Simmering Heat Chapter 21.2

Lost in thought, Jinhyun’s eyes, previously wandering, now focused intently beneath widening eyelids.

“What….”

“I’m not going to do anything. I’m just going to… observe.”

Jinhyun doubted the image reflected in his retina. The expression on Taeun’s face, as he held onto him, was too stiff for someone waiting for a kiss. He couldn’t move recklessly. He was confused. And Taeun’s following command put an end to that confusion.

“…….”

“…So, this time, you do it.”

His flimsy patience crumbled. He heard something shatter. Or perhaps it was the sound of something snapping.

It didn’t matter. Jinhyun grasped the hand holding him and pulled Taeun closer. A darkness deeper than the dawn obscured his vision.

🔥

The first thing that reached him was the scent of cologne faintly mingled with his own.

On a spring night, Taeun felt the air of early summer seeping into his nostrils. The clean and refreshing scent, resembling its owner, was familiar yet unfamiliar. The fragrance, keenly stimulating his sense of smell, traveled in a straight line from his lower back to the nape of his neck. Despite having boldly challenged him, Taeun stiffened with unavoidable tension.

The kiss he’d urged, hand in hand, was a combination of impulse and reason. That night, when he’d been driven by excitement, was hazy, and the clear memory was of a different occasion. A few days later, he’d defiantly kissed the motionless Jinhyun. Perhaps it was because they’d shared ice cream. He just wanted to see how it was different from that cold, tingling sensation.

So, Taeun showed no movement. He was pulled as he was led. He didn’t close his eyes or urge him on. He just stayed still. Because, as Jinhyun had said, he wanted to compare and contrast everything, how he reacted, how he cared, with that time.

Finally, a slow, tantalizing touch landed on him.

A hand gently cupped Taeun’s cheek, as if to encompass his earlobe. The other hand cupped his chin and lifted it slightly. When he felt a warm breath under his nose, soft lips touched his, as carefully as if polishing glass. The briefly touching flesh made a small pecking sound and parted.

“…….”

The warmth brushed past and disappeared like a fleeting moment. As Taeun stared blankly at him, puzzled,

“…Are you just going to keep staring?”

Jinhyun, his neck flushed, asked with a troubled expression. The corners of his mouth, as he swallowed, trembled slightly. Taeun stared directly at his friend’s shyness, a sight he was witnessing for the first time, as if engraving it in his eyes. He looked foolish. A foolish face, just like his own. And thus, the intangible abstraction finally seemed within reach.

“Yes.”

“Why are you so stubborn?”

How could the emotion that so easily threw people into the abyss have such a clumsy form? Taeun always tripped and stumbled over that discrepancy. He hated it. He sometimes wanted to rip out the emotion that approached so insignificantly, lulling him into a false sense of security and then completely controlling his life.

But in this moment, the pain momentarily subsided. For the first time, he liked this clumsy form, the opposite of the special resonance called love. He’d only hated it when he saw it in the mirror, but seeing it through Jinhyun, it even seemed somewhat cute.

“Does it bother you?”

Taeun asked calmly, suppressing his rising excitement. At the teasing remark, Jinhyun squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them. His troubled feelings, having to give a natural answer to a natural question, were revealed in that single gesture.

“…It does, a lot.”

“Then I won’t close my eyes.”

At the stubborn declaration, Jinhyun let out a sound of exasperation, unable to hide his bewilderment. But Taeun had no intention of backing down. Because he was quite satisfied with the answer.

“I want it to bother you.”

“…….”

“I want to see you bothered.”

He expressed his honest feelings without hesitation. Cha Jinhyun probably wouldn’t be able to refuse. Taeun was betting on his foolish face.

And then, Jinhyun, who had been silently staring at Taeun, suddenly lowered his head so much that the top of his head was visible. He mumbled something inaudible towards the ground, then abruptly lifted his head and replied slowly,

“Fine, do as you please.”

A voice, husky as if just waking up, tickled his eardrums. A strange excitement was mixed in the lower-than-usual voice. Just as he couldn’t find a suitable response, his mind reeling from the penetrating sound, his scent wafted over again. The distance between them closed in an instant.

“I don’t mind being a little embarrassed.”

The words uttered on his lips were immediately crushed.

Jinhyun, capturing his lower lip, pressed down on Taeun’s chin with his hand. His lips parted without resistance at the weak force. Then something wet touched the tip of his tongue. Taeun’s shoulders flinched at the blatant sensation, and he involuntarily tried to pull back, but the hand near his chin moved down and gently wrapped around his waist, stopping him. Trapped, Taeun accepted the hot flesh as it was.

Tongues intertwined, making obscene noises. Jinhyun lightly swept the inside of his upper teeth and slowly rubbed the roof of his mouth with the tip of his tongue. He didn’t stop for a moment, but occasionally turned his head to explore the inside of his cheek, parted his lips, and licked them, as if giving him room to breathe. The hand wandering near his ribs tickled. The other hand gently caressed his earlobe near the nape of his neck. He was completely trapped in his embrace.

“Mm, uh….”

Despite his resolve to observe, Taeun had closed his eyes at some point, overwhelmed by the쏟아지는 sensations. His entire body tingled as if electrocuted. A strange sensation made the area below his navel twitch embarrassingly. His reflexively raised hand tightly gripped the shoulders of the man devouring his mouth. His fingers curled like claws. He could feel the crumpled fabric of his clothes, but he couldn’t afford to care. His hands kept slipping, so he repeatedly gripped them again. Then, he felt Jinhyun chuckle as he playfully sucked on his upper lip.

Taeun, helplessly being swept away, felt doubly embarrassed by the strange laughter. At the same time, he was slightly offended. His hands, groping here and there, were so overwhelming that he felt like he’d make a strange noise if he let his guard down even a little.

If he made such a noise, he’d be thoroughly mocked. Taeun released his grip on the shoulder, curled his fingers into a fist, and punched the broad shoulder hard. Their entangled lips parted with a pop.

“Ow.”

Jinhyun let out a short groan, his lips wet and glistening.

Suddenly punched, he had a bewildered expression, unable to understand what had just happened. Taeun, still slightly breathless despite the rough consideration, quickly took in oxygen and opened his eyes.

“Why, why are you laughing?”

He wondered if he was being laughed at for being bad at it. Even in his daze, he could tell the escaping air was a clear laugh. Embarrassed, heat rushed from his collarbone to the top of his head.

“Right now, I’m just staying still because I’m checking what you’re going to do. I don’t usually stay this still.”

Without giving him a chance to speak, Taeun blurted out, like an insurance agent reciting policy terms.

Ah, he should have just told him not to laugh. A vague regret washed over him, but it was utterly futile. And he suddenly realized. The other person hadn’t said anything, and his current behavior was no different from a fool getting angry because he felt exposed.

All sound disappeared after the pathetic excuse. The humid surroundings suddenly felt dry. Feeling awkward, Taeun had to say something.

“And, why… why are you touching my ears?”

“…….”

So he mentioned something that had been bothering him. The hands that had been fiddling with his earlobes and ears as if caressing them had been too stimulating, making him flinch repeatedly. Despite the scolding, Jinhyun didn’t offer any rebuttal and just stared at Taeun. Awkwardness slowly bloomed around them.

“Ears… Really, why the ears….”

Why isn’t he saying anything? Did I ruin the mood? …It was certainly understandable.

Even he would be speechless if he was punched while kissing. But he didn’t have the time to think deeply and ask for a pause. His breath, transmitted through their kiss, was still coursing through his body, tingling his muscles.

Jinhyun, who had been silently listening to the trivial complaint, finally spoke as the silence became unbearable.

“You talk like you’ve done this a lot.”

The words, focused far from Taeun’s intention, were casual yet pointed. Jinhyun continued with a blunt question.

“Have you kissed anyone else besides me?”

“…….”

And this time, the silence belonged to Taeun. He wasn’t keen on answering honestly.

He’d added the “I don’t usually stay this still” remark thoughtlessly, but it seemed Cha Jinhyun was fixated on it. Not knowing what to say, he opted for the right to remain silent. A strange silence stretched like a taut rubber band.

Not to mention kissing, all forms of skinship were a first for him. He’d liked only one person since high school, and he wasn’t a delinquent who whipped out his dick while in uniform, so it was only natural. It was a conclusion Cha Jinhyun could easily deduce with a little thought. His insistence on hearing it directly from him was annoying. Or not, that bastard didn’t know when I started liking him….

Feeling awkward about telling the truth, Taeun hesitated. Would it be burdensome to say he hadn’t done anything? Did this prove that people should stick to their own kind? Frivolous thoughts flitted through his mind.

“Th… that’s not… your business.”

So he brushed it off. He had no obligation to be honest. Like Jinhyun had once said, just because they rubbed lips a little didn’t mean he had to report his private life.

“…Have you?”

A voice, laced with undisguised surprise, came through. Taeun stared blankly at the seemingly shocked man. Even if he had, was it that shocking? It wasn’t the kind of reaction he’d expect from someone who’d pushed him to like other people.

“You were the one who told me to move on….”

“…….”

“I don’t know what tune to dance to.”

Taeun deliberately spoke sarcastically. “Fast tempo? Slow tempo?” He continued to grumble, needling him. Jinhyun, lost in thought, just remained frozen with a serious expression, his brow furrowed.

Honestly, it served him right. Seeing his reaction, he felt even less inclined to tell the truth. It was petty spite. Taeun glanced at Jinhyun, motionless as a plaster cast. …So that’s his jealous face, he thought, then frowned, slightly embarrassed that he’d used the word “jealous” himself.

“I want to rip my mouth out.”

Jinhyun, finally speaking after a long while, uttered menacing words casually. Taeun, startled by the aggressive choice of words, felt his cheeks being cupped in large hands. He was stolen a kiss before he could react, his eyes widening.

“Sorry for saying shitty things.”

The huge gap between “sorry” and “shitty” was absurd. The guy, using bizarre phrasing, was so serious in his posture and gaze that he felt awkward pointing it out. Soft lips approached his nose again, making a pecking sound before retreating. Then, Jinhyun licked his closed lips. Taeun was speechless at the gesture, like a puppy begging for attention. Peck, peck, his lips landed repeatedly like knocking on a closed door.

Finally, Taeun opened his mouth slowly without a word.

Under the streetlight on the empty street, shy kisses continued for a long time. A gentle touch, interspersed with light pecks, even as he deeply sucked on the base of his tongue. Jinhyun, humbly accepting Taeun’s complaints, occasionally stroked the back of his neck, but he didn’t touch his ears. The slowed pace, considerate, was only cautious. Taeun was able to finish his sad comparison.

It was all different.

It was the complete opposite of that time, when his heart ached and he couldn’t feel any excitement. Ah, it was the moment he’d always dreamed of, truly worthy of being called a first kiss.

Despite this, Taeun felt like crying. He was happy, but sad. He felt anxious for no reason. But it was good. But it was sad. That he could do this, that he could have done this. A brief resentment flashed through him.

Soon, Jinhyun slowly straightened his bent back. The soft touch gradually receded. As the warmth surrounding his skin disappeared, the comfortable night air suddenly felt cold. Jinhyun gently took Taeun’s hand. Wondering what he was going to do, he let him be, and he lightly placed it on his left chest.

“…My heart’s beating so fast.”

The shyly uttered words weren’t empty. He could feel the rapid beating through his palm as if a stethoscope had been placed there. He had seemed quite composed, but apparently not.

“I know why it’s beating like this now. I can be sure it’s different from then.”

Taeun slowly nodded at the earnest voice. Completely different. Because he thought so too. He was happy, and nervous. His blood circulating rapidly, Taeun’s heart was also racing.

“…I know you’re being sincere.”

But how should he describe this feeling, this feeling he couldn’t readily call excitement?

“If I… had to say whether I liked it or not, I liked it….”

It felt uncomfortable to walk, as if a small pebble was stuck in the back of his shoe.

“I liked it so much that… just….”

It felt like being left behind in an amusement park after closing time. Or like an empty classroom after everyone had gone home, or the scenery he’d taken in while sitting on a bus returning from a trip. It was similar to the bittersweet feeling that came with realizing that a fun, boisterous time was over, or could be over.

Until recently, Taeun could have called this lingering feeling. But now, as a coward, it was a little different.

The kindness of showing up with flowers, the shyness of trembling hands while kissing. This dawn was sweet as honey. He said he liked him, and he still liked him, shouldn’t that be enough? The tempting whisper was also sweet. If he accepted, an incomparable joy might come to him.

“I want to… be in a relationship where we just do this….”

“…What?”

But Taeun only wanted to take the joy that he could recover from losing, someday. It was a strange psychology of taking a step back because he liked it too much.

“…How did you come to that conclusion?”

Jinhyun asked back, doubting his ears, at the mumbled reply. It was a question mixed with curiosity and bewilderment, showing his lack of understanding of the following context. He ran his hand over his face and took a breath. His breathing, which had been steady even during their kiss, was slightly ragged.

“Do you even realize what you’re saying?”

“What do you mean?”

Was wanting to just kiss that unsettling? Taeun responded sullenly to the increasingly serious Jinhyun. Cha Jinhyun flinched as if holding back dirty words he couldn’t utter, then gritted his teeth and let out a dry breath.

“Lee Taeun, I….”

“…….”

“…I want to ask you what you were doing, who you were with, and where you were, when you reply hours later saying you just saw my message.”

Taeun found even his confusion, his desperate attempts to persuade him, sweet. How could he not understand that feeling?

“…I also want to be the only one you kiss. Yes, I know that’s selfish of me, but still.”

“…….”

“I’m saying I wish you’d leave some room for me.”

“I know that much.”

But this bitterness was a separate issue.

The rejection he’d shown had taken root in the backyard of Taeun’s heart as a seed of distrust. He could turn his back and ignore it, but that would only be avoidance. Incomplete trust would feed on affection and grow, providing constant anxiety. He couldn’t continue the relationship harboring the urge to run away the more he was loved.

“…Hey.”

So, just a little more….

“How much do you like me?”

Taeun gathered his remaining courage.

“…How long will you like me?”

He could only ask such questions.

“How long… what do you mean…?”

Words, unprocessed by thought, flowed from Jinhyun’s lips and cut through the air. The sound then unnaturally faded, like an old speaker slowly losing volume. Jinhyun, who had reflexively asked back the question that had come to mind, suddenly froze everything like a wild animal caught in a trap. No, everything was frozen. How long. A belated realization struck him like lightning from a clear sky.

As if it was natural for his affection to disappear, Taeun had asked about the expiration date of his feelings. As if it shouldn’t be too long, nor too short.

His demeanor, as he revealed his sad curiosity, was calm and unassuming. However, his shoulders slumped slightly, and the corners of his gentle eyes were more melancholic than usual. Jinhyun’s eyes darted around as if searching for a lost item. But he couldn’t find the same greed in Taeun as before. A bitter shock hit him at Taeun’s apathetic appearance, as if he only wanted to know how long their connected hearts would brush past each other, slowly or quickly.

What could he say? It was him who had always set a time limit on love. It was none other than himself who had urged Taeun to give up, treating him like a clueless fool, and taught him to conform. Despite that, Jinhyun hadn’t expected to receive such a question. Because accepting an affection with a different direction was a huge shock in itself. His life had been turned upside down simply by accepting the humiliation of bowing his head. Therefore, he’d thought that a complete confession would be a stronger proof than any flowery rhetoric.

Because accepting him, who liked him, must have required a lot of resolve.

Because they, who had been friends for over half their lives, had to overcome the fear of never being able to return to those days. Because he had to envision a form of life he hadn’t considered before, and because he had to devise the best way to be together stably. He hadn’t had the time or reason to consider setting a time limit on his feelings. He’d thought he’d conveyed all these resolutions in the short phrase, “I like you.”

Ah, it was entirely his own delusion and arrogance.

“I haven’t… thought about that. How long I’ll like you, that kind of….”

Because in the end, all that remained were the words he’d uttered and the actions he’d shown.

So, like a doll that only repeats the same words when its chest is pressed, the you who easily said “I like you” might be gone now. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, a sharp pain shot through his ribs. It was strange. That his chest actually ached from a mere emotional fluctuation.

“Why would I think about the end when I like you? I just, like you… that’s all.”

It was his punishment for arbitrarily putting a period to, judging, and cutting out someone else’s feelings with a blade. He hadn’t known it would hurt this much.

“Of course, I’ll keep…”

Jinhyun realized he was uttering the words he’d once scoffed at.

The times when he hadn’t understood those who cried and acted like the world was ending over romantic feelings passed by, becoming his own charges. The most deeply engraved among them was his mockery of Taeun’s confession.

He’d arbitrarily assumed that if it had been harbored for three years, it would fade quickly. If it had been longer than that, he would have considered it a good thing. Yes, that’s what he’d done.

He couldn’t say anything. He could only stammer like a fool, muttering that he would, of course, continue to like him. He didn’t know how to persuade him. Because you liking me is a first, because I’m confused, because I didn’t mean to hurt you. Because I was afraid you’d disappear again…. He wanted to appeal to his sympathy, but he couldn’t. He didn’t have the right.

“It’s strange. I thought I’d be happy to hear you say that.”

Taeun mumbled amidst the incomplete, floating words.

“…But I’m not overjoyed.”

The smooth, rounded words were almost a murmur. Not a deliberate sarcasm, nor the sharp mockery he usually threw around, but a burst of genuine feeling. A worn-out, dulled sincerity hurt more than a sharpened blade.

And Jinhyun finally redefined love. Some love hurts. Even the corner of a passing word cuts the heart, leaving a painful scar. He faced the scar he had left.

“I thought I’d be happy if you liked me.”

He looked at his longtime friend, the person he liked, who was starting his story in a calm tone.

“At least, that’s how I felt when I was the only one who liked you. Sometimes I’d get pissed or hurt… but… you didn’t do it on purpose…. I was okay because I only had good memories.”

Was the always cheerful, loud persona temporarily hidden? Or had he ruined even that? Self-blame followed every thought.

“Anyway, you were good to me.”

As if retrieving a distant memory, Taeun took a deep breath. His gaze, which had been fixed on the ground, lifted slightly to stare into the distance. Jinhyun engraved every detail in his mind: his chest rising and falling deeply, his drooping shoulders, his lips curling inwards.

“Really…. …Why were you so good to me? It’s so strange….”

Taeun suddenly posed a question, as if he’d just revisited old memories. It was unclear whether he was actually asking. The empty resonance, as if all he needed was to voice the questions bottled up inside him, seemed used to being alone. It was a silent question mark. Clearly existing, yet unheard by anyone.

And Jinhyun didn’t want to leave any part of him alone anymore.

“…Was I good to you?”

So he asked, not letting it pass. Taeun’s monotonous face briefly flashed with surprise.

As if he’d momentarily forgotten someone was beside him, he showed bewilderment, as if encountering something unexpected. Jinhyun could easily read the past few years in his hesitant demeanor, unable to reply immediately. He guessed countless monologues must have disappeared like this.

He just waited. He conveyed with silence that he was willing to listen, willing to answer, as much as he needed. Soon, a thin film of moisture covered Taeun’s clear eyes, making them sparkle. As if embarrassed by that, he sniffled and lowered his gaze.

“…Yeah, very.”

“…….”

“Enough to make me like you a lot.”

Why was he so surprised by this answer, his eyes flickering with such disbelief?

“How was I good to you?”

“Huh?”

“I’m curious, about what kind of me you liked.”

A tiresome regret washed over him like a tidal wave.

Whether he accepted him or not, this much should have been easy. Since when, how, how much did you like me? What kind of time did you have, how did you endure? Was it so hard that you had to run away? Listening to unspoken words would have been possible even within the pretense of friendship. He really could have avoided making him say it like this. But he couldn’t. He didn’t. Jinhyun regretted it again.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Taeun’s hesitation was evident as he interlaced his fingers and paused. Even if all the words he wanted to say had withered and crumbled, he couldn’t press him. Taeun glanced ahead and shook his head slightly.

“No, it’s not that….”

“…….”

“Just, I… liked you for a long time.”

Leaving the lukewarm silence behind, Taeun carefully started speaking. As if he was glad to finally be able to open up, as if all he’d wished for during this long time was a moment like this.

“You might find this unpleasant….”

“Absolutely not.”

“You’re only saying that now.”

“Yes, I absolutely wouldn’t now.”

He had no desire to excuse or sugarcoat the past. So he only affirmed the present, which he could be sure of.

Jinhyun gently stroked Taeun’s cheek, still bearing traces of their kiss, with the back of his hand and lightly grasped his still fidgeting hand. He kneaded and rubbed the slightly smaller, white hand before interlacing their fingers. Taeun, who had been watching him without pulling away, gently curled his fingers.

“When we took our graduation photos…. You…”

The beginning he finally brought up was the spring of their senior year of high school.

“Why did you put a flower in my hair? It’s still ridiculous to me.”

Taeun didn’t reveal the exact start of his feelings, but he confessed, in a roundabout way, that he’d liked him for a very long time.

“A red one?”

“…Do you even remember?”

“Yeah, it’s in the album.”

He immediately recalled the differently recorded memory of the same day. In April, when they took their graduation photos, Taeun had spent the entire day agonizing over poses, so preoccupied with trivial worries that he hadn’t been able to focus even until right before standing in front of the camera. He’d found it cute and funny, so he’d simply placed a flower he’d found nearby on his ear. And Lee Taeun had taken the picture as is. He’d laughed for a long time because it looked silly.

“How is that being good to you?”

“…You didn’t put it on anyone else, just me.”

“You’re different from other guys.”

“So, that’s why.”

Taeun, retorting grumpily, raised his voice as if feeling wronged, then suddenly stopped.

“That’s why it was strange….”

“…….”

“I knew I was different from other guys… but it was just that much, so that’s why….”

His voice gradually trailed off, as if he was struggling to explain.

“Was it hard?”

Jinhyun asked casually, removing any awkwardness, like in their usual conversations. Hoping he would comfortably open up about his heavy heart, built up over years. Taeun, flinching as if hit a nerve, slightly furrowed his brow. He seemed to be carefully considering whether it was hard.

“…It was.”

“…….”

“But it was also good…. I don’t know.”

It was a truly foolish answer. Jinhyun sniffled, as if catching Taeun’s uncertainty.

“And there’s more.”

“Yes, more.”

“Uh, what was it, when I was at the academy….”

He wasn’t sensitive to cold, but the dawn felt chilly. Meanwhile, his hand, held by Jinhyun’s, was warm, making his nose tingle.

“When I was struggling because I got a C, why did you use my drawing as your profile picture?”

“I thought you were lacking confidence.”

“So, what does that have to do with you…?”

Right, what did that have to do with him? He’d been bothered by Taeun moping around for days, fluttering like a piece of paper. He just wanted to help him regain the confidence he’d lost over something trivial.

“…There’s more, so much more.”

As if he had a small bundle of memories he’d been saving up to tell him someday, Taeun unfolded his memories one by one. It was remarkable that he remembered them all so clearly, when he could have forgotten at least one. Eighteen, twenty-one, nineteen, and twenty. The past events he spoke of, jumping back and forth in time, were nothing special to justify liking someone for that long.

For example, why he’d let him ride in the passenger seat for the first time. Why he’d called him, of all people, on the night he first got drunk. Why he’d given him the hard-won seat on the bus on their way home from school. Why he’d kept taking him out for meals when he was sick in bed after being waitlisted at all the universities he’d applied to.

Jinhyun listened attentively, not missing a single breath, and diligently gave answers.

Just because you were the only one I wasn’t embarrassed to show my poor driving skills to. Just because you were the only one I was comfortable showing my pathetic drunken state to. Just because your bag looked heavy that day. Just because I knew you’d be starving yourself and digging a hole in the ground.

As their conversation continued, their hands were tightly clasped at some point. Taeun’s voice, chattering away, was much lighter, as if he’d unloaded an old burden. Despite the relief, the faint ache in his chest didn’t subside, but rather intensified.

“Lee Taeun.”

“And… huh?”

He must have wanted to talk about this all along. These trivial, insignificant moments, collected and cherished alone.

The words “I’m sorry” couldn’t contain all the surging emotions. They didn’t fit. And Taeun wouldn’t want such an apology.

“Thank you for liking me so much.”

So he expressed his belated gratitude. Taeun’s round eyes, sparkling in the yellow light of the darkness, blinked repeatedly.

“No, um….”

“…….”

“I liked you on my own, so there’s nothing to be thankful for….”

Then he mumbled in a muffled voice,

“Just… that’s how it was….”

Taeun seemed unfamiliar, as if he couldn’t readily accept it. But he didn’t show any displeasure. He just kept blinking. Repeatedly, as if confirming the reality before his eyes. Jinhyun, buried in a bittersweet pain, belatedly conveyed the answer he couldn’t express directly.

“I like you a lot. So much that I don’t even want to think about ‘how long’.”

“…….”

“Even if I say this… well, anyone can say that. Giving you confidence is my responsibility, so I’ll think about that too.”

“…….”

“…If you’ll allow me, of course.”

The belatedly added words were polite. In reality, he’d come uninvited, just for the birthday wishes. Nothing had been decided, and there was no progress.

So if Taeun’s requested “time to think” wasn’t fulfilled, he would have to continue acting like a senile old man in the back room, getting updates through a clumsy spy. The mere thought made his head throb.

…Honestly, he didn’t like that. He hated it so much that he thought it would be better to follow him around pathetically, even if it was shameless, he continued the absurd thought.

“It’s really strange.”

Taeun, who had been blinking incessantly, muttered an out-of-context observation.

“What is?”

“That you like me.”

As the solid distrust gradually melted away, as if slowly realizing the unbelievable reality, Taeun retorted. His bewildered face, revealing his honest feelings without reservation, was flustered. The feeling of being loved was too unfamiliar. After carefully observing the expression he had to make sure he never saw again, Jinhyun pulled his hand to his lips and murmured,

“You’ll get used to it.”

He meant it.

“I’ll make sure of it.”

This too, he meant. Hoping he would understand, he kissed the back of his hand again.

Taeun, silently rolling his eyes with a complex expression, slowly withdrew his hand. Then he scratched his ear thoughtfully, twisted his torso from side to side while sitting, and buried his face in his hands for a moment. Slowly, Taeun lowered his hands halfway, revealing his downcast eyes.

“Hey.”

Lost in thought, he suddenly spoke,

“Yeah.”

Jinhyun immediately replied politely.

He was quite nervous. What if he really told him to get lost? The problem was, he didn’t have the confidence to leave. For now, he had to listen quietly to whatever response came, understand it, and find the best answer.

“I still don’t know what to do.”

“…….”

“I’m not sure if meeting like this is right…. I don’t want to, but I keep having other thoughts, and honestly, if we date… are you confident you can handle seeing my dick?”

“…What?”

But his thoughts stopped at the unexpected question, and his plans were instantly disrupted. Jinhyun asked back involuntarily and immediately regretted it, but it was too late. As if he’d been waiting, as if he’d expected it, Taeun lowered his eyebrows.

“See, you can’t answer right away.”

“No, it’s not that I hesitated.”

How could he have expected him to suddenly mention his dick? Besides, he’d already seen it standing tall and healthy. Jinhyun, knowing he wasn’t a fool who would say such things without thinking, pondered. What should he say? Of course, if you agree. Was that too weak? Should he say he could even put it in his mouth? There was a risk of it sounding like an empty boast. Just as his head was spinning,

“Anyway, I am. So….”

Taeun moved on more calmly than expected. So the topic of his dick was quickly dropped, and it became ridiculous to bring it back up and make excuses. His words continued without pause. Jinhyun, flustered by the disorienting way he spoke, suddenly felt his dry hands sweat. He couldn’t gauge what kind of decision would be handed down.

“Let’s compromise.”

And then, a familiar combination of words landed on his ears.

“…Do as you please.”

His own words and actions returned like a boomerang, piercing his heart. Was it petty revenge? It didn’t matter. A deep sense of relief washed over him at the fact that it wasn’t the end. The breath caught in his throat finally escaped.

“I won’t… play along. But if you’re okay with that.”

Jinhyun pulled Taeun into a hug. His flowing words stopped abruptly, and Taeun’s black eyes, filled with bewilderment, darted around busily.

“That’s enough.”

He hurriedly gave his answer. Jinhyun buried his nose in the nape of Taeun’s neck at the sweet scent and embraced him a little tighter. The hand that hesitantly, yet reciprocatingly, landed on his back was unbearably lovely.