I’m Just a Counselor Chapter 53

I shook my head and he laughed.

 

“But before we get to that, I think Miss Vanessa has an aura.”

 

“An aura?”

 

“An aristocrat… hmmm, I should say elegance, I mean, something you can only get from an aristocrat.”

 

“…….”

 

“So you’ll do well in a ballroom, even if your manners are a little off.”

 

Classy… I almost burst out laughing because it was a word a million years removed from me, but I barely held it in for fear of offending Jeremiah.

 

Classy for a woman from a bankrupt, decadent noble family. There’s no such thing as classy…

 

Jeremiah is flattering me. I don’t think he is.

 

I smirked, and realized a beat too late what he was doing.

 

‘Is he trying to take the pressure off me because he thinks I’m trying too hard?’

 

I looked at him with wide eyes.

 

For whatever reason, whether it was what he said earlier or what he was saying now, it seemed like he was trying to make me feel better. Or trying to cater to my mood.

 

Jeremiah trying to cater to someone else, a combination that doesn’t suit me as well as it does him…

 

“Now that you put it that way, Duke, I’m not sure I even have one.”

 

“You don’t look like you believe me.”

 

“No, I don’t. I know the Duke never lies, I always believe him.”

 

For some reason, I felt a tickling sensation in the pit of my stomach.

 

A pleasant strangeness. A warm feeling that comes from knowing someone cares about me, or maybe it’s… more because it’s Jeremiah.

 

I put the book down and smiled. I felt my face brighten, but I didn’t want to ignore Jeremiah’s kindness.

 

“Speaking of which, Duke, how are you sleeping these days?”

 

“…Somewhat. I don’t know if you know this, but Melvin’s been nagging me a lot.”

 

“Ah, Sir Melvin says he brings the Duke sleeping incense, but I’m not sure that’s really necessary.”

 

“Better that than wine, which I had with Miss Vanessa the other day, though I haven’t had it with you lately.”

 

I was actually curious about something else.

 

Jeremiah’s nightmare.

 

Did he still have nightmares about his family and Estella dying in front of him?

 

‘I can’t make them go away,’ I thought to myself.

 

I knew this early on, and yet I felt somewhat bitter at my helplessness. I wasn’t sure if his comment about sleeping well was meant to be flattering or not.

 

For one thing, he doesn’t look tired, but Jeremiah is good at hiding it.

 

I stare at him for a moment, then shake my head.

 

“It would be nice if you could give it to me after I return from the Island, if all goes well with the Duke’s work and I do well there.”

 

I kept my tone deliberately light and looked out the window. After practicing the dance and flipping through the etiquette book, it was already quite late.

 

Estella should be asleep by now, but we’d have to talk about the secret lesson tomorrow.

 

Determined, I put on my shoes. Jeremiah reached out his hand to stop me again, but this time I was quicker.

 

“I’m going to see the Duke sleep tonight.”

 

“You mean…?”

 

“Yep. Oh, you used that chair last time, didn’t you?”

 

I pulled the chair Jeremiah had pushed into the corner and set it beside the bed like last time. I turned off the lights that had illuminated the room, leaving only the flames of the fireplace to glow.

 

Jeremiah reluctantly climbed to the head of the bed as I urged him to sit down. In a flash, we had the same picture as before.

 

‘By the way, Jeremiah looked down at me last time.’

 

‘Should I ask Jeremiah to lie down today?’

 

I thought for a moment and scratched my cheek. Well, that was Jeremiah, so I guess I could.

 

“Miss Vanessa, I have a question for you.”

 

Jeremiah, who was leaning back on his head and staring into the flames of the fireplace, spoke up.

 

I smiled a little, thinking of him as a child throwing a tantrum because he didn’t want to go to bed, but was forced to, and I answered his question.

 

“What is it?”

 

“You’re…”

 

Jeremiah’s voice trailed off slightly, and he turned his head slightly to look at me. His eyes seemed to glow in the flames of the fireplace.

 

“What do you think about when you watch me sleep?”

 

“Uh…”

 

My throat caught in my throat at the unanswerable question. What do you think about when you watch Jeremiah sleep?

 

The question came to me one morning.

 

The disheveled silver hair, the long silver lashes, the tightly closed white eyelids, the pale morning sunlight streaming down the straight, smooth nape of his neck…

 

I shook my head in disbelief. ‘Stop beautifying, Vanessa!’

 

‘I’m just…’

 

‘Jeremiah has scars he can’t reveal to others, and I just happened to know about them, and it’s my job to hear other people’s secrets.’

 

Yes, because that’s what I do.

 

I was hired by the Duke for Estella, but Jeremiah is someone I should care about, too.

 

I may not be able to heal Jeremiah’s wounds, but I can’t pretend I don’t know about them now that I know…

 

‘…Is that really it?’

 

I remembered his warm, firm arms around me.

 

‘Is that all I care about Jeremiah because of work? Is that all I care about my subject, that I keep feeling sorry for him… that I keep relying on him… just because I’m in the Duke’s employ?’

 

‘It’s true that I think of Estella like a sister.’

 

‘What does Jeremiah think then, just my employer?’

 

I blinked, then stared at Jeremiah. He remained silent, as if waiting for my answer.

 

I opened my mouth slowly.

 

“Just…”

 

“Just.”

 

“Just… think it’s a good thing.”

 

“…….”

 

“Seeing as the Duke is sleeping, I think I’ve done my job.”

 

Jeremiah gave me an odd look at my answer, one of disappointment and one of expectation.

 

If I wasn’t happy with my answer, how could Jeremiah be?

 

I pursed my lips and watched him carefully. Luckily, Jeremiah’s mood quickly changed.

 

“I see.”

 

He replied calmly. My heart stopped pounding at that one word.

 

But that was not the end of Jeremiah’s words.

 

“The last time I saw your sleeping face.”

 

“…….”

 

“I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

 

Jeremiah looked at me again. With a straight, determined gaze. It was so hard I couldn’t look away.

 

“That’s why I’m going to find out, Vanessa.”

 

His voice, like his gaze, was directed straight at me.

 

I tensed, my mouth dry, and I clutched the sheets tightly.

 

* * *

 

In the end, my plan to watch Jeremiah sleep and leave that night did not work out.

 

I’m sure I looked pretty ridiculous running out of the room in a huff. But I couldn’t help it.

 

“So I’m going to find out, Vanessa.”

 

How was I supposed to take those words, the way he said them, the look in his eyes?

 

The distance between Jeremiah and me grew jagged again. I tossed and turned all night, even after I returned to my room.

 

The next day, Estella came to my room and said,

 

“Sister, you have black circles under your eyes. Did you not sleep well last night?”

 

Apparently, Jeremiah can go days without sleep and not show it, but I can tell right away.

 

I blame my overly honest face and stammer out the words.

 

“I haven’t been sleeping well.”

 

“Hmm. That reminds me, sister…”

 

Estella’s eyes suddenly sharpened. I swallowed hard, not knowing what else she was going to say.

 

“You and brother practiced dancing yesterday, didn’t you? Did he scold you then?”

 

“No…”

 

“I told you so! I can’t do this if you don’t say something!”

 

“No! The Duke didn’t do anything!”

 

Having rescued Jeremiah from being scolded by his sister, I barely held on to Estella, who was ready to bolt.

 

Despite my words, she still seemed to think Jeremiah had done something to me.

 

Grumbling, she grabbed my shoulder and asked me earnestly.

 

“It’s okay, tell me, sis. What did he say?”

 

“He didn’t say anything.”

 

He’d taught me to dance a little hard, but that was more because my fitness sucked than because of anything Jeremiah had done…

 

I shook my head and replied, almost hearing Sare over Estella’s next words.

 

“Well, I guess he’s confessed then.”