At the End of That Memory Chapter 11

When I first realized I was an Omega, the same happened. As was often the case with unusual traits, I experienced my first heat cycle around the time I went through puberty. My father called his doctor and immediately injected me with a suppressant, but the pheromones that were exhibited showed no signs of going away.

‘Due to your identity… ’

My doctor told me about my identity and explained about anti-inflammatory drugs with a puzzled look on his face. A total of five different types of injections were administered, but nothing changed. They also said that although I was a rare case, it wasn’t impossible to suppress.

‘At present, there may not be a suitable inhibitor.’

To me, a dominant Omega, these words were almost like a death sentence. It also meant that when the heat cycle came in the future, I would have to overcome it alone without any help. Not stopping there, he added something even more cruel.

‘The pheromone glands are malformed.’

It wasn’t that shocking to me. I was distraught because it was my first time experiencing a heat cycle, and the doctor and my father just had a conversation while staying right beside me.

‘You probably didn’t know before it appeared, but your body doesn’t emit pheromones at all. Normally, you would have no pheromone similar to that of a Beta, but when a heat cycle comes, those pheromones will suddenly go into overdrive. That’s why there’s a high possibility that it won’t be suppressed by a mere inhibitor.’

Even when I was in a daze, the expression my father made was clear. Disappointment and betrayal. Along with some regret, there was also a feeling of disgust that arose.

‘Luckily, you’re dominant so your heat cycles will be regular…’

The doctor said there was nothing wrong with my health, but that didn’t seem to be what mattered to my father. After the doctor gathered his things and left, my father looked down at me and said this.

‘I picked up a defective product…’

I was an Omega, who couldn’t control even a single pheromone, which must have been a big stain on the life of my father, who was a perfectionist. Now that I realized that the opportunity I had saved was half-baked, there was no need for my father to show me sincerity.

For three days, I went through my first heat cycle with my door closed. When all the symptoms disappeared, just as the doctor said, I couldn’t even feel the slightest pheromone. I vomited while eating the rice my caretaker brought me, and because I couldn’t eat it properly, I had to stay locked in my room for four more days.

‘You idiot. I wasn’t here to pick up something like you.’

I knew the expectations my father had for me. The world hailed my father as a chaebol with a kind heart, but in reality, he was far from being an altruistic person. Instead of being a promising successor to the Haeshin Group, I was just an expensive chess piece.

‘Where should I use this guy who can’t even act like an Omega?’

It was something that couldn’t be helped. The way he looked at me has changed the reason he showed all kinds of disappointment by saying that I was a half-assed Omega and the fact that Minjae followed his father’s attitude and treated me like a pet rather than his older brother.

I was a defective product, I was a loser who was abandoned by my parents…The reason I deserved the treatment I was receiving.

After that, whenever the heat cycle came, I would lock myself in an empty room and wait for the moment to pass. On the rare occasions when I was caught by my family, I had to endure their disgusted looks as if they were seeing something dirty. So I calculated my cycle, and like an obsession, I hid in a place where no one was around.

‘But Jung Sejin, you’re an Omega, right?’

Yes, I am an Omega. A dominant Omega. However, I am not good at releasing my pheromones so you must have assumed I was a Beta. But other than that, there should be nothing else to worry about…

‘You don’t take inhibitors?’

I heard someone’s voice. The frighteningly cold tone pierced my ears fiercely even while I was aroused. Phew, the sound of a long sigh. A mocking remark followed.

‘You’re trying all kinds of tricks.’

A cool hand firmly grabbed my chin. A heat that felt like it would burn me mixed with my intermittent exhaled breath. As I couldn’t even open my eyes, he spoke once again in a cold voice.

‘Jung Sejin.’

I felt like I was being beaten. No one hit me, but my whole body felt numb as if I had been severely beaten. My hands and feet were shaking and my stomach was churning as if I was going to throw up.

Before long, I realized that it was all because of male pheromones. The oppressive air weighed down on me like it was pressing down on a small insect. The pheromones that sharply cut into my lungs were finally taken away after I started to queasy.

‘I don’t know what you expected…I’m not going to do what you want, so behave yourself.’

My head felt like it was melting. I shivered and curled up, but the painful air did not change. Half resentment, and half unidentifiable sadness. Every time I took a deep breath, various emotions flowed down my cheeks.

‘Well, how can he eat…?’

‘If he doesn’t eat it, force him to eat it. For suppressants, call a doctor and give him an injection.’

There was a lot I wanted to say. That was not true, or that it was just a misunderstanding. This was not the situation I intended and I just missed the timing.

However, the person had gone far away from my hands and did not come back even though I stretched out his hand. My hand that managed to reach out, could only grab air and flopped to my side. Beyond my vision blurred by tears, I saw the door closed as tightly as it had that day.

* * *

“…”

Slowly, I lifted my eyelids. As I slowly blinked, a dark landscape came into view. A room with a high ceiling and a different layout than my own. The dimly lit space was subtly different from what I had seen just moments ago.

“…A dream?”

Is it because my consciousness is blurred? For a moment, I couldn’t tell reality. Is this a dream, or is that a dream, or is what happened last night a dream?

I laid my body sideways and looked blankly at the closed door. My physical condition felt refreshed, and everything that touched my skin felt soft. Even my breathing, which would typically have been difficult, felt comfortable as if I had taken a tranquilizer.

I realized it instinctively. Ah, my heat cycle is over. Did he leave early since he came early yesterday? The fever that would normally bother me for about a week disappeared in just one day.

I roughly raised my upper body and fumbled for the space next to me. Even if I stretched my arms left and right, I couldn’t even see a single hair of anyone in the spare space. The remaining pheromone belonged to Kwon Yido, but where on earth did he go?

“No…it must be weird for us to lie together.”

My hair, which had to be a shambles, was half-heartedly disheveled. Several recollections gradually returned to my still foggy head. The sudden heat wave, my actions of crawling on the greenhouse floor to hide, and even Kwon Yido’s visit.

‘Sejin.’

Kwon Yido gave me a tightrope-like pheromone shower the other day. Unlike ineffective inhibitors, his pheromones made my delicate body feel amazing. My sexual feelings only urged for Kwon Yido.

He knew how to have sex. Now that we’d intertwined our breaths and pheromones, I figured it was time to tangle our bodies together. He pretended to say that he didn’t take the inhibitor to make it easier to develop a relationship.

‘Don’t be impulsive.’

However, Kwon Yido didn’t do anything to me and just continued to kiss me. He comforted me and did not forget to separate my lips when I crossed the line. Kwon Yido was a dominant Alpha and he must have felt an urge to respond to my pheromones. But it looked like he had no intention of touching me inappropriately in the first place.

“…Manners maketh man, after all.”

He was incomprehensible. It was okay to treat an Omega going through their heat as they wished There would have been no need to waste time consoling me.

It was like some kind of volunteer work. I gained comfort from him, but he was just robbed of a golden time. He might have been an undeserved luxury for me but I was an insignificant sacrifice for him.

Why didn’t they give me a suppressant?

Was there a need to hug me all night long as I was annoyingly clinging to you?

Why did you hold yourself back while I was shedding hormones like a horny animal?

Among the countless questions, there were no answers. If it had been a fact I knew of in the first place, it wouldn’t have been questionable. The problem was something else that I didn’t understand at all.

‘Just a little more, just a little more…’

His pheromones, the warmth that soothed me, everything that should have been unfamiliar felt so familiar. I felt at home and happy that I wanted to cling to him even more.

It was a longing. More accurately, it was sadness.

“…”

As I thought about that, I suddenly realized that the clothes I was wearing were quite different from last night. The shirt, which had longer sleeves and was generously big on me, was full of the pheromones of the person I presumed to be its owner.

The smell of wet wood. Or the smell of soil after rain.

I pulled the edge of my sleeve and buried my nose and lips. I know it was a very perverted thing to do, but it was an act that was completely unconscious. As I continued to breathe once, twice, the thoughts that had been continuing for a long time gradually dissipated.

“Are all Alphas like this…?”

I had a strange feeling I knew why he didn’t touch me. He wouldn’t have had to deal with an Omega like me if he was an Alpha with such appealing pheromones. Well, I think I was glad because my spirits had dwindled significantly.

I pushed the blanket aside, shaking off the distracting thoughts. The long trousers, no matter how I looked at them, were also not the garments I was wearing earlier. The gap between my legs seemed slightly empty as I climbed out of bed, clutching onto the waist of my trousers.

“…”

Yes, this was way better than wearing Kwon Yido’s underwear.

I opened the door, stepped outside, and gazed around the dim corridor. Kwon Yido was probably in another room to give me some breathing room. He could take his time because there were only one or two rooms, but I felt like I was bothering him.

First, I had to go back to my room, change my clothes, and wait for the morning. I planned to stop by the greenhouse when the sun came up and apologize to Kwon Yido. I would explain the situation and say that it would never happen again…

“…?”

At first glance, a light caught my eye. It wasn’t my room, it was a room at the end of the hallway on the other side. Normally, I would have turned my back and pretended not to see him, but as I was running out of time, I started to wonder.

Why is there a fire in the study? 

As if possessed, I walked towards the door where the light was seeping in. The hem of my pants kept getting caught on my bare feet, which were not wearing slippers. I didn’t fall over, but it was quite annoying.

One step, and then another. I approached the other door slowly so as not to fall, but I couldn’t help but hesitate for a moment. Even if the light was on at this time, I couldn’t look into it without permission. This was all Kwon Yido’s space, and the only thing I was allowed to go in was my room and the greenhouse.

As soon as that thought occurred to me, I took a step back without any hesitation. No, I tried to turn it. If it weren’t for the sudden feeling of discomfort, I would have gone straight to my room.

‘Why is there a fire in the study?’

Why did you think this was a study?

“…”

The monotonously engraved wooden doors were the same in every room in the hallway. There’s nothing particularly special about it, and it was not like I had ever been in this room before. But why did I naturally think of this as a study?

The unidentifiable sense of déjà vu brought about curiosity that I would normally have suppressed. The urge to check the facts took precedence over the reason that it was not polite. As if the Pandora box had finally unraveled, my instinct reached out for the doorknob.

I felt anxious. Was it anticipation or nervousness? I screamed internally while my heart was beating so fast that it would explode.

The moment the door opened felt like a slow-winding tape. The feeling of a doorknob being lowered, the feeling of pushing a tightly closed door, and even the rays of light pouring in gently through the gap in the door that slowly opened.

The first thing I saw was a bookcase that filled the wall. The books stacked tightly together showed that this was truly a study room. I was surprised that my guess was correct for a moment, but as soon as I raised my head, my gaze met dark eyes.

“…”

“…”

It was Kwon Yido. Those impassive eyes stuck on a blank face. Kwon Yido didn’t even blink, so I almost thought he was an illusion.

“…Jung Sejin?”

He chanted my name in a low, barely audible voice. It was more of an exclamation to himself than a call. A strange look appeared in his lifeless eyes, and a look of embarrassment crossed his once flawless face.

“Why here…”

It was time to apologize. I apologized for coming in suddenly and said I only briefly checked because the light was on. I won’t disturb you, so just keep doing what you’re doing.

“…That.”

But there was something I wanted to ask first. About an object that should never be here, caught at the end of my slowly moving gaze.

“Is it true?”

The sharp muzzle of the gun glowed eerily. If my eyes were not mistaken, the object he was holding was clearly a gun.

* * *

Rattle. I heard the sound of dishes hitting each other. I glanced at Kwon Yido, who was continuing his meal with his usual undisturbed appearance. Even the act of putting a soft omelet into his mouth was like a scene from a well-filmed movie.

I held a fork and knife in both hands and looked down at my plate, which was not even half empty. The golden brown bacon whetted my appetite, but I wasn’t in the mood to enjoy it like normal. In the end, he spoke lightly to me as I was tossing my salad.

“I should have told them to prepare Korean cuisines instead.”

There was nothing off with that tone. He probably didn’t know about the conversation we had early in the morning. Just looking at his face, it seemed like nothing happened.

“I can tell them to make you something else instead.”

“…No, it’s delicious. I just have no appetite.”

“Drink some juice. I’m sure you’ll be hungry later.”

The drink Kwon Yido was looking at was made from apples and chicory. It didn’t look very appetizing, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. When I reluctantly took the glass in my hand, he put down the silverware with a small sigh.

“Jung Sejin.”

“…”

Kwon Yido’s call had a subtle power. Even if I wanted to avoid his eyes, it had the power to automatically raise my head.

“It looks like you have no intention of hiding your expression.”

It was as he said. From the moment breakfast started until now, I have not been able to hide my shocked expression. The corners of my mouth kept falling, I couldn’t speak in a friendly manner like I usually did.

“If you’re offended…”

“It would hurt me if you said you were sorry.”

He answered firmly and checked the watch on his wrist. Do you go to work even on weekends? Since we started eating earlier than usual, he should have some time to spare.

He touched his watch and asked in passing.

“Are you scared of me?”

The dark eyes were different from what I saw at dawn. Unlike back then, when it was empty, I could see life now.

“…No.”

I tried to appear calm, being careful not to let my voice tremble. His smooth eyebrows rose. As if asking, ‘So what’s scary?’

“I am not scared of you but…”

When I looked down, I saw the ring Kwon Yido was wearing. Every time I remembered what that hand was holding, a corner of my heart felt cold. As Kwon Yido asked, it was a feeling that could only be expressed as ‘I was scared.’

“Guns seem scary.”

‘Is it real?’

In the study earlier, Kwon Yido was holding a gun. At first glance, it was not a toy and even the reflection of it felt threatening. He couldn’t immediately deny the question I asked just in case.

‘The gun is real.’

When I finally heard that voice, I had to hold my breath as if I were frozen. He put the black gun in a drawer and added as if it was no big deal.

‘I threw away all the bullets.’