Sunshine Shower Chapter 104

He knew Woo Yeonjae well.

Though not one to display large emotional swings, sometimes requiring careful attention to grasp what he was feeling, Moon Seoyoon prided himself on being able to read Woo Yeonjae’s emotions and sincerity better than most.

And knowing him well didn’t just apply to his expressions.

He was familiar with his speech habits, the subtle shifts in his tone, and the genuine feelings embedded within those different tones.

Which is why he knew, this was no joke.

“I hadn’t thought of it until now.”

Unlike Moon Seoyoon, Kim Hyunseung seemed to think it was a joke, clicking his tongue as he muttered, “You’re insane.”

“There’s that option…”

Moon Seoyoon blinked again. Or was he blinking? Was he even breathing properly? He couldn’t be sure of anything anymore.

He simply existed. Like a piano, abandoned and left behind.

As if he had turned into an inanimate object, he couldn’t blink, breathe, or even feel his own body temperature.

Ah.

Suddenly, a realization hit him.

Like the moment when he’d figured out who had left the soft, white bouquet under the tree.

“If I get married, I’ll be the closest person to Moon Seoyoon.”

From just a voice, a speech pattern, a subtle shift in tone, Moon Seoyoon realized:

He’d been caught long ago.

The fact that he liked him.

Moon Seoyoon knew too well the slight difference between Woo Yeonjae’s jokes and his truths. While Kim Hyunseung brushed it off, laughing, calling him a crazy bastard, Moon Seoyoon knew Woo Yeonjae wasn’t joking. He was serious.

“Anyway, you crazy bastard. Do you really think Moon would agree?”

“Why not?”

No way. That’s impossible. I must be imagining things because I’m sensitive on my mother’s anniversary.

Even as Moon Seoyoon tried to deny it, he sharpened his focus, listening intently to Woo Yeonjae’s voice.

“Seoyoon likes me a lot, though.”

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

The sound of his heart pounding rang in his ears, louder than anything else, as if it had never been quiet.

“Sure, sure. Like there’s anyone Moon doesn’t like? Whoever ends up on his bad side must be destined for hell.”

Woo Yeonjae let out a small, amused laugh, like air escaping from a tire.

And in that instant, Moon Seoyoon saw it clearly. It was a self-satisfied laugh.

“Too bad. You should’ve seen it, Hyunseung.”

“Saw what?”

“It’s just… something.”

It was unmistakable arrogance.

Woo Yeonjae was drawing a clear line, distinguishing between how Moon Seoyoon felt about others and how he felt about him.

How did he know? When did he see it, and what exactly did he see?

Moon Seoyoon’s hands began to tremble. He swallowed hard to keep from gasping for breath.

He had never made his feelings for Woo Yeonjae obvious.

It was a secret he had kept entirely to himself. He had never written it in a journal, confessed it in a message to anyone, or even sought advice anonymously. Nam Tae-eun might know, but words leave no trace.

He was so afraid of being discovered that he didn’t even leave the tiniest shadow of a hint. He had swallowed it all, forced it down.

He had hidden it so well, so how had he been found out?

His heart raced so fast he felt lightheaded.

“Yeah, sure.”

Kim Hyunseung responded with disbelief, and Woo Yeonjae laughed again.

“I’m serious.”

“Okay, let’s just say you are.”

“Don’t get jealous. Seoyoon will only like me from now on.”

Woo Yeonjae’s voice, dripping with satisfaction and a sense of boastfulness, drove the point home.

Feeling faint, Moon Seoyoon bent over, pressing his knees with one hand while covering his mouth with the other to suppress his ragged breathing. How had Woo Yeonjae found out? Why, if he had known all this time, hadn’t he said anything? And knowing that he liked him, why had he ever suggested sleeping together?

A flood of questions swirled in his mind, leaving him dizzy.

It might seem absurd to assume he’d been found out based on such a brief conversation, but this was Woo Yeonjae.

There had been habitual jokes. Things like, “Should I take over the professor’s position?” or casual marriage talk, like the playful banter from their parents. He had even heard the word “marriage” when visiting Woo Yeonjae’s family, with them joking about a marriage greeting.

But this was completely different.

From the voice alone, and the tone hidden within it, Moon Seoyoon could tell that Woo Yeonjae wasn’t joking.

‘Why on earth…?’

Moon Seoyoon couldn’t understand what was going on in Woo Yeonjae’s head. Why hadn’t he said anything when asked if there was something to talk about? And why was he now seriously suggesting marriage?

“Hah…”

Moon Seoyoon barely managed to suppress the breath that threatened to escape.

The argument they’d had, and the day they had sex for the first time, all the back-and-forth with Woo Yeonjae became a jumbled mess before gradually falling back into place.

Woo Yeonjae had once said that feelings of affection were ultimately just sexual desire. That liking a man was just a misunderstanding of sexual urges, and he had dismissed his feelings as such. Along with the misunderstanding that he had a “friends-with-benefits” situation, Woo Yeonjae had even offered to help him “take care” of his sexual desires, as if his one-sided feelings were nothing more than misinterpreted lust.

It was a thought that Moon Seoyoon hadn’t even dared to entertain, not even in his dreams. Yet, as a human being, he couldn’t resist. Deciding to sleep with the object of his unrequited love had been all too easy.

Their second time having sex had begun with Woo Yeonjae saying he was horny. In that moment, Moon Seoyoon couldn’t help but wonder if he’d realized it then.

How had he figured it out? Was it because of the piano?

If Woo Yeonjae had noticed that day, then his offer to have sex made some sense.

‘Might as well make him like me.’

Since he had reduced his feelings of affection to mere sexual desire, perhaps he was now using sex as a means to make Moon Seoyoon like him even more.

‘That would make things easier.’

Even his talk of marriage didn’t seem far removed from that line of thought.

Marriage was a system—a legal institution that bound two people together.

Legally and ethically, if they were married, then sex would naturally be something shared only between the two of them.

From Woo Yeonjae’s perspective, it might have seemed right to keep his only childhood friend, who liked him, desired him, and had accepted sex, tied to him. Given that same-sex attraction could be a liability in a heteronormative society, perhaps Woo Yeonjae intended to keep Moon Seoyoon within the bounds of marriage to prevent him from doing anything “strange.”

It was an extraordinary sacrifice that ordinary friends wouldn’t make. But for Woo Yeonjae, who had already proposed something as audacious as sex, offering marriage might have been just as easy.

“…”

Moon Seoyoon finally peeled himself off the wall and staggered forward. His destination was the bathroom. It was better to have an excuse for being in the bathroom than to risk being caught standing outside.

When he turned on the faucet, the water gushed out with a refreshing sound. He stared blankly at the water swirling into the drain as he exhaled.

“Hah…”

He didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling at that moment.

It wasn’t betrayal at Woo Yeonjae pretending not to notice his feelings, nor was it the shock of having been found out.

It just hurt. A lot.

No matter how insignificant his unrequited love might have been, he had cherished it. And now it seemed like it had been treated as nothing by the person he loved—something so trivial that the word “marriage” could be tossed out so easily.

“I guess it really is nothing… if it’s just sexual desire.”

On the other hand, the guilt weighed even heavier. The fact that Woo Yeonjae had noticed he liked him, and that he was now considering marriage to “save” him, just made it all worse.

From the very beginning, having sex had been the mistake. No other same-sex friends did such a thing. Even if the temptation was strong, Moon Seoyoon should have refused. Instead, he had let his selfish desires ruin Woo Yeonjae’s thinking.

‘Should I go to the U.S. and marry Moon Seoyoon?’

It had been a genuine suggestion.

Moon Seoyoon knew that Woo Yeonjae wasn’t one to make hasty decisions. He must have thought deeply during the long, cold silence, and marriage had been the conclusion he had reached after much consideration.

‘If I had confessed…’

Would Woo Yeonjae have brought it up after a moment of reflection, just like now?

Knowing Woo Yeonjae, it was entirely possible.

‘Or maybe he’s waiting for me to suppress my feelings.’

Sometimes Moon Seoyoon imagined Woo Yeonjae realizing his feelings. Each time, he had assumed that Woo Yeonjae would draw a clear line—either telling him to give up or ending the relationship altogether.

But for the first time, he thought that might not be the case.

Maybe Woo Yeonjae was waiting. Waiting for him to give up on his own feelings, without ever confessing them. After all, they’d already slept together, so waiting might not be that difficult.

The idea that he was the kind of friend Woo Yeonjae wanted to hold onto gave Moon Seoyoon a strange sense of comfort, yet it also weighed heavily on his conscience. It felt pitiful to think that all he could offer such a friend was an emotion that was of no use to him.

“Haa…”

His heart continued to pound wildly in his chest. He was too overwhelmed to even cry.

After staring blankly at the running water for a few minutes, his phone, which he had left on silent, began to vibrate softly beside him. When he saw the name on the screen, his breath caught in his throat.

It was Woo Yeonjae.