I Married Because I Wanted To Live A Normal Life Chapter 67

Chapter 67

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It was not easy to continue a royal lineage with a history of over a thousand years.

Of course, there were instances in Kleinin where the legitimate bloodline of the royal family changed. It could be due to a brother not producing an heir and passing the throne to a younger brother, or a younger brother staging a coup to seize the throne.

However, the five noble families, known as the pillars of the country, never dared to plot a coup against the royal family, despite occasionally supporting specific princes.

While not as staunchly loyal as the Catlan or Ophius families, who were classified as pro-royalist, the other three families were generally submissive to the royal family.

I speculated that this was due to the peculiar power that flowed through their veins, a power that even wizards couldn’t sense or measure.

Only the royal family possessed the ability to perceive this sense of ‘we are different from others.’

The sense of solidarity shared by those who understood could have been perhaps one of the reasons why this country had been able to endure for so long.

But has that solidarity weakened along with our power?

Now, more than ever, the five noble families were at odds over the royal family.

Or perhaps, they’re only divided on the outside, and in the end, they’ll come together again, as they always have…

As I pondered over the passing scenery, I realized that there was no solution to this dilemma. In the midst of my thoughts, the carriage arrived at the mansion.

As I stepped out of the carriage with the escort of the accompanying knight, I met the gaze of someone who seemed to have just arrived at the mansion as well.

“…Liddell.”

The carriage, which seemed to have just carried Lewis Catlan, passed behind him. After calling my name once and then falling silent, he spoke again as the sound of hooves faded away.

“Are you returning from the funeral?”

“…Yes. And what about you, brother?”

We asked about each other’s well-being in a rather distant manner.

Since the heated exchange during the recent conference followed by the unexpected confusion caused by the sudden death of the king, there hadn’t been an opportunity to express our emotions and move past it.

Even today, I was supposed to attend the funeral with Lewis, but due to an unavoidable schedule, he couldn’t accompany me, making the situation even more awkward.

Regardless of the actual circumstances, it would seem as if Lewis was intentionally avoiding me.

“Well, it’s…”

“…..”

“…..”

“…..”

What an awkward atmosphere.

In reality, it shouldn’t be like this.

In that situation, Lewis only voiced his opinion as the young duke of the Catlan. Logically, I didn’t think his words were wrong.

Since we ran into each other, let’s just talk it out and move on. Just as I was about to lightly apologize, Lewis spoke first.

“Liddell. That time, I…”

Pausing for a moment to choose his words, he then looked at me with a determined gaze.

“I sincerely want to apologize for what happened during the recent conference. I feel like I didn’t understand your feelings well enough.”

I let out a bitter smile. Lewis, who awkwardly came to apologize, seemed somewhat admirable. But then again, he is the oldest.

At my smile, Lewis hurriedly continued.

“After I came back and reported, Father scolded me a lot. And above all… I wasn’t feeling good that day. Why wouldn’t I be? Your husband… Hisch too, is practically my family.”

It felt like it had been a long time since I heard Lewis mention Hisch’s name. I wonder if Hisch, the person involved, would have been pleased to hear that?

Well, when I think back to his reaction to my question, ‘Do you want to get closer to your in-laws?’, he might just give another ambiguous smile.

“I mean, if I said I have absolutely no regrets, that would be a lie… But I do understand your position, Brother.”

Lewis seemed somewhat relieved at my words.

We could have wrapped up the conversation warmly like this, but I felt it would be better to be clear about something at this moment. So, I continued speaking.

“But there’s something I want to apologize for in advance as well.”

“…In advance?”

Truth be told, I was feeling quite conflicted myself.

I couldn’t always ask Lewis or my father to put aside family interests and prioritize my own.

Especially now, when we’re about to face even more politically turbulent times, they couldn’t afford to bear losses for my sake every time such situations arose.

When Callen’s offer to become his aide came up, I did consider such calculations. After all, Catlan would side with the prince anyway, and if I could help the crown in the process, it would help their position as well.

So, I could make that kind of effort. But…

“I am willing to concede everything else. It may sound trivial to say ‘concede’… but I’ll follow whatever decisions Father or Brother make regarding the family’s affairs, as I have always done.”

“…..”

“But not when it comes to Hisch. I just can’t back down when it comes to Hisch.”

“…..” 

“Liddell.”

“I just hope you understand that.”

It was the conclusion I reached after much thought. There was no guarantee that such conflicts wouldn’t arise again in the future, so even if it didn’t hold much meaning, I wanted to seek their understanding in advance.

In response to my words, Lewis frowned.

“…Why would you say that? If you were really upset, let me apologize again.”

“No, I’m not intentionally being difficult.”

“I’m being sincere, too. Why else would I say that?”

“…..”

“Why are you acting like you’ve given up on everything?”

Given up. Even I widened my eyes for a moment, as Lewis spoke with a suppressed voice.

“Do you really think Father, or I, would ignore all your wishes and force something upon you or your husband?”

“Brother…”

“Be a little greedier. I would rather you get angry at me. Is it okay to treat your husband, my brother-in-law, so dismissively?”

Asking me to be greedy, to treat me, or something I hold dear, a little better?

Lewis lashed out at me like that, but I…

How could I dare to ask such a thing of them?

Even their affection, poured out under the mistaken assumption of me being Liddell Catlan, was beyond my interference.

As I blinked at Lewis, who seemed genuinely frustrated, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of frustration myself.

Ah, Liddell Catlan.

Sometimes, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the deceased Liddell. Though it wasn’t my place to speak, it wasn’t easy to turn a blind eye to such a family.

“After you lost your memory, I… really, I don’t know how to explain…”

Lewis’ voice trailed off.

“It’s like I’m looking at a different person…”

The way he said it, and the way his eyes locked with mine as if realizing his slip of the tongue, a part of my heart stirred.

The love from a family that I had never received in my life before. Even if the object of that love had shifted, the affection poured upon me was undeniable.

Being human, I too was sometimes tempted.

Should I just become Liddell Catlan?

By doing so, I could erase the sorrow of their loss from the start and perhaps embrace happiness like the protagonist of a story.

Of course, I couldn’t do that. I almost did, but I couldn’t bring myself to.

The Liddell Catlan you remember was someone who didn’t shy away from the love of her family and knew how to be greedy.

Even though I have been acting up in ways that I never thought possible, by my own standards, up until now.

So, from the beginning, I couldn’t truly become her. No matter what I did.

And, in truth, I shouldn’t become something that covers up the traces of the ‘real’ Liddell.

“…If you felt upset, I apologize. It wasn’t meant to be grandiose. I just wanted to let you know, in case something similar were to happen again.”

As my words slowly came out, Lewis’ expression became filled with anguish. As if his words had hurt me.

Of course, I wasn’t hurt. Because his words, in a way, were true. So, I didn’t feel the need to correct his misconception.

I spoke in a gentle tone.

“I understand what you’re saying, Brother. I will think about it carefully.”

“Liddell…”

“…You must be very tired. Go rest now. You have work tomorrow.”

For the first time, I felt like I could see clearly how to end a relationship I had been struggling with for so long.

Perhaps just like this, with this level of relationship. Without erasing the image of the real daughter and younger sister they loved, perhaps it would be best for everyone if we just stayed this way, keeping my distance as a different entity.

I couldn’t become the real Liddel Catlan they wished for, nor did I have the courage to reveal the truth. It was a cowardly conclusion, true to myself.

However, as soon as I reached that conclusion, I realized that I was secretly comforted by the warmth of the family I had never experienced.

I felt grateful, sorry, and the guilt that I had been suppressing all this time suddenly burst out.

I hesitated for a moment, ignoring Lewis, who was trying to speak to me again, and quickly walked away from that spot.

 

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