Simmering Heat Chapter 6.1

Lee Taeun was born with a naturally cold constitution. As a reaction to this, he exceptionally loved warm things.

In winter, he would roll around in a heated blanket all day, and he preferred “hot” drinks. He felt happy soaking in a bathtub full of hot water and could even tolerate hot weather that made him sweat. His love for “warmth” wasn’t limited to physical temperature.

Taeun loved warm things, so he also loved warm people and warm animals. He loved the enthusiastic wagging tail of his grandmother’s dog, and the cozy attention of people who treated him warmly.

“I’m telling you, this is the first time this has ever happened. I keep thinking about him. Should I try talking to him next time?”

Around the time Taeun’s body started to feel hot, it was perhaps natural that he fell in love.

“Sure, go for it.”

“Hey, don’t answer so carelessly. You’re the only one of our friends with a girlfriend.”

The second year of middle school. There was no better time to fall in love, a very passionate love at that. Lee Taeun, like a dandelion seed caught in a sudden spring breeze, was scattered by this unexpected emotion.

The face diligently biting into a hamburger looked like a chick just starting to shed its yellow fluff, barely shaking off its childish appearance. Compared to him, the boy sitting opposite gave off a more mature impression, perhaps due to his indifferent and cold demeanor.

“So, where did you meet him?”

The indifferent boy mumbled without taking his eyes off his phone. His voice, having just gone through puberty, held no interest.

“On the bus…”

“He’s a bus driver?”

“Are you crazy?”

The boy burst out laughing at Taeun’s fierce reaction. Taeun furrowed his brow, finding it hard to take his friend seriously while trying to confide in him.

“Okay, okay. Tell me more.”

The boy coaxed Taeun before he got completely sulky.

“I was on my way to school this morning, you know, bus number 30.”

“Yeah.”

“But I forgot to top up my bus card the day before. So, I tapped it, and it said insufficient funds. Everyone was waiting behind me… and the driver was like, ‘Hurry up and get on if you’re going to ride.’ You know that feeling, right? When you suddenly panic and your mind goes blank. I was so flustered, wondering if I should get off, and then, like destiny… he appeared behind me.”

Taeun’s eyes sparkled as he reminisced, his voice filled with emotion.

“So, what did he say?”

His friend, confidant, and still phone-absorbed, Cha Jinhyun responded leisurely.

“Two, please.”

That’s it? Is this something to be so excited about? That was Cha Jinhyun’s first impression.

“Crazy, right?”

Completely smitten, Taeun demanded that Jinhyun agree with him. Jinhyun thought Lee Taeun did seem a little crazy.

“His uniform looked like it was from Geumwon Girls’ High School. What year is he in? A senior? He must be busy. He got off the bus quickly. I haven’t seen him since.”

“What are you going to do, even if you know what year he’s in? Are you actually going to confess?”

Jinhyun’s disinterested voice escaped through his teeth like a sigh. What was he supposed to do? At Jinhyun’s question, which went straight to the point, Taeun was speechless. He just wanted to express his fluttering, excited feelings.

“Confess…? Hey, am I that bad?”

But the actual mention of “confession” scattered his excitement. He felt nervous, like things were getting serious. Jinhyun quickly scanned Taeun. He isn’t saying he won’t do it. He inwardly chuckled, amused.

It was impossible not to be amused by Taeun asking such a question with hamburger sauce smeared around his mouth. Jinhyun clicked his tongue. He estimated that Taeun would need at least three more years to develop any romantic appeal. He didn’t say it outright, lest Taeun’s elated mood plummet, but he felt the need to remind him that it was hopeless right now.

“You’re such a lovestruck fool.”

So he chose to downplay Taeun’s feelings as if they were nothing. It was a better option than mocking Lee Taeun’s foolish appearance, which had no chance of success.

“Wow, I really don’t want to hear that from you.”

Taeun grumbled, not hiding his annoyance. A lovestruck fool? Coming from anyone else, he might have let it slide, but hearing it from Cha Jinhyun felt unfair.

“Why me?”

“You’re the lovestruck one, always changing girlfriends.”

“Is it the same?”

“What’s the difference?”

“You’re the one who falls head over heels and can’t think straight. I just accept confessions.”

What a jerk. Taeun scowled and rolled his eyes silently.

As they moved up a grade, the two were placed in different classes and their friend groups subtly shifted. Taeun didn’t particularly like his new friends. Rumors spread like wildfire among teenagers. Cha Jinhyun’s friends already had a reputation for smoking and drinking. It was embarrassing when they came to his class and talked to him.

“So you don’t like her?”

“I do. It’s fun to date.”

“You date for fun?”

“If I reject her, it’ll be awkward for both of us. Why bother? We’ll end up in a similar situation whether I dump her or we break up… It’s better for both of us to just date. Sometimes, you start liking someone as you date them.”

It was a logic that both made sense and didn’t. Taeun tilted his head, gently swinging his legs under the chair.

“…Is that so? But isn’t the level of sadness different between breaking up and being dumped?”

“I don’t need to think about that.”

Taeun thought he was wrong. It wasn’t entirely false, but wasn’t it too inconsiderate? A guy who only thinks about himself… But it seemed like he tried to be good to his girlfriends while they were dating, so maybe it didn’t matter.

Cha Jinhyun was the type to go to great lengths for those close to him, and regardless of how a relationship started, he did his best for his girlfriend while they were dating. Then, he would break up for trivial reasons. It was an ecosystem Taeun couldn’t comprehend.

Either way, it wasn’t Lee Taeun’s business, so he returned to his own story. He asked how to get close to a girl, what girls liked, and various other things. Cha Jinhyun gave him advice in his own way.

“First, wipe your mouth.”

Jinhyun stopped talking and roughly wiped Taeun’s mouth with a napkin next to the fries.

It was a common occurrence, so Taeun quietly accepted his rough touch. Cha Jinhyun generally spoke coldly and sometimes acted incomprehensibly, but he treated Taeun warmly like this. Taeun liked warmth, so he liked Cha Jinhyun. He took another bite of his hamburger, thinking how unfortunate the person who liked Cha Jinhyun must be.

It was a presumptuous thought he could only have because he had no idea it would be him.

In the autumn of his second year of high school, Lee Taeun fell victim to an emotion he had never experienced before.

It was intensely powerful and grand, and somehow thick and even obscene. Like residue stuck to the bottom of a pot after a long boil.

It was too thick to be mistaken for the unripe breeze he experienced at fifteen, tormenting him across seasons. It became a biting wind that cut through his skin, and then a gentle breeze that cooled his sweat. It was only natural for Taeun to stagger, unable to keep his senses.

At first, startled by the sudden surge of emotion, he readily accepted it. Love is warm, and I like warm things. The fleeting loves that brushed past his short life were all accompanied by gentle excitement, making his heart flutter every day, so love wasn’t a bad thing to him.

Even right after admitting he liked Cha Jinhyun, love was like that to him. Something cozy and comfortable that he wanted to keep close.

However, there was one thing he overlooked.

That warm things, while gentle and comforting for a brief touch, bring pain as time goes on. That they slowly, imperceptibly, warm, cook, and eventually burn his flesh from the inside out.

A week after Taeun realized his feelings, Jinhyun got a girlfriend. It was a familiar occurrence, but that day, it hurt a little. It’s okay. They’ll break up soon, like always. Taeun comforted himself, biting the inside of his cheek as he hung out with his friends, Cha Jinhyun’s girlfriend, and her friends.

His prediction was correct. Cha Jinhyun broke up after about a month and a half. Taeun cheered and rejoiced at his breakup, then surprised himself. Feeding off someone else’s misfortune… it felt somehow terrible.

But this, too, dulled with time, and after that, Cha Jinhyun started and ended another short relationship. Around that time, Taeun developed a new habit. Like someone who poured all their assets into stocks, he constantly checked Cha Jinhyun’s social media. The symptoms worsened when Jinhyun had a girlfriend.

Taeun mostly spent his time admiring Cha Jinhyun’s face on his phone, occasionally hitting “dislike” and then undoing it when the “in a relationship” status popped up, and reporting comments from friends saying they were envious. Cha Jinhyun never annoyed him by posting couple photos or recounting dates. Taeun considered this fortunate. Therefore, he could patiently wait for his relationship to end.

Once, he casually brought it up, feigning nonchalance.

‘Why don’t you post pictures of your girlfriend?’

His fingertips trembled slightly with nervousness. Taeun shrugged, blaming the cold on the sub-zero temperatures of early winter.

‘I don’t like making a fuss over something that won’t last.’

At the succinct answer, he couldn’t ask more, only responding curtly, “Oh, really?” The reality of not knowing the details of his friend’s numerous relationships became the foundation for Taeun’s patience. Until then, his love was still warm.

It was during the summer of his nineteenth year, after much uneventful time, that he discovered his feelings, like red spots rising on his skin, a ripening wound oozing.

“Dude, no way. I saw Cha Jinhyun leaving his girlfriend’s house this morning.”

I don’t like making a fuss. Those words were a double-edged sword. It meant that the moment he made a fuss, Cha Jinhyun had someone special.

It was a little over 100 days before the college entrance exam. Around this time, like most high school seniors, Taeun had to attend supplementary classes even during summer vacation. Busy taking practical exams for various universities and staying late at academies, he couldn’t devote much time to his love. He knew Cha Jinhyun’s new relationship style wasn’t his fault, yet he ended up blaming himself, thinking, “I let my guard down!”

A couple photo was plastered on Cha Jinhyun’s messenger profile picture. An unspoken rule of several years had been broken. Taeun stared blankly at the photo for a while. He couldn’t take his eyes off it, even though a strange, dull pain seized his crown. A woman smiling brightly against the backdrop of a park lush with green leaves. A man with his arm around her shoulder, smiling faintly. A warm and comfortable, picturesque moment of a couple. He hid under a thin blanket and checked it over and over. It was real.

“Wow, fuck. That girl?”

Taeun’s ears perked up as he lay face down on his desk, using a stack of books as a pillow. The draft from the air conditioner seeping through the lowered neckline of his summer uniform felt especially chilly.

“Did they do it?”

“Probably. One hundred percent.”

“Fuck! I’m so jealous!”

Cha Jinhyun didn’t come to school today. Wondering where he was and what he was doing, Taeun had closed his eyes, exhausted from looking at their chat window, which hadn’t seen a reply for over a day. Unpleasant truths like this often appear before you without warning. It’s cold. Despite being in the middle of a season buzzing with cicadas, he was chillingly cold. He wanted to yell at someone to turn off the damn air conditioner. Taeun still liked warm things.

“So he didn’t come to school because of her.”

“A senior skipping class… tsk tsk, how can this be allowed?”

“Hey, Taeun! Don’t you agree?”

Why are you yelling at me? Taeun ignored him, pretending not to hear.

Fucking bastard. Asshole. He cursed endlessly without purpose. Checking his messenger again, all his messages were marked as read, but there were no replies.

Where are you, what are you doing, aren’t you coming to school? He hated his own texts, feigning casualness while carefully treading the line of acceptable concern a friend could express. They felt pathetic. Taeun sniffled and logged into Cha Jinhyun’s SNS. He wondered if anything new had been posted, but there was nothing. Relief was immediately followed by an inexplicable fear that enveloped him.

His nose stung from the cold. He was so cold that his teeth chattered and he felt like crying.

Taeun realized then.

The truly scary thing is a state that’s warm but not hot. A temperature where unbearable cold sets in the moment you leave. So he allowed his flesh to cook for a long time, unaware. It was already too late when the pus-filled wound burst open, causing pain.

Warm love hurts. Lee Taeun redefined love after that day.

Unrequited love, especially, was like repeatedly pouring salt water on an unhealed wound. Against his will. At least Taeun could stop the painful repetition by distancing himself from Cha Jinhyun. The wound was still open, unhealed, but there was no new pain.

“What is this….”

He was habitually scrolling through Cha Jinhyun’s SNS, a habit ingrained from his younger days. Leaning against the rattling subway door, he slowly raised his head. His gloomy face, reflected in the dark window, was quite clear. I should have taken the bus. Taeun regretted it belatedly, again.

Cha Jinhyun barely used social media, and there was no useful information to be gleaned. At best, there were a few shared informational posts. The last photo was from a year ago, and even that was tagged by someone else. There wasn’t a single trace of a girlfriend, but he hadn’t expected to find any meaningful information here in the first place. It was premature to conclude that he didn’t have a girlfriend based on the flimsy evidence of no trace on social media.

In the end, the only way was the direct approach. Securing the ‘Media Interaction’ project and arranging a dinner date with Cha Jinhyun were both results of the direct approach, and they had achieved quite a bit of success. That’s why Taeun was even more reluctant to do it again. The summer day of his nineteenth year, when goosebumps covered his skin and he couldn’t bear it, was terrible, and he never wanted to experience it again.

With a heavy heart, Taeun’s body rattled along with the subway.

🔥

Click. Click. Taeun flicked the wheel of his lighter repeatedly.

“Damn it…”

Despite repeated attempts, only short sparks flew; the lighter failed to produce a flame. Nothing’s going right. Taeun chewed on the cigarette filter.

‘That girl said something she shouldn’t have…’

His mind was restless all the way home. He tried to clear his head by having a cigarette, but even that was impossible with a dead lighter. I think I have a few lying around in my room. Thinking so, Taeun flicked the wheel again.

“Oh.”

Just then, the end of his cigarette lit up. However, the lighter in his hand was still cold, as if soaked in water. A large hand had suddenly appeared, offering a light. Startled, Taeun let out a short exclamation, and the barely lit cigarette almost fell to his feet. This, too, was caught by the man’s hand.

“Finished already?”

Cha Jinhyun said, tilting the white stick he was holding. Taeun shook his head, dumbfounded. Jinhyun casually brought Taeun’s cigarette to his lips. Taeun took it readily.

“I was… so surprised.”

“It’s nothing.”

Replying in a nonchalant tone, Jinhyun took out his own cigarette and lit it. The motion of leaning against the wall with his head slightly bowed was quite natural. Taeun carefully scanned his long fingers with protruding knuckles, his lowered eyelashes, and his straight nose. Soon, whitish smoke puffed out from between Jinhyun’s lips.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Taeun quickly turned his head at the question tossed out along with the smoke. He pretended to be nonchalant and took a drag of his cigarette.

“Like I, like I, ever see you around.”

“The way you’re staring means I’m right. I guessed it.”

Jinhyun, facing forward, only turned his eyes to look at Taeun. Taeun’s act of glancing sideways like a thief was caught in his sight. The moment their eyes met, Taeun held his breath briefly. Something tickled in his throat, threatening to erupt as an awkward cough. Taeun swallowed hard, gathering non-existent saliva.

“I was looking because you’re handsome. It’s not like you’ll wear out from being looked at.”

He answered brazenly, mixing in playful banter disguised as nonchalance. He hoped Jinhyun wouldn’t notice his bobbing Adam’s apple.

“Your gaze should be a little hotter.”

“Fuck, what are you talking about, you crazy bastard….”

A strong denial is a strong affirmation, as the joke goes. Taeun averted his gaze and puffed furiously on his cigarette, his face flushing for no reason.

“Savage.”

Jinhyun muttered beside him. The slight upturn of his lips was teasing. An awkward silence fell as Taeun closed his mouth.

‘Ah, the atmosphere is getting weird again…’

Unable to bear the strange, agonizing silence, Taeun opened his mouth again.

“Hey, I have something I want to ask.”

He wasn’t expecting an answer, but Lee Taeun trailed off. It was hesitation. A refreshing menthol scent dispersed along with the acrid smoke.

“Did they get rid of the fine, or did that rule disappear?”

In the end, he couldn’t ask what he really wanted to know. He thought he could hear Jung Sojin scolding him from somewhere, “You idiot.”

“Why, are you disappointed?”

“No… you like following those rules.”

“I don’t like it, I follow them because they were made to be followed. Unlike someone.”

He asked because he was curious, although it wasn’t his main concern. Since their first meal together, Cha Jinhyun had been talking to him as usual, neither too much nor too little. Lee Taeun thought it was a godsend and didn’t specifically mention the fines, but he was curious. Curious as to why Jinhyun had suddenly changed his mind.

“What’s the point? I follow you around with wads of cash, trying to talk to you.”

Taeun swallowed his embarrassment at the words that succinctly summarized his pathetic behavior. It was humiliating, as if he were some old man chasing after a young man without a sense of propriety.

“So should I delete that rule?”

Taeun seized the opportunity and retorted. The dreadful rule, which he had no intention of following anyway, had to be torn to shreds as soon as possible. Seeing it plastered on the front door grated on his nerves every time. To exaggerate slightly, it felt like being dumped every time he entered or left the house. That was his honest feeling.

“….”

Cha Jinhyun didn’t answer. He became anxious because he wasn’t immediately rejected. Taeun felt inexplicably compelled to convince and persuade him.

“I’ll follow all the other rules. The ones you wrote down at the beginning.”

“….”

“I’m good at housework. About the trash the other day… uh, I was going to take it out in the morning, but I was in a hurry and forgot because I was going to be late. Really. You know how we take turns doing housework at our homes, right? My mom said I’m ready to get married. I can even hand-wash clothes. My mom said I have nimble hands.”

Something was going wrong with his words, but Taeun, in his haste, didn’t notice. It seemed like he was promoting himself as a cleaning service employee.

“I can prove it. And I can cook too, although I don’t usually. My specialty is Western food. Korean food is still a bit difficult, but there are so many recipes online these days, so I can catch up quickly if I practice. My dad sometimes preferred my cooking. And when I clean…”

“Alright.”

Cha Jinhyun cut off Taeun, having briefly experienced the feeling of an employer hiring a live-in housekeeper. Looking down at Lee Taeun, who was suddenly burning with a strange passion, he flicked the ash from his half-smoked cigarette.

“Alright?”

“Do as you please.”

Jinhyun accepted with unexpected ease. Taeun decided he’d rip the bottom part of those house rules as soon as he went upstairs. Imagining the satisfying sound made him feel a little better.

“You’ll really get rid of it? The fine and the rule about not acknowledging each other, you’ll tear it up?”

“Ignoring you doesn’t seem to be working. I need to change my methods, too.”

Change his methods? What methods…? The incomplete sentence sparked a slight question. Taeun looked up at him with a puzzled expression. Should I ask? He was pondering when…

“Now it’s my turn.”

Jinhyun skillfully changed the subject.

“When did you start smoking?”

The unexpected question pushed the small question blooming in Taeun’s mind far away.

“Uh… before I went to the military.”

After you ignored my confession. He didn’t bother adding the last part.

“Who taught you?”

“You wouldn’t know them.”

“Kim Jintae? Go Seonhyeong?”

“No.”

The names that tumbled out were those of his high school classmates. The faces of friends he hadn’t seen in ages were blurry. Who then? Cha Jinhyun asked again.

“Just a friend.”

During a time of heartbreak, though it wasn’t really a heartbreak, when he was a nuisance to everyone around him, asking them to drink with him, it all started when he snatched Kim Hyoju’s cigarette and smoked it. There must be a reason why people drink and smoke when they’re struggling. Taeun thought it would make him feel better. If I keep doing it, it’ll get better someday, he thought, puffing away, which had continued to this day. It was proof that nothing had gotten better at all.

Taeun took a drag and lightly exhaled the smoke, observing Cha Jinhyun. He was looking down at Taeun with a strange expression, holding the crackling cigarette in his hand. Taeun thought it was probably his imagination that Jinhyun’s expression seemed disapproving.

“You’ve got good friends.”

“….”

Jinhyun took another drag of his cigarette after the short reply. Taeun felt a strange tension, just like when he took his first puff. It was inexplicable.

🔥

Their tangled relationship, like a messy ball of yarn, was slowly unraveling. It was unimaginable progress compared to just a few weeks ago. Like before, like the old days, Lee Taeun habitually said, but he didn’t expect the sediment of accumulated feelings to melt away in a short time. That was just wishful thinking. It was similar to the mentality of aiming for first place in the entire school just to barely manage first place in class.

However, the situation was improving much faster than Taeun expected. How should he put it? Sometimes, he almost felt like nothing had ever happened between him and Cha Jinhyun. Jinhyun always stayed by Taeun’s side, neither too hot nor too cold. And that’s exactly how he was now. Like three years ago.

“This is boring. Put on something else.”

It was the same now, as they sat side by side on the sofa watching TV. Taeun stared blankly, pretending not to hear. In truth, he couldn’t focus enough to listen.

“Are you ignoring me?”

“Just… move, will you?”

Because Jinhyun was lying on his side, using Taeun’s thigh as a pillow. Determined to lie down on the short three-seater sofa, he was watching TV, using Taeun, who was perched on the edge, as a pillow.

It wasn’t a particularly unnatural sight. It wasn’t strange for friends to lie around entangled with each other. Even in their middle and high school days, they used each other as pillows while playing mobile games. It wasn’t strange… until Lee Taeun fell for him. Taeun was stiff, his body tense like a puppy needing to poop.

“Change the channel. Why are you watching that trashy drama? I always wondered who watched that crap, and it was you?”

Jinhyun sharply criticized the daily drama airing on TV. Taeun, his taste suddenly and mercilessly attacked, glared at the side of Jinhyun’s head resting on his thigh.

“It’s really interesting. There are things to learn from it. You have to understand the world we live in. If you watch it, you’ll see it’s no different from our lives.”

“Adultery and murder for hire are our lives? Well, you’re not wrong.”

There was no inflection in his sarcastic voice. Taeun closed his mouth, speechless. Cha Jinhyun, having lost interest in the TV, turned over to face the ceiling. His fidgeting as he reached for his phone in his pocket caused his head and shoulder to rub against Taeun’s thigh.

Shit, shit! Taeun screamed inwardly. He was desperately trying to calm his half-erect penis, putting all his energy into it. He repeated all sorts of random thoughts, the national anthem, national exercises, anything he could think of, but he was nearing his limit.

“Hey, I’m going to change the channel, so move.”

Taeun finally surrendered and jerked his leg, attempting to push Jinhyun’s head away.

“No. This is comfortable.”

But he was immediately refused. Cha Jinhyun nestled his head closer and nonchalantly started playing a mobile game.

“Damn it, I’m, uh, uncomfortable! You have a blockhead, your head is so heavy.”

Taeun babbled on, trying to shake him off. He could have just ignored him and gone to his room, but he didn’t want to do that either. So what, should he just let his enthusiastic penis be discovered? Taeun questioned his own inexplicable psychology. He felt like a crazy person.

“You think I should be called a blockhead by you?”

“Well, if you don’t want to hear it, just move!”

“Hmm. Should I?”

Taeun quickly nodded, desperately trying to pull down his loose sweatshirt to hide his half-erect penis. Jinhyun rolled his eyes up from his phone to look at Taeun.

“If I move, will you tell me?”

“…”

Yes. Lately, Cha Jinhyun had been acting the same as three years ago, and it always ended like this.

So this was what he meant by changing his methods. He thought he’d be hurt and resentful, wanting to die every time he faced Jinhyun ignoring him or showering him with harsh words, but now Taeun wanted to die for a different reason.

It was okay before. Because they weren’t living together. He could hide his feelings and suffer alone, submerged in lukewarm affection.

Taeun had masturbated to him, even had a wet dream after turning twenty, but that was okay. No one would reprimand him for suffering alone. No one would know as long as he didn’t get caught. But now it was different. Living together inevitably involved physical contact.

Cha Jinhyun, unaware of his impure feelings, probably didn’t mean to, but every time they brushed against each other like this, Taeun felt tormented. Jinhyun even seemed to have lost all sense of restraint. He would casually walk around the house shirtless, and sometimes even ask for Taeun to bring him his underwear while he was showering, making outrageous requests. He’d given up the whip and was now showering him with carrots. It was a meaningful attack, accurately grasping Taeun’s weakness for affection.

And Lee Taeun was on the verge of succumbing to his new methods. He tormented Taeun in other novel ways, some of them quite childish.

Just the other day, the bathroom light suddenly went out while Taeun was showering. The culprit stood quietly outside the door, waiting for Taeun’s reaction. “What are you doing, turn it back on!” Taeun yelled, to which Jinhyun responded teasingly, “If I turn it on, will you tell me?” Because of that, Taeun had to fumble around in the dark, dress without properly washing, and come out.

‘Such a stubborn bastard.’

Jinhyun, still standing outside the bathroom, uttered a single sentence and disappeared into his room without apologizing. I want to kill him. Taeun barely suppressed his boiling murderous impulses.

Helplessly swayed by Jinhyun’s sudden change in attitude, a day, two days, three days passed, and Taeun still hadn’t asked Cha Jinhyun about his relationship status.

To make an excuse, there hadn’t been a good time to ask. It wasn’t entirely unrelated to Taeun’s desire to subtly avoid the topic, but it felt strange to abruptly ask if he had a girlfriend, so he kept putting it off until several days had passed.

Buzz.

His phone vibrated, breaking Taeun’s reverie. Lee Taeun picked up his phone from the armrest of the sofa. “Oh…” Taeun let out a short exclamation after checking the message.

“What is it?”

Jinhyun, still lying with his head on Taeun’s thigh, asked indifferently.

“Uh, that club. I got a message saying I passed.”

He thought the interview was a complete disaster, but somehow, he passed. Taeun, who had been dreading having to explain to the professor if he failed, breathed a sigh of relief and patted his chest. The message, announcing the orientation date and location, was full of energy.

“Ah.”

Cha Jinhyun responded as if he already knew. It was barely a response.

“Aren’t you even going to congratulate me?”

Taeun crossed his legs, lifting his thigh, and grumbled sulkily. It was a covert attempt to hide his erection, which Cha Jinhyun seemed not to notice.

“If I congratulate you, will you feel like telling me?”

“Forget it. What am I even supposed to say.”

“Exactly. You always do that, even though you know.”

Annoying bastard. He never let anything slide. Taeun wiggled his toes and stood up, putting his feet on the floor. At the same time, Cha Jinhyun’s head plopped onto the sofa. The daily drama had long ended, and he couldn’t stay sitting there with a half-erect penis forever.

“Where are you going?”

“To my room. I have to do my assignments.”

He couldn’t see if his face was flushed without a mirror, but he knew what it must look like. Taeun slightly turned his head and answered curtly, stepping away.

“Let’s have dinner together tomorrow.”

However, his steps stopped short at the offer that held him back.

“We agreed to eat once a week.”

“Uh… right.”

“To celebrate, I’ll let you eat whatever you want.”

The grinning face resembled a photo from a celebrity pictorial. Lee Taeun, trying to ignore his slowly tingling penis, opened his mouth.

“So… incredibly… grateful.”

“This way, you’ll be prepared faster.”

He seemed genuinely curious. Jinhyun shook his head at Taeun’s persistent prying. Taeun let out an exaggerated sigh, “Haaah,” trying his best to appear annoyed, and went into his room. His hand pulled the doorknob with more urgency than usual. Thud. When the door closed completely, Taeun’s cheekbones were already aching from his suppressed smile.

The man in the living room didn’t know what Taeun, who had collapsed onto his bed and was now pummeling his pillow, was so happy about.

🔥

It was a clear day, a welcome absence of the usual spring guests like yellow dust and fine particles. Taeun’s anticipation, inflated like a cumulus cloud, shimmered in the sunlight. A sticky, sweet feeling, like cotton candy being pulled apart, flowed out of him as a hum. His fingers danced across the laptop trackpad with excitement, a lightness that betrayed his supposed task of doing homework.

“Why don’t you just go to karaoke?”

Park Kiwon, sitting next to him and also typing away on his laptop, sarcastically remarked, glancing at Taeun’s humming.

“Was I too melodious?”

Taeun retorted shamelessly, unfazed.

“Bullshit. This is the art department, not the music department.”

“Who says art students can’t sing and music students can’t draw? Life’s boring if you live in a box like that.”

“Why are you so happy, you bastard?”

“What am I happy about?”

Taeun answered gruffly, but a subtle joy clung to his tone.

“Judging by your condition, you’re going to get wasted again today. I can’t look after you. I have to take care of the freshmen.”

Park Kiwon was a member of the department’s student council this year. Because of that, he was often called to drinking parties and had become close with the freshmen. Taeun knew this, but he wasn’t involved. Taeun looked at him with a slightly guilty look at the sudden mention of a drinking party. Park Kiwon had the same expression.

“Don’t tell me you forgot?”

“Forgot what?”

“Ah, you idiot…”

A reluctant curse slipped out of Kiwon’s mouth. His shaking head conveyed his exasperation, as if he couldn’t believe Taeun.

“We said we’d have a cleaning party and then drinks afterwards. You said you’d come.”

“Ah… what?”

“The kids were excited that you were coming. I don’t know, you deal with it.”

He had completely forgotten. Lee Taeun froze, his mouth agape, as the forgotten promise resurfaced.

“But… I’m not even in the student council… they won’t even notice if I’m not there.”

“You think? Some kids said they’d come because you were coming. Yoon Soo-hyung used you as bait to get the reluctant ones to come.”

Hwang Yoon Soo, the president of the Design Department’s student council, was two years older but in the same class. He was one of the few who valued harmony and exchange between seniors and juniors in the design department, which was typically based on individual work. Some called him old-fashioned, but Taeun didn’t dislike his tendency, thinking it was good for everyone to get along.

So when Yoon Soo suggested he come to the after-party, partly as a way to greet him, Taeun accepted without hesitation. Taeun’s mistake was that, since these gatherings didn’t mean much to him, he accepted and buried the memory. So when Cha Jinhyun asked him to dinner later, he’d happily agreed, not realizing it was the same day.

“Why would they want to see me? Did I spill too much snot in the department room?”

Taeun wondered briefly, recalling a freshman who once offered him a tissue.

“Mysterious seniors are more popular with freshmen. The era of popular student council presidents is over.”

“Ah, I really can’t today… I promised to have dinner with Cha Jinhyun.”

How hard had it been to get this opportunity? Of course, they had agreed to eat once a week, but he didn’t want to postpone his date with Cha Jinhyun for something like this. Moreover, if Jinhyun got upset, he might change his attitude again as if nothing had happened. Thinking this far, Taeun unconsciously started shaking his leg.

“I can’t cover for you. You have to contact him yourself.”

“What should I say? Huh?”

“Tell him you have to have dinner with someone you like.”

“Then he’ll grill me with questions.”

“Does it matter? He’s not even in the same department.”

“Still…”

One of Hwang Yoon Soo’s flaws was his love for gossip, big or small. He didn’t use it to badmouth or ostracize anyone, but he wasn’t shy about bringing things up.

If he sent a straightforward message, his story would definitely come up at the drinking party, so he had to find a way to say it indirectly. Taeun opened his messenger app over the program he was working on. I should send a polite and apologetic message. Taeun quickly moved his fingers.

[Hello, Yoon Soo-hyung. It’s Lee Taeun. I’m contacting you with the deeply regrettable and apologetic news that I won’t be able to attend the after-party today. Last week, you kindly suggested I join the after-party after the department cleaning. You even generously said I didn’t need to help with the cleaning, just come for the drinks. I accepted without hesitation and am still grateful for your consideration. However… I, in my utter stupidity, just realized that I made another appointment on the same day. This is my oversight and entirely my fault. It’s not that I’m weighing my options, but this dinner appointment is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, a long-held dream, so I must unfortunately miss the drinking party.]

“Are you writing a petition? Huh?”

Park Kiwon, who had been watching him from the side, suddenly interrupted. Taeun’s fingers, busily typing, paused.

“Is it too long-winded?”

“No, I’m not being sarcastic. Hey, move. I’ll write it for you.”

Saying so, he turned Taeun’s laptop towards himself and started typing. Park Kiwon finished the message in seconds and showed it to Taeun.

[Hyung, it’s Taeun. Can’t make it today. Sorry.]

Taeun quickly pulled his laptop back at the terse and disrespectful message.

“Hey, I’m not that close with him!”

“Then use this opportunity to get closer. Just send it.”

“Are you crazy?”

“It’s less crazy than what you were about to send.”

Tap tap tap tap. Taeun rapidly hit the backspace key, erasing the careless message. Then he carefully typed out a new message, crafting a suitably apologetic message that wasn’t too short or too long.

[Hello, hyung! I have a sudden engagement today so I can’t make it to the after-party ㅠ If you invite me next time, I’ll definitely make time to come! Sorry for not letting you know sooner.]

“How’s this?”

Lee Taeun confidently showed his laptop to Park Kiwon. Park Kiwon scanned it with an indifferent glance and pressed the enter key. It was a sign of approval.

🔥

After spending time idling with Park Kiwon in the department room, Taeun finished his afternoon liberal arts class and took a deep breath of fresh air. 4:50 PM. The class ended a bit early, and it was still too early for dinner. He felt strangely dissatisfied with the sun, still high in the sky thanks to the longer days of spring.

Taeun had been checking the time constantly throughout his class, half-heartedly listening. It felt like every minute was an hour. He hadn’t realized Einstein’s theory of relativity could be so cruel. He wished it were dinner time already. He wanted it to be dinner time quickly so he could sit face-to-face with Cha Jinhyun and chat about everything and nothing. Taeun headed towards the main gate, his steps as light as feathers.

Should I go home and wait since we didn’t set a time? Should I contact him? Lost in these trivial thoughts, he arrived at the intersection just as a reply from Hwang Yoon Soo arrived.

[Design Hwang Yoon Soo hyung: Ah, can’t be helped if it’s important. Too bad~ I’ll arrange another gathering next time. The kids are really curious about you lol See you then!] 4:57 PM

“This hyung is an angel.”

Hwang Yoon Soo’s generous and kind reply sent his already elated mood soaring.

[Yes. If you’re short-handed, call me. I’ll come right away haha See you next time haha]

After neatly replying, Taeun fidgeted while waiting for the light to change. In the meantime, he had decided on his destination. The main gate of Cha Jinhyun’s university. Jinhyun had said he had three consecutive hours of classes this afternoon. Since Taeun’s class ended a bit early, the timing would work out perfectly if he went straight there.

‘Picking him up from school is a bit too…’

Too much like a couple? Taeun coughed awkwardly, clenching his fist at the sudden embarrassing thought.

He said I could choose what I wanted to eat today. Let’s eat out. And then, if the mood is right, let’s go for drinks… He couldn’t be as straightforward as Sojin suggested, but he made a small resolution to try and seduce him.

He’d be more courageous after a few drinks. He was the same Lee Taeun who could mercilessly kill a cockroach the size of Cha Jinhyun’s head. Taeun had no doubts about his hidden bravery and boldness. And today, he was determined to ask the question he’d been putting off. He’d even practiced funny ways to ask it last night before bed.

Do you have a girlfriend? That seemed vague. Do you have a girlfriend? Too casual. Are you seeing anyone? Definitely not. Taeun mumbled, tapping on his phone.

[Jinhyun-ah] 5:10 PM

[Are you done with class? I’m done] 5:10 PM

It was his first message in three years. The gap in the dates stamped on his phone screen felt surreal.

Even this required a small act of fragile courage. Taeun leaned against the stone wall by the main gate, tapping his foot. The wait for a reply was agonizing.

[Cha Jinhyun: Ah] 5:14 PM

Soon after, a reply arrived. Taeun quickly tapped the message.

‘Ah? What does that mean?’

Maybe he sent it by mistake while still in class. In any case, it was the reply he’d been waiting for. Unable to contain his excitement, Taeun moved his thumb. 

‘I looked up restaurants near here, and there are a lot of good places. How about we eat out instead of at home today…’ 

He had written this far when…

[Cha Jinhyun: Sorry, I don’t think it’ll work out today] 5:16 PM

Taeun’s busy thumb stopped. His aimlessly tapping foot stopped. It was as if time had frozen. His heart, suddenly gripped by disappointment, started racing. Why? …Why? The time he spent coming up with various plans, using his unreliable planning skills, suddenly evaporated.

[Something up?] 5:20 PM

Maybe something urgent came up. He didn’t want to sound like a whiny child, so he sent a calm, concerned message. As soon as he hit send, a noisy crowd emerged from the side. Students, freshly released from class, began streaming through the main gate. Taeun naturally glanced over and unconsciously stepped back to hide himself.

[Cha Jinhyun: I had a prior engagement that I completely forgot about. She said she could only do today] 5:22 PM

[Cha Jinhyun: Let’s eat tomorrow. I’ll pay] 5:22 PM

He couldn’t tell if it was his phone or his insides that were buzzing. Taeun suppressed the urge to throw the rectangular device in his hand to the ground and widened his eyes.

Cha Jinhyun and a girl, a head shorter than him, appeared amidst the lush greenery. The picturesque figures of the man and woman overlapped with the profile picture he’d seen before. The couple, smiling as they left the school, were undoubtedly lovers. Taeun, lost and defeated, crouched further and held his breath to avoid being seen, just like when he swallowed his tears under a thin blanket as a child.

When his vision started to blur, Taeun turned and ran.

🔥

Trudge. Trudge.

A deep sense of exhaustion clung to his aimless steps. Where am I, who am I. Taeun’s face, the embodiment of these clichéd questions, was devoid of any energy.

His eyes, red and raw from rubbing, stung even in the gentle breeze. People passing by shot him curious glances without fail. “Look at that guy.” Some even whispered, unable to hide their curiosity, but Taeun walked on, uncaring and indifferent. He ran, wanting to escape the situation, the reality, but nothing changed.

“….”

It was truly pathetic.

To console himself, he was glad he hadn’t sent the message he’d written in his excitement. However, it was a woefully inadequate comfort for his punctured pride.

Taeun slowly looked around. He sat on a bench that caught his eye and checked his phone. It was past 6 PM. He had wandered aimlessly for over an hour. A bitter laugh escaped him as he pitied himself for fretting about the slow passage of time just a moment ago.

His forced smile faltered and trembled slightly. He hugged his bag, loosely slung over his shoulder, his face like a child unable to hold back tears. He must look pathetic, huddled like a castaway against the cold. But Taeun, struggling to compose his shattered heart, didn’t have the energy to care about his appearance.

His feelings, as light as a feather and fragile as glass, seemed to have no immunity. Taeun was angry at himself for the pain, sharper than that summer day. He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face in them, and forcefully sniffed his stuffy nose. He hated his body, how his nose always stung before he cried.

“Excuse me.”

A wide shadow fell over Taeun, who wanted to dry up and disappear in the spring sunlight. Did someone report me? He thought trivially, but didn’t react.

“Excuse me.”

But the man called out again, persistent. Taeun, his head buried, staring at the dust on the ground, ignored the low voice above him as if he hadn’t heard. Why was he always interrupted even when wallowing in self-pity? A strange defiance rose within him.

“Can’t you hear me? If so, could you at least let me know you’re ignoring me?”

“….”

Please just go away. Lee Taeun huddled further, conveying his meaning. After a moment of silence, the man plopped down next to Taeun.

“Hey, what the…!”

Startled by the man’s sudden action, Taeun lifted his head. A familiar face was looking at him with a polite smile.

“It really is you. I wasn’t sure.”

Acne, no, piercings and yellow hair. The man from across the interview table was sitting next to him. He must have been more formally dressed that day, as his attire felt completely different.

“Lee Taeun, right?”

“Why, why are you here…”

“Because this is my university?”

“Ah.”

The place where Taeun had been huddled was Cha Jinhyun’s university. He had run away only to end up at Cha Jinhyun’s university. Even he thought it wasn’t the best place to be.

“Um…”

“Don’t you remember my name? I remember yours. It’s a little sad.”

The man pretended to wipe his thin face with his hand, adding a sob sob sound effect.

“Wait a minute. Kim…”

It was a playful jest, but Taeun still felt awkward around him. Lee Taeun felt like he’d committed a grave offense and blinked rapidly. Kim, Kim something. He couldn’t quite remember and his voice trailed off.

“Kim Sunghyun.”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I was about to say.”

“Liar.”

Taeun glanced at him, wondering if he was genuinely offended. But since he didn’t seem to be, Taeun was inwardly relieved.

“Did you get the acceptance message? I strongly recommended they choose you.”

Because of Cha Jinhyun, of course. Sunghyun, loyal to his friend, didn’t add unnecessary words.

“Ah, yes… I received it. I thought I’d fail, thank you.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t have recommended you if you were a weird person.”

Sunghyun waved his hand dismissively as Taeun gave a small bow.

“But why are you crying?”

And then he suddenly went straight to the point. Don’t people usually avoid asking that when someone’s crying? Embarrassed by his tear-stained face, Taeun roughly wiped it with his sleeve.

“I wasn’t crying.”

“Then did it rain?”

He could sense the consideration hidden in the absurd reply. Taeun took a deep breath to control his emotions. He felt Sunghyun’s gaze.

“…I got stood up.”

He was aware that spilling his embarrassing troubles to someone he’d be working with in the same club was like spitting in his own face. This was just another impulsive act, like running away after seeing Cha Jinhyun leaving the main gate.

“There’s this… someone I’m interested in, and we were supposed to have dinner today, but he suddenly canceled… To be honest, we’re not the type to be strict about keeping promises, and I’m usually the one who’s late when we meet…”

He chose vague wording, embarrassed to openly say he liked this person. Now that he’d started talking, he slightly regretted it. Taeun paused, wondering how to continue.

“Thinking about it that way, it’s not really his fault… but I was still angry that he suddenly canceled.”

“Wow… stood up on the same day? What an asshole.”

His smiling face, just like when he called out to Taeun, hadn’t changed. Because of that, the short curse that came out of Kim Sunghyun felt jarring. Moreover, it felt a bit strange that he naturally referred to the person as an “asshole” even though Taeun hadn’t specified the person’s gender. Taeun dismissed it as his own prejudice.

“Uh… I haven’t always kept my promises either, so I don’t really have a right to complain…”

Why am I defending Cha Jinhyun? Taeun felt unreasonably wronged.

“Even so, standing someone up on the same day is too much.”

That’s true. Taeun quickly nodded in agreement. Kim Sunghyun, sitting next to him, chuckled at his quick agreement. Does he find me amusing? The memory of the interview resurfaced, making his lips twitch again.

“Sorry to suddenly dump this on you, I was just feeling really down… I apologize.”

“It’s okay, I actually like hearing these kinds of stories. I even search for them online. Like relationship stories and stuff.”

Taeun was briefly impressed by Kim Sunghyun’s added words, clearly meant to make him feel less awkward. What a nice person. He even thought he’d made the right decision to join the club.

“Are you going to keep moping here? Are you waiting for him?”

Kim Sunghyun subtly probed, laying a trap in his words. The person who stood Lee Taeun up was likely his grumpy friend.

“…No. I’m not that naive…”

And Taeun fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. He didn’t even seem to notice.

“That’s good. I have to go back in too.”

Taeun stretched his numb legs and patted them. He wiggled his feet up and down before getting up. Kim Sunghyun watched him.

“Thank you for listening. See you at the orientation.”

Feeling like it would be awkward to stay any longer, Taeun slung his bag over his shoulder and bowed slightly to Kim Sunghyun.

“Cheer up.”

Kim Sunghyun lightly waved his hand while seated. Taeun clenched his fist in response. It was an unconscious action.

Watching Taeun walk away, Kim Sunghyun clicked his tongue. He recalled the messages they’d exchanged just moments ago. It was Cha Jinhyun’s, casually dismissing his invitation because he had dinner with a junior. It wasn’t just a vague guess, the circumstances seemed quite plausible. As expected, my gut feeling wasn’t wrong.

The only unfortunate thing was that his roommate’s friend seemed quite sincere, perhaps too sincere for Cha Jinhyun’s casual approach to relationships. No, actually, there was no need to consider such things. Do I have to volunteer again? Kim Sunghyun stretched lightly and got up.

🔥

On his way home, Taeun stopped by a convenience store, clutching his growling stomach. It was natural to be hungry after crying and walking for over an hour. He grabbed a cup of instant noodles and a rice ball and paid. His eyebrows furrowed as he imagined Cha Jinhyun, possibly enjoying a fancy dinner somewhere.

Sitting alone at the table felt incredibly miserable. Not wanting to wallow in self-pity again, Taeun wolfed down his noodles. His phone vibrated.

[Cha Jinhyun: Are you mad?] 7:22 PM

“Wouldn’t you be mad, you bastard?”

A string of curses tumbled out from between the mouthful of noodles. He’d finally contacted Taeun, seemingly bothered by the lack of response. Taeun wanted to flush his phone down the toilet since he couldn’t punch Cha Jinhyun. Contrarily, his hand, putting down his chopsticks, typed out a nonchalant reply.

[No.] 7:24 PM

[Cha Jinhyun: You are] 7:24 PM

The reply was instantaneous. He knows, so why is he asking? Taeun chewed on his tuna mayo rice ball, contemplating whether to reply or not. If he let it slide, he’d feel too pathetic, so if he replied, he needed to be careful.

[A little.] 7:28 PM

After sending a delayed reply, Taeun groaned. He felt like he needed to explain. He and Cha Jinhyun weren’t the type to have serious fights over postponing, rescheduling, or breaking promises.

‘What if he thinks I’m mad because I like him?’

Considering the impossible scenario, Taeun tapped on his phone again.

[Because I was really hungry.] 7:29 PM

He added a touch of coldness to the belated message. After sending it, he thought he sounded like a glutton.

[Cha Jinhyun: There was a junior I promised to buy dinner for, and I kept putting it off, but she said today was the only day she could do it, so I couldn’t help it. Don’t be mad] 7:30 PM

A surprisingly long message arrived from Cha Jinhyun. Despite that, Taeun’s heart remained unmoved.

She couldn’t help it, but I could? He probably thought it was fine since I’d be at home scooping ice cream, and we had a promise to eat together once a week anyway.

[Cha Jinhyun: I’ll buy you three servings of your favorite chicken wings tomorrow] 7:31 PM

[Cha Jinhyun: The greasy kind] 7:31 PM

I could have only been free today too. Why didn’t he ask me? Everything looked skewed to Taeun, his eyes already prickly.

[I’m busy tomorrow] 7:32 PM

So Taeun put on a pretense, despite having nothing scheduled. Buzz. His phone vibrated immediately. Taeun sniffled as the message arrived.

[Cha Jinhyun: Okay, then whenever] 7:32 PM

So I’m someone he can meet whenever.

His chin stung at the realization that he seemed unimportant to Cha Jinhyun. It didn’t seem this bad three years ago…

Another word for unrequited love is being the one who’s always left wanting. In other words, it was always him who was left hanging. At this point, he was slightly afraid that the hard-won opportunity would fizzle out. Taeun hurriedly replied.

[Let’s eat twice next week] 7:32 PM

[Cha Jinhyun: Okay. Sorry about today] 7:34 PM

[Cha Jinhyun: I’ll be home late. Dinner and then a group project meeting] 7:34 PM

[Cha Jinhyun: Don’t skip meals] 7:34 PM

“….”

He’d been so angry.

He contacted Taeun first because he hadn’t replied. He’d told him his schedule, even though he didn’t have to. He’d expressed concern for his meals. Like picking up shattered pieces and putting them back together, Taeun’s heart was slowly softening.

A pushover. I’m a pushover.

[Okay, you eat well too] 7:37 PM

I’m a complete idiot pushover.

He couldn’t reveal his petty resentment for Cha Jinhyun’s dinner with someone else, nor could he ignore his lukewarm concern. His love was truly foolish.

Taeun tidied up his meager dinner and washed up quickly. He splashed ice-cold water on his face, which reduced the swelling around his eyes. He paused after leaving the bathroom, then headed towards Cha Jinhyun’s room instead of his own. He thought he’d fill the void in his heart by surrounding himself with Cha Jinhyun’s presence in the room where he should have been.

The almost awkwardly tidy room was extremely simple. It felt somewhat bare without even a single poster. Taeun lay down on Cha Jinhyun’s bed without hesitation. Burying his nose in the pillow, he inhaled the familiar scent that always made his heart race. It was a strange mix of the cologne and shampoo Cha Jinhyun used.

Since they started living together, he’d noticed a similar scent mixing with Cha Jinhyun’s. Whenever that happened, Taeun’s entire body pounded like it had turned into a single, giant heart. And by entire body, he included the space between his legs, so with the languid fatigue and a strange, creeping sensation, he felt himself stirring slightly.

“….”

‘No, I shouldn’t do this.’

Lee Taeun whispered to his right hand, which was creeping towards his belt buckle, but it didn’t listen. His mind grew hazy. This isn’t right. He thought, yet his hand diligently unbuckled his belt and slipped inside his underwear. He lightly grasped his semi-erect penis, and it hardened instantly.

“Ugh…”

His outstretched legs drifted across the sheets, moving slowly. He’d masturbated thinking about Cha Jinhyun many times, but this was the first time touching himself in his bed. The immoral situation heightened his excitement, making his hair stand on end. He felt as if the scent surrounding him was caressing every inch of his body.

Taeun began filling his mind with familiar fantasies. Cha Jinhyun’s firm hand stroking his nape, his tongue licking and sucking at his protruding Adam’s apple, trailing down his collarbone, chest, toned stomach, and finally to the area below his hipbone.

A clear fluid beaded and dripped from Taeun’s hard penis. I shouldn’t stain the bed. He worried, yet his hand moved faster. In his mind, his and Cha Jinhyun’s hands were clasped around each other’s penises as they kissed. Lee Taeun. He called his name. The rumbling voice that seemed to scrape his throat made excitement ooze out of him.

“Ah, ugh…”

Taeun opened his eyes slightly, feeling the throbbing in his hand. Without stopping the up-and-down motion, he grabbed a tissue from the nightstand. His stomach tightened, and Cha Jinhyun’s scent washed over him, unbearably intense.

Ah. A series of short, sharp gasps escaped him as Lee Taeun came. The thick fluid pulsed and gushed, soaking the tissue, a testament to his long-overdue self-pleasure. Taeun, his body still trembling slightly, buried his face in the pillow and inhaled, the afterglow still lingering. His chest heaved before calming down.

“…Fuck.”

A hollow emptiness and self-disgust washed over him as he clutched the semen-soaked tissue. Masturbating in the bed of the person who stood him up…

I’m a perverted pushover.

Taeun glanced at his pants scattered on the floor and closed his eyes.