Tired Of Living As An Omega Chapter 99

#99

 

It was terrible to be trapped in a hospital room without any water with the darkness weighing on me.

 

“Someone help me!”

 

When the incomprehensible family conversation ended, the room became quiet again, as if they had evaporated. It was a breathtaking silence.

 

‘I have to wake up… I have to wake up and come out of my dreams like last time.’

 

But how?

 

The last dream which I was able to shake off real Seong Chan-young was due to luck. This dream was terrifying in that it was too realistic and I didn’t know how to get out of it. The worst was that I was a patient who couldn’t move my body helplessly.

 

The real Seong Chan-young didn’t appear in my dream either. I didn’t know how to wake up from my dream. I was constantly thirsty, but there was nothing I could do.

 

“Huh, um….”

 

In a desolate hospital room, I was dying. As this nightmare had set, it was clear that I would die shortly afterwards. Especially if I keep strangling like this.

 

“You can just give up.”

 

“I don’t want to!”

 

Someone suggested that I should give up in my sister’s voice. Did you decide to give up by pretending to be friendly because threats didn’t work? I was constantly thirsty, suffocating, and struggling with my body, which didn’t move. I hoped that all the dark hands would burn out and disappear.

 

‘It’s painful…’

 

Perhaps due to the influence of the body in the heat cycle, my consciousness became increasingly blurry in my nightmares. My body was now on fire because it was not enough to suffocate. To make matters worse, the dark hands stretched out again in the dark.

 

Will I die if I get caught? Will I die?

 

“I don’t want to die in the hospital room.”

 

Even if I died, the hospital room would be unacceptable as my last place. I resisted to the end. I couldn’t understand why I had to die.

 

I wanted to live so desperately.

 

‘But now there was a limit…’

 

Dark hands slowly swallowed me, starting with my ankles. The pain came from the winding hands.

 

It hurts. It hurts. I’m so tired. I want to rest. If I give up everything, it won’t hurt anymore. Wouldn’t I forget everything if I died anyway? Even though I was sick now. Everything was painful…

 

“Yes, if you give up, everything will be comfortable. Didn’t you wish that, too?”

 

“Did you…?”

 

I was desperate for a break because I was being chased endlessly. The voice that reached my ears dug into my weakened heart. The dark hand tried to cover even one of the last remaining eyes.

 

It was when I was going to give up everything like that.

 

—I want to see you open your eyes.

 

It sounded like a sweet yet sad tone, like honey and syrup mixed together. I only heard those words, but the strength that had been squeezing my neck was half gone. I felt like I was going to live.

 

The dark and scary interior of the hospital room disappeared, and a warm and bright cream-colored space appeared. My body became free. When I looked around, the dark hands disappeared. I was more relieved to be able to breathe.

 

“Isn’t this Seo Eun Soo’s voice?”

 

Am I hearing voices?

 

Ah, right. I fell asleep after taking sleeping pills because of the heat cycle. It seemed that the alphas eventually found me losing consciousness. If Seo Eun-soo’s voice was real.

 

“I’m getting scared to open my eyes.”

 

Even if I woke up from a nightmare, the reality of waiting for me was bleak. I felt like the gongs sitting in my house would treat me like the original.

‘Baek Do-jun knew my secret through a housekeeper who was a watchman, but the others would be shocked and despised me.’

 

In the warm space, I crumpled my body like a crushed can. The black hands were filled with gloomy predictions as if they had been negatively burnt. In that expectation, the gongs criticized me.

 

‘Did you run away to the countryside because of this?’

 

‘Did you set a trap on purpose from the beginning? Trying to lure us to the pheromones of the omega at the right time.’

 

‘Liar. You cheated on us from the beginning. I was genuinely worried.’

 

I could not stand it when I kept getting rejected because it broke my pride. I’m getting so pathetic that I came because I didn’t know that and was worried about the deadline.’

 

My head was mixed up. I was busy assuming the worst, with my head down and body curled up.

 

‘Since when did I start to notice them?’

 

It was funny. I was the one who pushed out Baek Do-jun, Chae Yoon-chan, Yoo Yi-seo, Joo Tae-kang, and Seo Eun-soo because I didn’t want to get hurt. I didn’t know how things would go wrong if I hung out with the characters in the original to fill my loneliness.

 

So I wanted to kick them all out. I wanted to be alone again, but now this is happening. I had been rolling around in the dirt on the rice field, so when the gongs saw me knocked out by the heat cycle, they thought it was a good thing. I felt like I was going to leave with as much contempt as the accumulated fatigue.

 

“Who… who asked you to be worried and come?”

 

The gloomy end of my imagination ended with five alphas leaving me. My heart throbbed when I thought of them leaving without looking back, even though I was hoping for that.

 

In fact, I was very lonely. It wasn’t bad for me to live with Seo Eun-soo and other actors who didn’t follow the original story. It allowed me to endure the huge flood of emotions called loneliness by building a barrier in my heart.

 

My eyes got sour. Tears formed and fell on my tightly hugged knee. I pretended to be okay and that I was happiest when I was alone, but I didn’t want them to feel disappointed in me and leave.

 

All of it was a result of those alphas who possessed both loving and hateful affection. The reason I had ugly and good feelings was all because of those alpha guys. I was prepared to be okay with being alone. I am no longer okay because of the people who used ridiculous and unreasonable methods to stay with me.

 

“I don’t want to be alone.”

 

I don’t want to be thrown away.

 

But do I really deserve to wake up? Even if I didn’t mean to, I’m a liar. I’m not the real Seong Chan-young. Can I exist as a “Seong Chan-young” when everything I have here is not mine?

 

I sobbed as the wave of thoughts I had put off came. It was my own defense to come down to the countryside to find my happiness. This was my best, but all I had left was to blame.

 

“……ah.”

 

I was suffocated again. A dark hand was strangling me. It was none other than a black hand from my heart. I was trying to kill myself.

 

“I told you it’s easy to give up. Why do you keep in pain over the easy road?”

 

“That’s what I’m saying…”

 

“I told you it would be easy if you gave up. Why do you keep suffering over the easy path?”

 

The dark hand was full of force. It was a grip stronger than any other hand. I felt like I was going to break it beyond strangling my neck.

 

“But I really… I really wanted to live.”

 

I wanted to live, no matter how bad or how painful it was. I didn’t want to die. Wouldn’t that be okay? If you’ve wanted only that for the rest of your life, wouldn’t it be okay to dream even if you somehow became a liar who dreams of happiness while wearing someone else’s skin?

 

─Can you hear my voice? Please, please wake up.

 

I heard Seo Eun-soo’s voice expressing concern and desperation. That person wants me to wake up.

 

‘Is he not concerned that Seong Chan-young is a recessive omega?’

 

The dark hand twitched and stopped. Instead of deep self-loathing, warm feelings rushed into me from outside. Strangely enough, I could tell that it was Seo Eun-soo’s tears that were shed because of me.

 

“What did I say?”

 

Are you crying for me?

 

‘Are you crying for someone like me?’

 

I wanted to live. I didn’t want to be lonely anymore. I wanted to be honest.

I didn’t mean to trick you. I just wanted to stay calm because I’m a coward. I don’t want to hide now. I want to come out of the world.

 

Crack. The black hand extending from above the heart hardened, cracked, and fell apart. I straightened my shrunken shoulders and knees and walked into the bright light. I grabbed the doorknob that appeared before I knew it and opened it.

 

“How come! You’ll regret it. You’ll regret it!”

 

The voice that was trying to lure me into permanent sleep was indignant. It wasn’t even my sister’s voice anymore.

 

But it was fine.

 

“I won’t.”

 

Even if I regret it, I’ll only know after you try it. It’s up to me. Pain was something I could only feel while I was alive. I didn’t want to return to a helpless person lying motionless on the bed in the hospital room.

 

Some memories seemed to have returned. My mouth moved freely.

 

“Stop it, Seong Chan-young. I will not give up like you do.”

 

“How dare you! How dare you! I will kill you!”

 

“…talk as you please. I don’t want to play with your masterpiece anymore.”

 

I opened my eyes to see a black and hideous shadow running wild along the street.

 

“Chan-young, are you awake?”

 

“Seong Chan-young, are you okay?”

 

“……This really works. Anyway, are you all right? Can you hear my voice?”

 

“Can you guess how many of fingers there are?”

 

“…Chae Yoon-chan, don’t you ask that when you’re drunk?”

 

The five alphas put their heads together and looked at me at the same time. Even though their gazes looked like they had an upset stomach, I just smiled.

 

“I, cough, am fine.”

 

‘Ah, he’s thristy again.’

 

The alphas who heard this all agreed not to say anything.

 

“Rest now.”

 

“Patients shouldn’t have a hard time.”

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I guess I can listen to it after you get a good rest.”

 

“Should I bring water? Aren’t you thirsty?”

 

“Call the staff over there. His body is completely covered in sweat.”

 

I was buried in such foolish thoughts. Seeing all five people’s eyes turn red and anxious, I felt like I should have woken up a long time ago.

 

“Haha.”

 

“What are you laughing for? What’s funny? I’m going to pry everything from one to ten after a break, so be prepared.”

 

Well, I don’t want that.

 

But I’m prepared to answer, so I’ll be fine. Maybe.