Being Loved for the First Time Chapter 24

Do you have any idea how many times I’ve gone hungry in my life?

You have to eat when there’s food.

That was one of the principles I had always made sure to follow throughout my life.

I was confident I wouldn’t die even if I went without food for quite a while, but there was nothing I could do about hunger itself.

Besides, there wasn’t a single dish served at the duke’s estate that tasted bad.

‘And every single one of them is made with special care for me…….’

And I was supposed to knock over food like that?

Absolutely ridiculous.

Without realizing it, my head lowered.

No matter how gentle Mother usually was, I had overturned my baby food, so she had to be angry.

I also felt sorry for the chef who must have carefully prepared it.

He had even accompanied us on our summer vacation and enthusiastically prepared delicious meals for the family.

Not only baby food, but now that several of my teeth had started growing in and I could chew, the chef prepared all sorts of dishes specifically for me.

They were made so they wouldn’t be too strongly seasoned for a baby’s palate, but still flavorful enough for me to enjoy.

And yet I had made it impossible to eat baby food he had put so much care into……

‘What a waste……. Such a waste…….’

That bastard…….

How dare he make me knock over my food?

Ever since what happened with Sister last time, I’d had a bad feeling, and now he had even made my magic activate on its own.

If you have something to say, then show yourself and say it properly!

‘Why the hell is he acting like this? Is he some lunatic who destroys everything he can’t have?’

Even though it hadn’t been something I did intentionally, guilt made me fidget with my fingers as I avoided Mother’s eyes.

I had even been getting sick frequently lately.

‘……They must think I’m incredibly troublesome.’

Especially because, until now, I had always been so quiet and well-behaved.

Since my parents were so kind, I thought it would hurt even more if they ever looked at me harshly, so I prepared myself in advance.

But then—

“Well, our youngest is already past thirteen months now. I suppose it’s about time she started doing things like this.”

“That’s true, Madam. The youngest young lady has always been so gentle that I thought she might quietly pass through this phase as well.”

Father had come over at some point and smiled as he cleaned up the spilled baby food.

“Our youngest, what didn’t you like? It’s frustrating because you can’t tell us what you want, isn’t it?”

Huh……?

Startled, I looked at Mother.

“Damian started throwing tantrums around this age too. Our youngest really does resemble Damian so much.”

“I-I didn’t do that!”

My brother, suddenly dragged into the conversation, denied it with an embarrassed expression.

“It’s all right. Damian was so adorable back then too. Especially since he was a child who hardly ever complained about anything.”

Mother gently stroked my brother’s hair as she spoke.

“Now that she’s tried other foods, she probably doesn’t want baby food anymore. That’s why she’s throwing a tantrum. She wants something else.”

“I really don’t think I did anything like that……”

When my brother protested once more, Mother let out a small laugh.

“What about Lara? Did Lara do it too?!”

“Our Laurencia ate anything we gave her.”

“Really?! Lara didn’t throw tantrums?!”

“Our second child……”

Mother trailed off, then exchanged a playful smile with Father.

“She ate well, but if her mother or father wasn’t around, she would cry terribly.”

“Lara did? Lara did that when she was a baby?”

“Of course. Even now, our baby absolutely loves being together with Mom and Dad.”

“That’s right! Lara likes being together with Mom and Dad and Brother and Shasha the most!”

Sister said that and threw herself into Mother and Brother’s arms.

While Mother hugged the two of them tightly and gently rocked them, Father finished cleaning up the baby food and brought over soft toddler food instead.

“Our youngest, you still have to eat. Is this one okay?”

“Mm……”

For some reason, I felt dejected as I nodded.

Honestly, I would have been fine eating anything.

It just felt like I had caused everyone unnecessary trouble.

“Our youngest, it’s okay. Daddy isn’t angry.”

Father said that as he scooped up the food prepared for me and brought it to my mouth.

“Our Anastasia has things she wants too, but it’s hard for you to express them, isn’t it?”

For some reason, my throat grew hot at those words.

Why were they always trying to understand and accept everything I did?

Even if it hadn’t been intentional, I thought this was normally something you would scold a child for……

Being picky about food was bad.

And I had even caused a mess.

The meal Father fed me that day with a bright smile was incredibly delicious too.

So delicious that I felt even guiltier for dragging everyone into unnecessary trouble because of me.

‘I really just want to do good things for my family…….’

But regardless of what I wanted, accidents continued happening several times afterward.

I knocked over the water bottle Mother gave me, and I overturned my food bowls several times too.

And that wasn’t all. Even while taking a bath, my power ran wild and made me splash around excessively, making it look as though I were a baby who hated baths.

‘Wow. Even I think I’ve become an incredibly high-maintenance and troublesome baby lately.’

And we weren’t even at the duke’s estate.

We were traveling.

On top of that, just yesterday I had spectacularly spilled the ice that had been prepared for the people of the territory.

‘I really wasn’t trying to do that…….’

And yet, not a single person—from the maids and knights to my family, or even the territory’s residents who were supposed to receive the ice—ever became irritated or frowned at me.

‘The youngest princess is about fourteen months old now, isn’t she? That’s the age when they start acting like that.’

‘That’s right. Our youngest has always been so well-behaved that I was actually starting to worry. Seeing this is almost reassuring.’

‘I understand how you feel. Children should cause at least a little trouble while they’re young. They tend to become calmer later on that way.’

‘Right? Our youngest seems to understand almost everything we say, but she can’t speak properly yet, so I think that makes her even more frustrated.’

‘I understand. My child was late to start talking too, so they often cried loudly until their second birthday.’

The territory’s residents even used the incident where I spilled the ice as an opportunity to exchange various parenting tips with Mother.

Wait.

Was this really normal?

Wasn’t this something worth scolding a child over?

‘……But when Sister or Brother does something wrong, they discipline them properly.’

My sister and brother were extremely well-behaved children.

Even so, because they were children, there were times when they caused trouble.

Whenever that happened, Mother and Father would speak to them sternly.

‘Laurencia, Mother told you, didn’t she? You’ll have plenty of time to play after you finish eating.’

‘I told you that you shouldn’t stay up late, Damian. You promised that you would read with Daddy for only thirty more minutes before going to sleep. Why are you trying to break your promise?’

But they had never disciplined me like that even once.

Why?

Was it because I was still too young?

There were so many things I didn’t understand.

Even though accident after accident continued happening, my family’s attitude toward me didn’t change in the slightest.

‘I thought they would obviously get annoyed and start disliking me.’

Whenever another accident happened against my will, anxiety filled my heart.

And because of that, I gradually understood that bastard’s intentions.

‘That bastard wanted to isolate me.’

If my family hated me, they would neglect me.

Then I would be alone again.

Just like the previous ninety-nine versions of me.

‘……If that had happened, maybe I would have considered joining hands with him just to escape this situation.’

After all, the only reason I had become motivated to live this life was because of my family.

That was why I thought it would only be natural for my family to hate me if accidents like this kept happening.

‘His plan probably would have succeeded if I were still the same person I used to be.’

But my family didn’t change at all.

No.

If anything, my parents seemed relieved and even happy.

‘It’s proof that our baby is growing well. She’s starting to express what she wants too.’

‘Wow, our Shasha really acts like a baby now! They say babies make messes and stuff! Big Sister will clean it up for you! Because I’m your big sister!’

‘It’s okay, Anastasia. If you want to scribble in your brother’s book, you can.’

My brother would even hold his book out toward me whenever he caught me staring at it.

In my previous lives, even when I had only just started crawling, I had been harshly scolded because the clothes I was wearing got wet from a puddle a maid hadn’t cleaned up.

There had even been many times when minor accidents nearly got me killed.

‘……I suppose even that bastard never dreamed there could be a family like this.’

I was irritated with him, but at the same time, I somehow felt sorry for him and even a sense of kinship.

Because that meant he had probably lived lives similar to mine all this time.

No.

Perhaps his current life was the same as well.

If his life with his family had been happy, he wouldn’t need to take an interest in me in the first place.

‘He’s still a bastard, though.’

If I had never met my family either, I probably would have thought a world like this could only exist in dreams or fairy tales.

‘……I really hope this is what normal is.’

Then maybe I would feel a little less pessimistic about all the lives that awaited me in the future.

No.

Wouldn’t the memories from this world alone be enough to endure another few dozen lives?

‘Our baby, it’s okay. You can do everything you want. That way Mother can learn what our youngest likes and dislikes too.’

‘It’s okay for now. Daddy will teach you one by one from now on what you’re allowed to do and what you shouldn’t do.’

Whenever I caused another accident against my will, guilt would make me watch their reactions anxiously.

It felt unfair, but wrong was still wrong.

Yet my parents would always hold me close and soothe me, asking whether I had been startled instead.

And so I began wishing that this time could last longer.

Because it was so cozy.

So warm.

Because apparently, this was what an ordinary family was like.

I hadn’t even reached fourteen months old yet, and I was already this accustomed to it.

What was I supposed to do?

‘So…….’

Even if the ending that would inevitably come one day hurt terribly, I began wishing that this kind of life really was ordinary.

Ninety-nine and one.

The answer those numbers gave me was obvious.

And yet, again and again, I found myself wanting to redefine what “ordinary” meant.