A Scorching Day Chapter 43

All this time, Gawon’s life had been treated like a house without doors or walls. Even though it was his own life, it wasn’t his. The world had always trespassed into Gawon’s life at will, trampled it as it pleased, and only after thoroughly soiling it would let out a sated, mean-spirited laugh.

How many times had he resented the existence of God while living? If He truly existed, Gawon had wished that He would feel at least a shred of remorse for his wrongly made life and apologize. But there was no way anyone would apologize for a shabby life that had been damaged from the moment of birth.

For that reason, when Gawon heard Ki Joon’s apology, he even felt a light dizziness. It felt as though something was pressing down on his chest.

The ones who had harmed his life were elsewhere, yet Ki Joon, who had nothing to do with it, apologized to him. With a face that looked pained as if pierced by a nail.

I judged you as belonging to their world and pushed you away, yet you tell me you’re sorry for hurting me.

“But still… I hope you’ll understand at least this one thing.”

Ki Joon murmured with his head bowed.

“I will never, ever do what my father does.”

“…”

“I promise you clearly. I’ll make sure nothing like that ever hurts you again.”

A complex mix of emotions swirled, then surged intensely. He was grateful to Ki Joon and sorry for him, and at the same time, he found this boy unbearably lovable. How could he not like him?

“Yeah. You… you’re more suited to being an athlete than a gangster.”

The heat in his eyes, which he had forced down, seemed ready to rise again. To hide his choked-up heart, Gawon deliberately forced a faint smile.

Ki Joon, who had been downcast and avoiding his gaze, slyly lifted his head. A spark of lively brilliance flickered in his eyes.

“Right? You think so too, don’t you?”

“Yeah. If possible, become a champion and hang a medal around my neck—that’d be even better.”

“Of course. Just trust me. I’ll hang so many on you that your neck gets heavy.”

At the joking remark, Ki Joon cracked a brief, goofy smile. But for some reason, the shadow over his face didn’t easily recede.

“…Hey. Gawon. By any chance…”

Ki Joon hesitantly opened his mouth. His fidgeting fingers betrayed his anxiety.

“Yeah?”

“After seeing me like that yesterday… are you scared of me too?”

Ki Joon’s downcast gaze wavered. That sight… The tyrant from yesterday, whose very eyes had changed, immediately came to mind. The punches swung without hesitation to harm others. The cruelty that dragged people’s dignity to the ground and humiliated them.

But Gawon slowly shook his head.

“To me, you’re just Ki Joon.”

The thoughts that had complicated his mind were now clearly sorted out. Gawon had decided to believe only in the boy standing before him right now. Once he made up his mind, he didn’t waver.

“Hah…”

Ki Joon beamed brightly. His face was filled with obvious relief.

“I won’t show you that side of me again from now on. Of course, I’ll never forgive any bastard who does that kind of thing to you… but if something like that ever happens again, I’ll beat them up where you can’t see.”

“…That conclusion seems a bit off.”

Either way, it was absurd. A chuckle escaped him. Yet he couldn’t help but admit it. Ki Joon had gently melted Yoon Gawon from the roots, and in the end, had brought him down into his arms.

“Ah, right. Gawon, could you say that one more time?”

“…What?”

“You said it earlier. That you like me too…”

“What, again? You heard it once, that’s enough.”

He felt as if hot steam might burst from his ears. How much effort had it taken for him to say that single sentence…

“It’s just hard to believe. Because it makes me so happy… so that’s why.”

How could this boy say such things so casually? Anyway, it seemed not just anyone could pull off a confession.

“Hmm?”

For some reason, Gawon couldn’t look Ki Joon straight in the eye. His face felt like it would explode. Yet Ki Joon playfully tilted his head and tried hard to peer into Gawon’s face.

Embarrassed, Gawon pushed Ki Joon’s face away with his remaining hand. But Ki Joon grabbed even that hand and interlaced their fingers. He rubbed his face against their joined hands like a puppy and smiled.

“Yoon Gawon accepting me… I feel like I’m dreaming.”

Slowly bringing Gawon’s hand close to his face, Ki Joon carefully pressed his lips to it.

“I’m so happy…”

The soft touch landed like delicate flower petals. Once, twice, three times… As if worshipping a noble being, his movements were extremely cautious.

His heart pounded like a drum. He didn’t dislike it. It was just… this sensation was so unfamiliar. Overwhelmed by the pure, intense yearning pouring down on him uncontrollably, Gawon froze without even thinking of pushing him away.

“It tickles…”

His body twisted involuntarily. Where exactly was it ticklish? Ki Joon was kissing his hand, so why did somewhere in his chest feel ticklish…

“Ticklish?”

Ki Joon, with his lips still pressed to the back of Gawon’s hand and his eyes lifted upward, gave a faint smile. His lips moved against the skin, and warm breath brushed the back of his hand like dandelion seeds.

The moment their eyes met, this time, light goosebumps rose across his entire arm. Feeling a small electric current like static electricity, Gawon tried to slyly pull his hand away. But Ki Joon, as always, didn’t let go of Gawon’s retreating wrist.

“I won’t let go.”

He slid his fingers over the stubbornly grasped wrist. His warm body heat gently caressed the tender flesh on the inside of his wrist.

“Now that I’ve caught you… I won’t let go.”

“What is this, are you a child or something?”

A laugh escaped him. Ki Joon now even stuck his head in and subtly leaned against his side. He looked exactly like a large dog slyly wedging its body in, asking to be petted.

However, having already seen his wounds, Gawon’s mind was in a rush. They had already spent a lot of time talking. His thighs and hips must be hurting a lot… Gawon lightly, without hurting him, patted Ki Joon on the back.

“We need to treat you first.”

“Yeah.”

“Hurry up, take off your pants and lie down.”

“Okay. But just a moment… let’s stay like this for just a moment.”

Just as Gawon tried to make him lie down, Ki Joon instead subtly pulled at Gawon’s wrist. Gawon, who had been about to reopen the ointment cap, ended up flopping down beside Ki Joon.

On the bedding where he had been lying alone just hours ago, thinking of Ki Joon, he was now lying face-to-face with this boy. At this surreal scene, Gawon blinked slowly. Ki Joon, lying face-to-face with him, whispered softly.

“So… pretty.”

Ki Joon reached out and gently stroked Gawon’s forehead. The touch that swept aside his fallen hair was as careful as if handling a glass craft.

Soon, Ki Joon raised his upper body, and a shadow fell over Gawon’s face. Slowly, their faces drew closer. The atmosphere instantly grew tense.

“…”

Without realizing it, he swallowed hard. His eyes wavered briefly, but then Gawon slowly closed his eyes.

The soft sensation that had been pressed onto the back of his hand just moments ago now landed on his forehead. Brushing his hair behind his ear, Ki Joon kissed Gawon’s forehead once more.

That fleeting moment felt like an eon. The touch of his fingers and the soft lips against him were so vivid that Gawon could barely breathe.

“…Really pretty. Yoon Gawon.”

The thick, suffocating scent of Ki Joon receded. He gently opened his eyes. Ki Joon, staring at him and murmuring as if spellbound, looked like he was dreaming. Two flustered gazes tangled chaotically.

His face began to burn red. Gawon had no idea what to do and dropped his gaze. His lips trembled like a dragonfly’s wings.

At that moment, Ki Joon suddenly buried his face in the pillow and let out a shout—”Aaaargh—!”

“…?”

Startled, Gawon stared at him with a bewildered expression. Not only the outcry, but Ki Joon was even thrashing his legs about as if swimming, writhing wildly.

“You scared me, what’s wrong?”

“Ha, shit. I’m really going crazy.”

The voice muffled in the pillow rumbled. Words like “going crazy” and “Yoon Gawon really did, to me, how…” kept coming through.

“This really isn’t a dream, is it? Ha, if I open my eyes and it’s a dream… what do I actually do?”

After making a fuss for a long while, he lifted his face and muttered. Is he really that happy? What on earth about me makes him this happy…

Gawon found it simply fascinating how this boy revealed his emotions so unreservedly. He was also somewhat dazed by the passionate affection that came charging at him like a blind dog.

And he was scared.

Something he had never possessed before was sparkling right before his eyes. Even though it was being offered to him, he was afraid to reach out and touch it. For Gawon, who had been born with nothing and had nothing to lose, the precious thing he held for the first time was so wonderful yet so terrifying.

It felt as if he had received a bag of immense treasure, but one worm capable of devouring everything was mixed in among it. The enormous sense of loss he would feel when he inevitably let go of the brilliance and joy he now held was already eating away at his heart.

So that’s how Ki Joon felt, too. Afraid that if he opened his eyes, all the feelings he was experiencing right now would disappear.

Having practiced loss from an early age, both Ki Joon and himself couldn’t even fully rejoice even when they gained something precious. Thinking that made his heart ache.

Gawon gently reached out and placed his hand on Ki Joon’s nape, still buried in the pillow. It was an extremely careful gesture, like a petal fluttering down on the wind.

“…!”

Yet even that light touch elicited a huge reaction from Ki Joon. His fussy movements stopped abruptly. A red flush began to slowly rise along his long, straight neckline. Watching Ki Joon’s nape turn red like a ripe persimmon, Gawon smiled silently.

It was a smile carrying a kind of resolve. The reasons he had pushed Ki Joon away still remained, but he had a detached conviction that they could no longer affect him. It was a pure desire to reciprocate the boy who charged fearlessly ahead in his first love.

“It’s hot here, Ki Joon.”

“…Touch me more.”

Ki Joon’s voice had dropped a tone lower. He asked in a husky voice.

“More, touch me more…”

What a total clingy baby… As Gawon dismissed him, his own earlobes had also grown somewhat warm. His slender fingers moved slowly. He gently stroked Ki Joon’s head, his earlobes, his nape.

Like a giant dog, Ki Joon leaned his massive body against Gawon and lay stretched out, not moving an inch. As if focusing all his senses on this childish, ticklish contact, he barely breathed and received Gawon’s touch.

“…I like it too.”

Gawon’s locked voice was quietly drawn out.

“I like you a lot too… Ki Joon.”

So much so that yesterday’s events felt distant. So much so that the reasons he had pushed you away were all forgotten. So much so that, with just you, nothing else mattered anymore.

It was a warmth he had never experienced in his life. Gawon closed his eyes as if reciting a prayer. Wishing that this time would last as long as possible, he stroked Ki Joon’s head endlessly with sincere longing.

Just as you showed me a new world, I hope I can give you good memories too. Just as you came to me wearing a warm season, I hope I can become an unforgettable season for you.

And so, may my unhappiness never harm you…

∞ ∞ ∞

You came to me as the spring of eighteen.

I held your hand and welcomed that year’s summer. We spent that season—as hot and passionate as you—going back and forth between your room with its cool air conditioning and my room, seized by the cruel heat.

Having never once attended a cram school, summer vacation had always felt like an endlessly long stretch for me. During that time, you constantly traveled between my house and school, staying by my side.

I would sometimes wait for you in front of your gym, and after training, you would run to me, carrying the scent of cool mint. Wearing a black sports T-shirt, carrying a Nike gym bag, and wearing dazzling white sneakers.

With you by my side, the second semester held no fear. There seemed to be no shortage of unsavory whispers trailing behind us as we stuck together like shadows, but after “that day,” no one dared to utter such things in front of you, who now reigned supreme over all the males in the classroom. Thanks to that, I could enjoy school life more comfortably than ever before.

That year’s bitterly cold winter was also enjoyable because I was with you. On snowy days, we would set aside all our stress and roll around in the snow like children.

We took pictures of the snowmen we built together, had snowball fights that were no fun because I won every time, and afterward, we’d buy fish cakes and ramen at a snack bar to warm our frozen bodies.

You always lavished me with words of love, gently held my hand, softly caressed my cheek, and tenderly kissed my forehead.

But you never crossed beyond that line. Sometimes—no, quite often—you looked at me with eyes burning with hot passion, but somehow you swallowed, crushed, and digested it all on your own. Your patience, born of treasuring me, sometimes surpassed my imagination.

As much as you endured, you often spoke of our future together. For that, I was even more grateful to you.

Until then, the future for me had been merely a desperate measure I conjured up to escape the rancid, rotting present. Though I struggled to live better than now, I had never held great expectations. The bright future I could envision, having been submerged in a gutter all my life, had its limits.

But you were the first person who made me look forward to things. To a future where I could live freely with you. To an image of us attending classes together, eating together, traveling together, and nurturing our love to our hearts’ content.

Just imagining it made the blood in my entire body race fiercely. It drove me to cling to my studies with even greater tenacity. I wanted to become someone who wouldn’t be ashamed of you, who would soon become a splendid champion. I, who had barely scraped by in life, was now dreaming of a dazzlingly bright future.

It was the first time in my life I felt that life was offering me even a little hospitality. That was, no matter what anyone said, all thanks to you.