I’m Just a Counselor Chapter 36

Taking care of one creates problems for the other. Isn’t this a hard life as a counselor?

 

After a small sigh, I calmly opened my mouth.

 

“Well, first of all, um… thanks for being honest with me, I’m sure that wasn’t easy for you.”

 

“…….”

 

“Well, since the Duke says so, I’ll be honest with you.”

 

Jeremiah’s eyes were still downcast, but he must be listening to me. I assumed as much and continued.

 

“Last time, I accepted the Duke’s apology because I felt it was genuine, and I don’t want to receive apology again for something I already accepted.”

 

“…….”

 

“And while you’ve characterized yourself as selfish, I fully understand why you did what you did, and you know why you did it.”

 

“…….”

 

“And to me, the Duke’s behavior doesn’t seem very selfish, because everyone has their own agenda.”

 

Right now, Jeremiah’s absolute number one priority is Estella. I have no intention of asking him to change that.

 

I’m not his lover, I’m not his friend, I’m just his employee, so who am I to ask him to think of me more?

 

It would be selfish of me to ask, so I wasn’t going to blame Jeremiah for his behavior last time, this time, or in the future, and I certainly wasn’t going to expect him to apologize for it.

 

And maybe I should be the one apologizing.

 

I opened my mouth as I thought this.

 

“Perhaps the reason the Duke feels so guilty is because he thinks he’s responsible for me.”

 

“…….”

 

“I’ve told you before, you don’t have to be responsible for everything. And I have no intention of asking you to take responsibility for me.”

 

“…….”

 

“So you don’t have to feel guilty, and I think I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

 

“…Miss Vanessa, why?”

 

“Because I’m the one who insisted on not listening to the Duke, and I’m the one who worried you unnecessarily, and I’m the one who caused you more embarrassment than help…”

 

As he continued, I realized something.

 

I realized that I had been feeling sorry for him ever since we got on the horse. It wasn’t just a feeling.

 

I realized that I had been carrying around a kind of guilt that I hadn’t been able to help him at all today…

 

‘Ah, now I understand a little bit why Jeremiah says he’s sorry.’

 

I bit my lip softly. Jeremiah, who had been listening to me, let out a low sigh as he ran a hand down his face.

 

“Miss Vanessa is really…”

 

His trailing words were swallowed up in the sound of his sigh. I looked up at him with a blank face.

 

“Really, what?”

 

“Nothing. I just thought… was weird.”

 

He stammered, then asked me something else.

 

“Why aren’t you going to ask me to take charge?”

 

“Because I’m nothing to the Duke.”

 

“Nothing? You’re the only one who knows all about my insomnia, my past, my weaknesses.”

 

“…Hmm, so are we friends then?”

 

Jeremiah snorted at my timid question. I didn’t think this was a good idea either, so I kept my mouth shut.

 

So what exactly was Jeremiah defining my relationship with him? I’m sure he doesn’t define it as counselor and client…

 

Curiosity got the better of me, and I spoke up again.

 

“Employee and employer…? Doctor and patient…?”

 

Jeremiah looked thoughtful, then said nonchalantly.

 

“It’s more like a suitor and a lady.”

 

“…….”

 

“Why, I did proposed to Miss Vanessa the other day.”

 

“…….”

 

‘Well, I’m sure you did. But you didn’t say anything afterward, so I assumed you had completely forgotten about it.’

 

For some reason, my face lights up as I remember.

 

I muttered, trying not to show my embarrassment.

 

“Didn’t you say that… because of Estella?”

 

“Estella told you? Well, yes, actually.”

 

“But…”

 

“But not everything I said was because of Estella.”

 

“……?”

 

There it is again. The push and pull.

 

Jeremiah stood up from his seat, his face calm and collected. His face looked lighter, as if he’d gotten everything off his chest.

 

I expected him to leave the room, but instead, he pointed to the bed. The bed I’d been lying on just moments before was in disarray.

 

“Lie down.”

 

“Yeah…?”

 

“I’m going to watch you sleep, just like Miss Vanessa did last time until I fell asleep.”

 

Jeremiah found a suitable chair and dragged it over to the bed.

 

I was really hoping he was going to watch me lie in bed and sleep, but Jeremiah was uncharacteristically insistent. Apparently, he wouldn’t feel completely at ease until he saw me fall asleep.

 

I can’t say anything to someone who’s worried about me.

 

I lay down on my bed, helpless.

 

I tried to lean against the headboard like Jeremiah had done the last time, but I couldn’t resist his intense stare.

 

‘This is a lot more pressure than I thought it would be…’

 

I swallowed hard as I pulled the covers over my head and looked up at Jeremiah. Jeremiah seemed intent on watching me until I fell asleep.

 

I felt utterly embarrassed by the way he sat there, staring at me, but I couldn’t cover my face, couldn’t turn over, couldn’t…

 

‘…should I just ask him to leave?’

 

As I was thinking that, Jeremiah spoke up.

 

“You don’t have to feel sorry for me, after all, I’m the one who listened to you, and when it comes down to it, you didn’t really do anything wrong.”

 

“…….”

 

“If it’s still bothering you, we can trade my apology for yours.”

 

‘Is he trying to take the pressure off me?’ That’s what I wanted to say to Jeremiah.

 

But it’s not a bad feeling to have someone say it to me. I smiled wryly and pulled the covers up.

 

All the while, Jeremiah’s voice continued softly.

 

“Earlier, you said you trusted me to come.”

 

“That’s…”

 

“I forgot to thank you for that. You said you didn’t want me to be responsible for you… but for you to trust me like that means you’re counting on me to some extent.”

 

“…….”

 

“Thank you, for trusting me.”

 

Jeremiah smiled faintly. I blinked, watching his eyes curve gently.

 

“I can’t help but lean on you.”

 

I remembered the warm, firm embrace that had supported me on the horse, the strength of his arms as he held me close.

 

‘You can’t help but lean on someone like that, because that’s how people lean on each other…’

 

I looked up at him, smiling, and asked, mesmerized.

 

“Can I trust you again?”

 

Jeremiah looked at me, smiled again, and answered.

 

“Anytime.”

 

I felt my heart melt with that answer. I felt so relaxed, like I was in his arms.

 

I looked up into his eyes and then lowered them.

 

The languid feeling I had felt earlier washed over me again. Maybe another name for it was relief.

 

With his warm arms around my back, I felt like anything could be okay.

 

* * *

 

Vanessa was fast asleep. Jeremiah sat back in his chair with his arms crossed and watched her face, which was now resting peacefully.

 

‘You seemed uncomfortable at first.’

 

He knew she was, but he shrugged it off.

 

‘…Do I look like this when I sleep?’

 

He wondered if she felt the same way when she saw him sleeping.

 

As he thought, Jeremiah carefully reached out and stroked her cheek lightly. He was suddenly relieved to see that her cheeks were still raw.

 

Jeremiah clicked his tongue, not quite sure why he felt so relieved.

 

‘Is it because of Estella?’

 

If Vanessa had been hurt, Estella would have been sad.

 

Jeremiah stared at her sleeping face for a long time, feeling a little guilty for even thinking about it, until he left the room.

 

‘Why did Vanessa’s sleeping face feel so familiar the second time around?’

 

He didn’t have an answer until he got back to his office and sat down on the couch, squeezing his eyes shut.

 

Just then, someone else plopped down across from him.