Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 444 - Reappearance (4)

By the time Choi Jeho returned, the ground had already been perfectly shaped into a └┘ form. The younger members, blessed with great strength, had finished everything before their hyung even arrived.

 

『Jeho: This is better.』

 

Fortunately, the oldest was the dumbest, so it didn’t cause any friction. Maybe I’d expected too much from these guys.

 

Choi Jeho and Park Joowoo, feeling responsible for ensuring the maknae sleep in a cozy place safe from the rain, began setting up pillars. Meanwhile, Kang Kiyeon wandered the island in search of something to use for a roof.

 

He roamed for a long time. Eventually, he stopped in front of a banana tree with a disgruntled expression. Kang Kiyeon stroked the tree trunk with a gesture full of lingering regret.

 

『Kiyeon: No matter how I look at it, nothing beats this guy…』

『PD: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ』

 

Kang Kiyeon spent the rest of the time sulking while picking up banana leaves. He even tucked in some pretty-shaped leaves here and there to maintain some ‘design elements’. What truly infuriated me was that this guy also took the time to sniff a brown, withered leaf.

 

『Kiyeon: Would it be weird if it smells like bananas while we sleep?』

『PD: I wouldn’t know…』

『Kiyeon: …』

『PD: Shall I… sniff it for you…?』

 

The camera captured Kang Kiyeon and the PD from about two steps away. The sight of two adult men with their noses buried in a banana leaf in the middle of a forest was quite bizarre. Judging by how much the frame was shaking, the camera director seemed to be struggling to hold back his laughter.

 

“Is there nothing but banana trees on the island you guys go to? You said it was a different place from last time.”

 

“Maybe it’s fate. Like, maybe our destiny says we’re surrounded by trees.”

 

Lee Cheonghyeon kept spitting out horrific nonsense. If the Spark official account ever started using banana emojis, I didn’t know what I might do to bananas.

 

In any case, Kang Kiyeon returned with a net he’d found on the shore, filled to the brim with eco-friendly green ‘sheets’.

 

『Joowoo: That’s a lot… Did you bring all of those to cover the top?』

『Kiyeon: I think we should lay some down too. If we just sleep on the ground, dirt gets into our clothes.』

 

Listening to their meaningless conversation made my mind go numb. It felt like I was taking one of those English listening exams that had long since vanished into the memories of the past.

Is this leaf a roof? Yes, it is a roof. Is this leaf also a roof? No, it is a rug…

 

After many twists and turns, the hut for the three of them was completed. It was a tiny, humble space where the three of them would truly have to lie shoulder-to-shoulder.

 

『Kiyeon: We’ve improved.』

『Joowoo: You’re right…!』

 

The two of them were deeply moved. They looked as if they couldn’t believe they wouldn’t have to sleep on the bare dirt.

 

『Jeho: Let’s go find food.』

 

Naturally, Choi Jeho, being the oldest, didn’t let his emotions flutter over such a small thing. Leaving behind a house that looked like it would blow away if a strong wind hit, the three set off on a journey to obtain food.

 

『Jeho: Why is this one so red?』

『Joowoo: Isn’t it a ripe mango…?』

『Kiyeon: Do mangoes turn red when they ripen? Bananas turn yellow.』

 

That is because what you found is an apple mango, you idiots.

 

『Kiyeon: They say if the tree rings are leaned to one side, the direction is… which way was it again?』

『Joowoo: Really…?』

 

Whatever. What does it matter if you don’t even know if you built the house in the east or the north? For all we know, half of it might’ve already blown into the sea.

 

『Joowoo: …If there isn’t much food, I’m okay with skipping a meal for a day.』

『Jeho: You have to eat before you work.』

『Kiyeon: That’s right. You’ll collapse, hyung.』

 

Still, they encouraged each other as they moved forward. It was a truly heartwarming sight. Just as Choi Jeho said, they planned to eat whatever they saw…

 

『Joowoo: There are so many bugs…』

『Kiyeon: And lizards.』

『Jeho: …Can we eat lizards?』

 

…No! Please, anything but lizards! Just put in a little more effort and find something else to eat! You have plenty of stamina left, don’t give up so easily! The world is still worth living in!

 

I was bouncing up and down on the sofa in a fit of rage. Fortunately, the disaster of them trying to catch a lizard did not occur.

 

『Kiyeon: It doesn’t look like it has much meat. Are you going to catch it?』

『Jeho: No.』

 

It wasn’t for any rational reason; it was simply because the food-to-effort ratio seemed low. My mood was fluctuating like a stock market graph just watching a single variety show.

 

『Joowoo: Can we… pick coconuts…?』

 

Starting with Park Joowoo’s question, the previously calm scene finally gained some action. Wearing work gloves they found on the beach, Choi Jeho slapped the tree a few times, then took off his shoes.

 

Choi Jeho was unnervingly good at climbing trees. The subtitles praised his hidden talent so much I thought they’d leave a mark on the screen. They say bears are naturally good at climbing trees.

 

『Jeho: Move aside. I’ll bring them down.』

『Kiyeon: It’s dangerous if you drop them while coming down. Just throw them!』

『Jeho: What if they break?』

『Joowoo: It’s better for the coconut to break than for a person to get hurt…!』

 

The sight of Choi Jeho throwing coconuts from the top of a palm tree reminded me of something that wasn’t exactly ‘idol-like’. For instance… a catapult. At least he showed a glimmer of wisdom by trying to throw them onto a pile of fallen leaves.

 

『Jeho: Did we pick enough fruit?』

『Kiyeon: I think so? We have mangoes too. …Joowoo hyung, do you have the mangoes?』

 

Kang Kiyeon asked as he looked into a mesh basket with holes plugged by leaves.

 

『Joowoo: Huh?』

 

Park Joowoo’s blank expression and his large hands were captured in one frame.

His grip, which had been tight with anxiety for fear his hyung might fall from the tree, had mercilessly crushed the apple mangoes. Mango juice was dripping from the tragic remains of what used to be mangoes.

 

≫ Joo-mango

 

A prestigious nickname appeared in the real-time comments. From afar, I heard the sound of the ‘Park Joowoo Elf Theory’ coming to a crashing end.

 

***

 

The Three Musketeers of Fools continued their exploration while sharing the remains of the apple mangoes. With coconuts in one arm and eco-friendly blankets in the other—Kang Kiyeon had used up all the leaves he brought to make the roof and the floor—they marched on endlessly. They kept walking until the PD told them they couldn’t go any further because the area beyond hadn’t been scouted yet.

 

Today’s fun fact: The Earth is round, so if you keep walking, you will eventually reach a restricted zone.

 

True to their luck with food, the three returned with their hands full. Park Joowoo made a great contribution by actively utilizing the guidebook.

 

『Kiyeon: Isn’t this an edible mushroom?』

『Joowoo: No. That fellow is a dangerous mushroom.』

『Jeho: They all look similar to me.』

『Joowoo: We must always be wary of dangers we cannot fully prepare for…!』

 

Park Joowoo successfully distinguished edible mushrooms with his hawk eyes and strict standards. His attitude of cutting anything even slightly risky made for good broadcast material. It more than made up for the apple mango disaster.

 

The small, poorly built hut somehow remained intact without flying away. If it had been partially destroyed, they could have rebuilt it, but the supports were driven in so deep that it miraculously didn’t collapse.

 

If it had rained, that kind of house—no. Calling that a house was an insult to cozy living spaces. That kind of tent would have collapsed long ago and been on its way to reassembly. If that had happened, those guys might have been able to lay their bodies down in a slightly better place for the day…

 

Following the outdoor BBQ and now his second trip to a deserted island, Choi Jeho had basically become the God of Fire. He handled the fire stick as easily as a disposable lighter to start a fire.

 

The scene where they stopped eating roasted mushrooms in front of the bonfire to go check if there were fish that could only be caught at night, swarming to the beach with burning logs, was quite funny.

 

Actually, nah. It wasn’t funny. I felt strange, as if I were watching a historic moment where primitive humans who had just discovered fire were expanding their range of activity into the night for the first time.

 

When they eventually caught some unknown fish, I even started wondering, ‘Are these guys actually making revolutionary progress? Should I be congratulating them?’

 

The fish caught after midnight was filleted and smoked by Kang Kiyeon. Park Joowoo’s ‘smoking’ comment turned out to be foreshadowing. Even for a documentary-style variety show, the ‘circular structure’ within a single episode was perfect.

 

The end of Episode 1 was decorated with a scene of the three crawling into the hut and closing their eyes one by one. At a glance, it looked like they were trying to sleep, but in reality, everyone closed their eyes early because the smoke was making them sting. Since they slept in a hole in the ground last time, how could they have known how important wind direction was?

 

The beautiful screen, a mix of starlight and sparks from the bonfire, slowly faded out.

 

“Finally, Episode 1 is over.”

 

Jeong Seongbin forced the corners of his mouth up.

 

“It was a truly long and difficult time.”

 

“Was it that bad?”

 

“Jeho, put your hand on your heart and think about it.”

 

Choi Jeho casually ignored me. What made it even more annoying was how he naturally struck up a conversation with another member in front of the camera, creating a scene that looked like he was ‘changing the subject for the sake of entertainment rather than ignoring Kim Iwol out of dislike’.

 

“I was genuinely moved, though.”

 

While Choi Jeho, whom I told to reflect, ignored me, Lee Cheonghyeon unexpectedly spoke with his hands folded politely.

 

“Should I say it felt like watching the evolution of mankind?”

 

“The progress is too slow. Way too slow.”

 

Lee Cheonghyeon burst into laughter, perhaps because I looked quite resolute.

 

But it wouldn’t be the Unmanned Rest Area if they let people feel relieved here.

 

As soon as the 90-second commercial ended, an intense preview hit us.

 

『Kiyeon: Do you want the good news first or the bad news first?』

『Joowoo: The bad news.』

『Kiyeon: I put out the fire while trying to move it.』

『Joowoo: …And what’s the good news?』

『Kiyeon: Your eyes won’t sting while you sleep anymore.』

 

『Joowoo: I think one of my pieces of clothing is missing…』

『PD: There are monkeys here that steal clothes a lot.』

『Joowoo: !』

 

『Joowoo: Where did Jeho hyung go…?』

『Kiyeon: I saw him going into the sea half-naked earlier?』

 

As soon as the words were finished, Choi Jeho, walking out of the sea holding something large, flashed across the screen. I couldn’t tell what he had caught because of the mosaic blur.

 

It was then. A staff member behind the table pushed a white cue card in front of Jeong Seongbin.

 

After reading it first, Jeong Seongbin announced in a trembling voice,

 

“And now, a surprise event! We will give a small prize to the Sparkler who correctly guesses the identity of the food Jeho hyung caught from the sea… so… please…”

 

Lee Cheonghyeon pounded the desk and laughed. With the sound of bursting laughter as the BGM, Jeong Seongbin did his best to guide the entry method. I wanted to help the burdened leader, but I, too, was drained of energy and could do nothing.