoung placed a hand on my forehead.

“You don’t have a fever, but that’s strange.”

“….”

“You’re not going to spout more nonsense and then go off to a blind date, are you? I’m worried sick every time you do this.”

The only married person immediately started suspecting my condition. What did I ever do to deserve this suspicion?

I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to be alone. It wasn’t that I was sulking because my staff refused to give me sincere advice. I just needed time to sit alone in the director’s office and contemplate what love really is.

“He’s sulking.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Just leave him. He’ll go on a rampage again about love being an illusion.”

“I think Pureum would fix it if he came.”

“Want to bet on whether the director goes on a rampage or not?”

“Sure.”

…This is the first time I’ve ever found my staff so resentful.

From now on, I’m going to remove the yulmucha tea bags from the break room, and I’m not going to properly hire more staff either. They’re betting on me? And they’re doing it without me for tomorrow’s lunch? This is betrayal.

“You two, what brings you both out here?”

While I was debating whether to throw open the director’s office door and shout, “This is betrayal!” a familiar voice cut through Kim Miyoung and Nam Jungyoon’s conversation.

It was Jung Pureum.

I subtly crept closer to the door. It wasn’t that I wanted to hear Jung Pureum’s voice more clearly—I just suddenly felt like standing near the door.

“You’re early today? Training going well?”

“Same as always. Today isn’t training—it’s my physical therapy day, so I finished early.”

“Physical therapy? You’re not hurt, are you?”

“Come on, nothing’s wrong.”

Listening to the three of them chat, my mouth itched to join the conversation. But right now, I didn’t have the confidence to face Jung Pureum directly.

I had realized over the past weekend that I truly, really, very, very much liked Jung Pureum.

Because I liked Jung Pureum, I was so worried about his future that I felt like I was going crazy. Just like my family who surrounded me, I wanted to cling to Jung Pureum and rail at him that I wasn’t good for his future.

“Hyung?”

But Jung Pureum didn’t know my complicated feelings. He threw open the director’s office door without knocking and widened his eyes when he saw me standing right there.

“What are you doing standing here?”

I had been eavesdropping on other people’s conversation….

I rubbed my cheek awkwardly and backed away. Jung Pureum followed me right into the director’s office with long strides. An utterly unhesitant advance.

“Hyung, you’re having strange thoughts again, aren’t you.”

“Strange thoughts? I’m not having any at all.”

“Yes you are. Something feels off.”

I kept backing up until my body hit the director’s desk. It wasn’t a hard impact, so it didn’t hurt, but I had nowhere left to retreat.

In front of me was Jung Pureum, behind me was the director’s desk. Caught between a rock and a hard place, I met the gaze of Jung Pureum, who was eyeing me suspiciously.

“…What, don’t stare too long. I’ll wear out.”

Had he always looked like this? I knew he was handsome, but suddenly every feature of Jung Pureum’s face—his eyes, nose, mouth—stood out vividly.

If Nam Jungyoon had seen me now, he might have teased me for having “the reaction of someone who’s never dated.” Or maybe, as Kim Miyoung said, I had watched too many of the romance dramas my mother recommended and gone a little crazy.

I guessed at my own condition and leaned my upper body back. As my body tilted backward, Jung Pureum reached out, saying I might get hurt. Almost instinctively, I grabbed his hand.

“Your hand is warm now.”

“That’s because I have a fever.”

“Are you sick? You didn’t overdo it again, did you?”

It’s because of you….

I quickly let go of his hand and turned in another direction. The director’s office wasn’t small, but there was no more space to escape.

“Hey, Pureum.”

“Yes.”

“What do you think love is?”

“Hyung, are you sure nothing’s going on? Did some new medicinal herb called ‘love’ get discovered in the world of Korean medicine while I wasn’t looking, or….”

As they say, you reap what you sow. Just like Kim Miyoung, Jung Pureum started worrying about my condition.

“It’s not that. It’s just….”

“Just?”

“No matter how much I think about it, I think I really do like you.”

Isn’t that the world’s most unromantic confession? If you like someone, you like them—not “I think I like you.” Why am I so unsure about my own feelings?

Whether I writhed in self-loathing or not, Jung Pureum looked at me with a brightened expression at my words.

“Because I like you, I’m so worried about your future I could go crazy…. What if you ruin your life because of me!”

“….”

“As the adult, I should have kept my head straight! I should have maintained our relationship properly!”

Words that bypassed my brain popped out one after another.

I wanted to phrase things more gently, but with Jung Pureum right in front of me, my already frequently malfunctioning language filter had completely broken down.

“I’m starting to wonder if love isn’t just a highly evolved expression of worry.”

From beyond the door, I heard Kim Miyoung shout, “I won!” And though I had never called love an illusion, Nam Jungyoon admitted defeat in a mournful voice.

Whether the two full-time staff members carried on or not, Jung Pureum opened his mouth with a serious expression.

“Hyung….”

“Mm.”

“What I think love is—it’s stopping hyung from having thoughts like this….”

That love sounds really exhausting….

And so, I was dragged out of the office by Jung Pureum about an hour early. Jung Pureum pulled me—the director—out, and no one stopped him. Rather, Kim Miyoung even waved at me, saying to come back when I was feeling better.

As a result, I once again found myself at the apartment community center swimming pool.

Because Jung Pureum had dragged me here, saying that when you’re overthinking, the best thing is to use your body. His promise to finally make me float this time sounded like a threat.

I’m not a swimmer—I’m a delicate Korean medicine doctor. An offensive-style Korean medicine doctor, sure, but I’m not water-attuned.

Nevertheless, Jung Pureum pushed me into the water without mercy. Half-clinging to Jung Pureum, I did one lap around the pool railing.

“Huff, haah… N-now I really can’t think of anything.”

“There’s no way that’s true after just one lap.”

“No, I think it’s entirely possible.”

“Think? See, you can still think.”

And so we did two more laps.

After that torture-like special training, amazingly, I could actually float. If you try, you can do it! It was a moment of realization for that quintessential Korean motto.

But without Jung Pureum’s hands, I would still sink just the same. I clung to Jung Pureum for dear life. Being flustered was no longer the issue—I was too young to drown like this.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“I know what hyung is worrying about.”

How would you know, unless you’re a mind reader….

It was a rather mysterious thing to say at an apartment community center swimming pool. I looked at Jung Pureum, limp like a soaked piece of seaweed.

“You’re worried that because of hyung, my pheromones might go out of control, or I might get caught up in a scandal… things like that.”

Jung Pureum was a mind reader. He knew everything.

“…That’s only natural to worry about.”

“No, that kind of worry isn’t natural at all.”

Jung Pureum slowly let go of the hand that had been holding me. Although it was only for a very brief moment, I could stay afloat for a few seconds without his help.

“I’ve never imagined a future where hyung closes down his clinic because of me. Even if I date hyung, or bond with hyung, or marry hyung—hyung will still be a Korean medicine doctor.”

“….”

“But hyung keeps worrying about me. Whether I’ll keep doing well, whether I might fail as a swimmer because of hyung….”

Surrounded on all sides by water, there was nowhere to hide.

Clinging to Jung Pureum, I darted my eyes around. At times like this, I found it hard to believe that Jung Pureum was eight years younger than me. Rather, he seemed more mature than I was. Because he always said the right things.

“Please see me as an equal to hyung.”

It was a very clear demand. Don’t treat me as someone who needs protection because I’m young—see me as a person who can fully hold my own. It was exactly what I had always wanted to say to my family.

I dropped my gaze. Because the pool floor was blue, the rippling surface looked as if someone had dissolved blue paint in it.

“Please love me properly.”

Whenever I wavered, Jung Pureum always held me tight like this.

It had been that way since my hardest days in university. A kid much younger than me had grabbed hold of me and spoken to me first, and thanks to that, I could easily tell Jung Pureum things I couldn’t tell anyone else. Because Jung Pureum always waited for my words and my feelings.

He had always been my understander. And yet, instead of becoming his understander, I was still only thinking about being his protector.

I dunked my head into the water. The lukewarm pool water wasn’t particularly helpful for clearing my mind. But it was enough to sort out my tangled thoughts.

“Pureum.”

When I lifted my head back up, Jung Pureum was still looking at me. Our eyes met directly. Come to think of it, he had been looking at me like this for a very long time.

“You, make sure you win three gold medals.”

“I will.”

“Promise.”