Underpainting Chapter 4.3 - Camera Obscura (3)

Dragging his trembling legs, Dawon forced himself to go to the bathroom, but being half-asleep, he couldn’t finish properly. As Dawon burrowed into the bed with freshly changed sheets, his hair still damp, Taehan asked, sounding exasperated.

“Are you going to lie down like that?”

“Yeah…”

Dawon, deeply drowsy, mumbled and collapsed without knowing what he was responding to. He vaguely felt a hand gently caressing his hair. He didn’t know what Taehan had done, but now his hair and pillow were fluffy without any hint of dampness.

It was strange. The Taehan Dawon knew was far from someone who would dry a person’s hair who had fallen asleep with wet hair. Washing someone covered in filthy fluids didn’t suit him either, unless it was a dream or Dawon’s own misunderstanding.

Every morning when he woke up, finding the person who had made him pant the night before gone without a trace or word, Dawon felt oddly reassured by that coldness.

‘…He’s a strange man.’

He was a man whose true intentions were always hard to fathom. It was strange that he readily complied with Dawon’s request to calm his pheromones.

For Taehan, touching Dawon must have been something like ‘charity’ or ‘rescue.’ So, there was no need to pay attention to or attribute meaning to his whims.

After all, Dawon didn’t really understand what this meant to him. He had barely touched another person before, the only memories being the occasional hugs from his mother in childhood. Encountering something he didn’t understand was just confusing.

‘Certainly not a good feeling.’

Every time he touched Taehan, Dawon felt aimlessly anxious and unsatisfied. His heart throbbed as if tightly squeezed. His lips dried like when he was thirsty, and there was a stifling feeling as if sticky things hadn’t fully burned away inside him.

His youngest uncle often used the term ‘unfulfilled desire’ when speaking crudely in front of Dawon. Looking it up in a dictionary after coming here, it had a much more refined meaning, but Dawon had always interpreted it as ‘wanting to fuck but not being able to enough.’

If this frustration was just that crude emotion, if it was just because of the pheromones he couldn’t control, it would be easier. Dawon didn’t need any sticky kindness or warmth.

‘Would it be refreshing if we just did it all?’

Even though Dawon was inexperienced, he knew that what he was doing with Taehan wasn’t real sex. Taehan persistently sucked, caressed, and stirred him up, but he never crossed the final line. Even though one more step would make everything burn without room for this frustration.

Curiosity, regret, and a strange fear mixed together, making his body start to heat up again. To divert his thoughts, Dawon quickly turned his head to look outside the window.

Observing the house across the street where he used to live had become one of Dawon’s main daily activities. There was no change in the house itself, no particular movements, but that’s why it drew more attention.

No one had been seen entering or leaving that house for days now. The alarm sound when the gate opened or the noise of strange cars entering the alley had stopped long ago.

Since Dawon was no longer there, there was no reason for his uncles to visit daily to monitor him as before, but that house was both Dawon’s workshop and his uncle’s business place. People used to come once a week to buy or commission paintings, but even their visits had ceased, which was puzzling.

‘Look at that. No lights, the garden’s overgrown…’

The scenery was eerily silent. Dawon, who often attributed meaning to what he saw, had been holding onto somewhat premature hopes lately. Perhaps his uncle’s forgery business was falling apart. Maybe Taehan had done something.

Dawon had asked Taehan with utmost seriousness and urgency to deal with his uncle. The astute Dawon knew this was his best possible move.

The problem was that after being led here by Taehan, there wasn’t much he could do anymore. Asking someone else for a lifetime’s revenge meant handing over the reins. The earnestness and seriousness were Dawon’s part, but whether to accept the request was entirely Taehan’s choice.

Dawon had neither the right to urge Taehan nor the audacity to ask about the progress of his request. He tried to observe quietly until everything was clear, but seeing the changed situation across the street made his thoughts balloon out of control.

‘If Taehan did something to my uncle’s business, then that means…’

It might mean that Taehan hadn’t just dismissed his request. Could there be meaning in the mysterious things he had taught Dawon since coming here, or in Taehan’s subtle behavior amidst his roughness and coldness?

‘No. I shouldn’t hope.’

Hoping for something he couldn’t achieve himself was frightening. Trying to suppress his expanding hopes, Dawon scanned the two-story house.

But when his gaze reached the window of the second-floor studio where he used to stay, Dawon’s heart froze. Through the slightly parted curtains, he saw a dark shadow moving inside the dark room.

‘Who is that?’

Startled, Dawon closed his eyes tightly before opening them wide again. He stared harder at the gap between the curtains, but because it was so dark, he couldn’t see anything more.

‘Did I see it wrong?’

Clearly, there hadn’t been any signs of people in the garden for a while. He hadn’t seen anyone go in or out, yet there was a presence, which was odd. It felt like he had seen a ghost.

The house where the presence had vanished seemed to exude a chilling aura. Looking at the weathered, corroded exterior, he could almost hear the creaking of the wooden floor underfoot.

Perhaps the house itself was like a giant monster. It had swallowed his mother and 14 years of his life. Looking at it from across the alley, he couldn’t understand how he had lived there.

‘…No, there’s no need to think that much. Because I might have to go back there.’

The thought he conjured to suppress his hopes made his heart ache. With his shoulders slumped, Dawon got up from the bed and headed to the desk. After observing outside the window, it was time to draw.

In the large desk drawer, there were a few notebooks and pencils. Taehan’s room had a TV, books, and a computer, but since Dawon didn’t know if he was allowed to use them, the only things he could touch with peace of mind were the writing tools he had brought from the next room.

Perhaps even if there were other distractions, Dawon would have chosen the pencil. He just wanted to draw. It was a strange whim. He had thought that drawing was tedious and horrible, so why was he doing this again?

Moreover, drawing wasn’t even particularly enjoyable. Each time he drew black lines on the white paper, his uncle’s voice seemed to come back to life in his ears.

“Do what you’re told properly, not looking up at me like that. If I don’t take your paintings to sell, they’re just like scraps of paper. You should be grateful that I’m making a living out of an ignorant bastard like you.”

Familiar criticisms, yet they still stung. It hurt more because his uncle wasn’t wrong. Dawon hadn’t gone to school, hadn’t experienced the world properly. Since he knew nothing else, perhaps that’s why he picked up the pencil again even here.

Each time his uncle’s voice passed through his mind, Dawon’s shoulders twitched slightly. However, his hand holding the pencil didn’t tremble at all as it drew the desired shapes. Apart from eating the lunch someone had brought to the door, he drew relentlessly, almost stubbornly.

After several hours, the paper once again bore the shape Dawon had been drawing repeatedly for days. The face and body of a man, with clear contrasts of light and shadow, sharp and well-structured.

“Hmm…”

Dawon briefly locked eyes with the Taehan he had drawn. The more he repeated it, the more vivid Taehan’s image in the drawing became, but it still didn’t satisfy Dawon. The lips should be more moist, the eyes colder.

Dawon couldn’t tell if he wanted to draw or if he wanted to draw Taehan. He just drew as his instincts commanded.

The more he chewed over someone’s face that filled his mind, the more confused he became, not realizing that the desire to confirm that image in front of him was the same as wanting to see him.

‘Among all I’ve drawn, this might be the best, and it seems to give off a sweet scent…’

As Dawon looked at the drawing with narrowed eyes, he suddenly startled and clutched the notebook. The scent that reached his nose wasn’t just his imagination; it was real, and it was getting closer to this room.

Dawon hurriedly closed the notebook and shoved it into the desk drawer. He didn’t want anyone to see the drawings that filled the notebook. As he closed the drawer, the door opened.

“Why, why are you coming in suddenly?”

Despite Dawon’s raised voice in surprise, Taehan answered casually.

“Why? Should I knock to enter my own room?”

It had been a while since he had seen Taehan’s face in daylight. He thought he had drawn him as accurately and beautifully as he could, but Taehan’s real appearance, blinking and smirking as he spoke, was far more captivating than the drawing.

With graceful movements, Taehan took off his jacket, hung it on the coat rack, and strode over to Dawon. Intimidated, Dawon took a few steps back.

“What were you doing to act like this?”

“Nothing, I, I wasn’t doing anything.”

With such a suspicious response, Taehan gently grasped Dawon’s chin with his fingers, inhaling deeply as if to check the scent. It was somehow irritating.

“Hmm. Okay. Your face isn’t as hot as usual.”

Taehan didn’t press further on Dawon’s evasive answer and let go of his chin. Meanwhile, Gwangwoo, who had followed Taehan in, set food on the table. The amount was clearly too much for Dawon to eat alone.

“It’s dinner time, isn’t it? Come sit here.”

“Eat dinner together?”

“Yeah. What are you looking at? Sit.”

At Taehan’s words, Dawon hesitated for a moment before sitting down. He used to think Taehan eating was too sensual, but now he had seen much more provocative sights, so he didn’t see the need to make a fuss over this.

“Here.”

Taehan cut the large piece of meat in the center of the table and placed some on Dawon’s plate. Dawon cut the slightly bloody meat into small pieces and brought it to his mouth.

Back at the house across the street, he could never have imagined eating such a large piece of meat whole, but here it was commonplace. Even on the day they went shopping together, they ate this kind of food.

Dawon remembered everything from that day vividly: Taehan’s words, his actions, the strange air and scent between them. At the time, he mistook the sweet scent seeping through the smell of blood for wine, but now he knew it was the scent Taehan and he were emitting.

‘Uncomfortable. Maybe I should have said I wouldn’t eat.’

The moment he looked up at Taehan unintentionally, the taste of the food in his mouth became indistinct. His attention was drawn to the way Taehan’s lips opened and closed, the brief glimpse of red tongue and white teeth.

Dawon blamed himself for letting his guard down. Taehan’s lips were still strangely sensual while eating. It seemed even more so because his mind had been sticky with thoughts lately. Even though he thought he shouldn’t look, Dawon couldn’t take his eyes off him.

‘This isn’t the time to just look. It’s a rare chance to talk to him.’

Dawon had many things he wanted to ask Taehan, things he needed to ask. Was his uncle’s business really faltering? If so, did Taehan know the reason? Did he intend to fulfill Dawon’s request, and if not, what did these moments mean?

But just like he couldn’t control his inappropriate gaze, Dawon found it hard to organize the questions swirling in his mind. He felt an impulse to ask something irrelevant before the really important questions, like “Mister, shall we just go all the way?” or “Why don’t you hug me?”

‘I must be going crazy. I’m not desperate for sex.’

Dawon tried to suppress the impulse, but he also realized something. An omega who had just manifested was literally a creature desperate for sex. Even now, he was looking at Taehan’s lips chewing food with a look of desire.

Since Dawon was transparent about his inner thoughts, Taehan must have felt that Dawon wanted him. And for Taehan, embracing an omega was as routine and meaningless as smoking a cigarette. Yet, why hadn’t he crossed that line?

‘The reason he doesn’t do it when he could, and it wouldn’t matter if he did… must be because he doesn’t want to.’

Though Taehan had looked at Dawon with sticky, hot eyes at times, looking and actually going all the way were clearly different things.

Dawon glanced sideways at the mirror in the corner of the room. On one side of the small table sat a robust man with a straight posture, clear lines of face and body, while on the other sat a man with a hunched posture, pale complexion, and sunken eyes.

‘No wonder he’s not interested.’

Dawon had never cared about his appearance before. He had never been in a situation where he could afford to care about whether someone he tangled with found him attractive. Yet, seeing his own pitiful reflection made something bubble up inside him.

“Doesn’t it taste good? I chose this because you seemed to enjoy it last time.”

Taehan asked, seeing Dawon only pecking at his food with a furrowed brow. Startled, Dawon shoved the meat into his mouth. The food felt rough like sand going down his throat. Afraid his troubled expression would be noticed, Dawon blurted out any question.

“No, it’s good. You’re just early today.”

“Work’s done. There’s something to tell you too.”

“To me?”

Dawon’s eyes sparkled with the anticipation of learning something new, but they wavered at Taehan’s next words.

“Yeah. It’s about time you learned how to control your pheromones. It’s going to be inconvenient if you can’t keep them in check, isn’t it, kid?”

It was a reasonable suggestion. Constantly leaking pheromones was not only inconvenient but also dangerous. If he had manifested as an omega, learning to live as one was only natural. However, perhaps because his mood was already sour, Dawon felt a sense of defiance towards this helpful offer.

‘Isn’t it you who’s inconvenienced, not me? Did you not like my scent? Is that why you toyed with me but didn’t want to have sex?’

The questions that crossed his mind were all pathetic. Dawon carefully chose words he thought he could safely say out loud.

“…Yeah. If I can control it, you won’t have to help me anymore.”

So focused on ensuring his voice didn’t crack or tremble, Dawon didn’t notice Taehan looking at him with a hot, inscrutable gaze after hearing those words.

Trying to pick up his chopsticks, Dawon felt his fingertips shake and instead clenched and unclenched his fist on the table. His hands were unnaturally cold.

“Are you going to teach me right now? I just finished this.”

As Dawon tried to stand, he swayed significantly. His already weak leg felt like it had no strength. Taehan, immediately coming over to grasp Dawon’s shoulder, asked in a surprised voice,

“Kid, why are you so cold?”

“Huh…?”

“Your face is pale too. What’s wrong?”

His voice was almost accusatory, and Dawon’s body trembled. Indeed, his entire body ached, and he was sweating cold sweat on his back. Dawon replied with a trembling voice,

“My, my stomach… hurts…”

In reality, what hurt the most was his heart, which felt like it had been torn apart, but the stomach pain wasn’t feigned either. Because he had been so tense and overthinking, he had forgotten to let his stomach digest, and now it felt like his intestines were twisted.

At Dawon’s words, Taehan’s expression darkened significantly. Seeing his grim face, Dawon realized his mistake. His uncles had never responded kindly when he said he was sick.

Expecting to be scolded, Dawon braced himself as Taehan roughly pulled him to sit on the bed and then turned away. But when Taehan returned after rummaging through a drawer, he had pills in his hand.

“You should say you’re in pain when you’re in pain, huh? You have no trouble talking back, though.”

After Dawon swallowed the pills, Taehan laid him down on the bed and covered him up to his chin with a blanket. Taehan’s attitude was hard to interpret. His voice clearly sounded angry, but whether he was scolding Dawon was unclear.

“You stupid kid. Since when have you been feeling sick? Not saying anything and then forcing yourself to eat steak because I told you to?”

“No, I wasn’t sick before eating.”

“Then what? Was eating with me that unpleasant? Enough to upset your stomach right away?”

“…It’s not like that.”

There was definitely something wrong, but it wasn’t that he didn’t like it. Rather, the problem was that eating together, and being taken care of even in his rough way, felt too good to get used to.

Unsure if he could speak frankly, Dawon chewed on his tightly closed lips. Taehan let out a deep sigh and placed his hand on Dawon’s cold forehead. It was a stiff and simple act for nursing, but Dawon was inwardly pleased just to have someone’s skin touching his when he was sick.

Perhaps intentionally, a lighter, fresher scent than usual came from Taehan. It was a scent that naturally calmed him. After a while, Dawon’s body, which had been as stiff as ice, began to relax a bit.

The feeling of wanting to fall asleep immediately was somehow disappointing. Trying to fight off the sleep pressing down on his eyelids, Dawon spoke to Taehan.

“Mister. What about teaching me that pheromone control?”

“We’ll learn it next time.”

Taehan cut him off sharply, but his voice wasn’t particularly harsh. Wondering if there was more to talk about, Dawon still had important things to discuss with Taehan, but once again, he asked something irrelevant.

“Mister, you know.”

“What now?”

“Where do you sleep every night?”

At the unexpected question, Taehan gave a look of disbelief.

“Seems like you’re feeling better, talking nonsense like that? You’ve taken over my bed, and that’s what you have to say, kid?”

“I wake up every morning and you’re not here. I fall asleep before you at night, so I can’t see.”

“…”

“So I was worried if I was taking up the bed so much that you couldn’t sleep here.”

Dawon continued with a pitiful mumble, not understanding why he was saying such things himself. Frightened by Taehan’s gaze looking down at him, Dawon wished he could disappear like a speck of dust.

Instead of reprimanding him, Taehan lifted the blanket he had just covered Dawon with and climbed onto the bed. Lying down on the opposite side of the spacious bed, he said,

“Sleep.”

“Huh?”

“You’re sleepy now. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep, so stop talking nonsense and sleep.”

Without realizing it, Dawon must have wanted to act spoiled. Only when Taehan lay beside him did Dawon understand why he had brought up such trivial matters.

It was inexplicable why the words given with such indifference, while lying at a distance, felt so ticklish. Dawon fidgeted with his hands hidden under the blanket and murmured,

“I don’t think I can sleep.”

Taehan chuckled, as if he knew it was all just talk.

“Alright, just close your eyes, baby.”

Pretending to give in, Dawon closed his eyes and soon fell asleep. It had been so long since he had shared a bed with someone that he thought it might be awkward, but he slept incredibly deeply and sweetly, so much so that he wished he could stay that way forever.

The only thing that was overwhelming was his dream. Ever since his manifestation, he had vivid dreams almost every time he slept, but this dream was exceptionally vivid in both sensation and scent.

As always, Taehan appeared in his dream. Unlike in reality, the dream version of Taehan embraced Dawon without hesitation, and Dawon, breathless, welcomed the alpha inside him. A pleasure he had never experienced before struck him like lightning.

He didn’t know how long he had been lost in the ecstasy of his dream. Dawon suddenly woke up with a strange feeling. The cool blue light of dawn was filtering through the window, but his back was soaked with sweat.

‘It’s hot.’

As Dawon tried to get up to drink some water, he noticed Taehan still lying next to him. While Dawon was asleep, Taehan had apparently showered and changed his clothes; he was no longer wearing the shirt and suit pants from the dinner table but a nightgown instead.

Seeing the straight forehead and closed eyes, and the silhouette of the taut body wrapped in the silk gown, Dawon’s heart began to race. His heartbeat pounded so loudly that he feared it might wake Taehan, and it grew faster and faster.

‘What’s happening? My body feels…’

His pulse raced irregularly, and suddenly, a sticky fluid gushed out from between his legs. It soaked his underwear and pajamas and even wet the sheets.

As he froze in shock, a hot sensation began to rise from his chest. Unable to control his suddenly heated body, Dawon was startled when Taehan, who had been asleep, abruptly opened his eyes.

“Baby, you’re…”

Realizing the situation immediately, Taehan looked surprised. As Dawon saw the trembling of Taehan’s lips, he realized that he was emitting not just heat, but pheromones as well.

The scent was several times stronger and more intense than usual. The thick, sweet smell filled the air, making it hard to breathe. Dawon began to pant heavily.

“Ha, ha, Mister.”

“Damn it… This is driving me crazy.”

Taehan muttered in frustration and got up from the bed. Dawon, not understanding the situation but feeling that he shouldn’t let Taehan go, grabbed his arm.

The moment Dawon touched Taehan’s arm, it felt like an electric shock. Despite the already feverish heat, Dawon gritted his teeth and held on tightly.

“Ha, don’t go.”

“Let go. I need to get the medicine.”

“No, I’m not in pain anymore. Just…”

An inexplicable thought began to take over Dawon’s mind. Although the sensation of touching Taehan was almost painful, he felt that if he fully surrendered to that heat and shock, everything would be alright.

Dawon clung to Taehan’s arm and tried to press his body against him. Taehan, despite his strength, struggled to break free from Dawon’s grip.

Taehan’s eyes narrowed fiercely as he placed his hand over Dawon’s, which was clutching his arm. The trembling tips of Taehan’s fingers brushed against Dawon’s.

“Let go unless you want your fingers broken.”

“Uh, uh, uh…”

Despite the harsh words, Dawon stubbornly held on. Taehan sighed deeply, realizing he needed to explain clearly. He looked straight into Dawon’s eyes and said,

“Baby, you’re in heat.”

“…I know.”

“No, you don’t. It’s not just about being an omega.”

Taehan’s voice was strained, but his eyes were filled with a mix of emotions as he looked at Dawon’s trembling neck.

“You’re literally in heat. Have you never heard of a heat cycle? Fuck. You’ve only just manifested, why are you already…”

Dawon remembered his second uncle mentioning his ‘cycle’ and how his youngest uncle would mock him for it. Dawon understood that sex was for making babies and that his body, now an omega, could conceive.

Instead of feeling scared, Dawon’s body responded even more intensely. His lower body throbbed and grew even wetter.

Taehan seemed to read Dawon’s mind and looked furious, biting his lip repeatedly. The sight of him licking his swollen lips was strangely erotic.

“I’ll get you the medicine. Take it and stay quietly in your room. Lock the door and don’t open it even if I come knocking.”

Taehan’s eyes were already half-crazed, his neck veins bulging, and his voice low and rough. Dawon, barely listening, took a deep breath, desperate to smell Taehan’s scent. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t detect any pheromones from Taehan; he must have been suppressing them.

Frustrated, Dawon released his own pheromones fully, filling the small space between them with an intoxicating sweetness.

“Mister.”

Taehan’s eyes were a storm of emotions—shock, annoyance, disgust, and undeniable desire. Dawon raised his right hand, still clutching Taehan’s arm, to his face. He pressed Taehan’s hand against his cheek, nose, and lips, whispering softly,

“Let’s just do it.”

Dawon looked up at Taehan with pleading eyes, confident in his desire.

“You want it too…”

Suddenly, an overwhelmingly strong and intense scent enveloped Dawon, making his knees weak. Even though he had wanted this, the sheer power of Taehan’s pheromones was terrifying. Before he could react, Taehan pushed him onto the bed.

As Dawon fell back, his thin pajama pants were roughly pulled off. Taehan looked down at Dawon’s pale, exposed legs with an unreadable expression. He untied his nightgown and said coldly,

“I gave you a chance.”