Simmering Heat Chapter 25.1

The surroundings were incredibly lively.

A mix of voices, each with a different pitch, created a cacophony of sound. Yet, the clamor felt more cheerful than annoying. Taeun gaped at the crowd milling about the vast athletic field. A drowsy yawn escaped him as he basked in the warm sunlight. He rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears that blurred his vision. His raised arm ached slightly. He rolled his shoulders, even though he knew it wouldn’t help. The pack mule, summoned right after his morning class, was finally getting a break.

It was Wednesday, the first day of the festival, after an uneventful week.

Or, it could be called “Day 2 of the Platonic Love Debate.” Or, “The Busiest Day, Deliberately Chosen to Avoid Day 2 of the Platonic Love Debate.” Taeun should have been sitting in a lecture hall for his afternoon class, but…

———————————————————————————
[Web Message]

[Class Cancellation Notice]

Today’s 5/25 (Wed) afternoon Visual Design 1 class has been cancelled due to the professor’s circumstances. *Make-up class date will be announced later.
———————————————————————————

The unwelcome free time was thanks to a late notice that had arrived before lunch. He would normally have welcomed a cancelled class, but today, it left a bitter taste in his mouth. He pressed his lips together, holding his phone in both hands and lowering his head. He opened his messenger app, deliberately ignoring the chat window with Cha Jinhyun, which had a red notification, and searched for the name of his friend who’d abandoned him. The reason he was still stuck here, even after finishing his pack mule duties, was because of that bastard.

[When are you coming, you crazy bastard? I’m not even part of the student council, so it’s awkward. There are only freshmen and people I don’t know here. You said you knew a lot of people, so I waited, but no one came. Everyone else is chatting and having fun, and I’m all alone and lonely.] 14:05

The read receipt on the long, pleading message quickly disappeared. The reply came swiftly.

[Design Park Kiwon: So sorry so sorry] 14:05

[Design Park Kiwon: Is Yoon Soohyung there? I told them you’d be there instead.] 14:05

[Design Park Kiwon: Your class was cancelled anyway, just enjoy it.] 14:05

It was an utterly irresponsible and absurd apology and piece of advice. Taeun scowled and typed a furious reply.

[Why would I enjoy it when my class was cancelled?] 14:06

[I have to draw here, this is ridiculous.] 14:06

He sent the message and straightened his neck, which he’d been hunching.

Park Kiwon, who’d dragged him here to “contribute to the department,” had vanished immediately after they finished moving everything, claiming he had urgent business. The reason wasn’t complicated.

[Design Park Kiwon: Hye Young] 14:06

[Design Park Kiwon: Is really mad lol] 14:06

[Why did you make Hye Young mad?] 14:07

[Design Park Kiwon: Love is not something you can control] 14:07

[Design Park Kiwon: You wouldn’t understand lol] 14:07

“That bastard…”

He’d simply run off to appease his angry girlfriend.

Taeun, who maintained the facade of a “happy single” among his friends, could only curse under his breath. He was annoyed by Park Kiwon’s smugness, considering he’d dumped his work on Taeun and run off. He glared at the crudely made sign next to the table he was sitting at.

<5-minute caricatures! Only 1,000 won! *Time measured with a timer.>

The money-making event, a staple of the art department booths, was more of a departmental gimmick. It wasn’t expected to generate much profit, nor was it particularly popular. He’d been stuck here, manning the booth, because of this unimportant task that had been foisted upon him. His phone buzzed again.

[Design Park Kiwon: Use this opportunity to get to know the freshmen, they’re interested in you.] 14:08

[Design Park Kiwon: If it’s too awkward] 14:08

The messages in the private chat window stopped abruptly.

[Design Park Kiwon: I’ll send Kim Hyoju.] 14:09

[Design Kim Hyoju: Where are you, Taeun? I’m coming.] 14:09

The conversation concluded in the group chat.

Taeun stretched his legs, contemplating his reply to this supposed solution.

It wasn’t a welcome suggestion. Kim Hyoju’s recent fervent interest was rather burdensome.

Ever since Taeun had run into Cha Jinhyun at school a few weeks ago, Kim Hyoju had been bombarding him with questions. Things like, Aren’t you completely done with him? Why is he looking for you? Did you kiss again?

Taeun had simply remained silent, and each time, Kim Hyoju had pounded his chest like a roaring gorilla. Taeun looked around. Surely he wouldn’t… make a scene with so many people around.

[I’m at our department booth, come quick.] 14:11

Loneliness outweighed his apprehension, so he sent a quick reply. A notification popped up at the top of his screen.

[Cha Jinhyun: Are you in class? No reply.] 14:11

The three characters, finally free from the middle finger emoji, caught his attention.

[Cha Jinhyun: I want to see you today.] 14:11

Taeun’s heart sank. The plan he’d been trying so hard to avoid was now staring him in the face.

He sniffled habitually. Buzz. Another notification appeared on his dark phone screen. He hesitantly checked it.

[Cha Jinhyun: Are you there?] 14:15

[Cha Jinhyun: I’m worried, so at least send a dot if you see this.] 14:17

“Damn it…”

The message, impossible to ignore, tugged at his conscience. Taeun sighed and typed a reply. Jinhyun sounded worried that he hadn’t responded all day. He was no longer uncomfortable with the way Jinhyun spoke to him, as if it were natural for them to share their daily lives. It was thanks to the countless messages they’d exchanged over the past ten days.

And it wasn’t just messages. They’d had one meal together and three evening walks. The meal was because of their earlier agreement, and the walks were because he couldn’t refuse Cha Jinhyun, who showed up every evening after Taeun finished his part-time job. Each time, Jinhyun acted as if nothing had happened.

No, correction. …He acted like a casual boyfriend.

He always took Taeun’s bag as soon as they met. It was embarrassing to be treated so specially when they were both men and wouldn’t even be walking far, but his attempts to take it back were futile. He couldn’t argue with Jinhyun’s sweet words: “You’re tired from work, let me carry it so you can relax.” Those evening walks, thanks to Cha Jinhyun’s schemes, often ended up being longer than expected.

For example, he’d suddenly drag Taeun to a claw machine while they were walking. He hated crowded places and noisy arcades, yet he’d eagerly spend all his cash there. He’d zip up Taeun’s jacket in the cool night air and ask, “Want to buy a new jacket?” as if it were the most natural thing to say. Once, he even followed Taeun all the way to the subway turnstile. He’d called out “Lee Taeun!” and made kissing noises, completely unashamed. He was so affectionate, yet never mentioned the “p” word, that Taeun almost thought he’d forgotten about it.

He was wrong. Cha Jinhyun was simply waiting. For the promised Wednesday…

He felt a pang of guilt, having had no intention of discussing it. But Jinhyun, who had even added it to his calendar, couldn’t have forgotten.

Taeun, who’d been enjoying Jinhyun’s affection, felt slightly awkward. No, he hadn’t been thoughtlessly enjoying it. He’d been agonizing over it… He replayed the angel and devil’s whispers that had been perched on his shoulders all week.

‘…Isn’t it okay to watch a strip show?’

‘Do you really want to ruin everything?’

‘Just ask him if he masturbated.’

‘If you want to ruin everything, go ahead.’

They fought constantly. The silent whispers, entering through his left and right ears, clashed in the center of his head. A formless power battered his brain. And the more he saw Jinhyun, the more his heart leaned towards the devil’s side. He said he likes me… He likes me. I want to do it too. I did want to…

Like a lovesick teenager, embarrassing words floated around in his mind, and to his dismay, he found his desire growing. Whenever his mind wandered, he could hear Cha Jinhyun’s voice.

‘I’ll think of you while I do it.’

The effect of those words, a gift after a long period of unrequited love, was profound.

So, on Saturday evening, leaning against the thin wall of his goshiwon room, unable to block out the sound of his neighbor’s snoring, Taeun masturbated. His forehead was hot, his heart racing. A wave of emptiness washed over him as he came.

You idiot… Ashamed of his own actions, having declared his aversion to sex, he pounded his mattress. A loud “Bang!” came from next door, as if telling him to be quiet. Taeun stopped and grumbled, I put up with your snoring every night, don’t you know about common courtesy? He felt a surge of pointless annoyance towards his neighbor.

And now, here he was. He’d initiated the conversation, yet avoided it, resorting to masturbation. It was pathetic. And a ridiculous question added to his dilemma.

Let’s say we do it. Who… who’s going to be on top? I heard it hurts like hell. He wanted to ask Jinhyun if he wanted to be the one receiving. Taeun’s expression turned serious.

He was a master of fantasy, but he’d never considered the specifics. He’d always known it was a hopeless love. He’d just fantasized about kissing and touching, giggling to himself. Reality was always harsher than he imagined. He shook his head, struck by an uncharacteristic realization.

‘Why am I even worrying about this?’

It was embarrassing to be having these thoughts after insisting on a platonic relationship. He had no intention of having that awkward conversation today. He typed a delayed reply.

[What are you doing?] 14:24

He changed the subject, trying to sound casual.

[Cha Jinhyun: Wow] 14:24

A reply came instantly. Wow? He wasn’t sure if it was an exclamation, an invitation, or the name of an ice cream flavor.

[??] 14:24

[Cha Jinhyun: Are you curious about what I’m doing?] 14:24

So, it was an exclamation.

The message, clearly showing Jinhyun’s excitement at this simple question, was… honestly, cute. Cha Jinhyun was usually hard to read, but lately, he’d been surprisingly transparent. It was almost embarrassing to think that he might be just as obvious.

He was curious about what Jinhyun was doing, but he was more curious about what he’d been doing.

‘…Did he really masturbate thinking about me?’

He couldn’t ask that, so he sent a simple reply.

[I asked because I was curious.] 14:25

[Cha Jinhyun: I’m] 14:25

[Cha Jinhyun: Overwhelmed with emotion.] 14:25

A rather dramatic response. Despite his sarcastic “Seriously?” a smile tugged at his lips.

[Cha Jinhyun: I’m in class. I had a class this morning too, so I was already at school. I went to the library to borrow some books, and I had lunch at the cafeteria with my friends. Did you eat?] 14:25

The following message was long, a perfect narrative arc starting with his morning schedule and ending with his meal. The sweet, caring message finally made him smile. I haven’t yet, he was about to type, then stopped.

“…….”

He stared at his phone, lost in thought. Then, his finger moved.

[I haven’t eaten anything since this morning.] 14:26

A lie. He’d had a hot bar and a triangle kimbap.

[I got dragged here to set up a booth for the festival and my arms hurt from moving things.] 14:26

It didn’t hurt that much.

[And my friend dumped his work on me and left, so I’m stuck here watching the booth. I can’t go anywhere, and I’m hungry, and I’m just feeling a bit down.] 14:26

He just wanted to complain, since Jinhyun was being so nice. After sending the message, he worried that he sounded too childish. He was about to retract it when…

[Cha Jinhyun: What kind of friend dumps their work on you?] 14:26

“Hmm…”

His worries were unfounded. Taeun chuckled, looking at the message. It felt good to have someone take his side and get angry on his behalf. Or maybe it was just because it was Cha Jinhyun, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t need to know.

[Cha Jinhyun: What about your class?] 14:26

How did he even know his schedule?

[My afternoon class was cancelled, so I’m just here.] 14:27

He was pleased by the way Jinhyun asked about his schedule as if he should know. He mindlessly revealed his free afternoon, his carefully chosen busy day now pointless.

[But a friend is supposed to come, so it’s okay.] 14:27

[Actually, my arms don’t hurt that much lol] 14:27

He decided not to complain too much. He just wanted to hear Jinhyun express some concern.

[Cha Jinhyun: Are you going to stay there?] 14:28

Probably… There was no sign of Park Kiwon. He was stuck here until he had to leave for his part-time job. He found Jinhyun’s question about his location suspicious, but he dismissed it. Jinhyun was in class, and by the time his class ended, Taeun would be at work.

He was about to type “Probably,” when a pop-up window appeared, warning him about his low battery. It had been low since this morning, and constantly using his phone had drained it completely.

[I think so, but I’m not sure.] 14:29

[My battery is low, so I might not be able to reply.] 14:29

[Pay attention in class and have a good dinner.] 14:29

He quickly explained his situation and added a farewell, hoping to end the conversation. He was slightly annoyed, but it was also timely. He’d planned to avoid the conversation today anyway. But a part of him felt disappointed.

He liked these small moments of sharing their daily lives, asking about each other’s location without needing an excuse. If it weren’t for the dreaded Wednesday agreement, he would have gone to buy a charger. He might have even invited Jinhyun over, unable to resist his affections. Thinking about that, it was better to step back now.

He recalled an article he’d read about ten things that made people lose interest in a relationship. Don’t whine, don’t be clingy. Well, they weren’t in a relationship… but that’s why he needed to be more careful. He’d messed up everything so far. He was trying to ignore his vibrating phone and put it in his pocket when…

“Excuse me… are you doing this now?”

Taeun looked up. A group of people, dressed up for the festival, stood before him.

So, I’m getting my first customers, he thought, annoyed, but he managed to compose his expression and spoke cheerfully,

“You came at the perfect time, we just opened.”

His customers seemed amused by his market vendor-like tone and smiled. He felt a strange sense of familiarity…

“Are you from our department?”

“Yes.”

As expected. Taeun asked again, a smug look on his face,

“Freshmen?”

“How did you know?”

It was obvious. They were carrying snacks and wearing matching headbands, looking like they’d already made a round of the festival. And their excitement was a clear sign that they were freshmen. Upperclassmen, seasoned festival veterans, usually ignored these events. He chose a vague answer instead of admitting that he found them endearingly naive.

“I think I’ve seen you around the department office.”

His friendly words disarmed the freshmen, and they started bombarding him with questions. Strangely, they knew his name, even though they’d barely spoken before. He answered their questions casually, twirling a pen between his lips.

“Who’s next? Same department discount.”

“Wow, really?”

“I never go back on my word.”

“How much of a discount? How much?”

He glanced behind him and beckoned them closer. “Come here,” he whispered. Like chicks following a hen, they gathered around him in a circle. He lowered his voice conspiratorially.

“One hundred percent.”

“Whoa?”

It was a drastic discount. His customers responded with various exclamations of surprise.

“Really?”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s up to the owner. Now, take a seat.”

He was cleaning up Park Kiwon’s mess anyway, so what did he care about the profits that would go to the student council? It was a win-win: the freshmen were happy, and he could get revenge on the runaway. Besides, he didn’t see anyone wearing a staff name tag. Emboldened by their cheers, Taeun puffed out his chest slightly. But where was Kim Hyoju? The fleeting thought quickly vanished as he focused on his work.

He was in a good mood. He’d draw his juniors’ faces, go to his part-time job, and then go home and sleep. That was the plan.

🔥

…Yes, that had been the plan.

After work, he’d go straight home, shower, and sleep… that’s what he’d thought.

What had gone wrong?

“Sh…it.”

Taeun slowly raised his head, which he’d been hunching over the sink.

His gaze, fixed on the smooth, water-streaked surface of the sink, shifted forward. In the large mirror, a naked man stood with a dazed expression. It was him.

I’m going crazy, he thought, chewing on the inside of his cheek in frustration.

“Are you okay?”

A gentle voice of concern came from outside the door.

“Lee Taeun?”

“Uh? Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

Taeun snapped out of his daze at the repeated calls, his voice echoing in the small, humid bathroom. Then, he heard the click of the lock behind the door. He flinched and turned his head.

“W-what?”

“Open the door for a second.”

“W-why? Why?”

He must have sounded ridiculous, stammering over a single word. But Jinhyun’s voice was serious.

“I brought you some clothes.”

Taeun, who’d been tense as a deer caught in headlights, felt a wave of embarrassment at the calm reply. Oh, clothes… right, clothes… His gaze drifted to the floor. His clothes, crumpled and soaking wet, were beyond wearable.

“Just… leave them at the door.”

He spoke, trying to sound composed, but his heart raced.

Silence followed. Taeun tiptoed to the door and pressed his ear against it, holding his breath. He could only hear the faint buzzing of electricity. …Did he go back to his room? Just as he thought that, his legs gave way, and he slowly slid down to the floor.

The promised Wednesday was turning into a disaster. It had all started about ten hours ago.

🔥

About 10 hours ago, around 3 PM.

K University athletic field, Visual Design Department booth.

That’s roughly when his pleasant day had started to unravel.

[Design Kim Hyoju: Taeun, I got caught by the professor and I’m still in his office lol] 15:07

[Design Kim Hyoju: lol It’s so fun here, try to endure it alone lol] 15:07

Kim Hyoju, who’d been silent for a while, had stood him up. He wasn’t particularly disappointed.

He’d managed to fill the awkward, lonely hours with conversations with his juniors. After drawing caricatures for everyone, they’d started chatting, covering various topics. Lenient professors, strict professors, interesting elective courses, school clubs, the guest singers performing at the festival, and finally, tonight’s drinking party.

Don’t after-parties usually happen on the last day? The answer was simple. They were drinking tonight, tomorrow night, and the last night. Taeun quickly admitted that his question had been foolish.

“But why don’t you come to the drinking parties, oppa?”

His title had shifted from “senior” to “oppa.” Taeun hesitated for the first time. He remembered the eventful days he’d spent chasing after someone with a wad of cash, from the beginning of the semester, when he hadn’t had time for drinking parties, to just a few weeks ago, when he’d been drowning his sorrows in alcohol.

He felt a strange sense of wonder. Wonder and strangeness, and a strange fullness in his chest. Bubbles of joy rose within him, floating in a rainbow of colors, carried by the gentle breeze through the clear blue sky.

“You have to invite me.”

He spoke cheerfully, snapping out of his brief reverie. A chorus of jeers erupted.

“Wow, we’ve invited you so many times.”

“But you never came.”

“Did I…? When?”

“A month? No, two months ago? We were there when you were on the phone with Kiwon oppa.”

“Oh.”

Taeun felt a twinge of guilt.

He remembered a late-night call from Park Kiwon. At the time, he hadn’t had time for anyone else, his precious time reserved for Cha Jinhyun. He vaguely recalled repeatedly refusing, the noisy background music from the bar blaring through the phone, before hanging up.

His thoughts drifted to the “10 ways to make your lover lose interest.” He’d read it a long time ago, but he vaguely remembered something about how being too available and having no life outside of the relationship could actually make you less attractive…

He still wasn’t sure what Cha Jinhyun saw in him, what he found likeable, cute, or pretty, but that’s why he had to maintain this mysterious appeal.

“I’ll definitely go next time. Invite me anytime.”

Besides, it had been a while since he’d had a drink. He enjoyed socializing, so he welcomed their interest.

“How about today?”

“Other seniors said they’re coming too.”

His juniors countered with a more enticing offer. He had no reason to refuse. He was about to say “Of course, sounds good…” when he hesitated.

“But I have a part-time job today… so it might be difficult.”

“You have a part-time job?”

“What kind of job? What time do you finish?”

“It’s a bar near the main gate, but it ends so late that everyone will probably be passed out by then.”

His shift ended at midnight, which was too late to join them. He was disappointed, but there was nothing he could do. His juniors, sensing his hesitation, seemed deflated. A brief silence followed.

“Or we could come to you?”

“We can’t drink on campus anyway.”

“We haven’t decided on a bar yet, so if you’re okay with it, we can ask them now.”

His juniors, unwilling to give up, offered a new solution.

Bringing alcohol on campus was prohibited, but during the festival, it was an open secret that alcohol flowed freely. However, direct sales were prohibited, so everyone brought their own alcohol from outside. This had its limitations, so proper drinking parties usually took place at nearby bars.

“We can help you with your work too.”

He wasn’t sure about that, but he found their eagerness, like children trying to invite a friend to a party, endearing. And he preferred having acquaintances around rather than dealing with strangers.

“It’s a bit far, are you sure?”

“How far is it?”

“About… 10 minutes from the main gate?”

“That’s not far at all.”

Thus, their drinking plans were quickly settled.

This was probably his first mistake.

🔥

About 9 hours ago, around 4 PM.

The business, which he’d expected to be slow, was surprisingly booming.

Taeun’s casual, friendly approach had proven to be an effective sales tactic. Chatting with the constant stream of customers was more enjoyable than he’d expected, but also draining. He’d just put up a makeshift “Break Time” sign and collapsed onto the table when…

“Are you closed?”

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor interrupted his hard-earned break.

Taeun, who’d been lying face down on the table, fiddling with his dead phone in his pocket, lifted his head. He was about to tell them to come back later when his jaw dropped.

“1,000 won for 5 minutes is too cheap.”

It was Cha Jinhyun.

“What… what are you doing here?”

Was he dreaming? A piece of white paper stuck to his cheek fluttered down like a butterfly.

“Delivery for you.”

Before he could question the nonsensical statement, a paper bag was placed on the table.

“Your Bacon Tomato Deluxe set and phone charger.”

Taeun’s frozen expression slowly melted as he saw the contents of the bag: his favorite hamburger set, a portable charger, and a new charging cable.

“Have you eaten anything?”

“N-no…”

That was all he could manage. His throat felt tight, his heart pounding. He was surprised that Jinhyun knew exactly what he needed without him having to ask.

“What about your class?”

“Mine was cancelled too.”

It was an unbelievable answer. Taeun raised an eyebrow, staring at Jinhyun. He’d said he was in class when they were messaging. It didn’t make sense unless the professor had walked out mid-lecture.

“…Self-cancelled.”

“…….”

“I was a bit late because I waited until break time.”

Ah, so… the one who walked out wasn’t the professor…

“…I know I look pathetic, you don’t have to stare.”

“…….”

“It’s an easy elective, I just have to do well on the exam.”

Jinhyun added sheepishly, noticing Taeun’s disapproving look.

“I couldn’t just do nothing when you said you were hungry.”

He even defended himself as if he’d been wronged.

“Seriously, what the…”

He just wanted some sympathy, not this. But he wasn’t entirely annoyed, which made him feel slightly shallow.

He shouldn’t be skipping class like this… He was worried, but the thought of Jinhyun sneaking out of class because of him brought a reluctant smile to his face. Hadn’t he read that blind devotion was unattractive? It seemed like utter nonsense. He found Jinhyun’s devotion endearing.

“I would have come straight here if I’d known you’d be like this.”

“Like… what?”

“Laughing and chatting with other people…”

“…….”

“…And even drawing their pictures.”

He was clearly holding back a lot of words. Even his blatant jealousy was cute.

“This is business, what am I supposed to do?”

“Then act professionally, why are you smiling at them?”

“Don’t you know that service is key in sales?”

“No, I don’t. Don’t smile.”

Cha Jinhyun was being unreasonably insistent. Taeun found it strange. He looked like someone clutching a handful of weeds, guarding them against imaginary thieves.

“You don’t have to worry about it so much…”

He’d said it to reassure Jinhyun, but he felt embarrassed even as the words left his mouth.

“Taeun.”

“Yeah?”

Every time Jinhyun called his name, he felt the urge to pretend he hadn’t heard, simply because he wanted to hear it again. He never tired of the affectionate address. Taeun suppressed his petty stubbornness and replied,

“You’re handsome. You have the right to be worried.”

“…….”

“Incredibly handsome… annoyingly so.”

A sincere tone, devoid of any playful intent, followed.

“The people you smiled at today will be thinking about you before they go to sleep.”

“Seriously, how far are you going to take this?”

“It’s true. I was.”

Jinhyun unwrapped the hamburger as he spoke, unfazed by his own cheesy words.

“I kept thinking about your smile.”

It felt like a confession. Jinhyun effectively silenced Taeun by handing him the half-unwrapped burger. He continued casually, inserting a straw into the cola and setting out the hot fries.

“So… let’s close up shop.”

“What?”

“We should go walk around after we eat, there are lots of fun things to do.”

He could enjoy the hamburger, but closing up shop was impossible. He couldn’t shirk his responsibilities.

“I have to stay here until I go to work.”

A look of disappointment flashed across Jinhyun’s face, who had been setting out the food like a fast-food employee.

“What time do you have to go to work?”

“I have to be there by 7.”

The disappointment turned into frustration. Taeun took a bite of his burger, watching Jinhyun’s reaction.

Jinhyun pursed his lips, then crossed his arms. He leaned back in his chair precariously, his eyes fixed on the sign next to them. 1,000 won for 5 minutes… 12,000 won per hour. He muttered to himself, then suddenly opened his wallet and pulled out a bill.

“Keep the change, let’s go on a date until 7.”

It was a rather bold solution.

Date, d…ate. Date? Taeun mentally repeated the word, postponing his answer. Jinhyun had said it so casually, a word he hadn’t dared to utter even during their walks and meals together. A belated realization dawned on him. Those were dates. His heart fluttered at the thought of having gone on dates with Cha Jinhyun. Then…

“We have to talk, too.”

“…….”

…his excitement quickly faded.

Right. They were supposed to talk. He’d forgotten amidst the deliciousness of the hamburger. His racing heart now pounded with a different kind of anxiety.

What were they supposed to talk about? He had no idea how Cha Jinhyun, who’d been flirting and teasing him relentlessly last week, would try to sway him this time. And what worried him more was that he didn’t mind it. He might make the wrong choice again if he got swept away. More importantly, he wasn’t ready…

“Shouldn’t we… talk about that at night?”

Taeun blurted out, desperately trying to avoid the conversation.

“…At night?”

“Yeah, talking about that kind of stuff during a date is a bit…”

He didn’t realize he was only provoking Jinhyun further.

“L-let’s talk after I finish work.”

It took only about 10 minutes to get from the bar to the subway station. Midnight was a good time to use the last train as an excuse. Their conversation wouldn’t last longer than 10 minutes anyway.

Deliberately making plans for late at night, summoning Cha Jinhyun to the bar…

This was probably his second mistake.

🔥

About 2 hours ago, around 11 PM.

Inside Lee Taeun’s workplace.

“Uh, we didn’t order this.”

“It’s on the house.”

The group, occupying two pushed-together tables, cheered loudly. Their reaction to just two seafood pancakes was excessive. Taeun felt a surge of pride at the enthusiastic response from his classmates who’d come to see him.

The group that had arrived around 8 PM thankfully included many familiar faces. The freshmen he’d chatted with earlier, a few of his classmates, and some juniors he’d hung out with before his leave of absence. They immediately took their seats and playfully called out to him, teasing him about not showing his face and jokingly inviting him to sit with them. Their high spirits, fueled by the festival atmosphere, were infectious.

The already lively table erupted in cheers at the small gift. They kept ordering more drinks, and a few bottles were sent over as complimentary service, courtesy of the manager who’d recognized them as Taeun’s friends.

Drunk on youth, they were boisterous, especially the freshmen, their faces flushed, their eyes glazed over, unaware of their limits. Taeun occasionally glanced at their table, a pang of envy hitting him as he watched them having fun. Just as he was thinking, They look like they’re having a good time… a loud call bell rang out. It was from the very table he’d been enviously eyeing.

“Do you need anything?”

He rushed over, and someone grabbed his arm.

“Sunbae-nim, sunbae-nim!”

The honorific, mixed with playful informality, felt familiar. The whispered call was surprisingly loud. One of the freshmen he’d chatted with at the booth stood up unsteadily, a beer glass full of liquid sloshing in his hand.

“Just one drink, orders from Hyoju noona!”

Kim Hyoju?

“When did you get here?”

He hadn’t seen her before. She was now sitting in the middle of the table.

“Taeun, I mixed this perfectly for you, as an apology.”

Kim Hyoju finished her sentence and nodded towards the glass. The liquid was lighter in color than usual. It wasn’t beer, but somaek (a mix of soju and beer).

‘Is this allowed? …Can I drink while I’m working?’

He looked around nervously, but no one was paying attention.

A chorus of encouragement erupted around him. The already intoxicated crowd wouldn’t let him refuse. A single glass of somaek was nothing to him. He took the glass. Cheers erupted.

Should I have “accidentally” dropped the glass and ruined the mood?

But he didn’t. He downed the drink in one go, to their cheers. The atmosphere reached fever pitch, and the now empty table ordered six more beers and four bottles of soju.

Adding fuel to the fire… this, he thought, was his final mistake.

🔥

About 1 hour and 10 minutes ago, around 11:50 PM.

By then, the noisy table was in ruins.

Like embers of a dying fire, only a few remained conscious, desperately trying to keep the party alive. Some were asleep, their heads on the table, others were staring blankly into space, and there were a few empty seats. The earlier boisterous invitation to join them after work seemed like a distant memory.

Taeun’s shift was almost over. He went to the storage room, grabbed his bag, and came back out. After saying goodbye to the manager, he tapped Kim Hyoju on the shoulder. She was the most sober of the remaining survivors.

“Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, aren’t you going home?”

“I should. Everyone’s passed out, there’s no one left to drink with. Hey, want to go for a drink outside?”

Taeun shook his head. He remembered the message he’d seen in the storage room.

[Cha Jinhyun: I’ll be there soon.] 23:54

His phone, now fully charged thanks to Jinhyun, felt heavy in his pocket.

🔥

About 1 hour ago, around midnight.

In front of the bar.

After saying goodbye to Kim Hyoju, Taeun stepped outside, his mind racing. Even though it would only be 10 minutes, he couldn’t just stand there in silence, so he had to prepare what he was going to say. What should I say? He couldn’t think of anything. He was more curious about what Jinhyun would say. Would he repeat that ridiculous suggestion about watching him masturbate? If he asked again, Taeun wasn’t sure he could refuse.

Cha Jinhyun hadn’t arrived yet. He didn’t want to just stand there, so he started walking towards a bench, intending to wait there. He stumbled over something.

“Ugh…”

A zombie-like groan followed. Startled, Taeun yelped and jumped back. He saw a dark figure sprawled on the ground.

“A-are you okay?”

It was one of the freshmen from his department, who had been perfectly fine a few hours ago.

“Oh, uh, sunbae-nim…”

Taeun approached and knelt down next to him. He wasn’t sure why the freshman was out here alone like this, but he was trying to sit up, despite his clearly inebriated state, his movements clumsy and precarious. He looked like a child acrobat performing a dangerous stunt… Taeun quickly grabbed him as he stumbled over his own feet.

“Oh… I’m sorry! But, I… I was trying to go to the bathroom…”

“Bathroom?”

“Yes… I opened the bathroom door, but there was no toilet. Where is it?”

The bathroom was inside the bar. It was typical freshman behavior to be this drunk and disoriented. The way he was groaning and burping, his stomach clearly full, didn’t look good. Taeun sensed impending doom.

“Are you going to throw up? Should I pat your back?”

“No, I… I really hate throwing up…”

“Weren’t you trying to go to the bathroom to throw up?”

“That’s true.”

“Well… this isn’t the bathroom, I’ll take you. Can you stand up?”

“No, I… I really hate throwing up…”

“…….”

He was clearly beyond reason.

“I know how you feel.”

“Yes… you understand?”

“I’ve been there a few times myself.”

Taeun indulged his junior, putting his arm around him and pulling him up. His legs, wobbling like loose jelly, were a burden. Taeun put the freshman’s arm around his neck and pulled him closer.

He couldn’t just leave him passed out on the street like an empty can. He’d take him to the bathroom and then come back out.

“I think… it’s coming…”

“What?”

A stream of vomit flowed from the freshman’s mouth. At the same time, a cold sweat broke out on Taeun’s back.

He knew he was running out of time. He quickly revised his plan. The bathroom was too far.

“Just three more steps, hang in there. Okay?”

He had to at least get him to the tree in front of them. He held the freshman close, supporting his limp body. Even though he was smaller than Taeun, his drunk body was surprisingly heavy. He suddenly remembered Cha Jinhyun carrying him home on his back when he was drunk.

Right, I should repay the favor… He took a step forward.

“Ugh…”

“…….”

The first sensation was the smell.

A pungent odor assaulted his nostrils. Then, a warm liquid splattered against his skin.

“Blegh… ugh…”

“…….”

Taeun froze, unable to even scream, as the monstrous groans continued.

“…Lee… Taeun.”

Jinhyun, who’d been walking towards him, also froze.

🔥

About 30 minutes ago, around 12:30 AM.

The bar’s bathroom.

Taeun, his soul and spirit crushed like barley in a thresher, stared blankly into space.

It was the second time he’d been vomited on. The first time was by Park Kiwon, and even then, he’d only held a bowl of half-eaten fruit punch under his chin. This was the first time he’d been fully covered in vomit. Fortunately, or unfortunately, his sense of smell had shut down, protecting him from the horrific stench.

The first to recover was Cha Jinhyun. His face contorted in disgust as he quickly pulled Taeun away from the freshman. The freshman, having finished vomiting, passed out and collapsed onto the dirty ground.

“Do you know him?”

“Yeah… he’s a junior from my department… uh…”

He was still speechless from the unbelievable turn of events.

“Where are his friends? Are they inside?”

“Yeah…”

“Wait here. I’ll get someone.”

And Taeun heard it. Cha Jinhyun’s gagging sounds as he fought back the urge to vomit.

The remaining conscious members of the group soon stumbled out of the bar. They gasped at the sight of Taeun, covered in vomit. Jinhyun left the freshman, now sleeping peacefully on the ground like a newborn, in their care and dragged Taeun to the bathroom. Taeun was still in shock, his eyes blinking rapidly.

I’m supposed to be… maintaining my appeal…

Yet here he was, covered in someone else’s vomit.

Jinhyun sighed, wiping Taeun’s vomit-covered chest with a wad of tissues. Even after repeatedly wiping with wet tissues, it was a lost cause.

“Let’s go home.”

Taeun flinched at his words, still reeling from the humiliation.

“The last train’s gone, and no taxi driver will take a vomit-covered passenger.”

“I know…”

There was no other option. There was no point in arguing. He was grateful that Jinhyun lived nearby. Taeun bit his lip and glanced at Jinhyun. Jinhyun’s fingers, exposed as he’d rolled up his sleeves to clean Taeun, were cleaner than Taeun’s.

“Hey… I’m sorry.”

“…….”

“I’m really sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing? Are you okay?”

Taeun nodded. Thanks to you, I’m okay. He wanted to say that, too.

After checking on Taeun, Jinhyun tossed the used tissues into the trash can. He walked to the sink and washed his hands thoroughly. Taeun, watching him with his head bowed in shame, suddenly widened his eyes.

“W-what are you doing?”

Cha Jinhyun was taking off his shirt.

What? Here? Now? Even if they had agreed to talk, did he really have to give him a strip show in this situation?

Jinhyun, unfazed by Taeun’s shock, approached him and held out his shirt. He looked vulnerable in just his thin undershirt.

“You can’t go out like that, so put this on. I can’t take off my pants for you.”

“Oh…”

“Or should I bring the car? Can you wait a little longer?”

Taeun quickly declined the offer of a ride. Even after cleaning up, he’d probably stain the car seats.

“…I’m really sorry. I’ll buy you a new shirt.”

Taeun took the shirt and went into the small stall.

🔥

Back to the present, 12:57 AM. Jinhyun’s bathroom.

Taeun, who’d been kneeling on the damp tile floor, stood up and walked towards the shower, kicking at the pile of his vomit-covered clothes he’d left there. He planned to rinse them before putting them in the washing machine.

Recalling the events that had led to this situation, he concluded that it had all been unavoidable. Even if he hadn’t invited the freshmen to the bar, working at a bar meant that being vomited on was an occupational hazard. And even if he hadn’t made plans with Cha Jinhyun, based on the past week, Jinhyun would probably have come to see him anyway.

What was meant to happen would happen. He was just annoyed that it had happened right before he was supposed to have that awkward conversation with Cha Jinhyun about sex. Taking a shower while Jinhyun waited outside felt strangely intimate, the sound of running water heightening his senses.

After a long, thorough shower, he stood in the steam-filled bathroom for a while. Finally, when he could delay no longer, he opened the door a crack and peeked out. The living room, with the lights on, wasn’t dark. After confirming that Jinhyun wasn’t there, he quickly reached out and grabbed the clothes from the floor. Jinhyun must have bought them; the underwear was new and still in its packaging.

He got dressed and cautiously stepped out of the bathroom, moving as stealthily as a stray cat. He tightened the drawstring of his sweatpants as he walked into the living room. A familiar scene greeted him. The apartment was as clean and tidy as he remembered it.

He must have cleaned up… It seemed even cleaner than when he’d been living here. He was vigorously rubbing his wet hair with a towel when he heard a sound behind him.

“Are you done?”

The voice, as if Jinhyun had been waiting for him, made him jump.

“Yeah.”

Taeun draped the towel around his neck.

He self-consciously tugged at the waistband of his loose sweatpants. Nothing he was wearing was his. He cleared his throat and glanced at Jinhyun, who was standing by the doorway. He didn’t have to look up; Jinhyun was already within his line of sight. He had changed into comfortable clothes. Unlike Taeun, his clothes fit him perfectly.

…They don’t look that different…

His body, heated from the hot shower, radiated warmth beneath the ill-fitting clothes. The height difference, which shouldn’t have been a big deal, suddenly made him feel nervous. He swallowed hard, hoping Jinhyun wouldn’t notice his bobbing Adam’s apple. He lowered his chin slightly.

It had been a while since he’d seen Jinhyun dressed so casually.

They’d always met outside lately, and Jinhyun always showed up looking like a dressed-up doll. He usually dressed his age, neatly and casually. He preferred straight-leg jeans to tailored slacks. But when he came to see Taeun, he always dressed up as if he were attending a wedding.

His efforts to look good had been remarkably effective. Taeun’s resolve would crumble like a cookie whenever he saw Jinhyun’s handsome figure. If he wasn’t so good-looking, I wouldn’t have fallen for him this hard, he often thought, the resentment swallowed by his attraction. He’d often lamented his own superficiality because of Jinhyun.

So, it was strange. He’d seen Jinhyun in a simple t-shirt and shorts countless times just two months ago. He should have felt comfortable seeing him dressed so casually, yet his mouth felt dry. It was strange.

Why did the saying “The better it looks, the better it tastes” suddenly come to mind? Everything felt strange, even his sudden curiosity about the truth of that saying.

“What?”

Jinhyun’s voice startled him.

“Huh?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

Taeun realized he’d been staring at Cha Jinhyun like a creepy old man. He quickly averted his gaze, embarrassed.

“No, not really. Uh, I thought you should shower too.”

He spoke awkwardly, turning away. He couldn’t look at Jinhyun right now.

Taking turns using the bathroom had been a daily occurrence just a couple of months ago. Why was he so flustered by this? He couldn’t control his physical reaction. I want to touch you. I want to know everything about you. Because I like you… Jinhyun’s words echoed in his mind.

Could that really be true?

Did you really… do that thinking about me?

Or was it just empty words? Did you… fail? Did you change your mind halfway through? Do you still think it’s disgusting? Do you still like me? Do you like me a lot?

What did you want to talk about today?

Questions bubbled up inside him. He clenched his fists, his palms sweating.

“Yeah, I should.”

A perfunctory reply. Jinhyun took his hands out of his pockets and started walking. Taeun breathed a sigh of relief, waiting for him to enter the bathroom. He felt bad for making Jinhyun deal with the vomit incident after he’d come to see him, but he wanted him to go away, anywhere. He needed time to calm down.

The sound of slippers shuffling against the floor. Jinhyun’s slender ankles came into view.

He was walking towards him. Taeun’s muscles, which had finally started to relax, tensed again.

What? Why are you coming towards me? You said you were going to shower. I’m not the bathroom…

The living room, carved out of the small apartment, was cramped. It took Jinhyun only a few seconds to reach him.

“But I can’t leave without knowing for sure.”

“…What do you…”

“Promise me you won’t run away while I’m showering, and I’ll go shower.”

Taeun felt a pang of guilt at having his escape plan foiled. His gaze darted around the white floor before settling on Jinhyun. He had to look up; Jinhyun was taller than him.

“Am I a criminal? Why do you always think I’m going to run away?”

He tried to sound normal. Jinhyun chuckled as if he’d heard a funny joke.

“I wonder that too. Why do you always run away? It’s driving me crazy.”

“…….”

He was speechless. It wasn’t just about tonight. It was about a few years ago, two months ago, and a month ago. He was guilty as charged.

“…Did I?”

“You did.”

“I see.”

“Don’t run away.”

It sounded like a warning. Jinhyun had won their pointless argument. Taeun, feeling awkward, broke eye contact and replied,

“I won’t, so go shower.”

“Really?”

“Do I look like I’m lying?”

“I trust you?”

Taeun nodded vigorously. He wouldn’t run away after Jinhyun had cleaned him up, no matter how strong the urge.

“Pinky promise.”

But Jinhyun didn’t trust him.

A large hand suddenly appeared before him. Jinhyun held up his hand, his three middle fingers folded down, mimicking a phone. Taeun reluctantly linked his pinky finger with Jinhyun’s, amused by the childish gesture.

“Now, stamp it.”

“…Done?”

“And a copy.”

After pressing their thumbs together, Jinhyun held out his palm. Taeun pressed his palm against Jinhyun’s. His skin was firm and leathery, his fingers long and rough.

Even this childish game felt intimate. Taeun quickly pulled his hand back, hoping Jinhyun would finally leave him alone. Just as he thought that, their eyes met again. Jinhyun leaned closer, his head almost touching Taeun’s. Taeun instinctively took a step back.

“You’re staying the night, right?”

“…Why would I do that?”

The unexpected question startled him.

He’d planned to stay until Jinhyun finished showering. It was a matter of courtesy. After thanking him and apologizing again, he’d take a taxi home. He didn’t want to be alone with Jinhyun in a closed space in the middle of the night.

“Stay the night, it’s too late.”

“…….”

But Jinhyun wasn’t about to let him go that easily.

Taeun glanced at his watch, which had miraculously survived the night. It was past 1 AM, as Jinhyun had said.

“Don’t you have a morning class tomorrow?”

“I do, but…”

“It would be more convenient to leave from here in the morning.”

“That’s true, but…”

It was a valid concern and suggestion. He was exhausted, and the thought of going back to his goshiwon was daunting. Sleeping in his old bed wasn’t a difficult decision. But he couldn’t agree so readily.

Was he the only one feeling nervous and uncomfortable, his mind filled with all sorts of thoughts? Was he the only one consumed by lust?

He wanted to snap at Jinhyun, who was speaking so casually.

“…What if I eat you?”

“Would you?”

“No, I won’t. You look unappetizing.”

“Give me a taste, then.”

A mean-spirited remark slipped out, contrary to his true feelings. He tried to sound indifferent, hoping to embarrass Jinhyun. But Jinhyun didn’t even react to his teasing.

He had no idea what kind of fantasies Jinhyun had been having about him.

If they were to compare their pent-up desires, his would probably be far more extensive and obscene. He was afraid of being judged if he revealed them. But at the same time, he wanted to lie down and expose himself, forcing Jinhyun to confront his desires.

You said it was okay, you said you liked me, it’s too late to back out now… Taeun suppressed the pathetic plea rising within him. He just stared at Jinhyun, who seemed oblivious to his inner turmoil. Jinhyun stood there, waiting for an answer, unmoving. Taeun reluctantly agreed.

“…Fine, just go shower already.”

Jinhyun, satisfied, straightened up and smiled.

Their eyes met again. Taeun quickly covered his head with the towel, like a veil, and hurried to his room.

Jinhyun’s playful smile, mischievous as ever, instantly dispelled his flimsy resolve and chaotic thoughts. It had always been like this. That’s why he’d always run away. He’d been afraid of the pain of being near him, of his unrequited love.

‘Don’t run away.’

He recalled Jinhyun’s warning as he reached his door.

Did you know? I didn’t want to run away either. I regretted not staying, not enduring, not smiling and congratulating you on your relationship. I liked you so much. I missed you so much. And finally, you like me too. He could almost believe it. Because you said so, and because I want to believe it.

But his hesitation lingered.

He placed his hand on the doorknob, holding it without turning it. A sudden surge of irritation, directed at no one in particular, washed over him.