Simmering Heat Chapter 20.1

Taeun returned by taxi. Tears wouldn’t stop, making it difficult to use public transport. By the time he noticed the taxi driver’s occasional glances, he had calmed down a bit. A song lyric fitting the situation crossed his mind, and Taeun scoffed at himself.

Where should I go, mister…? Is a crying customer a first for you…? Taeun, his head pressed against the backseat window, sniffled and hummed a mournful tune without realizing it. He ignored the driver’s look, which flickered with a strange light. He didn’t have the energy to care. He was exhausted, as if his whole body had given way.

Getting out of the taxi, he lingered for a moment at the entrance of his officetel. He looked a mess after crying like a broken faucet. Sighing at his disheveled reflection in his phone camera, he pressed his knuckles against his eyelids. He tried to fix his puffy eyes by tracing his fingernails along the thin lines, but the moment he removed his hand, his eyelids swelled up elastically like freshly baked bread.

After repeating this several times, Taeun gave up and entered the building. He wasn’t in the mood to sit down and eat with anyone, but he had boasted that he would treat. He couldn’t be any later, as quite some time had already passed. He went up in the elevator, trying to come up with an excuse for his blotchy face, which looked like a watercolor painting gone wrong.

Fortunately, he didn’t have to utter the ridiculous excuse that he’d cried because he’d seen his mother after a long time.

Despite his haggard appearance, Seo Jaeoh didn’t ask anything. He simply suggested, “Should we order delivery?” and naturally canceled their plans to go out. Taeun was grateful and quickly nodded. Looking through the delivery app, he asked, “Is pizza okay?” and at the affirmative reply, he expertly added a cheese crust and completed the order.

Then he put down his bag and went straight to the bathroom. He hoped splashing cold water on his face would help. Turning the lever all the way up, cold water gushed out. Taeun cupped his hands and repeatedly splashed his face, stubbornly repeating the motion to wash away the lingering traces of misery. He finally lifted his head when his skin felt raw.

Blank eyes, red nose, parted lips.

A foolish face, beaded with dripping water, stared back at him from the mirror. Taeun stared at his reflection, leaned slightly forward, resting his hands on the sink. His face drew a little closer. His bloodshot eyes, with their cloudy pupils, scrutinized his face.

The face he considered reasonably decent, if not exceptionally handsome, was familiar because it was his. He felt nothing. A face is just a face, he’d lived his life adhering to that indifferent thought. Paradoxically, Taeun was extremely vulnerable to Cha Jinhyun’s appearance. He had often complained that Jinhyun charmed people with his nonchalant yet kind demeanor and that face. So, he acknowledged the role of appearance in interpersonal attraction to some extent.

“…”

So there might be something there, Taeun stared blankly at the mirror, like someone who had encountered a hidden twin.

But even as he tried to pinpoint the attractive features, nothing stood out. He couldn’t find anything alluring enough to make someone who detested men confess their feelings. Far from being attractive, he just looked pathetic, worn out from crying. What am I doing? Suddenly feeling absurd, Taeun sighed deeply. His gaze, which had been wandering over his features, expanded.

His eyes scanned his protruding Adam’s apple, then his shoulders, and the neatly trimmed short hair around his neck.

“…He’s a man.”

He muttered, straightening up and taking a few steps back. His lower body came into view in the mirror. He stood there for a while, staring at his stiff, passport-photo-like reflection, then suddenly lifted his shirt and put it back down. He then pulled up his waistband, looked down, and dropped his hand.

“He’s a man.”

A strange, pointless remark escaped him, reaffirming the obvious. Cha Jinhyun had confessed to a man. Taeun casually objectified himself.

As the storm of emotions subsided, only an exhausted sense of doubt remained. Not the cute, fluttering kind, but something dirty and twisted.

The purpose of a confession is simple. It’s an invitation to a relationship. Not just to face each other and converse, but to start a romantic relationship. And as Cha Jinhyun had said, a relationship doesn’t just end with kissing. Romance and sex aren’t synonymous, but they can’t be completely separated either.

There were various reasons why he couldn’t accept the sudden confession, and this was one of them. As if infected after enduring repeated rejections, a faint sense of revulsion washed over him as he imagined sleeping with Jinhyun. This wasn’t contempt for same-sex relationships. It wasn’t disgust or discomfort, but rather a weaker, more pathetic emotion. Like a cowardly, timid reluctance to even try, for fear of disappointment….

“…”

His blurred, water-logged feelings gradually cleared.

Yes, he was scared. The motel he had followed Jinhyun to with a sense of abandon, the shameful memory of crying and pleading was etched in his mind, making him uneasy. The turbulent sound of waves gradually transformed into a man’s voice, filling his head.

‘Can you… just play along?’

‘…’

A pathetic, timid voice, just like his own.

He wasn’t doubting the sincerity of Jinhyun’s feelings. He was afraid because he didn’t know how long Jinhyun’s seemingly impulsive resolve would last. He felt like he would shatter before he could even collapse if he faced another rejection.

‘…No.’

So Taeun had answered like that.

He didn’t have the courage to venture into a risky gamble with a flimsy possibility. He had said no, even though he knew he might regret it. At the same time, Jinhyun’s firm jaw had trembled slightly. The voice escaping his parted lips had wavered similarly.

‘What don’t you like?’

And Taeun’s heart had also wavered slightly at those words.

If he let go of Jinhyun’s hand, if he left him like this, Jinhyun looked like he would wither away, standing there alone. Taeun couldn’t let go of the hand he held, feeling awkward at how anxious Jinhyun, who had always been indifferent, looked. But he couldn’t answer the question of what he didn’t like. I’m scared of being scared, it was a strange thing to say.

‘If you don’t want to tell me… you can just shake your head.’

Jinhyun had said, taking both of Taeun’s hands in his. There was no room for hesitation in the gesture that solidified their connection. A sharp pain stabbed at his chest, and he wanted to stop listening.

‘…Do you not like that I like you?’

He didn’t know. Taeun didn’t move. At his lack of response, Jinhyun’s Adam’s apple bobbed noticeably.

‘You don’t…’

‘…’

‘…want to get to know me better?’

That too was unclear, so Taeun just blinked silently. Jinhyun forced a strange smile.

‘I guess I only asked difficult questions.’

Cha Jinhyun put on a strained, nonchalant act, blaming himself for the lack of response.

‘Sorry, I’ll ask an easy one. This one is really easy.’

He took a breath after his trailing words.

‘Do you hate me?’

Taeun, who had been frozen, finally flinched, his hand trembling in Jinhyun’s grasp.

He repeated the question from last night. He couldn’t nod, shake his head, or ignore this childish yet earnest question. Because Jinhyun would be hurt. Carrying the excuse that they were foolish and couldn’t help themselves, they had repeated the worst choices and arrived here. He wanted to break free from that cycle.

‘I don’t hate you.’

So instead of a complicated headshake, Taeun opened his mouth.

‘I’ve resented you plenty of times… but I’ve never hated you.’

Not even once.

That was the problem.

If he hated Jinhyun, it would have been a simple solution. He could just start liking him again. There was nothing easier for Taeun than that. He didn’t hate Jinhyun. To be precise, a lingering feeling of regret remained. He could call it affection. He liked him, but he didn’t want to date him. The two conflicting truths, causally unrelated, became a difficult problem to solve.

‘I don’t know. I’m just scared.’

Taeun confessed his true feelings. He actually knew. That he was simply scared. The overwhelming fear brought on a sense of helplessness. He didn’t want to try for fear of getting hurt.

‘I understand.’

Jinhyun’s expression, which had been unwavering, softened sadly at the honest words.

‘I wouldn’t trust myself either, but I still want to try something.’

‘…’

‘I was a guy who only knew how to put on a front, I didn’t think deeply. I… I didn’t know I was this stupid, so….’

His voice, struggling to remove any hint of coercion or intimidation, stuttered and faltered, as if putting on an unfamiliar act. But at the same time, it was gentle and pathetic. Taeun wanted to cover his ears, as if it was painful to listen. He didn’t want to see Jinhyun so shaken, even though he resented him so much. The affection mixed with resentment kept contradicting itself.

‘…Give me some time.’

So Taeun needed time to filter these feelings. He wanted to be alone to contemplate whether he could filter out the deeply ingrained distrust, and whether he even wanted to.

‘I need time to think too.’

He suggested they both take a step back, as he wouldn’t be able to choose the right answer in this emotionally charged state. It was an arrogant request, asking for the chance to observe Jinhyun’s efforts.

‘…Okay, I understand.’

‘…’

Despite this, Jinhyun quietly agreed and lowered his gaze. As if relieved that the answer wasn’t “no.”

‘I’ll wait, contact me anytime.’

‘…’

‘It really doesn’t matter when… just please contact me.’

Taeun pursed his lips and nodded. Thus, they remained outside the realm of friendship or romance. Their conversation, stretched thin like a rubber band about to snap, was coming to an end. As Taeun tried to pull his hand away, Jinhyun loosened his grip with a look of regret, but then tightened it again.

‘Not too… not too late, though.’

‘…’

‘I feel like I’m going to wither away.’

That was a funny thing to say. If waiting could kill, he would have died a hundred times over.

Is he an idiot? Taeun thought absently. It’s not about dying or not. It’s the fact that you don’t die, even after waiting endlessly, that makes it so painful. Cha Jinhyun didn’t know that yet. And if possible, it was better that he didn’t know.

So Taeun could only nod again. He didn’t want Jinhyun, whom he resented, to know that. Their intertwined hands finally separated. Taeun turned away without looking back. He was somehow afraid to check if Jinhyun was still there.

He slowly lifted his face from the towel, recalling the sunset.

In the mirror stood a coward, burdened by confusion. Sniff, Taeun needlessly sniffed, his nose still blocked, hung the towel back in its place, and blinked a few times. Just as he thought, I should go out now, the doorbell rang loudly from outside. Startled, Taeun flinched, his thoughts scattering.

“Ah, the pizza.”

How long had he been in the bathroom? He quickly grabbed his phone from the shelf.

The to-do list keeps piling up. One by one, slowly. Taeun muttered to himself and went outside.

🔥

Is it human nature to get hungry after getting wet?

Taeun thought as he took a bite of the pizza set on the spacious dining table. The only water that had soaked him was tears, but he suddenly felt hungry after crying and chewing on the sweet pizza. Even in this situation, he’s hungry. His expression softened as the sweet potato mousse melted in his mouth.

“This is so good…”

Taeun muttered reflexively. His voice was muffled, his mouth full of pizza.

“Is it good?”

Seo Jaeoh, sitting across from him, chuckled in response. Embarrassed that he had been heard, Taeun bobbed his head.

“I only had breakfast today.”

He added an unnecessary excuse. You should eat properly, Seo Jaeoh scolded, and Taeun just nodded vaguely again. After swallowing the chewed-up pizza, Taeun gulped down the accompanying cola. The fizzy carbonation stung his throat. It was a pain similar to the feeling of the postponed tasks tapping at his mind.

The homework he had briefly forgotten suddenly made its presence known.

He stood at the starting line, determined to tackle them one by one, slowly. Should I start now? Taeun fidgeted, his eyes darting around. He stuffed his mouth with pizza, his lips parting to speak but failing to do so. He had originally planned to move out, and it was only a matter of moving the date forward, but he didn’t know why it felt so uncomfortable to bring it up.

The discomfort wasn’t just that.

‘Can you not go?’

He could hear Jinhyun’s voice pleading, his head buried in the steering wheel, his neck stiff, his chest heaving with deep breaths, his upper body slowly rising. The slightly wavering voice grated on his nerves like ripples in water. Taeun’s lips, which had been moving as he hesitated, stopped abruptly as the lingering image pierced him.

Sometimes, an unconscious outburst is more impactful than a clear demand.

The single plea not to go resonated more deeply than the repeated requests to come back. The fact that he was the one who had caused such visible anxiety in Cha Jinhyun still felt surreal, like a fantasy. His gaze became unfocused. Taeun’s vision blurred, and the dining table split in two.

Does he hate me being here? Will I eventually have to go back home? Does moving to a different place even matter…?

Taeun, lost in repetitive questions, mechanically brought the remaining pizza to his mouth.

Then it happened. A hand suddenly reached out towards his slowly chewing jaw. Taeun, startled, flinched and leaned back.

“Uh….”

He let out a stupid sound in his surprise. Time froze and melted for a brief moment. The hand, left hanging awkwardly in the air, slowly retreated, having failed its purpose. Seo Jaeoh tapped his cheek with his finger.

“You have something here.”

“Oh.”

Taeun, feeling self-conscious, quickly wiped his mouth with a tissue. It wasn’t something to be startled about, but after becoming aware of it, even small acts of kindness felt burdensome.

He knew this wasn’t right.

It might be reckless to make a move when nothing was certain. He was worried, but he didn’t want to stay here any longer and take advantage of Seo Jaeoh’s kindness. Imposing on him while suspecting he might have feelings for him was deceitful. It was a terrible thing to do. He knew it better than anyone.

The room he had found allowed for short-term leases. And what Taeun needed was a space to organize his thoughts undisturbed. A month should be enough for now….

“Hyung, I….”

Taeun started, balling up the tissue in his hand, his resolve firm.

“Yes, you….”

Seo Jaeoh responded playfully, mimicking Taeun’s tone as if he wasn’t bothered by the awkward situation from earlier. Taeun stalled, generously applying hot sauce to his second slice of pizza. Even in the ensuing silence, there was no urging.

“I have something to tell you.”

“Why are you being so hesitant?”

“It’s, it’s nothing major…. I was originally planning to move out around the week after next, right?”

“Ah, yes.”

He had intended to say it casually. Naturally, as if asking after his well-being while sharing a meal. But why was he acting as if he was about to reveal some grand plan?

Oh well, whatever. Taeun blurted it all out.

“But I received some allowance this time. I mentioned it earlier… I bought the pizza with that. And added the cheese too…. Anyway. I received quite a bit…. Combined with what I have, it’s enough to get into a goshiwon. You must have been uncomfortable after I moved in, and now that I can afford it… I feel more comfortable not being a burden… what I mean is….”

Casually, my ass. The more he rambled, the more he felt like he was messing up, but he couldn’t stop. He cursed his poor communication skills.

“The place you were looking at before?”

“Yes, they have a few rooms available, so I can move in right away. I called them recently….”

“You want to leave quickly?”

Seo Jaeoh asked calmly, as if he had understood perfectly even though Taeun hadn’t explicitly said he was leaving. Taeun quickly replied, “Yes,” thinking it was better this way.

“Does your mother know?”

Seo Jaeoh took a sip of water and asked a broad question. He didn’t know whether Seo Jaeoh was asking if his mother knew he was moving into a goshiwon, or if she knew he had left home after fighting with a friend. The question was ambiguous, but the answer was ultimately the same. His mother didn’t know anything, so there was no need to choose which question to answer.

“…No, well… she doesn’t know yet….”

“You should have told her when you saw her.”

“Well, if she knows, she’ll worry unnecessarily, so I was going to tell her later….”

Taeun trailed off like a student called in for misbehaving. Perhaps due to the teacher-student dynamic, he felt like he was being scolded. He glanced at Seo Jaeoh suspiciously.

“…Are you going to tell on me?”

“I’m not your teacher anymore. I don’t even have your mother’s contact information.”

That’s true. He had only been a part-time assistant instructor, so it was highly unlikely he had conducted parent-teacher conferences. Taeun could have easily deduced this, but the image of Seo Jaeoh as a teacher was still strong, making it difficult to completely dispel his suspicion.

“…If you tell on me, you’re a snitch.”

So he jokingly warned him.

Seo Jaeoh slumped his shoulders and chuckled at the sudden accusation of being a snitch. The atmosphere was different from what he had worried about, that Seo Jaeoh might try to stop him. His heart, which had been tightly knotted with trivial worries, eased considerably. Taeun secretly let out a short breath. He hoped Seo Jaeoh didn’t harbor any affection-based feelings for him.

There were plenty of reasons, but to summarize it in one word, it was simple: because he was a good person. He deserved someone much better than him. And, if possible, Taeun wanted to keep seeing him for a long time. So he hoped there were no unrequited feelings. He didn’t want their relationship to become awkward because of this….

‘…’

His train of thought suddenly stopped. Taeun realized he was thinking the same way as someone else.

“Where is this place?”

“Why, why?”

Taeun, startled by the strange shock, couldn’t stop his hidden wariness from surfacing. Was his tone too dismissive? He regretted it too late, but couldn’t take it back.

“I should at least know where you’re going, the world is a scary place these days.”

“I’m good at fighting, so I’ll be fine.”

He avoided answering, even though he could have just told him. Taeun was starting to get flustered.

“No, I, I really am, fine…”

He felt trapped in a contradiction as he realized he was trying to shut down even the slightest possibility. His own behavior, openly displaying his discomfort, anxiety, and bewilderment, cast a long shadow of someone else. It was the darkness he had resented and hated so much.

“You don’t want to tell me?”

His mouth snapped shut, hit in the bullseye. His silence was an affirmation. He couldn’t bring himself to deny it. Taeun stared blankly at the cooling pizza and berated himself. Why am I so stupid? Why am I so stupid that I can’t even say no properly…?

He hadn’t known when he was being hit. He only realized after he picked up the bow. How easy it was to hurt someone. That sometimes, even knowing the consequences, he had to draw the string.

“Taeun.”

“Yes?”

He quickly looked up at the sound of his name. Seo Jaeoh was looking at him steadily.

“I’m a bit of a scaredy-cat.”

“…”

The voice that broke the silence was light. The sudden topic of conversation was hard to decipher, but Taeun listened quietly.

“I don’t invest in stocks, I don’t like gambling. They say high risk, high return, but I prefer to eliminate risk from the start, so I’m the type to be satisfied with a little interest from savings.”

“…”

“I overthink things… I value appearances, I have a strong sense of pride, and my ego is big.”

“…Ah…”

“Do you understand?”

Taeun had to figure out if the conversation had completely shifted to a different topic, if he should take the words at face value, or if he should look for a hidden meaning. He fidgeted, unable to agree or disagree.

“The things you’re worried about won’t happen.”

Seo Jaeoh said, smiling faintly. It was a moment when the things he had hoped for – that it wasn’t true, that he was mistaken – became laughable.

“What are you going to do, being so transparent?”

“Teacher, I…”

“I’ll lay out the bedding for you, make yourself comfortable on the sofa until you move out. I was worried you’d fall off when I saw you sleeping.”

“…”

Taeun felt relieved even as he wondered what to say.

When he didn’t know anything, he could fall asleep easily. And as the hands of the clock moved, Taeun gradually retreated to the edge of the bed with each passing day. The more he sensed the subtle affection, even with his nonexistent perceptiveness, the later he went to sleep. When Seo Jaeoh occasionally asked, “What are you doing, not sleeping?” as he lay stiffly with his eyes open, he would just mumble incoherently, unable to give a proper answer. Seo Jaeoh couldn’t have been unaware of this.

“It was nice seeing you after so long. It brought back memories…”

“…”

“We should see each other often from now on.”

It was a clear conclusion to the conversation that had been skirting around the issue. Ultimately, Seo Jaeoh’s words were closer to acknowledging his affection. But at the same time, he was saying he would maintain their current distance. Just as Taeun had wished for him, and as someone else had wished for Taeun.

“Yes, I’ll… let you know when I sign the lease. It’s not certain yet.”

“Don’t go anywhere strange, and get it inspected before you sign.”

“Okay.”

Seo Jaeoh smiled faintly. A clean, reassuring smile filled with genuine relief and a hint of bittersweetness. He remained calm and collected, even as he secretly confessed his affection.

Glancing at the composed Seo Jaeoh, Taeun mentally compared their ages. He traced and counted the gaps between the different numbers.

Five years, it wasn’t a short time. A frivolous question followed.

In five years, would he also be able to calmly accept reality, confess his feelings without hesitation, and yet be mature enough to step back for the sake of the relationship?

If he had confessed five years later… would things have turned out differently between them?

Taeun suddenly recalled the confessions, completely different from the calm and collected one now. One his own, and the other someone else’s. From only a few hours ago. The man who had crumbled like a wreck. His longtime friend. The person he had liked.

The expression that couldn’t be described as anything but a mess filled his mind first. The raw, painful look of frustration, the occasional muttered curses, the way he clung to Taeun like a lost child whenever Taeun tried to turn away, scene after scene unfolded. Compared to the man in front of him, it was strangely different, comically opposite.

So Taeun naturally compared Jinhyun’s age to his own. The two digits, perfectly aligned without a gap, signified an immaturity just like his. An age similar to his own, still unripe and clumsy, driven by desire and dissatisfaction with reality, running away instead of confessing their true feelings, abandoning relationships because they were too much to bear.

He had briefly forgotten because Jinhyun always acted mature and flawless. That Cha Jinhyun was still afraid of ghosts, and sometimes became a fool who couldn’t even catch a bug and pestered others for help.

Quietly pondering, Taeun sorted out what he could and couldn’t understand. He could understand the confusion Jinhyun must have felt at his affection. The sudden upheaval of memories and friendship would have been overwhelming. Enough to make him lose his composure and repeatedly draw the bow at Taeun.

Even so, the words he heard and the things he experienced wouldn’t disappear. He wouldn’t have done that. Even after trimming the stray threads from the tangled ball of emotions, there were still knots he couldn’t unravel.

Knock, knock.

A light knock on the table interrupted his deepening contemplation.

“Lee Taeun.”

“Ah, uh, yes?”

Taeun quickly gathered his thoughts and listened at the sound of his name. A needless sense of guilt washed over him. He felt sorry for thinking of Cha Jinhyun again in the midst of this.

“You know you still have one wish left, right?”

Ah, Taeun responded with a foolish sigh and nodded instinctively. It was a random, yet appropriate change of subject.

“Let’s use it before you move out.”

“…”

Taeun’s expression gradually hardened at the unexpected request. He couldn’t refuse, since they had made a promise. Why a wish all of a sudden? It was a perplexing blow to Taeun, whose mind was still in turmoil. Flustered, he hesitated for a long time before finally speaking.

“Nothing… nothing weird… no, first… let me hear it.”

Seo Jaeoh burst out laughing at Taeun’s stammering.

🔥

Days passed, relatively peaceful ones amidst the turbulent two months. The precarious peace, like the eye of a storm, required constant vigilance and adjustment to avoid being swept away. Thus, Taeun maintained a moderate level of tension as he slowly pieced his life back together. He focused on the days ahead, but occasionally glanced at the dark clouds looming in the distance.

He started by organizing his belongings little by little. He hadn’t unpacked much in the first place, so there wasn’t much to organize, but he folded his clothes neatly and packed his socks and underwear, leaving only a few spares. At the same time, he diligently fulfilled his duties. He had taken on the role of a housekeeper in exchange for staying rent-free. Like a newly enlisted soldier, he put his heart and soul into washing dishes and cleaning. Finishing things properly, that was the life lesson he had recently learned.

On Wednesday, he met his mother for lunch. He had worried about what he would do if she wanted to see the place he was staying, but his worries were unfounded. She simply responded, “It’s one thing if you were living alone, but Jinhyun is there too,” a perfectly reasonable reaction, and repeatedly emphasized that he should stay there. Taeun, who couldn’t bring himself to confess about the state of his own house, where Cha Jinhyun was alone, saw his mother off, shaking off the guilt from his right hand that had waved goodbye to the taxi.

After that, he chipped away at his endless assignments, chatted with friends, lazed around in the department lounge, and let time pass however it may. That was the “time to think” Jinhyun had mentioned. Restoring the tilted balance, accumulating the nonexistent leisure…. Thinking of Cha Jinhyun whenever the wind from the dark clouds blew through the gaps in his thoughts. And now was that time.

On a sunny afternoon towards the end of the week, Taeun sat in the department lounge, staring at a blank sheet of paper, repeatedly pressing the tip of his pen against his lips.

Cha Jinhyun was keeping his promise.

Asking for time meant “don’t bother me.” So there had been no contact from him. He hadn’t shown up unexpectedly either. Should he say Jinhyun was patiently waiting despite his distressed state, or that he was regretting everything he had said? He didn’t know, but Taeun had to give an answer.

He had expected to see a solution once his heightened emotions subsided, but it was wishful thinking. His mind, still cloudy like the blank page in front of him, couldn’t easily produce an answer. Taeun idly doodled circles on the paper with his pen. A blob of ink gathered at the tip, smudging messily. He then straightened the pen and scribbled something at the top.

<1. Do I still like him?>

Taeun wrote the short sentence in tiny letters, as if afraid someone would see, and added the Y/N options below. It was the beginning of a clumsy algorithm.

He liked Jinhyun, but didn’t want to date him. He was scared, but couldn’t reject him. He wanted to trust him, but couldn’t. Swimming in a clash of conflicting thoughts originating from opposite ends, he couldn’t define his feelings. So he decided to visualize it in a diagram. He thought he could at least figure out which side was heavier on a balanced scale by following the options.

Y – Go to question 2
N – Reject him

But he was stuck right from the start. Hmm, Taeun groaned softly and shook his pen up and down. Just as the tip of the pen was about to land on Y, his left hand grabbed his right, as if two different selves were wrestling for control. The pen, hovering slightly above the paper, wavered wildly. Just as Taeun, his brow furrowed, was gripping the pen with both hands and groaning,

“What are you doing? Playing Spirit of the Coin?”

A cheerful greeting accompanied the smack on his back. Forgetting the pain at the familiar voice, Taeun immediately covered the paper and slumped onto the desk. Looking up, he saw Kim Hyoju and Jung Sojin, who had just finished class.

“Now you’re into necromancy?”

“Are you planning a ghost marriage or something?”

Jung Sojin’s casual remark was expertly picked up by Kim Hyoju. The two approached the sofa where Taeun was sitting and flanked him. Flustered, Taeun pressed his chest against the table.

“Ah, go away.”

“Why should we? Are you writing a love letter or something?”

Kim Hyoju asked slyly, nudging his shoulder as if trying to headbutt him. Taeun steadfastly protected the paper underneath him. He knew he would be ridiculed if they saw the paper with just one sentence written on it.

He had briefly considered asking for advice, but quickly gave up. He liked to gather people and ask for their opinions, saying, “What would you do?” But he thought it was time to stop. He had already boasted to them about “starting his fabulous single life.” Considering the sarcastic remarks that followed – “You’re always single,” “You just mean you’re going to be fabulous,” – it was better to keep his mouth shut, no matter what. Moreover, he wanted to think this through on his own this time, so he was being careful with his words.

“It’s not that, so go away.”

“If it’s not that, then what is it? Let me see. I told you to always have me check your profile picture and status message before changing them. Add diary entries and love letters to that list.”

However, Taeun’s suspicious behavior fueled Kim Hyoju’s curiosity. As she started to make a fuss as if they were the only ones in the lounge, Taeun quickly looked around. As expected, the people sitting across from them were glancing over.

He didn’t want rumors spreading about being dumped by someone. Just as he was about to leave, slender fingers suddenly dug into his armpits and sides. Taeun’s body convulsed at the fingers moving like they were playing a piano. A strange laugh, closer to a groan of pain, erupted from Taeun, who was extremely ticklish. His body, which had been firmly stuck to the desk, began to crumble.

“Ah, you crazy bastard! Ah!”

“Let me see, huh? What is it? Let me see.”

Kim Hyoju kneaded Taeun like dough, relentlessly tickling him. Like a predator who had spotted prey after days of starvation, she showed no signs of giving up. Taeun, struggling to escape, wriggled violently like a squid on a grill and grabbed the paper underneath him. He quickly crumpled it into a ball and shoved it down his pants. Kim Hyoju scoffed at the extreme escape tactic.

“You think I can’t get it out if you hide it there?”

She reached towards his groin as if she was capable of anything. Taeun jumped up and stumbled backward.

“Are you crazy? Ah, Noona, tell her to stop!”

“Hey, now I’m curious since you put it in your underwear. Just take it out.”

“It’s not in my underwear!”

There was no one helpful around. As Kim Hyoju stood up menacingly and approached, Taeun continued to retreat. His back was about to hit the door. Just as he was suppressing the urge to yell, What the hell are you doing?, and contemplating setting the paper on fire, his phone vibrated repeatedly in his pocket. It was perfect timing.

“I, I’ll be right back, I have a call.”

Taeun announced and quickly slipped out. He heard the two burst into laughter behind him. Ignoring their loud voices, he entered the nearest empty classroom and took a deep breath. You crazy bastard…. He cursed under his breath and pulled out the crumpled paper from his pants. Feeling strangely uneasy, he threw it in the trash can, sat down at a random desk, and took out his phone.

The continuous vibrations were not from a call, but messages. Taeun checked the sender and decided not to reply. The messages from the guy who had been spamming him with nonsense for days were sure to be filled with meaningless words.

Ignoring the messages, Taeun opened the memo app. He preferred writing by hand, but he could manage on his phone as well. Does he still like him…? Finally choosing Y for the first question, he moved on to question 2.

<2. Do I want to see him?>

Y – Go to question 3
N – Go to question 4

The question he managed to come up with was shallow and unhelpful, but he couldn’t think of anything else. Having barely made it to question 2, he hesitated, his thumb twitching instead of a pen. Did he want to see Jinhyun? If he had to answer with a simple yes or no, it was Y. After much deliberation, Taeun finally reached question 3.

<3. Can we have a good relationship?>

“…”

Surprisingly, the answer to question 3 came quickly. He didn’t think they could have a good relationship. He realized at the same time. This was the problem. It felt strangely funny that the point he had reached so easily, compared to the previous questions that required repeated thought, was the stumbling block. It was ultimately a matter of trust.

Just as he was about to continue his clumsy algorithm, notifications bombarded the top of his screen. Taeun, annoyed, swiped them away as they came, but the incessant buzzing made him grumble.

“Ah, what’s with this guy?”

Buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz. Buzzz. Buzz. The vibrations continued endlessly. As if determined to keep going until he replied, the sender was sending a barrage of messages. Finally, Taeun sighed and tapped on the notification. Was it this difficult to just think?

🔥

“He’s at school right now.”

Kim Sunghyun said, checking his vibrating phone after a long wait.

It was a terse report after a considerable wait. At the same time, Jinhyun stopped tapping his foot impatiently. The table, which had been shaking along with his foot, also became still. His anxiety had subsided, but the answer wasn’t satisfactory. Jinhyun kicked Kim Sunghyun’s chair leg and spoke.

“Tell him to ask something more specific.”

“If I pry any further, he’ll get suspicious. This requires push and pull, you know?”

“Why the hell are you playing push and pull with Lee Taeun?”

Kim Sunghyun, suddenly cursed at, widened his eyes. He had simply conveyed the facts, yet Jinhyun was inexplicably angry. He let out a deflated sigh, finding it absurd that Jinhyun was getting worked up over such a trivial thing. Kim Sunghyun shook his head disapprovingly.

“Ah, fine, forget it. I won’t do it, I won’t.”

At his easy surrender, Jinhyun, acting as if he was the wronged party, kicked him again. Kim Sunghyun, unfazed, pulled his chair closer and dropped his phone on the table. Playfulness flickered in his eyes as he raised both hands as if taking an oath.

“Whose mouth was it that blabbered about being on my side?”

“Who knew he would get dumped so suddenly?”

Kim Sunghyun shrugged nonchalantly. In short, he had said he was on Jinhyun’s side, but he hadn’t expected a situation where he would actually have to take his side. An uncomfortable air settled around the two, or rather, around Cha Jinhyun, who had struck a deal.

The close negotiation had been concluded on Monday.

Taeun had said he needed time, and Jinhyun had decided to respect that. He was still anxious, not knowing what kind of answer he would get, but the near-zero possibility had increased slightly. Waiting became his sole responsibility. He intended to endure as much as possible to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Not visiting Taeun uninvited and making him uncomfortable, not bothering him with meaningless messages. That was all Jinhyun could do.

Despite this, waiting like a statue with his eyes and ears covered was incredibly unsettling. Jinhyun, unable to endure even half a day on Sunday, resorted to bribery. He suddenly realized he had a connection right next to him that was much cheaper than a private investigator or a detective agency. On Monday morning, Jinhyun went straight to Kim Sunghyun and proposed a deal.

‘I got dumped.’

Of course, providing background information was a necessary procedure for a cooperative relationship, so he didn’t forget to add a brief explanation.

‘…Huh? Suddenly?’

‘It was bound to happen. Ah, anyway. Help me out.’

He changed the subject, too exhausted to explain the whole situation. The deal he offered Kim Sunghyun was simple: contact Lee Taeun, find out where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with, and if there’s anything unusual (mainly checking his health, meals, and overall condition). In return, Jinhyun would be responsible for all of Kim Sunghyun’s lunches during that period. It was a win-win situation for Kim Sunghyun, who often contacted Taeun casually even without a deal.

It had been five days since this became his daily routine: receiving a brief report from Kim Sunghyun right before bed and then struggling to sleep. Now, facing a week’s worth of compiled reports, Jinhyun was getting increasingly irritated by Kim Sunghyun’s audacity and negligence. He must have spent at least a few tens of thousands of won on lunch alone. He might as well have just clothed and fed Lee Taeun directly. The absurdity of paying for this jerk’s meals sometimes made him laugh out loud while walking down the street.

“With this kind of treatment, I’m so offended I’m losing motivation.”

But the jerk was not only being a jerk, but also a pain in the ass. Even as he spoke, Kim Sunghyun took his phone back. For him, it was a perfect trifecta of fun, laughter, and a full stomach. He probably never intended to quit in the first place.

“Do you even know where we are right now?”

“Yeah, the place where you ripped me off for 100,000 won.”

They were at the same restaurant where Jinhyun had ripped off Kim Sunghyun at the beginning of the semester when Kim Sunghyun had tried to recruit him for the club. This was entirely Kim Sunghyun’s choice. Jinhyun swallowed the rising curses and carelessly tossed the menu on the table.

“Just pick something to eat.”

He shoved both hands into his pockets, slumped back, and clicked his tongue. Kim Sunghyun, unfazed, chose a more expensive course menu than last time. Jinhyun was too annoyed to even react anymore. He briefly scanned the menu Kim Sunghyun handed him and called the waiter. A neatly dressed waiter approached and asked with a gentle smile,

“May I take your order?”

Jinhyun nodded vaguely and opened his mouth hesitantly.

“Course B and…”

“Okay, one Course B.”

“…one lunch special, please.”

He closed the menu with a snap. The waiter, taking the menu, confirmed the order again, “One Course B, one lunch special. I’ll be right back with your order,” and left. Kim Sunghyun, who had been rubbing his nose since the moment they ordered, finally spoke cautiously.

“…Are you broke?”

“…”

Instead of answering, Jinhyun narrowed his eyes and stared straight ahead. His monolid eyes drooped with exhaustion.

“If you knew, wouldn’t you have chosen something cheaper?”

“Whoa… is this because of me?”

“Your self-awareness is excessive.”

“Right, it’s not me, is it? I would have felt bad if it was because of me.”

The guy who was quick-witted to avoid being self-conscious was good with words. Jinhyun, not wanting to dwell on his thinning wallet, poured himself some water and gestured with his chin.

“Anyway, you said there was something unusual. Tell me.”

Kim Sunghyun toned down his playfulness and turned his attention to his phone. He opened the chat window and scrolled all the way back to Monday.

“Since this is a comprehensive report, I’ll go through it from Monday. After making the deal with you, I texted Taeun right away, ‘What are you doing?'”

Jinhyun listened quietly without interrupting.

“Then, two hours later, I got a reply. ‘Ah, just saw this.’ I texted back, ‘What were you doing?’ Taeun replied, ‘Just had class and I’m on my way to lunch, why?’ Me again, ‘Just because, hehe, who are you eating with?’ Got ignored.”

“…”

“That’s it for Monday.”

…Is he kidding? It wasn’t much different from what he had heard before. Jinhyun exercised patience and said, “Next,” prompting him with a haughty look like an executive observing a new employee’s presentation.

“Tuesday morning, I sent ‘What are you doing?’ again. This time, the reply came a bit faster. ‘At the central library to print something for an assignment. Hey, Sunghyun, do you know any place that does cheap binding?’ So I tried to joke around, ‘It’s free if you glue it yourself, kekeke,’ and got ignored.”

“…”

“It’s not over yet. About five hours later, I sent another ‘What are you doing?’ Taeun immediately replied, ‘Why do you keep asking?’ I smoothly brushed it off and changed the subject to avoid getting caught, ‘Want to play a game?’ He seemed interested, ‘I can’t right now, but how about a speed match at 11 tonight?’ I asked, ‘Why can’t you now?’ and suddenly, silence. About 20 minutes later, he said, ‘I’m busy,’ so I asked, ‘Why are you busy?’ He replied, ‘Why are you so nosy?’ I felt a bit guilty and ignored him. But then Taeun contacted me again, ‘Are we playing or not?’ This was at 11 PM.”

The more Jinhyun listened, the more he felt like he was falling into a pit of self-loathing. He was the one who had put Kim Sunghyun on Lee Taeun, but he wasn’t pleased that they were playing games late at night alone. Did I make a mistake? A belated worry followed.

Come to think of it, Kim Sunghyun was also gay. Not only that, but he seemed to like Lee Taeun quite a bit. He felt like he had left a cat in charge of the fish, and his mood soured instantly. He suddenly wondered why there were so many gay guys around him, then closed his eyes tightly, realizing he was one of them.

It was absurd. But he had no room to argue, since he liked Lee Taeun. He didn’t particularly want to argue now either. Slowly opening his eyes, Jinhyun took a short breath to compose himself and spoke.

“…So, did you play?”

“Yeah, I won every round. He can’t beat me, a free-to-play player.”

Jinhyun’s annoyance doubled at Kim Sunghyun’s smug boasting of his victory. He unfolded his loosely crossed arms.

“If you’re going to play games with him, let him win. He hates losing.”

“…I also hate losing.”

“So what.”

He blurted out, genuinely wondering what Kim Sunghyun wanted him to do, and Kim Sunghyun made a strange face and whined. Jinhyun maintained his indifferent expression and didn’t react.

“Jinhyun, I’m your friend too, you know?”

“So what.”

“I’m starting to think you’re being a bit too biased.”

“Are you and him the same?”

“Wow… fuck. Where’s the guy who was yelling about not talking to him?”

“Why are you bringing up ancient history?”

Jinhyun waved his hand dismissively, as if telling him to continue before the whining got any longer. Kim Sunghyun, though muttering about his petty behavior, continued his report diligently.

“…Wednesday, started with ‘What are you doing?’ Reply after 40 minutes, ‘Are you bored these days?’ ‘Yeah, I have nothing to do since exams are over, Taeun. Want to have lunch together?’ ‘I have plans today.’ ‘What plans?’ Ignored. Sent another one a little later, ‘With who?’ Ignored again.”

“…”

“Thursday, as soon as I sent ‘Taeun,’ he replied. ‘Ah, why again.’ He seems annoyed now. His replies are curt. I sent, ‘You know what I’m going to say,’ and then…”

Kim Sunghyun, who had been rattling off the report, paused to take a breath and then showed his phone. Taeun’s message was visible on the square screen.

[Taeun: What are you doing?] 11:30 AM

Jinhyun chuckled at the short message, which was just Kim Sunghyun anticipating what Taeun would say and asking it himself. He found it amusing that even text messages could be cute.

[Taeun: At a cafe now, going to class this afternoon, then the department lounge to work on assignments, then straight to work. Games are possible after midnight, might be a little late because of work. I got a new kart, let’s race again.] 11:30 AM

“…He told me everything without me asking, so I didn’t ask any more questions.”

“Your Luxury Course B and lunch special are here.”

Just as Kim Sunghyun finished his report, their ordered meals arrived as if on cue. The luxurious set menu, with its numerous side dishes, and the meager lunch special were placed before them. The waiter, after setting the table, bowed politely and left. Jinhyun poked his spoon into the stone pot rice in front of him. He presented a stark contrast to Kim Sunghyun, who was already digging in like he had received a royal feast.

“So, what’s the unusual thing?”

“Oh? Uh-huh.”

Kim Sunghyun, busy stuffing his face, swallowed his food and continued.

“There’s a common thread from Monday to Thursday.”

Kim Sunghyun cupped his hand around his mouth as if sharing a secret. A common thread? The pathetic report was nothing more than playing games and teasing Taeun. Jinhyun, who had been slightly tense, rested his chin on his hand.

“He ignored all my questions about who he was with and what he was doing. That’s what people do when they’re hiding something.”

It was like saying, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Kim Sunghyun, who had a natural talent for exaggeration, needed to be taken with a grain of salt. Jinhyun simply raised an eyebrow.

“And, Jaeoh hyung, uh, I mean… his썸남?”

His eyebrow, which had been raised casually, furrowed at the unpleasant term.

“The moment I mention him, he shuts me down. It wasn’t like that before. But now, he freaks out at the mere mention of his썸남.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

This was much more important than whether they won or lost a game. The client briefly facepalmed at the idiotic spy who didn’t understand priorities.

“I always save the best for last.”

“You’re not earning your keep, are you?”

If it was significant enough to be reported separately, it meant Taeun’s behavior had changed considerably. Not in a calm, indifferent way, but in a way befitting the expression “freaking out.”

“…How… does he react?”

Jinhyun interrupted his train of thought, which was rapidly generating countless possibilities for the change in Taeun’s behavior, and asked.

“He keeps telling me to stop talking about it. Should I say he’s embarrassed? It’s like he’s an elementary school kid.”

“…Embarrassed?”

“Yeah, I don’t have the messages because I tested it while we were playing games, but…”

The words made his already tangled feelings waver. Jinhyun cut him off and asked in a strained voice,

“Are you calling him?”

“Huh? Not calling, there’s a feature in the game…”

“I told you to text, not call.”

“No, I’m saying it’s not a call.”

“If you’re babbling into your phone, it’s a call.”

Calling him in the middle of the night? Is he crazy? From the looks of it, he’s the one who’s into Taeun.

“No calls, adding it to the deal.”

Jinhyun revised the contract with a firm voice. Kim Sunghyun, who had been slurping his soup, froze with the spoon in his mouth and stared at the suddenly serious man.

“Jinhyun, you…”

“What.”

“…Were you always this petty?”

Jinhyun scoffed at the evaluation he was hearing for the first time. If there was anyone who could calmly accept their crush flirting with someone else, they would be a heartless idiot. He was impressed with his own patience, considering how much this bothered him. Kim Sunghyun tilted his head slightly, his lips pursed around the spoon.

“Is there something going on between those two?”

“…Probably not.”

It was a hypothesis he didn’t even want to consider. Jinhyun dismissed it immediately. But the overwhelming evidence kept screaming, “Maybe.” He quickly suppressed every sprout of doubt.

…It can’t be.

It’s not.

I don’t think so.

Probably not.

All he could do was stubbornly deny it. He calmed himself down, mashing the rice grains with his spoon.

“Then why would he dump you? Even though you rejected him once, Taeun liked you first.”

Kim Sunghyun presented a fairly logical question. Jinhyun silently counted in his head. He added a number every time the short phrase, “I like you,” ended.

I like you, you like, why do I like you so much, I did it because I liked you…. How many days had he heard these unreserved confessions of affection and stubbornly rejected them? If Kim Sunghyun knew his behavior, he wouldn’t have asked such a question. Taeun’s rejection made more sense than Kim Sunghyun’s question.

“…Lee Taeun told me to wait.”

Despite this, Jinhyun still had something to hold onto. No, he had to. It was his last lifeline.

It was a promise he had extracted from Taeun after shaking and clinging to him. The word “petty” was more fitting for him. Taeun, who had told him to wait, who had asked for time, wouldn’t forget him and flirt with someone else. It was an arrogant yet desperate belief. All he had left was this intangible trust.

“Well… I guess Taeun isn’t the type to judge people?”

“…”

“In times like these, you really have to wait patiently, as if you’re dead. If you go looking for him and cling to him, he’ll be even more turned off.”

“I know.”

“Yes, I’m sure you do, with all your dating experience.”

Jinhyun shut his mouth at the backhanded compliment. His extensive dating experience was utterly useless. It was his first time clinging to someone who rejected him, being rejected, confessing to someone he had rejected, and having the object of his affection be a man. Lee Taeun, as a romantic partner, was completely unfamiliar, so every small action, every word felt like a test. He couldn’t help but act like a clueless fool, constantly worrying about whether he was doing the right thing.

Jinhyun forced himself to take a bite of his food. He put the rice in his mouth and chewed slowly until it turned to mush. A subtle hesitation flickered around his moving lips. His mouth twitched slightly, even though he hadn’t swallowed the food.

“…Once wouldn’t hurt, right?”

The words he hadn’t been able to swallow burst out.

“Tomorrow is Lee Taeun’s birthday.”

Jinhyun quickly added, as if offering an excuse. Kim Sunghyun, who had been about to retort that it was absolutely not allowed, was speechless and just clicked his tongue. Birthday, his birthday. He murmured, stroking his chin. The unexpected event made it difficult to decide whether to dissuade him or not.

“You’re going to visit him?”

“It’s his birthday.”

“You’ll see him tomorrow anyway.”

Jinhyun knew that too. That since it was Saturday and a club meeting day, he would naturally see Taeun without having to visit him. But he still wanted to go, rationalizing it to himself. He had confessed his feelings, told Taeun how important and special he was, and he didn’t want to offer the same generic congratulations as everyone else.

“Did you buy a present?”

Kim Sunghyun decided to postpone dissuading him and continue the conversation. At the mention of a present, the corner of Jinhyun’s lips curved upward.

“Why do you think I’m broke?”

“Aha…”

Jinhyun’s bored expression hardened with worry as he recalled the shopping bag carefully stored away at home. He fiddled with his spoon and then put it down. He leaned back completely in his chair and rubbed his face. A dry, hot breath covered his palms.

“Ah, this is driving me crazy.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m not confident.”

A weak voice escaped. He ran his rough hand over his face and let his arm fall. He had completely lost his appetite. He had said he would try his best, asked for a chance, but confidence and desperation weren’t proportional. He wasn’t sure if Taeun would like the gift he had carefully chosen.

“Hey.”

Jinhyun called out to Kim Sunghyun, his messy hair ignored.

“How do you seduce a man?”

“…”

“How did Lee Taeun seduce me…?”

The call had turned into a murmur. It wasn’t a joke or playful banter. Kim Sunghyun was truly perplexed by his serious contemplation. It was hard to give advice to an idiot who was half out of his mind and sighing deeply.

“Just do what Taeun did.”

So he answered vaguely. Jinhyun chuckled softly, shrugging slightly. He seemed bipolar, going from a gloomy expression to suddenly laughing, it didn’t look normal.

“I’d get arrested if I did that.”

“…What did he do?”

“Everything cute and infuriating.”

“There you go. Do that then.”

“It’s not cute when I do it.”

“…”

Kim Sunghyun rubbed his hand against his nape as if trying to scratch off goosebumps. He had known since Jinhyun came out as gay, saying he had suddenly become one, but Cha Jinhyun seemed to be seriously malfunctioning somewhere. He often teased Jinhyun, finding it amusing to watch his antics, but this felt different. The sight of a man completely absorbed in his own feelings, oblivious to how pathetic he looked… was truly pitiful.

“Why aren’t you confident? You… you know his preferences inside and out, don’t you?”

Feeling a bit sorry for him, Kim Sunghyun stopped joking and tried to encourage him. He wasn’t wrong. Even at the club orientation, they had dominated the telepathy game with their unorthodox methods.

“His preferences are obvious….”

But despite Kim Sunghyun’s efforts, Jinhyun couldn’t shake off his anxiety.

Taeun wasn’t particularly picky about his preferences or taste. He was easily moved by any gift. He was the type who would make a big fuss, which was amusing, so Jinhyun enjoyed buying him things. But that was when they were just friends. The situation had changed drastically.

For example, now Taeun wasn’t just a comfortable childhood friend, but someone whose heart he desperately wanted to win over. The slightly twisted premise rendered all his accumulated knowledge useless. He kept agonizing over what kind of gift could shake the firmly closed doorknob of Taeun’s heart. He had to make a good impression. He was greedy. That was the story behind the dwindling balance in his bank account, inversely proportional to the growing list of gifts in his phone memo.

“First… I’m going to buy flowers.”

Jinhyun revealed one of the items on his prepared list that he was worried about.

“Oh… that’s so cliché.”

A mocking retort immediately followed. He agreed that a bouquet of flowers for a birthday was embarrassing and childish, but he had a good reason. He fidgeted with his earlobe. Embarrassment warmed his skin.

“Fuck, it’s not that… Lee Taeun’s birthday is the day you give flowers.”

Ah, Kim Sunghyun let out a short exclamation.

“Rose Day?”

Aha? Now that you mention it? Kim Sunghyun nodded in understanding, seemingly convinced. He was relieved that it wasn’t a completely wrong choice, even though he didn’t understand what Kim Sunghyun meant. Lately, Jinhyun had been suppressing the urge to grab anyone and ask, “Is this okay? Is that okay? Are flowers too much?”

He had come to fully understand the feelings of those pathetic people who posted their worries on anonymous sites where strangers offered shallow advice and disappeared. He hadn’t actually done it, but he had searched a few times. Keywords like: Giving flowers when not dating, meaning of flower gifts, casual birthday gifts, flowers to give to someone you got dumped by.

“Of all the days to be born, he had to be born on that day.”

“…”

Having endured such days, he would lose his composure if he didn’t hold onto his rationality. Like now.

“Anyway, it’s so… cute.”

Jinhyun rambled, not even knowing what he was saying.

“What’s… cute?”

“It’s like he was born on that day to ask for flowers, to be adored.”

“Rose Day… was probably established after he was born…?”

I’m not sure, but… probably in our country…. Kim Sunghyun added with an uneasy expression.

“Then was it because of Lee Taeun?”

“…”

“So we could give Lee Taeun flowers?”

Jinhyun replied indifferently, as if the order didn’t matter in the first place. His tone, devoid of any playfulness, sounded genuinely questionable. This was some next-level nonsense. Kim Sunghyun desperately reached for the kimchi. He suddenly felt nauseous and needed something to settle his stomach. Jinhyun, lost in his own serious thoughts, continued the conversation, oblivious to Kim Sunghyun’s reaction.

“Are roses too insincere?”

“Rose Day is literally the day for giving roses.”

“So, isn’t it insincere to give roses on the day you’re supposed to give roses?”

“Then, what… his birth flower?”

“That’s so cliché.”

Kim Sunghyun answered as sincerely as he could, trying to calm his churning stomach, but Jinhyun’s reaction was lukewarm. He had nothing more to add, knowing that nothing he said would satisfy Jinhyun. Instead of adding anything, he stuffed a handful of kimchi into his mouth.

“I heard you have to consider the meaning of the flowers too.”

“…”

“Forget it, what would you know.”

Jinhyun said, immediately taking out his phone and searching for various flower meanings. Crazy bastard…. The insults hurled at him didn’t reach Jinhyun’s ears.

The bizarre meal, with one person wolfing down food and the other frantically searching the internet, ended well past noon.

Jinhyun, still undecided on the perfect flower, headed to the counter. He glared at Kim Sunghyun, who was ostentatiously grabbing the bill and handing it to him, and then gave his card to the cashier. As he stepped outside after paying, a text message notified him of his precarious financial situation. Jinhyun stared at the drastically reduced number and calculated how much a convenience store triangle kimbap cost. His meals were going to be quite meager for a while.

“Keep reporting diligently, and let him win the games.”

Sunghyun, unwrapping and popping a candy from the counter into his mouth, shuddered dramatically.

“Is that another addition to the deal?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m scared I’ll meet a boss like you in the future.”

“If you eat expensive food, you have to earn your keep.”

“As you wish, Your Majesty. I shall obey.”

Kim Sunghyun mocked him, clasping his hands together like a court eunuch. Jinhyun, remembering it was Friday, asked his “official,”

“What time does Lee Taeun finish work?”

“I’m not sure about that, but probably around midnight?”

I guess I can go around then. Waiting in front of Taeun’s workplace at midnight on his birthday to congratulate him. He worried about looking pathetic. He thought he should at least dress nicely to offset the desperation, like a plus and minus canceling each other out.

“Are you going to school?”

Sunghyun asked, gesturing behind him with his chin before leaving. Jinhyun, still looking at the portal site on his phone screen, replied,

“No. You go ahead.”

He shoved his phone into his pocket and left.

“Where are you going?”

“To look at flowers.”

He was still unsure, wondering if it was a good idea, if Taeun would like it, but it was better than nothing. He wanted to give him everything he could. Just like Taeun had done for him, as Kim Sunghyun had pointed out.