Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 515 - Explosion (3)

The next day, Kang Kiyeon came to find me after hearing from Lee Cheonghyeon that we had been talking about him.

 

“I heard the gist of what you two discussed. You understand now that there’s nothing wrong with you, and that my situation isn’t serious either, right?”

 

“……”

 

“That’s the important part, so what on earth did Lee Cheonghyeon tell you…?”

 

Kang Kiyeon sat down right next to me and talked for quite a while. He explained in detail why he decided to start counseling again, the effects he had seen so far, and his current mental state.

 

“It wasn’t like I went because there was some huge problem to begin with. I’m just doing it so I can carry out our activities more comfortably, not because I’m forcing myself to keep going. You really don’t need to worry.”

 

“You’ve really grown up. I guess you’re ready to live on your own now.”

 

“Wait, are you trying to kick just me out of the dorm? No wonder you threw a party just because I hit 180cm.”

 

The kid made a face of utter disbelief.

 

“Does only Cheonghyeon know you’re going to the hospital?”

 

“Everyone knows. Seongbin hyung knows, Joowoo hyung knows.”

 

“Does… Choi Jeho know too?”

 

“Of course. Jeho hyung was the one who looked out for me the most.”

 

“Wow, that actually hurts my pride.”

 

It was absurd. Didn’t that basically mean I’d become even more disconnected from the group’s affairs than Choi Jeho had? Even if those two had spent the entire concert preparation period together, I still couldn’t accept it.

 

“I guess Choi Jeho is acting like a proper big brother to you guys?”

 

“You were the one telling Joowoo hyung to take Jeho hyung along whenever he did secondhand trades, so why are you acting like this all of a sudden? Just because I said Jeho hyung looked after me? Man, you really do hold a long grudge.”

 

“Yeah, I do. It’s not like you didn’t know.”

 

“Somehow it’s still surprising every time.”

 

Kang Kiyeon curled one side of his lip into a smirk. It was 100% mockery. Still, he quickly dropped the playfulness.

 

“Jeho hyung… well, he looks after everyone. Especially when we’re preparing for performances, we’re together all the time, aren’t we? He looks out for us here and there.”

 

“Well, it’s a relief if you’re getting along.”

 

“Doesn’t Jeho hyung talk to you occasionally, too? I remember seeing it often.”

 

“He only ever says weird things to me. It’s never in a worried tone.”

 

Even that had stopped recently. He wasn’t the type to strike up a conversation first anyway, but he had started making small talk for a while, only to stop entirely lately…

 

Wait, entirely?

 

Come to think of it, had I even talked to Choi Jeho at all over the past few days?

 

Aside from work-related conversations or chatting during the talk segments, we hadn’t had a single personal conversation. He hadn’t said anything in the group chat either.

 

“Hyung?”

 

Kang Kiyeon called out to me.

 

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

 

“Oh… it’s nothing.”

 

The conversation ended awkwardly. The cause of that strange void—that total absence of communication—was revealed before long.

 

* * *

 

The incident happened while I was seeing Lee Cheonghyeon off as he left for work to do some audio post-production.

 

The other guys had already left the dorm for their respective schedules, leaving only me and Choi Jeho. As I was coming back from closing the front door, I ran into Choi Jeho coming out of the kitchen.

 

“Choi Jeho.”

 

I called his name first, but… once I was facing him, I had nothing to say. What was I supposed to ask? ‘Why haven’t you talked to me lately?’

 

While I hesitated, he shot me a glance and turned his body away. It was now certain that Choi Jeho was avoiding a conversation with me.

 

“Hey, wait a second.”

 

When I called him again, he stopped his walk toward his room and turned back to look at me.

 

“What.”

 

I had heard this specific tone from Choi Jeho only once before. It was the voice he used when he was incredibly irritable with me, back when he misunderstood that I had planned a self-produced content segment using family topics—something he had asked to avoid.

 

With this, it became a fact: Choi Jeho was angry. Whenever he got angry, the cause was never something internal. He only lost his temper when there was an external trigger. And the cause of this current situation seemed to be me.

 

“What are you so angry about?”

 

Despite my question, Choi Jeho didn’t budge. He looked like he had no desire whatsoever to have any kind of conversation with me.

 

‘I should clear this up now before it festers. Judging by the timing, now is…’

 

Just as I thought this was the perfect opportunity, Choi Jeho spoke.

 

“You think I’m a joke, don’t you?”

 

His words carried a biting chill. His voice was completely flat, devoid of emotion, making it even colder. His face was a stiff mask. Even if his words weren’t rough, they were clearly laced with rage.

 

“You’re doing this because you think little of me. Otherwise, you couldn’t ignore someone’s words this openly. You don’t listen to a single thing others worry about—whether it’s being careful with your head or not hiding things when something is wrong.”

 

I inferred that Choi Jeho was displeased because of the recent traffic accident. He seemed to think I had jumped in recklessly without a care for those around me.

 

“It’s a misunderstanding. I know everyone was sincerely worried, and I…”

 

“Misunderstanding?”

 

Choi Jeho let out a scoff. It wasn’t mocking so much as utter disbelief.

 

“Are you saying I’m the one misunderstanding you right now?”

 

“I went straight to the hospital because I knew everyone was worried, and I agreed to sit out the concert. I wasn’t stubborn like before, so I don’t know what gave you that impression.”

 

“The action school.”

 

Choi Jeho spat out the words.

 

“You knew an accident was going to happen and deliberately asked to be taken there, didn’t you?”

 

He spoke with total conviction.

 

“You were planning to throw yourself in front of a car, and you say what? Misunderstanding? Is ‘tanking with your body’ the only solution you have? Would it kill you to discuss it with someone else? What gave you the nerve to gamble on something like that all by yourself?”

 

“There were circumstances. As you know, the situation back then…”

 

“What circumstances? The truth is you didn’t trust anyone. Your level of trust is at rock bottom, so you made me watch while you rehearsed for a traffic accident at the action school. Without a single word.”

 

Choi Jeho cut me off. Every word he threw at me was sharp with killing intent.

 

“I’m sorry if it made you feel like I’d used you. But it wasn’t because I didn’t trust you.”

 

“You secretly put shock padding inside your cap and bought protective gear without telling anyone, and you expect me to believe that?”

 

His piercing eyes fixed on me. A blue vein throbbed at his temple.

 

“Fine, maybe it wasn’t a lack of trust; maybe you just hate me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Did you think I didn’t know you’ve hated me since we were trainees?”

 

For a moment, I doubted I’d heard him correctly. So, Choi Jeho… just said that I hate him.

 

It felt different from when he had vaguely guessed based on Kang Kiyeon’s expression during our trainee days. I couldn’t even refute it.

 

I never imagined he would have noticed. I never even considered the possibility. I thought I’d hidden it well, and none of the Spark members had ever noticed or asked if Choi Jeho made me uncomfortable.

 

“I could ignore you hating me during our trainee days. People can’t always get along, and it didn’t interfere with my life, so I didn’t care.”

 

“……”

 

“But I thought after we debuted, we’d at least reached a point where we were on decent terms. I thought that sometimes, you were actually treating me like a person. But it turns out it was all my own delusion.”

 

The emotions grew more intense. Choi Jeho sneered.

 

“Why didn’t you just tell me how much you hated me? We could’ve drawn a clear line between work and personal life, and things would’ve been easier for both of us.”

 

“On what basis are you saying that?”

 

“Because you regretted it.”

 

He muttered as if lamenting.

 

“You pulled me out of harm’s way, and then you regretted it.”

 

The emotion felt in his words was part resentment, part rage. The rift visible in every word was so deep that I couldn’t fathom how long it had taken for these words to finally come out.

 

“If you hated me that much, why did you help me? If you were ready to quit everything and jump off, you should have just ignored me.”

 

A surge of bitterness mixed into Choi Jeho’s voice. It sounded almost like the grief that came from frustration too deep for words.

 

“While we’re at it, let me ask you something. What exactly was so wrong with me? What part of me did you dislike so much that, instead of discussing it with me, you decided to jump in front of a car alone, and after saving someone’s life, you even tried to kill yourself? Was it something I couldn’t fix, so you never bothered telling me?”

 

I had nothing I could say. I couldn’t say that I didn’t hate saving him, but rather that because that choice meant giving up on my sister, I had hated myself. I couldn’t say that the repulsion I felt since trainee days wasn’t his fault but was due to my own personal memories.

 

There was absolutely nothing I could explain. And that tormented me.

 

“See? You still won’t say anything.”

 

“……”

 

“That’s why I tried not to talk to you. I knew the conversation would end up here eventually, but I also knew there were things you didn’t want anyone to see, so I didn’t want to force you. You’d never open your mouth, and I’d never get any explanation, so what was the point of having this conversation?”

 

He gasped for breath. His hand, which had been brushing his forehead in frustration, irritably ruffled through his hair.

 

“I tried, too.”

 

His words, sounding like a confession, pierced my heart.

 

“I tried not to get on your nerves while measuring the boundaries of what wouldn’t be offensive.”

 

“Jeho.”

 

“The night you came back to the dorm after going to the Han River—do you think the reason I was the only one who didn’t go out to the door while the others waited was because I couldn’t be bothered? After your accident, do you think I didn’t say a word because I didn’t care? I stayed cooped up in my room for you. I kept my mouth shut for you. Because I was afraid you’d do it again if you saw me!”

 

“Choi Jeho!”

 

As his voice rose, Choi Jeho finally exploded.

 

Just as he’d said, I suddenly remembered how, whenever something happened, Choi Jeho had been the only one who conspicuously stayed out of sight.

 

The times he suddenly approached to ask why I wasn’t taking ads, or when he warned me that I was overworking myself—that was the limit of the communication he could attempt with me.

 

I never intended to make him walk on eggshells. Of course not. That had been the thing I’d suffered from most in the entire world. But…

 

I couldn’t deny that there had once been a time when I couldn’t stand the sight of Choi Jeho. How long had I hated this guy?

 

“What else was I supposed to do?”

 

“……”

 

“Was I supposed to grab a guy who was losing his mind and lecture him about this and that? While absurd things kept happening around us, and every time they did, you lost your memory?”

 

“Lost my memory?”

 

At my words, Choi Jeho let out a heavy sigh. There was someone who overlapped with the look on his face—a look so complex it was beyond words.

 

‘Mom kicked us out because she said we were ungrateful since we couldn’t sleep because it was cold. Don’t you remember? It was the middle of winter.’

 

‘I don’t remember any of that.’

 

‘Wow, I’m the only one losing out then. How can you forget that when you even got frostbite?’

 

…My sister, looking at me, who remembered almost nothing from our childhood.