Simmering Heat Chapter 8.1

“Hey, Taeun! Come here.”

2:00 PM on a Sunday. It was a perfect, cozy weekend afternoon, ideal for a date or quality time with family.

The massive shopping mall in the heart of the city, bustling even on weekdays, was now overflowing with people. Inside the vast, greyish-white building, the drugstore buzzed with the latest pop music and the murmur of shoppers. Kim Hyoju, who had been carefully examining something at the central display, called out to Taeun.

“What?”

Taeun, browsing perfumes, walked over at her loud call. As soon as he approached, his chin was roughly grabbed, and his head pulled down. Kim Hyoju scrutinized his face with a discerning eye, her eyes narrowed playfully.

“Your skin’s clear. What did you put on?”

“Lotion.”

“Annoying. Get lost.”

“Why are you being like this…”

She put the “Dirty Nose Be Gone! One-Shot Nose Pack” she was holding back on the shelf and started examining another display. Her shopping basket was already overflowing with various products, all for Taeun.

“Hyoju, did you get all the skincare basics?”

Jung Sojin, who had been standing some distance away, approached them. Kim Hyoju nodded without looking away from the products.

“Roughly? Lee Taeun is going to be so smooth. He’ll be fun to touch.”

“Please don’t say things like that in public.”

Kim Hyoju’s basket contained various exfoliating products, hair removal cream, and a basic skincare set. Taeun’s face crumpled as he rummaged through the basket.

“Hey, Taeun, do you want to get a full body wax? I’ll do it for you.”

“Noona, please do something about her.”

“Good job, Hyoju. Let’s use these when you get a boyfriend.”

Sojin naturally took the basket from Kim Hyoju’s hand and put everything back on the shelves except for the face masks and skincare products. She had asked Hyoju to find some decent skincare products, but she couldn’t resist playing a prank.

The long-awaited date (Kim Hyoju and Jung Sojin insisted it was definitely a date) was tomorrow. 3:30 PM on Monday. He reported it in the group chat the day he secured the date.

Lee Taeun is to report any “developments.”

The group chat’s rules had changed over time. It happened naturally as the fines were abolished and conversations with Cha Jinhyun increased. The chat’s scroll speed increased rapidly with the momentous report that they were going to watch a movie, have dinner, and even have drinks together.

However, Taeun didn’t stop there and sent an SOS to Jung Sojin. He wanted to make a good impression, but he was clueless about what to do, so he turned to the wisdom of his elders. A meeting was arranged instantly, and Kim Hyoju tagging along was a bonus.

“That’ll be 62,500 won. Would you like to earn points?”

“…No…”

Are you sure I need all of this? Taeun looked at Kim Hyoju and Jung Sojin as he handed over his card with a trembling hand. They both nodded simultaneously. Beep. The cheerful sound of his wallet being emptied echoed from his phone.

Next was a clothing store. Drastic measures were needed for Taeun, who always wore hoodies and sweatpants. Sojin flicked his forehead and clicked her tongue as he nonchalantly mentioned he had something to wear from the interview. It was a neat and presentable outfit, but Sojin thought his all-black ensemble from that day wasn’t suitable for a date.

They bought a couple of spring shirts, pants, and even shoes. It was a complete transformation. Taeun, emerging from the fitting room, awkwardly spun around at Kim Hyoju’s gesture.

“Taeun, do you want to go out with me instead?”

Jung Sojin added a silly joke, observing him. Lee Taeun smiled bashfully at the compliment.

After their whirlwind shopping spree, the three headed to a nearby cafe. Beads of sweat formed on Taeun’s forehead, laden with shopping bags. Sojin, taking pity on him, graciously said, “Choose whatever you want.” The remaining two clasped their hands and gratefully accepted her blessing. Sitting side by side with straws in their drinks, they began discussing their next strategy.

“First, come to Kiwon’s place after class tomorrow. We’ll be there working on assignments since we have no classes.”

“Okay. I’ll be there around 1:30.”

“Should we bring the clothes to Kiwon’s place beforehand?”

No one objected to making plans without consulting the owner of the house. Such wonderful friendship.

“Then let’s go now. Ah… I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, should I just sleep over at their place? Hey, Taeun, want a drink?”

“Thank you both today.”

Kim Hyoju’s suggestion of drinks was a sort of verbal tic, so Taeun simply ignored it. Their simple plan consisted of organizing the purchased items and setting everything up perfectly after class.

“Taeun-ah, I’m so touched I could cry. The guy who used to pay fines actually got a date…”

Jung Sojin exclaimed dramatically after roughly outlining the schedule. Taeun cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Unnie, I think I have something else clouding my vision. Like saliva.”

“Are you crazy?”

“No? I can actually see it? It’s so sticky?”

Kim Hyoju started shaking and rolling her eyes as if possessed. She was generally indifferent to most things, but when it came to teasing Lee Taeun, she was relentless.

“You better kiss him or you’re dead. We’re seniors. We sacrificed our precious time to help you, there has to be something in return.”

“You were never invited.”

“Fuck, exactly. Why wasn’t I invited? You ungrateful bastard.”

Kim Hyoju raised her straw, aimed it at Taeun, and blew. It was like an assassin launching a poisonous dart. The thin whipped cream splattered onto Taeun’s clothes.

“Hey, stop it!”

Taeun flailed his arms, trying to block it. Sojin simply moved her chair further away to avoid being hit.

It was a smooth start, all things considered.

🔥

[Cha Jinhyun: Are you done with class?] 3:14 PM

His fingers, unable to hide his joy at the incoming message, moved quickly.

Taeun’s face, arriving at Cha Jinhyun’s apartment after leaving Park Kiwon’s place, was as solemn as when he was a student taking practical exams. His styled hair fluttered in the light breeze. From his clothes to his hair, he looked very different from usual. He was the picture of presentability, truly a masterpiece by Jung Sojin.

—Hello.

A curt voice came through the phone after a few rings. Cha Jinhyun had no classes on Mondays. Taeun asked, just in case.

“Where are you?”

—At home.

“Are you ready?”

—Ready for what?

This bastard. Taeun, who had meticulously prepared, felt slightly embarrassed and clicked his tongue.

“Come down. I’m in front of your building.”

—Okay.

The brief call ended. Taeun waited downstairs for Cha Jinhyun.

It’s a good thing it’s not raining. It’s a good thing Cha Jinhyun is home. It’s a good thing he wasn’t stood up this time. It was a day full of good things, his every breath laced with hopeful anticipation.

“…Didn’t you have class today?”

Taeun quickly turned his head at the low voice. The familiar scent of shampoo, as if he’d just showered, wafted towards him. Cha Jinhyun, wearing a thin T-shirt and jeans, was looking down at Taeun with a suspicious look.

Jinhyun, who had no classes, had woken up late around lunchtime. Therefore, he didn’t know the difference between how Taeun usually left for class and how he looked now.

“I went and came back just fine.”

“Dressed like that?”

He simply recalled how Taeun usually dressed for school and concluded that he couldn’t have possibly gone to class looking like this. The premise that Taeun had dressed up for him didn’t even exist.

“Do I look… different?”

Lee Taeun responded nonchalantly, trying to appear indifferent to his unexpected reaction. Different how? In what way? Do I look bad? Or good? Questions flooded his mind, but he suppressed them. Jinhyun hummed, took a couple of steps back, and scanned Taeun from head to toe.

“Dress like that more often.”

Taeun inwardly pumped his fist at the simple compliment. That must be a compliment, right? He resolved to treat Jung Sojin to an extravagant meal, even if it meant emptying his pockets.

“Let’s go, the movie’s about to start.”

Taeun, pleased by the clumsy compliment, walked forward, forcing his light steps down. Jinhyun followed, about to walk beside him, when…

“…Lee Taeun.”

“Yeah?”

Jinhyun called out to him in a serious voice.

“The back of your hair is completely burnt.”

“….”

Taeun stopped walking. His eyelids fluttered slowly, as if trying to process his embarrassment.

Ah, Kim Hyoju…

Kim Hyoju had insisted on styling his hair. He had thought it strange when she suddenly went quiet after chattering incessantly.

‘That crazy bitch…’

Taeun swallowed his bitter saliva, wondering what to say. Jinhyun, standing behind him, ruffled his hair and said, “We need to cut this all off. This is crazy.”

“It’s… the trend these days.”

“…Burning the back of your head is a trend?”

This is so embarrassing. Fuck. Taeun tried to answer calmly, but the sheer absurdity of his excuse made it even more embarrassing. He ignored Jinhyun and started walking again. Jinhyun followed, his hand still on Taeun’s hair, a wide smile on his face, chuckling.

“Taeun, give me the name of that salon.”

“Why.”

“So I can avoid it at all costs.”

“…….”

Taeun decided to let it slide. He quite liked Jinhyun’s large hand casually ruffling his hair and his casual use of the nickname “Taeun,” just like before. The lukewarm hand finally moved away. Would he have touched it more if his hair was completely burnt? He felt a pang of regret.

🔥

The movie currently topping the box office, a mix of romance and drama, was known for its high quality and well-crafted story. Taeun had chosen it based on its high booking rate, which turned out to be a slightly awkward choice for two guys.

“I didn’t know it was this kind of movie.”

Taeun whispered apologetically as he sat down.

“What kind?”

Taeun simply shook his head at Jinhyun’s indifferent reply. He leaned back against the plush seat and looked forward. Taeun, who had gone to bed late last night and woken up early, yawned widely.

“Yawn.“

As he was about to close his mouth, a long finger suddenly poked inside. Taeun furrowed his brow and leaned to the side. Jinhyun, who had been watching him, withdrew his finger and grinned mischievously. The sweet taste of popcorn, which had been on Jinhyun’s finger, spread across his tongue, and Taeun unconsciously chewed. It was a silly prank.

“Do you want to drink tonight? If you’re tired, we can just go home after this.”

“No. We’re definitely drinking.”

I have to drink so I can act like I’m drunk and make a move. Recalling the plan he failed to execute due to the rescheduled date, Lee Taeun declared firmly.

“You sure love to drink.”

“…….”

“You couldn’t even handle it in high school. Who taught you?”

The commercials ended, and the screen displayed emergency exit instructions. Soon, the lights dimmed, and the movie studio’s logo sequence began. Should I say it or not? Taeun’s lips twitched.

“…You did.”

After much deliberation, he finally spoke, his voice so low it was almost inaudible.

“When did I?”

And yet, Cha Jinhyun somehow caught it.

“That cocktail you gave me in high school.”

“That was non-alcoholic.”

Cha Jinhyun immediately knew which day he was talking about. Taeun felt a strange sense of satisfaction that Jinhyun remembered the memory he’d tentatively offered.

“I don’t know, it was so delicious that it led to this.”

It was a double entendre. Because Taeun was still suffering from the aftereffects of that day, intoxicated by the cheap, non-alcoholic cocktail in a plastic pouch.

“Really?”

“…Yeah.”

“Then I should buy you that today.”

“…….”

Jinhyun’s playful remark, whispered amidst the protagonist’s first lines, tickled Taeun’s ears.

This was Cha Jinhyun’s problem.

Sometimes, his meaningless words weighed heavily on Taeun, almost unbearably so. Did Jinhyun know how much his words affected him? Probably not. He could only speak so casually because he didn’t know.

He knew Jinhyun was buying him drinks to make up for breaking their promise, and that his kind words were meant to tease him, but…

The saying “A carelessly thrown stone can kill a frog” perfectly described this situation. Taeun leaned back in his seat, trying to focus on the screen. His heart pounded like a drum in time with the music filling the cinema. It’s a good thing it’s dark. Lee Taeun was grateful again.

🔥

The movie, which maintained a bright and cheerful tone throughout its running time, paradoxically ended with the two main characters not ending up together. Love wore away as they pursued their individual dreams, ultimately leading to the end of their relationship. The scene changed abruptly. The two were no longer together.

Taeun, who had been immersed in their emotions, was taken aback by the abrupt and seemingly natural ending of their love, offered without any explanation. There was no twist, even in the final scene where they exchanged glances before fading to black. He remained seated for a while, lost in thought, and only stood up after the end credits finished rolling. Jinhyun waited patiently, finishing his drink.

Leaving the cinema, Taeun looked up reviews and critiques. He reflected on his own feelings as he read various opinions. It was a merry bad ending at best. Perhaps this is why sad endings linger in memory. Lee Taeun, staring at the fried food platter and corn cheese in the center of the table, was lost in thought again. The lingering shock of the ending continued into their drinking session.

“You’re having soju, right?”

Jinhyun asked, holding a soju bottle, from across the table. Taeun nodded, and Jinhyun lightly shook the bottle before opening it. He’s a worse drinker than me, but damn, he’s good at making that swirl… Taeun inwardly complained and raised his glass.

“Why did they break up?”

“In the movie?”

“Yeah.”

Their conversation started with their impressions of the movie. Their opinions on the ending were diametrically opposed. Taeun defined it as a sad ending, while Jinhyun saw it as a happy one.

“That final glance… wasn’t it because they still had feelings for each other?”

“I don’t know, they looked relieved to me.”

“Really?”

“They both succeeded. Relationships end, but dreams and aspirations are entirely your own. If love and life are two incompatible values, it’s natural to choose life.”

“….”

“Cheers.”

Jinhyun said, raising his glass. Taeun lightly clinked his glass against Jinhyun’s and downed the soju. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, but not because of the alcohol.

“But… it wasn’t completely incompatible. They ended up with other people in the end…”

“Love is timing. Don’t you know?”

“…….”

He couldn’t know. Ever since his mind was filled with love, Taeun’s timing revolved around only one person.

“Relationships always have an end… Even if you think you can’t live without someone, you’ll eventually replace them with someone else. Like a folk dance.”

A folk dance… Taeun muttered, holding out his glass. He thought it was a very Jinhyun-like analogy, yet his fingertips felt strangely cold.

“So unromantic…”

“You’re just too sentimental.”

Glug, glug, glug, Taeun’s glass was half-filled with clear soju. Cha Jinhyun put the bottle down and started filling his own glass.

“You’re pouring like an ant. Give me more.”

“I can’t keep up with your pace. Match mine.”

It was a firm refusal from someone who knew their drinking limits well. …This isn’t good. Taeun’s plan to get Cha Jinhyun completely drunk was going awry.

To elaborate, getting Cha Jinhyun drunk was step one.

He was planning to appeal to Jinhyun’s sense of responsibility by buying him chocolate milk and ice cream after he got drunk. Then, he’d offer to read his palm, touch his hand a little… then interlock their fingers… make eye contact… that was the plan. If he could create a romantic atmosphere, mission accomplished. His simple plan was blocked from the very beginning.

What should I do? Taeun, who hadn’t considered that Cha Jinhyun was so good at pacing himself, started racking his brain for a Plan B.

“How have you been?”

Jinhyun asked casually, lightly clinking his half-filled glass against Taeun’s. He drank after the clear clinking sound.

“What do you mean?”

“How was life ignoring me?”

A sharp retort followed Taeun’s dumbfounded question. This topic was also part of Taeun’s plan, but he had scheduled it for after they were both properly drunk. Taeun stammered, momentarily speechless as his carefully crafted plan crumbled.

“I was in the military… it was the same as you.”

Oh well, whatever. He downed his drink in one gulp and answered honestly.

“You were in the army?”

“Yeah… you too?”

“Me too. GOP.”

“Wow, that must have been tough.”

“I understood why you hate snow. You shovel your ass off, and it just piles up again the moment you turn around.”

Taeun chuckled at his slightly exaggerated joke. He imagined Jinhyun with a buzz cut, wearing a military uniform and shoveling snow. He chuckled again at the image, which didn’t match the man sitting across from him at all. He felt a pang of regret for not seeing him with short hair and in uniform, a sight he’d probably never see again. Jinhyun stared at the chuckling Taeun and then popped a french fry in his mouth.

“Did you keep in touch with the guys?”

“Yeah. I met them a few times on leave.”

“Ah… without me?”

Taeun’s lips, chewing on a mouthful of corn cheese, stopped moving. Gulp. He swallowed with difficulty, the corn kernels feeling like they were stuck in his throat.

“Uh-huh…”

It was a reluctant, almost sleep-talking response.

“Those bastards are useless too.”

Jinhyun leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand. A playful tone and a faint hint of resentment were laced in his smiling voice. He poured more soju into his glass, his cheek resting on his hand.

“No, I… I told them not to contact you.”

“Really?”

Taeun quickly defended his friends, lest they be misunderstood because of him. Jinhyun’s hand, pouring the soju, paused briefly before resuming. He looked up at Taeun, his gaze lowered by his bent posture.

“You must have really hated me.”

His face, suddenly close, looked somewhat forlorn. Taeun was momentarily struck by a sense of déjà vu. The atmosphere was similar to their first day living together, when they sat across from each other, setting house rules.

“Lee Taeun.”

“Huh?”

“Are you still not ready?”

“….”

He had anticipated this possibility, but he froze, flustered by the reality. The noisy chatter of the bar faded into the background. Taeun’s eyes, like a camera lens focused on a single subject, locked onto the man’s sculpted face. Jinhyun, not pressing for an answer, spoke again.

“…After we fell out like that.”

His voice, hollow and filled with air, sounded empty yet heavy.

“At first, I was just angry…”

“….”

“But I missed you.”

“….”

“More than I thought I would.”

Taeun lowered his hands under the table and clasped them together. A faint tingling sensation, like a mild electric shock, ran through his fingertips. The tingling traveled up his fingers, arms, and shoulders, settling in his chest. His heart ached. Cha Jinhyun was revealing a small wound, a wound caused by him.

“So let’s talk. Properly.”

“…….”

“…And I have something to tell you.”

Taeun simply blinked, unable to utter a single word. Ever since they started living together, he’d often imagined the day he’d finally confess his feelings. Shouldn’t it be done in a more definitive way, so it wouldn’t end up like last time? He’d fall asleep, replaying these pointless worries. The accumulated weight of his anxieties suddenly pressed down on him.

Taeun gripped his soju glass with his flushed hand. The glass felt especially cold due to the difference in temperature. Small ripples, tremors from his trembling hand, spread across the surface of the liquid inside.

“Jinhyun-ah.”

Is it now? I don’t know. No, probably not. Taeun raised his slightly trembling hand and downed the soju, tasting nothing. Jinhyun didn’t rush him.

He simply stared intently at Taeun with his deep-set eyes. Taeun stared back at those glassy irises, at his own reflection within them, as if time had stopped. The silent table, amidst the noisy chatter of the bar, felt strangely out of place, as if existing in a different time. He felt intoxicated, not by alcohol, but by the silence. Taeun slowly opened his mouth, his lips hesitating between parting and closing.

Maybe, today, I…

Maybe…

“Actually, back then, I…”

Buzz.

“….”

Cha Jinhyun’s phone, lying on the corner of the table, vibrated as he opened his mouth. It was the worst possible timing. He snapped back to reality, as if falling off a cliff while lost in a fantasy. Taeun’s gaze naturally shifted to the phone.

[Jung Seungyeon – Business]

He couldn’t avoid seeing the large letters displayed on the black screen. His breath hitched.

Seungyeon… Jung Seungyeon. The junior Jinhyun had dinner with, postponing their date. Taeun’s gaze shifted to Jinhyun. He selfishly hoped Jinhyun would decline the call. Just this once, just this time…

“Excuse me, I need to take this.”

His petty hope, as expected, was crushed. Taeun could only nod as Jinhyun picked up his phone and stood up. Can’t you take it here? He bit back the childish question. Jinhyun, pausing briefly next to Taeun, lightly tapped his shoulder.

“Think carefully about your answer.”

Taeun stared intently at Jinhyun’s retreating back, a resentful demand echoing in his ears. Jinhyun stepped outside, disappearing from Taeun’s sight.

…An answer.

“…If you were really curious, you shouldn’t have left, you bastard…”

Taeun relaxed his stiff body and leaned back against the chair.

It’s over. His tiny sliver of hope, the tidal wave of fear, all evaporated. He felt deflated. The forcibly suppressed impulse was perhaps for the best. He thought about a decent answer, as Jinhyun had asked.

1. I heard you were talking about me behind my back.

He’d immediately ask who told him that. Rejected.

1. Back then, I had a crush on your girlfriend…

He didn’t want to lie like that, no matter what.

1. I just wanted to leave everything behind and escape…

Half true, half false, but unlikely to be convincing.

His excuses, all flat and clumsy, reflected his lack of talent in this area. Taeun downed his fourth glass of soju, one for each failed excuse. Four shots, so according to Kim Hyoju, 4 multiplied by 3. Twelve years as a solo. Sounds plausible…

He chuckled at the silly thought. As he was pouring his fifth glass, a different question popped into his mind. How much time has passed?

It had been 13 minutes since Cha Jinhyun left, passing 1 minute, 5 minutes, and 10 minutes. Taeun stood up and turned his head to look at the entrance. There was no sign of Jinhyun.

“….”

Taeun, anxiously looking outside, finally stood up. He checked the cigarettes in his pocket and walked towards the entrance. He was going to pretend to smoke and check on Cha Jinhyun.

This is so pathetic. Lee Taeun pitied himself for being unable to overcome his anxiety and taking the initiative again, looking around. He saw Cha Jinhyun leaning against a wall in an alleyway between buildings, talking on the phone. Taeun cautiously approached.

“…Yeah, uh, if it doesn’t open, try changing the file extension. Yeah. No, it’s okay.”

Contrary to his worries about Cha Jinhyun sweet-talking someone, the conversation was rather business-like. Relieved, Taeun listened intently. This is so creepy. The pathetic and creepy Lee Taeun blew away the dark cloud of self-loathing forming within him.

“I’m out drinking with a friend, so yeah. I’ll take a look at it next time. …No, it’s a guy.”

He must have been asked if it was a girl or a guy. Taeun pieced together a clumsy deduction, his mind working like a misaligned gear. It was definitely not a simple senior-junior conversation.

“Seungyeon, you sleep well too.”

Ugh. Even though no one was watching, Taeun stuck out his tongue and pretended to gag, glancing at Jinhyun from afar. If Cha Jinhyun’s casual, affectionate tone had a physical form, he wanted to vomit all over it. That sly bastard, he’s never even called me Taeun-ah…

“Lee Taeun?”

Taeun’s body, pretending to gag, froze. Jinhyun, having ended the call, spotted Taeun standing some distance away and called out to him. Ahem. Taeun, as if nothing had happened, brushed off his clothes, pulled out a cigarette, and slowly walked over to Jinhyun. His gaze darted around, trying to avoid Jinhyun’s stare.

“You smoke?”

“Yeah.”

It was true that he came out for a smoke. It wasn’t a lie. Jinhyun silently took out his own cigarette and lit it. Taeun followed suit. It was late at night.

“…Why did it take so long to talk on the phone?”

“A junior from my team project. She said there was an error in the file she was working on.”

He hadn’t heard the whole conversation, but it didn’t sound like a lie. There was no reason for Cha Jinhyun to lie. But the answer wasn’t enough to satisfy Taeun.

“Seungyeon?”

A thirsty man digs a well. Taeun couldn’t ignore his heart’s desperate cry for an answer.

“How did you know?”

“…No, I just saw them briefly on my way here.”

“Eavesdropping on conversations, that’s a bad hobby.”

He felt a pang of guilt, as if caught stealing, at the casual joke. Lee Taeun, trying to preserve a shred of conscience, didn’t bother denying it.

“Your girlfriend?”

He’d heard she wasn’t, but the tip of his cigarette burned anxiously.

“No.”

“Then, are you seeing someone?”

“Something like that.”

“…Will you date her if she confesses?”

“Well… maybe.”

Ah, I see…

That was enough. Not wanting to hear anymore, Taeun took a long drag of his cigarette and ended the conversation with a noncommittal response.

Curiosity kills the cat. There’s a reason for the myth of Pandora’s Box. He felt ridiculous, plummeting into despair after asking the question himself.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Jinhyun, breaking the brief silence, nudged Taeun’s foot and asked. Taeun slowly shook his head.

“Figures.”

The short reply wasn’t meant to be mocking or sarcastic. Just playful. That’s all.

“…I do have someone I like.”

But he couldn’t help feeling annoyed. Taeun instantly regretted his words, but it was too late to take them back. Jinhyun looked at Taeun with a slightly surprised expression. His face burned under the direct gaze. But what stung even more was the inevitable curiosity that followed.

“Do they like you back?”

Pandora’s Box was opened not just because humans were born with a predisposition for curiosity. Love and curiosity were intertwined, and Taeun couldn’t resist.

“Probably not.”

His words were vague, the meaning unclear. An ambiguous answer. Cha Jinhyun, extinguishing his cigarette first, tossed the butt into the crude ashtray in the corner. Taeun silently watched him, his own tangled emotions left unattended.

His playful gestures, his casual demeanor, his non-serious answers, and his heart.

Yet Cha Jinhyun would soon start another lukewarm relationship. Just like always.

“You. That’s… not good.”

A sizzling sound, like a lighter igniting, filled the air. Or perhaps it was the sound of something already burning. A strange, clear sorrow ignited within Taeun. It was so easy for the long-쌓아d pile of straw to catch fire.

“What’s not good?”

“…Don’t answer calls late at night if you don’t have feelings for them.”

He knew, painfully, that he had no right to say this. How pathetic it was to project his own feelings onto Jinhyun’s junior and use it as an excuse to express his anger.

“Calling someone affectionately by their name when you don’t even like them… isn’t that wrong?”

How despicable it was to pretend to care for someone else, to say the things he wanted to say. How ugly his petty jealousy, hidden beneath seemingly plausible words, was. He knew. He knew it all too well.

“Accepting everyone who comes your way, dating without feelings, do you even realize how much that hurts the other person? It’s like toying with their feelings and hurting them…”

So please don’t date her. The unspoken plea burned to ashes in the flames. His faint, lingering desire pointed to his fear of Jinhyun’s impending relationship. Jinhyun, who had been listening silently, raised an eyebrow slightly and spoke.

“Hey.”

His voice, cutting Taeun off, was lower than usual.

“I told you, it was a call about the team project.”

“….”

“It seems like you’re taking your frustration out on me because your love life isn’t going well.”

The white stick in Taeun’s hand burned through the filter, reaching his knuckles. It hurt. He knew he should drop it, but he couldn’t move, frozen like an icy sea. Jinhyun patted Taeun’s stiff shoulder and turned to leave.

“Let’s stop this. Don’t overreact.”

There was no hesitation in his cold dismissal. No lingering regret in his retreating figure. The depth of those eyes, which had seemed to hold a hint of regret, was so shallow. Taeun knew it all too well.

A shallow heart that, no matter how far he reached, wouldn’t even touch his chest. A depth that clearly wasn’t love. Lee Taeun lay face down in the shallow water, barely breathing. It was all a result of his own foolishness. He was the one who insisted on drowning in a place where no one could possibly drown.

“…Why, does it sting because I’m telling the truth?”

“Stop it. Let’s talk inside.”

But pain is pain. Lee Taeun had simply reached his limit. …Don’t meet her. Can’t you not meet her? That’s all he wanted to say.

“…If you don’t like being told not to be a jerk, then don’t act like one.”

The short cigarette, like a stubby pencil, fell from Taeun’s hand. His masked jealousy escaped his lips. The man walking ahead stopped abruptly.

“Fuck, you’re crossing the line.”

A mirthless laugh escaped Jinhyun’s teeth.

In the quiet night, the faint hum of the streetlights flickered between the reddish-brown buildings. Taeun felt precarious, as if hanging off a cliff with nowhere to go. This wasn’t part of his plan. The carefully orchestrated date was falling apart. Taeun bit his lip hard enough to draw blood and stared at the dirty ground. This wasn’t what he wanted to say. He wanted to say something else, something different. The heavy silence pressed down on him, crushing his shoulders.

“Ah…”

Jinhyun, who had been silent for a while, let out a strange sigh. Should I apologize? Taeun frantically thought. Jinhyun, without giving him time to think, spoke in a dry voice.

“Fine, I’m trash who accepts every confession.”

Jinhyun, who had turned his back, slowly walked back and leaned against the opposite wall. He looked directly at Taeun.

“And you, with your oh-so-grand love, jerked off in my room?”

“…What.”

All of Taeun’s thoughts, racing to salvage the situation ruined by his pathetic jealousy, screeched to a halt.

What did I just hear? The blood vessels in his body felt like they were about to burst. The sound of his heart pounded in his ears like a roaring explosion.

“Fuck, if you’re going to jerk off, at least lock the door in your own room.”

“…….”

“I was trying to be nice, but when you fuck with my mood like this, I can’t help but be a dick. Huh?”

Jinhyun lightly kicked Taeun’s foot. It wasn’t threatening, but Taeun instinctively stepped back. His legs felt weak, like they were about to give way.

“Do you feel sorry for Jung Seungyeon?”

“…What… are you…”

“What a shame, at least I didn’t jerk off in your room.”

Taeun, who had been looking down, abruptly lifted his head. Their eyes met in the air. A flickering ember of chaos ignited beneath the ashes of Taeun’s heart.

“Does she know? That you were panting in someone else’s room?”

“Stop… it.”

“I feel so sorry for her.”

There was no trace of amusement in the upturned corners of his lips, and his faint chuckle was closer to mockery. The ashes of Taeun’s heart scattered like dust in the wind at his words.

Ah, everything is ruined.

Taeun clenched his fists so tightly his knuckles ached. Everything was a mess, beyond repair. All he had left was the rising tears, anger, sorrow, and other similar emotions stinging his eyes. The fragments of his petty feelings seemed to be rolling around on the ground.

A strong wind can ignite a flame in an instant. His mind, now empty, no longer functioned properly. As if surrendering to the overwhelming pain, Taeun felt nothing. It was strange.

“…Yeah, she knows.”

So this wasn’t courage.

“She seems to know very well.”

It was a struggle he couldn’t name. All his senses were focused on a single impulse. Taeun stepped forward, retracing his step back and taking another one closer.

“Want me to tell you who it is?”

He grabbed Jinhyun by the collar. A flicker of surprise crossed Jinhyun’s angry face. Taeun’s fingertips trembled violently. He ignored it, pulled Jinhyun down, and closed his eyes.

Their lips met in an instant.

A tingling sensation ran down his spine as their soft flesh pressed together. He felt Jinhyun’s body stiffen. The moment the flickering streetlight turned back on, Taeun roughly pushed him away.

“It’s you, you bastard.”

Jinhyun, frozen in place, slowly raised his hand and touched his lips. He didn’t say a word.

“…That poor bastard is you.”

Unsuppressed tears welled up in his eyes, his voice trembling pathetically. Leaving behind his damp, smoky, clumsy, and embarrassing confession, Taeun turned and ran.

Click.

The flickering streetlight went out again. The darkness swallowed his pathetic figure.