Being Loved for the First Time Chapter 5

‘Ah, what a bother.’

 

That day, I thought the incident of ‘the attempted murder of the family physician’ had ended on a heartwarming note.

 

I’d behaved unlike myself, but I’d been strangely moved for once, and the physician had survived.

 

However, my parents were far beyond anything I could have imagined.

 

“Still, we can’t decide something concerning our youngest based on one person’s opinion alone.”

 

“Quite right, my lady. In fact, I’ve already summoned every renowned doctor and priest I could find.”

 

They must have been preparing for this for a while. I had to meet no fewer than ten doctors, and even priests.

 

“There’s no need to worry so much. The Lord God cherishes the youngest princess of the ducal house so dearly that she was simply born a gentle baby.”

 

Only after even a high-ranking priest said that did my parents finally relax.

 

‘I suppose I’ll have to cry loudly at least once a week.’

 

Meeting so many strangers had left me feeling completely drained.

 

After all, my body was that of a baby who had only recently been born.

 

Even if the person inside was experiencing her hundredth reincarnation, the body itself was completely new, so its fatigue and sensations were just as fresh.

 

‘That’s why I have to grow before I can properly use my power.’

 

If whoever was giving me all this accumulated power was going to do it anyway, they could at least improve these inconveniences.

 

I felt like submitting a one-on-one customer service inquiry demanding an upgrade.

 

Of course, if I knew where to send it, I’d be asking them to stop reincarnating me instead.

 

In any case, thanks to everyone unanimously declaring that ‘nothing was wrong,’ the physician got to keep both his neck and his job.

 

Perhaps he’d been confined somewhere until all ten examinations were complete, because he only came to see me and bow his head after everyone was finished.

 

“It’s all thanks to the youngest lady. If you hadn’t cried at exactly the right moment, my children and my wife would have lost their father and husband.”

 

He seemed to be a sentimental man, for his eyes shone with tears as he spoke.

 

His words made me feel proud.

 

Although it had been unlike me, thanks to that action a happy, harmonious family had been preserved.

 

Compared to that, crying loudly was a very small price to pay.

 

Well, in my own way, it had been a life-risking act for me, too.

 

‘A happy family ought to be protected.’

 

Even after living so many lives, my first life still had a powerful influence on me.

 

That was why it was called the first, I suppose.

 

Then again, upon reaching my hundredth life, I was experiencing a surprising number of things for the first time.

 

Three months had passed since my birth before I knew it.

 

I still knew almost nothing about this family, or about the state of this world.

 

That was because my family treated me thoroughly like a newborn baby.

 

‘I really don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing….’

 

Despite being in my hundredth life, I still hadn’t been able to draw up a life plan even after three months.

 

***

 

“Our baby sister! Are you awake?”

 

When I woke up from yet another nap, I found a girl with hair like pink cotton candy peering into my cradle.

 

“Hehe, big sis is here! Anastasia, do you know me?!”

 

‘Of course I do. You’re Laurencia, my sister who’s three years older than me.’

 

How could I forget after hearing it dozens of times?

 

Ever since she had been allowed to enter this room, my older sister had come to visit me every single day.

 

Though there had been days when I’d been asleep and missed her.

 

“She’s my baby sister?! Really?!”

 

She’d also made an unforgettable first impression.

 

The sound of her exclaiming that had made me a little nervous.

 

I’d seen plenty of siblings who were jealous of a younger child.

 

“Really, she’s my sister?! Even though she’s this cute?!”

 

But after asking the maids the same thing over and over, my sister had run around the room with her arms raised, seemingly beside herself with joy.

 

“I have one too! Lara has a pwetty baby sister too!!”

 

In my nearly two thousand years of accumulated lives, she was yet another type of person I’d never encountered.

 

How could someone act so innocently, even if she was young?

 

It was amazing that she was always smiling, too.

 

I’d never seen anyone express happiness with their entire body like that.

 

As part of her daily routine, my sister came to see me again today. She leaned against the cradle, her eyes—an even bluer green than Father’s—sparkling.

 

“Guess what! Big sis bwought pudding for our Shasha?!”

 

She carefully stroked my forehead, speaking proudly through slightly slurred words.

 

Over the last few days, she’d begun calling me Shasha, a nickname she’d invented from my name.

 

She delighted in the fact that since she was Lara, Lara and Shasha sounded like a matching set.

 

“Oh my, is the youngest lady awake?”

 

A maid smiled at the commotion and asked.

 

“Yup! Our Shasha is awake! Guess what, guess what!”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I wanna give Shasha pudding!”

 

My mouth twitched slightly at that.

 

‘Ah, she really is a dangerous person.’

 

Though my body was a baby’s, the person inside had repeated ninety-nine lives that only lasted through her teens.

 

My sister was the sort of person who made me want to smile along with her before I realized it, if I lowered my guard for even a moment.

 

Because she was so utterly childlike.

 

Perhaps because of that, part of me worried about the disappointment that would follow.

 

“My lady, the youngest lady can’t eat pudding yet.”

 

“Whyyy?! It’s so, so yummy?!”

 

My sister asked, sounding genuinely unable to understand.

 

“Because she’s still such a little baby.”

 

“Babies can’t eat pudding?”

 

“No.”

 

“…But Lara saved it special for Shasha.”

 

Her voice immediately became dejected.

 

The maid tried to comfort her.

 

“If you eat it, my lady, the youngest lady will be happy too.”

 

‘That’s right, that’s right.’

 

I agreed wholeheartedly inside my head.

 

I couldn’t eat it anyway, and even if I had my own serving of pudding, I thought I’d have simply given it to my sister.

 

She obviously liked it that much.

 

“If Lara eats it all alone, Shasha will be sad.”

 

“Why?”

 

“When Lara was sick and could only eat soup….”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I couldn’t eat the sherbet you made me, so I was sad.”

 

My sister mumbled gloomily, as though merely remembering the incident made her unhappy.

 

“So I’m not gonna eat it either!”

 

‘No, I’m telling you to eat it!’

 

I wasn’t such a small child that I’d get upset about not being able to eat a pudding.

 

I flapped my hands, desperately hoping the maid would understand what I meant.

 

I even briefly considered sending a telepathic message to the maid, as though delivering a revelation from God.

 

“My lady, I’ve been looking after the youngest lady ever since she was born, haven’t I?”

 

“Yup! But Shasha’s gonna like me more! ‘Cause I’m her big sis!”

 

The maid let out a small laugh at her proud declaration.

 

No, I nearly burst out laughing myself.

 

“Of course. But since I’ve been close to her, I know just a little about what the youngest lady is thinking.”

 

The maid spoke soothingly to my sister.

 

“The youngest lady says she likes it when Lady Laurencia eats delicious things.”

 

“…Weally?”

 

“Of course.”

 

I strongly agreed with the maid in my head.

 

At that moment, my sister suddenly thrust her face over my cradle.

 

“Is it weally okay if big sis eats pudding?!”

 

It was a surprise attack.

 

I’d intended to flap my hands to signal that it was fine.

 

“Cough, cough.”

 

But what emerged was a faint cough.

 

“Gasp! I think our Shasha’s hurting! What do we do?!”

 

“Oh my goodness, young lady. Are you cold?”

 

The two of them instantly acted as though a catastrophe had struck.

 

It’s just—it’s just a tiny cough!

 

In this house, people seemed to make an enormous fuss over things others would normally ignore.

 

The maid checked whether the heating device had lost its warmth, then gravely told another maid to summon the family physician.

 

And my sister….

 

“I’ll let you borrow my deer!”

 

Standing on tiptoe, she struggled to put the stuffed deer she’d been clutching tightly into my cradle.

 

“But, my lady, you can’t sleep at night without that.”

 

“It’s okay! Shasha’s my sister! I’m her big sis, so I’ll give it to her!”

 

You don’t have to…. Really….

 

I knew very well that the deer was my sister’s most treasured comfort toy.

 

She hugged it everywhere she went.

 

For the sake of a little girl’s peaceful nights, and for one other purpose, I decided to express my refusal as forcefully as I could.

 

‘Don’t be nice to me.’

 

I’ll get attached.

 

That was my other purpose: putting some distance between us.

 

My wholehearted attempt to communicate this….

 

“Hiiing, hng.”

 

Came out as a whimper, naturally.

 

I felt a slight pang of guilt.

 

Because my sister might think I disliked her and have her tender little heart hurt.

 

I’d even thrown the world into chaos as a villain before, but somehow I felt guiltier now.

 

Seeing me whimper, my sister looked ready to cry herself and asked,

 

“Shashaaa, you don’t like my deer?”

 

Since I hardly ever whimpered, it had a powerful effect.

 

“What do I do? Shasha’s crying. I think she doesn’t like my deer.”

 

Faced with my whimpering for the first time, my sister turned pale and began shuffling her feet anxiously.

 

The maid was visibly bewildered by the unexpected situation, too.

 

Even the maid who’d been speaking so kindly to my sister a moment ago seemed at a loss for words.

 

‘Yes, that’s right. If she slowly comes to dislike me, it’ll be fine.’

 

Although it would be a little disappointing not to see my adorable sister so often.

 

Still, it would be easier later if we grew apart while we were young.

 

However.

 

“Then do you like a bunny? Or a tiger?”

 

Despite her soft, cotton-candy-like appearance, my older sister was someone who didn’t know how to give up.

 

“Big sis will get all of them for you! Don’t cryyy, okay?”

 

Her voice was so admirable and lovable.

 

Then she covered her face with her hands and opened them again.

 

“Shasha, look at big sis!”

 

She made what she clearly thought was a funny face—though it was simply an adorable one.

 

Looking at her, I felt the corners of my mouth tingle uncontrollably.

 

“Oh—! Oh—!”

 

“What’s wrong, my lady?”

 

“Shasha—Shasha smiled!!”

 

I’d managed to hold it in all this time, but that was one enormous blow I simply couldn’t endure.

 

‘I’m doomed.’

 

But what could I do?

 

A cold wind could never beat the warm sun.