Lie Again! Chapter 70

Chapter 70. I Know, But (5)

 

“To me, Mr. Wayne is like a mentor. I think it’s thanks to his advice that I’m still with those guys. I also believe I’ve become a slightly better person.”

 

Of course, judging by the way we’re still fighting like this, I’ve still got a long way to go.

 

Jin let out a soft laugh at the joke Amanda added with a shrug. 

 

“After we fought, I asked the kids who took World History with you last semester.”

 

And when she asked how things had been between Jin and Mr. Wayne, the answers were roughly like this:

 

‘Doesn’t Wayne kind of dislike the transfer student? He lowkey threw shade at her.’

 

‘I don’t remember exactly, but it didn’t feel like anything nice.’

 

‘Oh, that day was kinda bad. He went too far. If it were me, I would’ve walked out.’

 

‘Was there something like that? Why? Did she do something wrong?’

 

Apart from her own good memories, the objective certainty that Mr. Wayne couldn’t be that kind of person differed quite a bit from her expectations.

 

Except for a few who weren’t even interested, most offered a similar opinion. Mr. Wayne went too far. He was acting exceptionally sensitive.

 

“A person who’s good to me isn’t necessarily good to everyone.”

 

Amanda said it while scattering the tennis court she had drawn in the sand with her palm. Her voice carried a faint note of dejection.

 

“I’m sorry, Jin. For only pushing and insisting on my own perspective and my own experiences.” 

 

Amanda turned her head and said while looking into Jin’s eyes. Jin quietly shook her head and spoke after a moment. 

 

“Why did the teacher act like that toward me?”

 

“…Not to defend him, but maybe Mr. Wayne is still in the middle of his own rally. Like I am.”

 

At Amanda’s words, Jin stared silently at the dark sea. The sea was still pulling in high waves, repeating the cycle of quietly reclaiming the shattered foam. 

 

Jin watched that endless cycle and chewed over Amanda’s last words.

 

There is no perfect rally.

 

Amanda still hurts people with her words, and even an older teacher can’t always choose the right answer.

 

I still turn my back at important moments, I am still cowardly, and I still hate myself for being that way. Perhaps the day where I don’t feel disappointed in myself will never come. 

 

Even so… as long as I don’t leave the court entirely, the game will continue.

 

I wonder what number game I’m on right now.

 

“Actually, that day… I was sensitive too. I felt cornered.”

 

Jin opened her mouth. The things she had kept bottled up inside came out hesitatingly, a bit awkwardly, and a bit clumsily. Amanda nodded every now and then, waiting seriously until Jin finished speaking.

 

“I’ve only known you for half a year, but… what’s certain is that you are far too good for Butterfield. Don’t give your heart to someone who takes you lightly, to someone who doesn’t know your value.” 

 

“…I know. That’s the kind of person he is.”

 

Hadn’t she known that from the moment she first saw him?

 

She, clumsy and unable to guard her heart against every small gesture and careless word. And him, who seemed to move easily on nothing more than light curiosity. She had already sensed that when a butterfly’s light flutter came her way, it would turn into a storm.

 

If you like him, you’ll end up getting hurt.

 

Jin felt a sense of bitterness that the fear she wanted to believe was untrue had eventually become reality. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“No. It hurts and I’m angry. But I’m glad you’re here for my life’s first heartbreak.” 

 

Instead of pretending she was fine and hiding her feelings, Jin answered honestly.

 

“What an honor.”

 

Amanda lightly held out her palm.

 

“We’ve made up now, right?”

 

Jin bumped her hand against it. 

 

“We did a long time ago.”

 

The two sat side by side and watched the sea rushing in for a long time, only tidying up their spots once they saw the dawn breaking.

 

* * *

 

“Let’s do it together, Jin! Please? Please?”

 

“I don’t know…. Do you think I can do it?” 

 

“Of course you can! Just smile brightly, project your voice, and move quickly—most people get picked.”

 

She lacked confidence in all three, but she was especially skeptical about the last item. 

 

Watching Joey cling to her arm and plead, Jin gave a troubled smile. No matter how she thought about it, she didn’t feel included in that “most people,” Joey.

 

Jin had recently decided to move past her gloomy problems and focus on school life. Starting her postponed club search was part of that.

 

However, the endless list of clubs the counselor handed her—clubs like ‘The Chatterboxes’ or ‘High Schoolers’ Meeting for the Study of Restrooms,’ where she had no clue what they even did—had a way of wearing a person out. In the end, Jin decided to check out the clubs her friends belonged to first with their help.

 

Today was Joey’s cheerleading squad.

 

As for results so far, she could honestly say they’d all been failures.

 

The foreign language club Dustin took her to was basically just a room full of Hispanic students speaking Spanish—Jin understood none of it and stood there like a sack of barley until she finally escaped. The computer science club Pablo recommended felt like being stuck with ten Pablos in an endless science debate.

 

Among the sports clubs, the cheerleading squad was her first visit, but throughout the time she watched the flashy practice of somersaults and continuous tumbling, the only thoughts Jin had were things like ‘If I do that, I’ll break my neck, right?’ and ‘Her waist just folded in half.’

 

Even in the one-in-a-million chance she passed the tryouts, it felt as though only a future of falling flat on the floor during practice and being carried away in an ambulance awaited her.

 

“So, any luck?”

 

Sensing Jin’s turmoil, Amanda redirected the conversation away from Joey. Jin shook her head weakly.

 

“With general clubs, I can’t really get a feel for what they’re like. The only thing I’m decent at is piano, but band or orchestra mostly pick string players. And as for joining a sports team…”

 

As if guessing what Jin left unsaid, Amanda nodded sympathetically.

 

“Have you checked out basketball or swimming?”

 

“I don’t even want to set foot near the pool anymore. I haven’t made it to basketball yet…”

 

“With that body, you won’t make the basketball team.”

 

Before Jin could finish, Dustin cut in casually, stabbing his comment like a knife.

 

“Hey, you never know—maybe Jin has a talent for basketball.”

 

“You can dribble at least once?”

 

At Joey’s suggestion that Jin might have hidden genius potential, Dustin looked her up and down evaluatively.

 

“…I’ve touched a basketball before.”

 

“See.”

 

The smug nod that followed her answer was irritating. As Jin shot Dustin a glare, Ruth—who had been quietly listening—suddenly spoke up.

 

“Oh, Jin. Are you thinking about volunteering?”

 

“What kind of volunteering?”

 

“You know I go to that nursing home I went to before every week. But the Commander was looking for you. Asking why that girl doesn’t come anymore.”

 

“The commander?”

 

“You know, that grandfather who got mad at you before. Lately, he’s been busy shouting and chasing away everyone who comes.” 

 

A face came to mind easily. The old man who’d shouted as if he’d swallowed a train whistle.

 

The feeling of that day, which felt like sinking into the ground, had faded away into her busy daily life, but the words he said about how one shouldn’t accept kids from poor countries were still in her memory.

 

“…He’s asking about me? Why?”

 

“I don’t know. But it didn’t feel like it was out of bad feelings. If you’re interested, come with me.”

 

“Why not do it? If you consistently build up volunteer hours, it’s quite advantageous when you submit college applications!”

 

“Especially if you’re not joining a sports club, that one line will be very useful.”

 

Joey and Amanda backed up Ruth’s suggestion. Jin’s ears figuratively perked up.

 

Her memory of volunteering at the nursing home wasn’t exactly good… but it was true she needed every single line she could add to her portfolio. Especially after basically losing an entire semester of tenth grade just trying to adjust.

 

“Hmm… I’ll think about it.”

 

“Okay. Just let me know before Saturday if you’re coming.”

 

With this conversation as the last, the kids finished their meal while making idle small talk. As Jin was about to leave the cafeteria with the others, she bit her lip upon seeing someone. The person entering the entrance spotted Jin at that moment.

 

Their eyes met.

 

Unlike Jin, who immediately turned her head away, those green eyes followed her face stubbornly.

 

At the blatant gaze that didn’t even try to hide itself, Jin swallowed a dry laugh. At the same time, something like a burning iron ball surged up inside her.

 

What more do you want from me?

 

The emotions she had barely managed to cover with all her might—depression, anger, betrayal, shame—all stirred at once, revealing their raw faces. A desire to hurt him as much as, or even twice as much as, the hurt she had received seethed within her.

 

But instead, Jin looked straight ahead. She brushed past Evan and walked out of the cafeteria.