The Search for the Duchess’s Husband Chapter 53

“Helen!”

 

Humphrey shouted, running to Helen.

 

“Mommy!”

 

Artia ran too.

 

Helen stared at Artia until she lost consciousness, then muttered.

 

“No, Julie…”

 

 

* * *

 

 

John, who examined Helen, said.

 

“Her pulse, respiration and temperature are all normal. She just went into shock and lost consciousness for a moment.”

 

Humphrey and Artia breathed a sigh of relief.

 

Killian, standing next to them, was expressionless and could only think, ‘She’s as bad as I’ve heard.’

 

Humphrey snapped his head around and glared at Killian.

 

“What were you doing in that room at such a late hour?”

 

Killian didn’t raise an eyebrow, even though he looked like he was going to bash his head in with his staff if he answered.

 

Before he could open his mouth, Artia interrupted him.

 

“I asked him to come to my room tomorrow because I want to talk tohim about the wedding.”

 

“Are you sure about that, and aren’t you just saying that to cover for him?” Humphrey asked, his expression unchanged.

 

“You’re the first person I’ve met today, there’s no reason for that.”

 

“…….”

 

“I think you should tell him to leave for now, in case she wakes up and sees him and freaks out again.”

 

Artia’s words sent Killian scurrying out of the room.

 

With the bomb safely removed from the room, which would have only added to the atmosphere, Artia looked at Humphrey.

 

“I think my aunt was very surprised to see me with a man, I’m sorry.”

 

Even if they were married, it would have been a shocking sight to see her daughter alone in a room with a man at such a late hour.

 

Especially since they were making physical contact (even if it was only touching).

 

Humphrey shook his head.

 

“It’s not your fault. Helen broke down because she was reminded of something from the past.”

 

“What do you mean, the past?”

 

Humphrey finally spoke after a long moment.

 

“Twenty years ago, the night before her wedding, Julie fell to her death from the window of this room.”

 

“……!”

 

Artia gasped, hearing for the first time how Juliet died.

 

Humphrey continued, his face pained.

 

“I assume it was an accident, but I don’t know the details. Helen was the only one with Julie when she fell.”

 

“…….”

 

“I asked her what happened, but every time I did, Helen had a seizure and passed out, until one day she asked me: “Honey, my Julie, how did this happen?”.”

 

That’s when he knew. Helen had completely forgotten the moment their daughter died.

 

Humprey thought that was a good thing.

 

It would have been too painful a memory for his wife, who was struggling enough without it.

 

“But seeing you in the room today must have brought back memories of that night.”

 

Artia was speechless at the shocking news.

 

It was Helen’s thin voice that broke the heavy silence.

 

“Julie…”

 

“……!”

 

Artia and Humphrey looked at Helen at the same time.

 

“Helen, are you awake?”

 

Instead of answering her husband’s question, Helen said something else.

 

“My Julie, you’re alive, you’re alive, aren’t you?”

 

Artia took Helen’s small hand.

 

“Yes, Mom. Julie is here.”

 

“Julie!”

 

Helen sobbed, hugging Artia tightly.

 

When she stopped sobbing, she turned to Humphrey.

 

“Honey, I want to be alone with Julie.”

 

“…You may.”

 

Humphrey obediently stepped aside.

 

Only Helen and Artia remained in the dimly lit room.

 

Helen had been holding Artia’s hand since the moment she’d opened her eyes, and her bony fingers were still trembling.

 

After a moment, Helen spoke.

 

“I only remembered the moment I saw you at the window. How could I have forgotten…”

 

Helen’s voice sounded like she was coughing up blood.

 

“Julie, I’m the one who killed you.”

 

“……!”

 

 * * *

 

 

Twenty years ago, the Countess of Blührens.

 

In the bright sunlight, Helen sat with the ladies.

 

The women who had given her the wedding invitation spoke with reminiscence.

 

“Congratulations, Madame, you are finally marrying your daughter, who has grown up like a flower.”

 

“And the groom is the Count of Missoula. How jealous I am that you are giving your daughter away to such a handsome man, with a prestigious title and imperial blood.”

 

Helen responded with a laugh.

 

For Helen, as for many mothers, her daughter’s marriage was a lifelong endeavor.

 

The wedding, a mixture of hard work and good fortune, was her pride and happiness.

 

Helen brushed Julie’s hair and said.

 

“There is so much interest in your wedding, everyone envies you. You’re going to be the happiest bride in the world.”

 

“…….”

 

Perhaps the joy was too much.

 

Helen hadn’t noticed that Julie’s face had grown darker and darker since the wedding had been arranged.

 

Then one day, Julie said. “Mom, I have something to tell you.”

 

Helen had always listened to her daughter and fulfilled whatever she wanted.

 

When Julie said she didn’t want to go to etiquette class, Helen took her out of it, and when she said she wanted a dress by a famous designer, she went to the designer herself to have it made.

 

Helen looked at Julie with her usual soft eyes.

 

“Tell me.”

 

Julie hesitated uncharacteristically, then spoke with determination.

 

“I don’t want to get married.”

 

“……!”

 

Helen’s smile vanished in an instant.

 

“Why?”

 

“…….”

 

“Are you afraid of getting married? It’s understandable, but if you talk to your mother before the wedding, your fear will go away.”

 

“…….”

 

“Or is it because you don’t like leaving home? Don’t worry, she said it’s just that. Mama will speak well of you to Count Missoula, and I will visit you often.”

 

Turning to Helen, who was talking nervously, Juliet said. “I-I like girls.”

 

“……?!” Helen exclaimed, shocked beyond belief.

 

“Jeez, what did you just say?”

 

“I said I like girls.” Julie said, looking at Helen who was speechless.

 

“Ever since I was a little girl, I could look at a man and feel nothing. It was always a woman that made my heart beat.”

 

Helen looked at Julie blankly.

 

“You must be mistaken…”

 

“It’s not a mistake!” Julie exclaimed, her face contorted.

 

It was Julie herself who censored her feelings more strictly than anyone else.

 

It’s natural for a woman to love a man, and it’s wrong for a woman to love a woman, so these feelings are wrong.

 

But no matter how much she denied her feelings, her eyes were drawn to a woman. Her heart was pounding. She felt hot feelings of sexual love.

 

Tears streamed from Julie’s eyes.

 

“I know,” she said, “that my heart will never be blessed by people, that it will be judged and cursed, and that’s why I’ve tried to hide it all my life.”

 

“…….”

 

“But now that the wedding is coming up, I can’t bear the thought of having to spend the rest of my life rubbing elbows with someone I don’t love, someone I feel nothing but displeasure for…I can’t, I don’t want to.”

 

Julie clasped Helen’s hand.

 

“That’s what mom always told me, “Don’t hide anything, just tell her, she’ll listen.”.”

 

“…….”

 

“Mom, you have to help me.”

 

Julie’s tearful face was pitiful.

 

More than when she was a child, in the throes of a fever, clutching her mother’s hand and crying, “Please don’t make me sick.”

 

But Helen could not hold her daughter’s hand and comfort her as she had then.

 

Never, she couldn’t.

 

“Pull yourself together, Juliette.”

 

“……!”

 

“You are a perfect girl, mind and body, and a woman’s happiness is to love a man, marry him, and have children.”

 

Helen’s face as she looked down at Juliette was no longer that of a loving mother who would listen to anything her daughter had to say. 

 

After that day, Helen never left Julie’s side and kept saying the same thing.

 

“Julie, when you’re married, you’ll know what a woman’s happiness really is.”