Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols Chapter 516 - Friend (1)

“You probably wouldn’t know. When you’re under too much stress, you black out. But that’s not something I can do anything about, is it? All I could do was tell you to go to the hospital and take your medicine.”

 

“……”

 

“You were babbling about some ‘manager’ who wasn’t even at the agency and asking for medicine you’d hidden. When we went to that company, Hanpyeong Industry or whatever, I tried to keep those older guys away from you—the ones who specifically reminded you of that ‘manager’ position. Even though you completely ignored me.”

 

Words I never expected to hear from Choi Jeho’s mouth kept coming out.

 

He said that when I was under stress, I went into an abnormal state. That I’d rambled in front of him about a manager and hidden medicine, and that I had forgotten it all.

 

And yet, this guy had stayed silent. Because he was afraid I’d black out again, or fail to overcome my own self-loathing and make another terrible decision.

 

When on earth did I mention Manager Nam in front of Choi Jeho? When my parents came to the company? Or when I’d locked myself under the blankets during my hiatus?

 

I couldn’t even guess how much I had shown him. How much of the lowest, ugliest parts of me that I couldn’t even remember did Choi Jeho know? I couldn’t even begin to guess how much of it still remained in his memory.

 

I felt dizzy. My head felt like it was going to explode.

 

“While I was dealing with that, you asked me to take you to the action school. I accepted, thinking, ‘Ah, maybe he’s finally getting better.’ And then it turns out I just helped someone throw themselves at a car. Of all things, for your first ever favor.”

 

Choi Jeho let out a hollow laugh. Then, he bit his lip hard, trying to suppress his anger.

 

“You screw me over like this, and then you say I’m ‘misunderstanding’ you? That you’re not the one who doesn’t trust me? Who the hell would believe that?”

 

“……”

 

“No matter how much you hate me, shouldn’t you at least have talked to me? When did I ever push you toward a dead end? Regardless of you hating me, you should have at least had the faith that I wouldn’t harm you. After I proved I’d do anything you asked, the least you could’ve done was tell me what was coming and what you were planning so we could figure something out together.”

 

His voice was thick with resentment. Choi Jeho was never a man of many words. For such a guy to pour out his thoughts so fluently, it was impossible unless he had replayed these thoughts to himself countless times.

 

Words swirled but only on the inside. It’s not that I didn’t want to discuss it. It’s not that I didn’t trust you. It was just truly unavoidable. It’s not like I wasn’t scared, either.

 

But how could I say that? In the end, I wouldn’t be able to give a clear answer to his questions, and Choi Jeho would only think the reason I couldn’t answer was that I ‘didn’t trust him’.

 

“I… on the day you pulled me back, I couldn’t even say thank you.”

 

Choi Jeho’s expression crumbled.

 

“Because just hating someone and coming to hate them even more are two different things. You already hated me so much; I was afraid if I touched on a problem I didn’t even understand, the feelings would only get worse.”

 

“……”

 

“I thought we were becoming normal. It pisses me off to realize that when faced with a major incident like that, we were nothing more than strangers who couldn’t even ask for help. And it pisses me off even more that you acted like it meant nothing after all the effort everyone else put into holding you together.”

 

He looked hollow. He had spoken more than he probably ever had in his life, but he didn’t look relieved at all. If anything, he looked pained.

 

I should have talked to him sooner. Instead of putting it off. When I had the chance.

 

“Let’s just say I’ll vent my anger and be done with it,” 

 

Choi Jeho said in a tone as if he were giving up on everything.

 

“Can you tell Jeong Seongbin or the others about this?”

 

“……”

 

“Can you tell them that you didn’t trust them, so you practiced hard on your own to ram yourself into a drunk driver’s car?”

 

I couldn’t. I knew how much Jeong Seongbin had suffered to become a solid leader, and I empathized deeply with Park Joowoo’s plea that he didn’t want to see the members get hurt anymore. I didn’t want to break Lee Cheonghyeon’s expectation that the team felt like family, nor did I want to become a source of worry for Kang Kiyeon, who was trying his best to overcome his own issues.

 

The truth remained trapped in my throat. At the sight of me being unable to open my mouth until the very end, Choi Jeho sighed. Then, he walked past me toward the shoe rack.

 

My head throbbed. It wasn’t because of the accident’s after-effects or a migraine. I felt like my temperature was rising just trying to process this conversation.

 

My hand reflexively went to my forehead. Choi Jeho, who was stepping into his shoes, paused. He turned back, walked into the kitchen, and returned.

 

He dropped a glass of water and a headache pill onto the dining table.

 

“F*ck…”

 

Choi Jeho spat out a curse and went into his room. The door slammed shut with a loud bang.

 

* * *

 

The first message I sent on my newly bought phone—after my old one had been smashed—was anything but pleasant.

 

[Me]

[I had a fight with Choi Jeho.]

[Please be careful not to do anything that might provoke him.]

 

[Cutie Pretty Visually Lee Cheonghyeon]

[Is that why you made a separate group chat?]

[How big was the fight?]

[Should we mediate?]

 

[King of Cuteness Kang Kiyeon]

[Did something happen?]

[More importantly, did Jeho hyung pick a fight with someone who just got into a car accident?]

[No matter what happened, that’s not right.]

 

[Me]

[It’s my fault. (Not a self-deprecating remark, but an objective judgment.)]

[For my sake too, do not provoke Choi Jeho.]

[I can’t tell you why we fought. Sorry.]

 

Thanks to the early warning, the guys returned to the dorm quietly. I thought they would barge into my room to ask for details immediately, but everyone went to their respective rooms in silence.

 

“I told everyone we’d talk about it tomorrow or the day after. If you went out of your way to warn us like that, I figured Jeho hyung probably needed some time to cool off.”

 

As it turned out, it was thanks to Jeong Seongbin’s traffic control.

 

“Was it a big fight?” 

 

Jeong Seongbin asked cautiously.

 

“…A little?”

 

“That means it was a big one…”

 

His face darkened. As if it weren’t already enough that we had to focus on the ongoing tour, I’d managed to throw the team’s atmosphere into chaos. Especially now, when we’d be traveling to different regions every single week. I felt a wave of guilt.

 

“I’m worried about Joowoo.”

 

An angry Choi Jeho was terrifying. Since I had seen past data of the old Park Joowoo being rebuked by Choi Jeho, I was worried that Park Joowoo might have to deal with a heavy atmosphere because of me.

 

As if he’d somehow overheard my muttering, Park Joowoo came to the room I shared with Jeong Seongbin before bedtime. When I asked how Choi Jeho was doing, the roommate gave an unexpected answer.

 

“He looked like he was in a bad mood… but he told me not to worry about him.”

 

“Not to worry?”

 

“He told me not to walk on eggshells because it wasn’t my fault he was upset. He said he didn’t want to ruin the mood but he was having trouble controlling it… so he told me to just ignore him.”

 

Furthermore, Park Joowoo said he wasn’t uncomfortable sharing a room with Jeho.

 

“…I asked Jeho hyung what he wanted me to do. He said he wouldn’t take his anger out on someone unrelated, so I should just act as usual. He also told me to let him know if I felt uncomfortable first, so if a problem comes up while we’re living together, I’ll talk to him directly…”

 

It was a mature response. It seemed that both Choi Jeho and I had the same thought: avoiding the fallout of our discord hitting the younger members.

 

“What about you, hyung…? You must feel awful too.”

 

“Choi Jeho is the one who’s angry, not me. I’ll just quietly wait until he cools down.”

 

I forced a more playful smile. Park Joowoo let out a quiet sigh.

 

“Call me whenever you need my help…”

 

He left after saying goodnight. When I checked my phone to set the alarm, Lee Cheonghyeon and Kang Kiyeon were messaging me non-stop.

 

[Cutie Pretty Visually Lee Cheonghyeon]

[I trust my hyungs, you know? If you guys fought, I figure it must be something important.]

[So I won’t tell you to make up quickly.]

[We dongsaengs aren’t uncomfortable at all, so take your time and talk it out as much as you need.]

[Contact me if you need an ally.]

 

[King of Cuteness Kang Kiyeon]

[Hyung, are you okay?]

[Knowing your personality, I figured you’d worry about the fight for a long time.]

[I know you hyungs rarely fight, so I’ll just wait and assume there was a reason for it.]

[I’ll try talking to Jeho hyung too, so don’t worry too much.]

 

Everyone had a lot to say. Since the conclusion for both was ‘just sleep today and talk tomorrow,’ I simply reacted to each message with an emoji to show I’d read it.

 

‘Can you tell Jeong Seongbin or the members about this?’

 

‘…….’

 

‘Can you tell them that you didn’t trust them, so you practiced hard on your own to ram yourself into a drunk driver’s car?’

 

Thinking about it again, Choi Jeho was right this time. I couldn’t bring myself to tell these guys that I had once hated Choi Jeho or that I had prepared countermeasures by deceiving Choi Jeho, fully intending to handle an accident I knew was coming by myself. I felt stifled. By this situation, and by myself.

 

* * *

 

Breakfast was quiet. It wasn’t heavy, though. It was simply calm, with bits of casual conversation here and there.

 

“Iwol hyung, do you want more rice?”

 

“No, I’m good.”

 

Eighty percent of the credit for maintaining surface-level peace after such a massive fight went to Choi Jeho.

 

[Center Emperor Choi Jeho]

[Honestly, I don’t think there’s any point in pretending we made up after fighting like hell.]

[But I know enough not to bring personal emotions into work.]

[I’ll participate properly in the tour and group activities, so don’t pick at me.]

 

He’d sent me that text first thing in the morning. Since he’d promised to stay professional, I decided I wouldn’t wrestle with him in everyday life for the time being either.

 

Choi Jeho kept his promise. He actively voiced his opinions during meetings, and at the dorm, he stayed in his room but never slammed the door or scowled. Whether we were in the practice room or at the concert venue, there wasn’t the slightest sign that we’d had a fight. Even the managers didn’t notice that Choi Jeho and I had had a major falling out.

 

Normally, I would have been satisfied that Choi Jeho was conducting himself properly and wouldn’t have paid him much more attention.

 

But every time I remembered that his mask of normalcy applied to me too, his words weighed heavily on me.

 

‘Did you think I didn’t know you’ve hated me since we were trainees?’

 

“Sigh…”

 

He’d felt that all along and never let it show once. For five whole years. Because he felt there was no point in saying it.

 

It was a decision very characteristic of Choi Jeho. Which made me feel even worse.

 

‘He always seemed oddly fragile in strange ways.’

 

The image of him saying he knew how to perform CPR flashed through my mind, making me twice as troubled. I slumped over the desk, and only a groan escaped me.