Lie Again! Chapter 61

<Chapter 61. Collapsing (4)> 

 

Jin left the house without hesitation. She thought that being in a noisy place would keep her from dwelling on unwanted thoughts.

 

Cameron’s party had a slightly different atmosphere from any party Jin had experienced before.

 

It was a bit louder, a bit more chaotic, and somehow confusing. White smoke curled up from various corners of the house, carrying a strange smell, and the kids looked unusually intoxicated.

 

It was then, as she stepped aside to avoid a girl swaying and giggling.

 

Clang!

 

A shout rang out, and the sound of something breaking pierced through the loud music.

 

Jin shifted her startled gaze backward. Through the crowd, she caught a glimpse of two boys grappling by the collars.

 

Go on, throw a punch already, Macmillan! Your legs are shaking like a newborn calf. Hahaha.

 

The crowd around them wasn’t trying to break up the fight; instead, they cheered and egged the two on with delight. The more the spectators shouted, the more the two men’s bloodshot eyes burned with excitement.

 

Is it really okay to leave it like that? Shards of broken glass glittered on the floor, and objects that could be used as weapons lay scattered around the two men. Yet it seemed that the only one tense was Jin.

 

It was then that Jin watched with uneasy eyes as people began crowding toward the center of the commotion.

 

“….!”

 

A hand suddenly appeared from behind and grabbed Jin’s wrist tightly. Startled, she jerked her shoulders and turned her head. 

 

“You’re here, Jin!”

 

It was Cameron. His face was slightly redder than usual, and he was grinning broadly. In one hand, he held a cup filled with alcohol.

 

“Ah, mhm. Hi, Cameron.” 

 

Cameron pulled Jin, who was awkwardly greeting him, closer. The man lightly embraced her frozen, flustered body and pressed his cheek against hers in a friendly gesture.

 

A soft smack sounded right by her ear. Although their skin didn’t actually touch, Jin took a step back, feeling uncomfortably close to him. 

 

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to my friends.”

 

Cameron, his face bright with excitement, didn’t seem to notice Jin’s discomfort. He grabbed her wrist and headed toward the kitchen. Jin hurriedly quickened her steps to keep up with the man striding ahead, pulling her along.

 

“Ooh.” 

 

In the kitchen, there were four or five men. They seemed to be playing beer pong, with plastic cups arranged across the long marble island.

 

As Cameron led Jin into the room, all eyes immediately turned toward her, and mischievous cheers erupted.

 

“What the—! It’s really true?” 

 

“I told you, I’m friends with Jin.”

 

“Whoa! Hey, Lee! Do you remember me?”

 

“What the… Miller isn’t here?”

 

“Idiot. Ignore this pervert, Lee.”

 

Trying to keep up with the conversations popping up all around her, Jin found herself frantically receiving greetings. Like Cameron had just done, their hellos came with hugs as they approached her.

 

It was undeniably uncomfortable, yet the brief, light touches were hard to refuse. Fearing that expressing her discomfort might make her seem overly sensitive, Jin swallowed her words.

 

Meanwhile, behind Jin, Cameron’s friends exchanged glances with him and let out quiet chuckles.

 

“Jin, do you want to do this too?”

 

As Jin tried to turn her head toward the laughter, someone quickly spoke up. By now, the way they addressed her had shifted from “Lee” to “Jin.” She shook her head at the hand offering her a yellow ping-pong ball.

 

“I don’t drink.” 

 

“Come on, give it a try! It’s fun.”

 

When Jin steadfastly refused the persistent request, the man who had been urging her rolled his eyes in irritation.

 

“Ugh, this is no fun. You’re holding out way too much…”

 

“Hey, stop. Alright, alright. Then, do you want to just watch us play, Jin?”

 

Cameron quickly cut off his friend’s words. “She’s just not in a great mood today, alright? Understand?” he said, glancing at Jin. 

 

But Jin, already feeling the icy tension, let out a small sigh and shook her head.

 

“You guys have fun on your own. I’ll stay outside.”

 

Before he could stop her, Jin slipped out of the kitchen.

 

By the time Jin returned to the living room, the earlier tension seemed to have passed, and the space was noisy as if nothing had happened. The pounding music and the bright, flashing lights in front of her stabbed painfully at her senses.

 

Yet it seemed that Jin was the only one feeling weary here. Watching girls whispering to each other and bursting into mischievous laughter, and couples showing intense affection in plain view without any concern, Jin turned her head away.

 

Jin pressed herself into the sofa in the corner of the living room, against the hallway wall. On the sofa, a man and a woman who had claimed the spot earlier were grinding their lips together, completely entwined—but they seemed utterly unconcerned with Jin, so she stopped paying attention as well. 

 

What on earth am I doing here?

 

Sitting quietly and watching the kids stagger around, drunk on something, Jin suddenly felt a pang of self-mockery. They had been enjoying the music and the night with big smiles on their faces the entire time—the very reason she had gone through the trouble of hailing a taxi to get here. Yet instead of any sense of reward or fun, all she felt was an overwhelming discomfort. 

 

Under the flashing lights, a woman lost her balance while dancing and tumbled, only to be caught by her friends as she giggled uncontrollably. What could possibly be so funny? Jin watched her for a moment, her shoulders twitching slightly, before averting her gaze.

 

‘I want to go home.’

 

Slowly five times, quickly three times. After that, gradually speeding up, it blinked four times at the fastest pace before returning to the beginning.

 

Jin, counting the blue lights embedded where the ceiling met the walls as they blinked relentlessly in their own pattern, suddenly let out a small, amused chuckle at a thought that crossed her mind.

 

Maybe this is the only way I know how to avoid things. Maybe this is really all I can do. Overcome by a sudden wave of disgust, Jin buried her face in her hands.

 

Jin. What on earth are you doing all the way here?

 

She had come all the way to the U.S. to get away from Minchae, and yet here she was, repeating the same foolish mistakes. Even her vow to stop running and face things head-on was nothing more than words.

 

She kept running—not just from Evan, not just from Amanda, but from the counselor and Mr. Wayne as well.

 

And now, in a place she had come to precisely because she didn’t want to think, she was already planning to run away again. Finding herself ridiculous, she couldn’t help but laugh.

 

Other than running away, what can you actually do? When a problem comes up, you can’t even solve that one thing—you turn away and let it go until everything is completely ruined. Be honest. Isn’t your obsession with studying really just a way to hide how stupid you feel?

 

Coward.

 

Someone whispered inside Jin. The voice, tinged with laughter, resembled Minchae, Amanda, Mr. Wayne, Emily, the men who had called her boring, the woman who laughed until she was out of breath—so many people who had brushed past Jin, in greater or lesser ways—and, most of all, it sounded like herself.

 

Jin stared at the dance floor, where countless feet tangled and moved in every direction. The motions of the people in her sight seemed slow, like a stretched-out film. She can’t even fit into a place like this… 

 

“You’re here, Jin! I’ve been looking for you for a long time.”

 

Jin, sitting quietly on a sinking ship amid a raging storm, staring at the pitch-black waves, suddenly turned her head at the sound of a voice calling her.

 

It was Cameron.

 

“There are so many empty rooms, and you just have to do it here. Hey, go somewhere else.” He waved his arm, shooing away the couple wrapped up in heavy affection like swatting at flies, then plopped down in the seat next to Jin. 

 

“A bit noisy, right? Usually it’s calmer than this, but it’s just after the break ended, so everyone’s full of energy today.”  

 

Jin quietly nodded at his excuse. Cameron, about to say something more, saw her lack of enthusiasm and fell silent again. 

 

He stared at Jin for a moment, then broke into a sly smile and held out one hand. In his right hand was a red plastic cup.

 

Jin caught a glimpse of a beige-colored liquid sloshing inside the cup. 

 

“Want a drink? Whatever’s weighing you down, this will make it disappear.” 

 

“…”

 

Instead of answering, Jin turned her gaze around the party. The kids, seemingly tireless, were thrashing about wildly, burning the night away.

 

Without a thought, without a care, simply enjoying themselves. Faces filled with light, as if they would shine forever, flooding the living room with a dreamlike glow.

 

Would she be able to join them if she borrowed the power of alcohol? 

 

Without a thought, without a worry, just having fun.

 

Jin turned her gaze back to Cameron. He merely shrugged, as if to say it was perfectly fine to refuse. 

 

Your choice, Jin.

 

The original Jin would have refused without a second thought. She would put on a calm expression, say she was going home, and quietly get into bed once she arrived. If lucky, she’d fall asleep without a care; if not, she’d lie under the covers with the blanket pulled over her face, staring up for a long time. 

 

That was the way it could be.

 

Something she could let slip by without much trouble.

 

But all of that—everything she did to keep herself as “her,” no matter how hard she tried—still ultimately amounted to the fact that she was Jin.

 

“…I’m so fed up.”

 

A girl with black hair reached out her hand toward the red cup.